Author Topic: Experiences of depression and anxiety  (Read 96059 times)

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Offline cp40

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #50 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 02:49:48 pm »
I'm astonished that so many people on here have suffered from it, like. :(

Always saw it as a disease for 45-year-old divorcees with nothing to entertain themselves but oven gloves.

 :jesuswept:

Offline pi_D

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #51 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 02:53:19 pm »
Good luck to Billy and Bluf, sounds like tough times for you both. Wish you all the strength in the world.

^

Also to pi_D. Welcome to (posting on) the forum :)

cheers, it's odd that I've been viewing the forum for years and not really posted. I saw this thread on my way to the Le meme Fred and just felt I'd share my experience, and offer help to anyone.

Gary's death will let so many football fans come that bit closer to dealing with their problems before they get really serious.... silver lining imo.

Offline cp40

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #52 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 02:53:40 pm »
I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't contemplated taking my own life, but I truly couldn't let my son have to bear that. He is all that matters to me.


this is what will keep you going, look to build a life for yours and his futures,   when hes a youth-going into teenager when he decides what hes doing, not his mam, will see some great times for you both and lots of adhoc contact- believe my experience.

Offline Neil

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  • The stretched twig of peace is at melting point
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #53 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 02:54:21 pm »
Good luck to Billy and Bluf, sounds like tough times for you both. Wish you all the strength in the world.

^

Also to pi_D. Welcome to (posting on) the forum :)

cheers, it's odd that I've been viewing the forum for years and not really posted. I saw this thread on my way to the Le meme Fred and just felt I'd share my experience, and offer help to anyone.

Gary's death will let so many football fans come that bit closer to dealing with their problems before they get really serious.... silver lining imo.

On the posting point, welcome! Plenty of people seem to read for a while but not post. Get stuck in. :)
Thomas the Tank Engine is a f***ing c***.

Offline Incognito

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #54 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:03:13 pm »
I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't contemplated taking my own life, but I truly couldn't let my son have to bear that. He is all that matters to me.


this is what will keep you going, look to build a life for yours and his futures,   when hes a youth-going into teenager when he decides what hes doing, not his mam, will see some great times for you both and lots of adhoc contact- believe my experience.

This is what I'm striving for...even at the tender age of 6 , he tells me that he wants to live with me...but of course with work it isn't feasible.
RIP gejon/cajun/ Jon Lockwood.

Proud to have made your acquaintance Sir.

Offline Segun Oluwaniyi

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #55 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:04:15 pm »
Emotions hold unbelievable over people. They may tear a great man down more than any physical ailment. For me, the probelm has always been my anger and tendency towards violence, and this thread is an indication of how commonplace depression has become. One of my cousins hanged himself at age 18 in similar circumstance. Over a girl or some such nonsense, nothing out of the ordinary. I couldn't understand it at the time (when I was 13), and I still have trouble comprehending it. The boy had so much in his favour. So much talent and promise, and the world at his feet. I remember how angry I was with him for abandoning all of us and wasting all he had been blessed with. You want to be able to feel the same emotion that haunted them, just so you can realise why someone close to you has willingly faded away.


"Who knew them commas meant you could lose your common sense?" - No Malice

Offline Incognito

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #56 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:16:25 pm »
I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't contemplated taking my own life, but I truly couldn't let my son have to bear that. He is all that matters to me.

Stupid question Billy, but does your wife not understand what the situation is doing to you in any way? Find it hard to understand how someone can act like that.

I dont think she understands at all, she thinks I'm just being a "pussy".
RIP gejon/cajun/ Jon Lockwood.

Proud to have made your acquaintance Sir.

Offline BlufPurdi

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #57 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:22:53 pm »
I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't contemplated taking my own life, but I truly couldn't let my son have to bear that. He is all that matters to me.

Stupid question Billy, but does your wife not understand what the situation is doing to you in any way? Find it hard to understand how someone can act like that.

I dont think she understands at all, she thinks I'm just being a "pussy".

