Author Topic: Experiences of depression and anxiety  (Read 146395 times)

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Offline Yorkie

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2175 on: Monday 2 December 2019, 11:05:27 PM »
Evening all. :)

Been a while, hope everyone is OK? I'd given up on NUFC and felt I had no choice to walk away from the forum since Bruce signed, but a recent incident has triggered actions and part of that was to reestablish communication and help lines that i'd closed off. What good is a football forum? Well, it was the beginning of me seeking help; most likely my world would have fallen completely apart had I not, so you all have that on your CV and me to thank you for.

Anyway, so after a month off work in the summer and new medication I've been doing canny. I went and did 8 weeks of group CBT, then when that ended I started a 1-2-1 ongoing sessions (I was a risk still) with the same therapist which is getting deeper, harder and subjects more difficult to talk through. I also attend a group session on weds night for people dealing with depression, so have a lot of options working for me. Still though, wasn't enough a few Friday's ago, was left alone as family were away, no one to talk to and well, shocked myself a little...It was crazy, had a tough day at work, real shitter, but plan was to pick the bairn up, spend an hour with him before dropping him off at his Aunties. I did this, but as soon as the car door shut and the silence kicked in my mood dropped off a cliff, sitting in my car and 1st thought was to just drive in a straight line and in over the edge of the fishquay. I was p*ssed at myself, so went for the easy option: Avoidance. Alcohol. From there a blur. I do remember crying, first time since 25 June, the day i went in to the docs.

Since going back to work its been a steady climb up as well, though struggle hard with random drops in mood, like the one above but usually I have someone to talk to, that weekend I didn't. Big issues such as my mam  in for an op for breast cancer last week i've had no problem dealing with, probably as i so was pre-occupied with this and her recovery. All has gone well so back to concentrate on myself, with part of that being to open up former outlets such as this thread. I've also had a sit down with my partner to let her know what happened when she was away and that i've been hiding my feelings/thoughts since then.

It was discussed in therapy what else could i have done, one of them was come on here and talk, question was why couldn't I? Well, could hardly say...well i hate Steve Bruce & Mike Ashley, so i've left the forum and don't post any more  :lol: So said i'd jump back on and say hello.  :laugh: Apart from that the other option was the Gym. I've signed up to a one closer to home. Member of work ones, but got to be there and most time i just want to get away from the building therefore new surroundings and in my own time, any time might help me better.

Well, that's me caught up, thanks for reading if you did. Again hope everyone is OK. :)

Good to have you back, TT. NUFC is unbareable and we've lost loads of great posters cos folk just can't be f***ed with it all.

Offline Mike

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2176 on: Tuesday 3 December 2019, 12:05:46 AM »
Evening all. :)

Been a while, hope everyone is OK? I'd given up on NUFC and felt I had no choice to walk away from the forum since Bruce signed, but a recent incident has triggered actions and part of that was to reestablish communication and help lines that i'd closed off. What good is a football forum? Well, it was the beginning of me seeking help; most likely my world would have fallen completely apart had I not, so you all have that on your CV and me to thank you for.

Anyway, so after a month off work in the summer and new medication I've been doing canny. I went and did 8 weeks of group CBT, then when that ended I started a 1-2-1 ongoing sessions (I was a risk still) with the same therapist which is getting deeper, harder and subjects more difficult to talk through. I also attend a group session on weds night for people dealing with depression, so have a lot of options working for me. Still though, wasn't enough a few Friday's ago, was left alone as family were away, no one to talk to and well, shocked myself a little...It was crazy, had a tough day at work, real shitter, but plan was to pick the bairn up, spend an hour with him before dropping him off at his Aunties. I did this, but as soon as the car door shut and the silence kicked in my mood dropped off a cliff, sitting in my car and 1st thought was to just drive in a straight line and in over the edge of the fishquay. I was p*ssed at myself, so went for the easy option: Avoidance. Alcohol. From there a blur. I do remember crying, first time since 25 June, the day i went in to the docs.

