Author Topic: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity  (Read 1154179 times)

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Online Tomato Deuce

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19150 on: Sunday 1 September 2019, 03:57:27 pm »

Not a scooby what the f*** that is all about but it's mesmerising.

:lol: been cackling for days

Offline 54

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19151 on: Sunday 1 September 2019, 09:27:50 pm »
http://canyouactually.com/roast-me/

Always love a good look though these things :lol:

Offline Klaus

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19152 on: Sunday 1 September 2019, 10:08:56 pm »
You need skin like a f***ing rhino to do that :lol: absolutely savage comments.

Offline Tyne81

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19153 on: Monday 2 September 2019, 09:54:17 am »

Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19154 on: Monday 2 September 2019, 11:29:17 pm »
And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make

Offline Decky

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19155 on: Tuesday 3 September 2019, 12:15:56 am »
Steve Bruce, liar, s*** manager and general prick.

Offline joeyt

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19156 on: Tuesday 3 September 2019, 08:10:09 am »
?s=19

Offline Lush Vlad

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19157 on: Tuesday 3 September 2019, 08:44:19 am »
http://canyouactually.com/roast-me/

Always love a good look though these things :lol:

f***ing hell.  I'm far too sensitive to attempt something like that.  Why, just why?!  :lol:

Offline bulivye

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19158 on: Tuesday 3 September 2019, 01:39:24 pm »

For the Ex-Wife on the Occasion of Her Birthday

by Thomas P. Lynch

Let me say outright that I bear you no unusual malice anymore.

Nor do I wish for you tumors or loose stools, blood in your urine, oozings from any orifice. The list is endless of those ills I do not pray befall you: night sweats, occasional itching, PMS, fits, starts, ticks, boils, bad vibes, vaginal odors, emotional upheavals or hormonal disorders; green discharges, lumps, growths, nor tell-tale signs of gray; dry heaves, hiccups, heartbreaks, fallen ovaries nor cramps—before, during, or after.

I pray you only laughter in the face of your mortality and freedom from the ravages of middle age: bummers, boredom, cellulite, toxic shock and pregnancies; migraines, glandular problems, the growth of facial hair, sagging breasts, bladder infections, menopausal rage, flatulence or overdoses, hot flashes or constant nausea, uterine collapse or loss of life or limb or faith in the face of what might seem considerable debilities.

Think of your life not as half-spent but as half-full of possibilities. The Arts maybe, or Music, Modern Dance, or Hard Rock Videos.

Whatever, this is to say I hereby recant all former bitterness and proffer only all the best in the way of Happy Birthday wishes.

I no longer want your mother committed, your friends banished, your donkey lovers taken out and shot or spayed or dragged behind some Chevrolet of doom.

I pray you find that space or room or whatever it is you and your shrink have always claimed you’d need to spread your wings and realize your insuperable potential.

Godspeed is what I say, and good credentials: what with your background in fashions and aerobics, you’d make a fairly bouncy brain surgeon or well-dressed astronaut or disc jockey.

The children and I will be watching with interest and wouldn’t mind a note from time to time to say you’ve overcome all obstacles this time; overcome your own half-hearted upbringing, a skimpy wardrobe, your lowly self-esteem, the oppression of women and dismal horoscopes; overcome an overly dependent personality, stretch marks, self-doubt, a bad appendix scar, the best years of your life misspent on wifing and mothering.

So let us know exactly how you are once you have triumphed, after all. Poised and ready on the brink of, shall we say, your middle years, send word when you have gained by the luck of the draw, the kindness of strangers, or by dint of will itself if not great fame then self-sufficiency.

Really, now that I’ve my hard-won riddance of you signed and sealed and cooling on the books against your banks and creditors; now that I no longer need endure your whining discontent, your daylong, nightlong carping over lost youth, bum luck, spilt milk, what you might have been, or pining not so quietly for a new life in New York with new men; now that I have been more or less officially relieved of all those hapless duties husbanding a woman of your disenchantments came to be, I bid you No Deposits, No Returns, but otherwise a very Happy Birthday.

And while this mayn’t sound exactly like good will in some important ways it could be worse.

The ancients in my family had a way with words and overzealous habits of revenge whereby the likes of you were turned to birds and made to nest among the mounds of dung that rose up in the wake of cattle herds grazing their way across those bygone parishes where all that ever came with age was wisdom.
altogether elsewhere vast
herds of reindeer move across
miles and miles of golden moss
silently and very fast

Offline kingkerouac

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19159 on: Tuesday 3 September 2019, 01:43:42 pm »

Offline 54

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19160 on: Friday 6 September 2019, 09:45:21 pm »

I don't why, but I thought the numbering system was a forum thing :lol:

Offline DIFKO

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19161 on: Saturday 7 September 2019, 12:21:26 am »
Which system is he using?
It's a yellow. End of f***ing story. Dangerous? Aye, on planet Soft c***. f***ing hate football and the stupid f***ing refs. f***ing hate Arsenal as well. In fact, I hate every single club in the f***ing league.

f***ing b******s.

Offline Decky

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19162 on: Saturday 7 September 2019, 02:49:36 am »
Sinead O'Connor man. :lol: Shame one of our country's best talents in recent decades is f***ing mental.
Steve Bruce, liar, s*** manager and general prick.

Online thomas

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19163 on: Saturday 7 September 2019, 02:57:43 am »
Which system is he using?
there's only one interpretation that makes sense tbh

Offline TBG

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19164 on: Saturday 7 September 2019, 10:21:20 am »


Offline sbnufc

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Offline Yorkie

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Offline BlueStar

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19168 on: Tuesday 10 September 2019, 10:03:10 am »

Offline joeyt

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19169 on: Wednesday 11 September 2019, 01:20:56 pm »
Invalid Tweet ID?s=19

Offline BlueStar

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19170 on: Wednesday 11 September 2019, 02:38:49 pm »
Invalid Tweet ID?s=19

Only viewable to followers.

Offline joeyt

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19171 on: Wednesday 11 September 2019, 02:41:48 pm »
Must have locked their account since I posted. It was this

?s=19

Offline Willow

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19172 on: Wednesday 11 September 2019, 04:12:07 pm »
:lol:

Offline Adam^

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19173 on: Wednesday 11 September 2019, 11:04:09 pm »

Offline NEEJ

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Re: Some More Vaguely Amusing Internet Jocularity
« Reply #19174 on: Friday 13 September 2019, 09:57:25 pm »
?s=19