Christ, did we split from the same woman?  Joking aside, that's exactly the s*** I got.  How ironic she's crumbled to pieces herself now.
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.
We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell. We are the architects of our own fate.
Student says " I am very discouraged. What should I do?" Master says, "encourage others."
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others.
This is what should be done. By one who is skilled in goodness, and who knows the path of peace: Let them be able and upright, straightforward and gentle in speech. Humble and not conceited, contented and easily satisfied. Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways. Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful, not proud and demanding in nature. Let them not do the slightest thing that the wise would later reprove.

Offline Ian W

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #58 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:25:08 pm »
I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't contemplated taking my own life, but I truly couldn't let my son have to bear that. He is all that matters to me.

Stupid question Billy, but does your wife not understand what the situation is doing to you in any way? Find it hard to understand how someone can act like that.

I dont think she understands at all, she thinks I'm just being a "pussy".

Sorry to hear that, I guess it's hard for some people to emphasise with others' feelings. Surprised though, surely she would be devastated at the thought of being in your shoes.

I can't offer much except as cp40 said I'm sure there are great times in the future for you and him. I know how much more I understand my parents' previous actions as I get older.

Offline Fenham Mag

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #59 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:31:34 pm »
Not depression, but suffered with Health Anxiety and panic disorders since I was about 18, the year my Dad died.


Horrible and feel very lonely at times, even with everyone rallying around me.


On the right track now though, and only have the occasional lapse every now and then. Counselling helped. Never took the meds they gave me, always thought it was best to talk everything though.

Very similar experience mate. I had been suffering panic attacks after a very horrible experience I had about a year and half ago, which I don't want to go into. I refused to take any sort of medication and just talked to a counsellor every 2 weeks and it helped so much. I also stopped drinking for a few months which helped a lot too.

Never felt so low in my life and came close to absolutely losing it a few times as I couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. 

Before having it , i had absolutely no idea about mental health problems like this and now, I have so much more sympathy and understanding of what goes on with some people.
I really like Fenham Mag. Great guy and a very good poster.

Offline Tisd09

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #60 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:38:04 pm »
Unfortunatly I have had a horrible experience with this. My wife has been hospitalised twice due to a condition called schizoaffective disorder, simply put its a series of high and low episodes. Her doctors seem more worried about the highs, but she has been hospitalised after a low and high episode. Its horredous to watch, you just feel so helpless. Friends and family do not know how to respond, some friends couldn't even talk about it with me. Its so difficult to understand, when she says she feels to crap to get out of bed it doesn't comprehend with me. Thankfully she is in check at the moment, but I do live in fear that it could happen anytime. Last time it was during the ash cloud business, she had just come back from a hen do in London and I was going to Amsterdam. On the Thursday evening she was the one giving me a prep talk as I was gutted i couldn't go. By Monday she had fallen to bits.

I think people need educating on depression etc, its seen by many as taboo, but it is an illness just like diabetes, nobody would bat an eyelid if you told them you are on insulin for the rest of your life, but they think you're an alien if you are on  antipsychotic medication. We have a little one, thankfully he is too young for it to register, the 1st time he was under a year old last time he was about to turn 2. She's a great mum and wife and she's back in part time work in quite a stressful job, so even though it is a horrible thing to endure people can come out the otherside.

I feel strange telling strangers all this detail but sometimes it is easier to talk about than with close friends and family.   
"Now who ya gonna run to?"

Offline Incognito

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #61 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 03:39:17 pm »
I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't contemplated taking my own life, but I truly couldn't let my son have to bear that. He is all that matters to me.

Stupid question Billy, but does your wife not understand what the situation is doing to you in any way? Find it hard to understand how someone can act like that.

I dont think she understands at all, she thinks I'm just being a "pussy".

Sorry to hear that, I guess it's hard for some people to emphasise with others' feelings. Surprised though, surely she would be devastated at the thought of being in your shoes.

I can't offer much except as cp40 said I'm sure there are great times in the future for you and him. I know how much more I understand my parents' previous actions as I get older.