Since going back to work its been a steady climb up as well, though struggle hard with random drops in mood, like the one above but usually I have someone to talk to, that weekend I didn't. Big issues such as my mam  in for an op for breast cancer last week i've had no problem dealing with, probably as i so was pre-occupied with this and her recovery. All has gone well so back to concentrate on myself, with part of that being to open up former outlets such as this thread. I've also had a sit down with my partner to let her know what happened when she was away and that i've been hiding my feelings/thoughts since then.

It was discussed in therapy what else could i have done, one of them was come on here and talk, question was why couldn't I? Well, could hardly say...well i hate Steve Bruce & Mike Ashley, so i've left the forum and don't post any more  :lol: So said i'd jump back on and say hello.  :laugh: Apart from that the other option was the Gym. I've signed up to a one closer to home. Member of work ones, but got to be there and most time i just want to get away from the building therefore new surroundings and in my own time, any time might help me better.

Well, that's me caught up, thanks for reading if you did. Again hope everyone is OK. :)

:lol: Welcome back. :smitten:

Offline Dokko

  • TT
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2177 on: Tuesday 3 December 2019, 05:57:30 PM »
Evening all. :)

Been a while, hope everyone is OK? I'd given up on NUFC and felt I had no choice to walk away from the forum since Bruce signed, but a recent incident has triggered actions and part of that was to reestablish communication and help lines that i'd closed off. What good is a football forum? Well, it was the beginning of me seeking help; most likely my world would have fallen completely apart had I not, so you all have that on your CV and me to thank you for.

Anyway, so after a month off work in the summer and new medication I've been doing canny. I went and did 8 weeks of group CBT, then when that ended I started a 1-2-1 ongoing sessions (I was a risk still) with the same therapist which is getting deeper, harder and subjects more difficult to talk through. I also attend a group session on weds night for people dealing with depression, so have a lot of options working for me. Still though, wasn't enough a few Friday's ago, was left alone as family were away, no one to talk to and well, shocked myself a little...It was crazy, had a tough day at work, real shitter, but plan was to pick the bairn up, spend an hour with him before dropping him off at his Aunties. I did this, but as soon as the car door shut and the silence kicked in my mood dropped off a cliff, sitting in my car and 1st thought was to just drive in a straight line and in over the edge of the fishquay. I was p*ssed at myself, so went for the easy option: Avoidance. Alcohol. From there a blur. I do remember crying, first time since 25 June, the day i went in to the docs.

Since going back to work its been a steady climb up as well, though struggle hard with random drops in mood, like the one above but usually I have someone to talk to, that weekend I didn't. Big issues such as my mam  in for an op for breast cancer last week i've had no problem dealing with, probably as i so was pre-occupied with this and her recovery. All has gone well so back to concentrate on myself, with part of that being to open up former outlets such as this thread. I've also had a sit down with my partner to let her know what happened when she was away and that i've been hiding my feelings/thoughts since then.

It was discussed in therapy what else could i have done, one of them was come on here and talk, question was why couldn't I? Well, could hardly say...well i hate Steve Bruce & Mike Ashley, so i've left the forum and don't post any more  :lol: So said i'd jump back on and say hello.  :laugh: Apart from that the other option was the Gym. I've signed up to a one closer to home. Member of work ones, but got to be there and most time i just want to get away from the building therefore new surroundings and in my own time, any time might help me better.

Well, that's me caught up, thanks for reading if you did. Again hope everyone is OK. :)

Good to have you back, TT. NUFC is unbareable and we've lost loads of great posters cos folk just can't be f***ed with it all.

It was hard to walk away, felt like I should suffer with everyone but had to look after myself. Not saying NUFC causes my or any depression, but jesus, it doesn't help  :lol:

I also was at risk of just being a dick to be banned so it was taken out of my hands. Not fair on anyone, that. Done that before (Poot/Neesy) and felt like the dick I was after.