Well, she has a couple of so called friends ,also divorced coincidentally, egging her on. And obviously reliving their youth. Very sad really, I loved her dearly until they appeared on the scene.
RIP gejon/cajun/ Jon Lockwood.

Proud to have made your acquaintance Sir.

Offline HTT

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #62 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 06:24:09 pm »
I've suffered and still do suffer the odd form of anxiety and panic attacks which I've long learned to not only live with but also feel fine about. I used to argue it was down to past drug taking but I think it could be far more physcological than that. I'm fine though and it doesn't hinder me in any way so I don't want to delve further if you like. Doing so would probably only lead to a prescription of drugs anyway.

Regarding depression itself, I don't think I've ever been depressed. I've been down and low but I don't think I've been clinically depressed and I'd argue that we need to be very careful when it comes to diagnosing depression and especially with the treatment. I know people who have been down and low and ended up hooked to anti-depressents when in all probability they were not depressed as such in the first place, but just down or low.

I think as people we can help ourselves a lot more than we realise too, when we are feeling down or out. A lot of people when feeling down and low self harm and I don't mean by cutting themselves, I mean by getting hammered or high on drugs or punching walls etc. The drink and drugs is fine in moderation I suppose but too many people go over the top and that initself can lead to further problems.

Me, whenever I feel down or low I'll put on music or do something creative. The best therapy is simply being in the company of good people, family, friends, people who will make you laugh, people you can talk to. Pets and kids are good therapy too. I've come home from a bad day at work for example when my sister and her bairn were staying for the weekend and simply seeing this bundle of fun running around makes you feel so happy its unreal. Same with a puppy for example.

I've known people who are really depressed mind and it's awful, you get the sense being around them they must live an empty life mentally even if their life outside of their own demons if you like seems normal to the eye. For example I know a guy who you'd think has it all but he's a manic depressive and constantly pushes people away from him, often becoming extremely nasty in the process and then the next day its like nothing happened and he's like 'hey, fancy a coffee'. I think Collymore alludes to that type of behaviour in his recent blog post in terms of one minute he's running 10K a day the next he's not seen datlight for a week.

I really do believe though, that our own minds although can be our own worst enemy, can also work in the opposite sense and be our best friend. We are capable of mentally healing our own depression and 'ills' such as feeling down. We often do it without even noticing it.

I do feel real sympathy with genuine sufferers of depression though and can only wish anyone on here who has depressions or sufferes from it all the best.
Wee Hughie - the greatest centre-forward Newcastle United ever had

Offline maybe_next_year

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #63 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 06:36:37 pm »
Would have to add, medication has helped me.  Sometimes people suffer from a chemical imbalance, and I reckon I'm one of those as I've had CBT enough down the years to know what I should be doing.  It just doesn't work for me.

glad to hear this tbh. having suffered from a very bad period of depression just over a year ago i found my experience the same, medication helped me at that time and made the lows a lot less life-threatening at the time. however i found CBT, while it made sense, a little patronising and rather simplistic. while it might help others i found it useless and i think in some cases, its simply not enough to be told how you should think and where your thinking goes wrong, for peoples thought process to change, me included.
"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."

Minusmensch

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #64 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 06:38:51 pm »
Had some problems a few years back. No one noticed and I thought nothing was wrong other than me being a weirdo. Went to talk to the school nurse about something else but she noticed pretty fast that I might have some bigger problems, and she told me I most likely suffered from depression and anxiety. I was like "LOL WAT U CRAZY? I'm all fine yo". She convinced me to go to a psychiatrist at the end and that helped me. But what really made the difference was gaming. And that is no joke.
The last couple of years I've been able to help quite a few teenagers because of what I went through, and that's positive. So going through a few years of depression and anxiety hasn't just been a waste.

Offline Weezertron

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #65 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 06:54:40 pm »
I guess I'm fortunate never to have suffered from it.