Not sure on a FT return to football, think i'll have a re-introduction plan, keep it 2 days a week starting in chat  :lol:

Cheers Mike - You'd have been proud of the OuterWorld session, Shame I PC most these days, could have been told to go to bed and put my eyeballs back in.  :D

Offline Yorkie

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2178 on: Tuesday 3 December 2019, 06:20:45 PM »
The situation at NUFC has a pretty profound effect on my mood, like. If only for the fact you miss out on those incredible highs/pick-me-ups when other things perhaps aren't so great.

Offline HTT

  • tl;dr
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2179 on: Tuesday 3 December 2019, 06:27:45 PM »
Good to see you back posting Dokko :thup:
Wee Hughie - the greatest centre-forward Newcastle United ever had

Offline neesy111

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2180 on: Wednesday 4 December 2019, 02:27:11 PM »
@Dokko I know we've had our differences in the past but hope everything goes ok and well.  :thup:

Offline Dokko

  • TT
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2181 on: Thursday 5 December 2019, 09:46:19 PM »
@Dokko I know we've had our differences in the past but hope everything goes ok and well.  :thup:
Good to see you back posting Dokko :thup:

Cheers lads. :)

Offline Jill

  • Don't really care what.
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2182 on: Friday 6 December 2019, 08:39:45 AM »
My sister's boyfriend's dad hung himself on Wednesday morning. A few friends/family were trying to get him help after he admitted to feeling suicidal, the crisis team never rang back and he snuck home from his friend's house early and did it.

Absolutely gutted for my sister's lad, but it's weird as none of my family know just how close I've been to taking my own life on a number of occasions.

In the process of helping them through this (they've now got the dad's dog to care for which is where I was able to be immediately useful) I f***ing forgot to take my own medication and found myself withdrawing like a crackhead last night.

Due back at work on Monday but I'll speak to the doctor today to discuss it.

Offline Shay's Given Tim Flowers

  • General Member
  • Stephen f***ing Hawkinson
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2183 on: Friday 6 December 2019, 09:55:20 AM »
Jill, that's awful to hear. Make sure you look after yourself.

Offline NEEJ

  • General Member
  • Kent
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2184 on: Friday 6 December 2019, 10:09:31 AM »
So sad. :(

Offline AyeDubbleYoo

  • General Member
  • Ian W
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2185 on: Friday 6 December 2019, 10:58:56 AM »
Jill, that's awful to hear. Make sure you look after yourself.

Offline Consortium of one

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2186 on: Friday 6 December 2019, 04:20:31 PM »
Jill, so sorry this happened.  Help others but you have to come first.

Offline B-more Mag

  • General Member
  • Sleestak 2020
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2187 on: Friday 6 December 2019, 05:38:07 PM »
Jill, so sorry this happened.  Help others but you have to come first.

Exactly this.

Offline Jill

  • Don't really care what.
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2188 on: Saturday 7 December 2019, 12:43:48 PM »
Thanks all; I'm alright. Kicking myself for forgetting my meds after my last experience off them, but back in business now. Extended my sick note by another week so I'll only have 4 working days then Christmas off which seems achievable.

Offline Slim

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2189 on: Friday 13 December 2019, 12:28:50 PM »
Not for me but has anyone paid for counselling privately in Newcastle?  Want to help someone out but my experience on the NHS was s*** and I have no idea who to go for.

Offline Keggy_Keagal

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2190 on: Friday 13 December 2019, 01:42:59 PM »
Not personally but I've heard good things about the The Jesmond Therapy Centre

Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2191 on: Saturday 14 December 2019, 07:45:26 AM »
Not for me but has anyone paid for counselling privately in Newcastle?  Want to help someone out but my experience on the NHS was s*** and I have no idea who to go for.

The Northern Guild is good. You do a consultation which costs £50, then you can let them know how much money you're willing to spend and they'll find the appropriate councilor for you.

https://www.northernguild.org/


Offline AyeDubbleYoo

  • General Member
  • Ian W
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2192 on: Saturday 14 December 2019, 05:33:18 PM »
I’m tempted to get some counselling, struggling to process the world at the moment. Just completely avoiding the news right now, my heart starts going when I even load up a newspaper website.

Offline Varadi

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2193 on: Sunday 15 December 2019, 08:05:20 AM »
I’m tempted to get some counselling, struggling to process the world at the moment. Just completely avoiding the news right now, my heart starts going when I even load up a newspaper website.

Mate, if it's bothering you that much might be time to seriously consider taking a step back from all the news and political bullshit for a good while, that's certainly what I'm planning. Did the same with the football and it cleared so much daily negativity out of my mind I never went back.

It's sounds simplistic, but to a certain extent you can choose what to give your attention to.

If you haven't already read it I can highly recommend Happy by Derren Brown - it's based on Stoicism in general and he does a really good bit on tribalism and politics that gave me a different perspective I found really useful.

Offline AyeDubbleYoo

  • General Member
  • Ian W
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2194 on: Sunday 15 December 2019, 08:57:29 AM »
Yeah thanks, that’s what I am doing. I’m pleased Christmas is coming up as well.

Feels like I’ve lost quite a lot in the last few years. Football club, European citizenship, probably now political party. It does hurt, but it’s going to be manageable with time. I’m considering the options for moving as well.

Offline Tyne81

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2195 on: Sunday 15 December 2019, 07:55:53 PM »
Rightly received a ban for my comments, totally deserved. I won't get back into it and won't excuse my state of mind at that point, which is massively ironic. Just want to say sorry I know I f***ed up and wish anyone suffering all the help they can muster to get there.

Offline Mike

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2196 on: Sunday 15 December 2019, 10:54:51 PM »
:lol: We're a board filled with c***s but this is the safest space online. If you've got s*** you need to process you can do it here with us, man. We're all going through stuff and we're all essentially family, since we're linked to this bullshit club.

Offline Consortium of one

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2197 on: Monday 16 December 2019, 09:09:22 PM »
I'm tired and rundown.  Most days, I'm ok, but today is one of those days where I ask if its all worth it.  Overwhelmed with medical bills, rising credit card debt and uncertain immediate future regarding where I'm going to live.  My wife is always sick so I can't even discuss this with her without hearing her woes (which I hear all the time anyways).  Like I said, most days I trudge on, but today is one of those days...and I get concerned that if I give in to the bad feelings it'll start as a trickle and eventually the dam will break.

I'm a middle class guy with a middle class salary in a world that doesn't really give a s*** about the middle class.  I'm supposed to just be a good worker bee and do my drone work like all the other drones until the curtain closes.  It makes it somewhat easier that SO MANY other people are in the same position not to mention those who have it worse off but still it grinds me down.

Thanks for listening.  I'm going to start my day over.


Offline HTT

  • tl;dr
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2198 on: Monday 16 December 2019, 09:44:41 PM »
:lol: We're a board filled with c***s but this is the safest space online. If you've got s*** you need to process you can do it here with us, man. We're all going through stuff and we're all essentially family, since we're linked to this bullshit club.

Love this f***ing post btw  :smitten: :love: :thup:

Just a shame our beloved club is s****.  :weep:

Liverpool are doing canny though ;)
Wee Hughie - the greatest centre-forward Newcastle United ever had

Offline BlueStar

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2199 on: Tuesday 17 December 2019, 02:58:45 PM »
Duloxetine seems to give me less side effects, although I'm a bit worried about the interaction with booze.  Says on the label not to drink alcohol, although my doc was like, ah, we don't expect people to stick to that as it's long term medication.  Seem to be alright drinking on them apart from one night when I overdid it, completely blacked out, couldn't be roused at all and woke up in A&E, which was rather embarrassing and very unlike me.  Otherwise it's just made my tolerance of booze noticeably less so I'm trying to operate in these new limits.  Does say it can give you liver damage though, a risk increased by alcohol.  Don't really want to be on them for ages, but they don't like taking you off stuff like this in winter months apparently so I'll have to wait till it's summer again.