When I ride my bike to work in the morning I do think about heading straight into oncoming traffic. But that's just because I hate my job hah.

I do wake up in the middle of the night panicking that I'm wasting my life, like I need to get out of bed and do something creative immediately. But again I think that's because of my job, and it wasting my life.




Offline davy_fulla

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #66 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 07:18:25 pm »
I've suffered with depression twice in the last few years, with the second episode being much worse than the first. Its kinda still there from day to day in different forms, but I've started to notice things when it could become a problem and take action to solve the issues which may be causing it. Funnily enough my second episode happened at the most stable part of my life, when I'd moved in with my future wife, had a solid job etc, so it is not always social circumstances that determines how depression can take hold.

I still suffer with anxiety, and it is all tied up with over thinking every situation and automatically jumping to the worst conclusion possible. If I think about things in the right frame of mind then I usually come to a conclusion that doesn't affect my mood, however sometimes its like I get stuck in a hole and I just get more and more negative, which leads to depressive thoughts. For example if my missus can't sleep she will not worry about it, and just relax and will eventually fall asleep. I'll lie there thinking that I'm never going to get to sleep, and that I'm gonna be useless at work the next day, if I dont sleep i will make a mistake etc.

I have managed these thoughts with the support of my wife to be, a bit of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and a bit of Counselling. My missus kinda made me realise a lot of what was getting me down was created by myself, and that only I can determine my reactions to events which happen. Once I kept that thought in my head I managed to turn in around. The medications they gave me didn't seem to help and the side effects were worse.

That paragraph there sums me up perfectly.  Get stressed to bits about things which turn out to be not important in the end.  The not being able to sleep thing doesn't affect me as much now but I was exactly like that.  Lying there for hours telling myself to switch off which obviously meant that by thinking this I wasn't switching off.
The immortal Jackie Milburn died today - Cliff Morgan

Offline BlufPurdi

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #67 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 09:58:26 pm »
Would have to add, medication has helped me.  Sometimes people suffer from a chemical imbalance, and I reckon I'm one of those as I've had CBT enough down the years to know what I should be doing.  It just doesn't work for me.

glad to hear this tbh. having suffered from a very bad period of depression just over a year ago i found my experience the same, medication helped me at that time and made the lows a lot less life-threatening at the time. however i found CBT, while it made sense, a little patronising and rather simplistic. while it might help others i found it useless and i think in some cases, its simply not enough to be told how you should think and where your thinking goes wrong, for peoples thought process to change, me included.

Glad to hear someone agrees, cause my Doctor certainly doesn't. :lol:
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.
We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness and misery. We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell. We are the architects of our own fate.
Student says " I am very discouraged. What should I do?" Master says, "encourage others."
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others.
This is what should be done. By one who is skilled in goodness, and who knows the path of peace: Let them be able and upright, straightforward and gentle in speech. Humble and not conceited, contented and easily satisfied. Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways. Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful, not proud and demanding in nature. Let them not do the slightest thing that the wise would later reprove.

Offline Tisd09

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #68 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 11:06:53 pm »
I've witness the benefits of medication, after my wife was first hospitalised she was really reluctant to stay on meds because of the weight issues she experienced, a few months later without telling me she dropped meds all together, everything seemed to go well until April 2010 when she fell apart again. Doctors have said this is probably down to the lack of meds. She has stuck to her meds after the 2nd breakdown and even though she has had what they call 'episodes' the meds have helped her from falling apart again. She has now accepted that she'll probably be on meds for the rest of her life. If she can conquer the weight issues then all should be well, weight seems to be the problem at the moment, and I fear her being so down about the weight may lead to another breakdown?
"Now who ya gonna run to?"

Offline Theregulars

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #69 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 11:36:19 pm »
I have always had the tendency to jump to the worst possible conclusion. When I was a kid, i would wait for my parents to pick me up from school, if they were ever like a minute late I'd start panicking that something bad had happened, it was ridiculous and so embarrassing. But I just put it down to being a kid and loving my parents or something. I've always been anxious about loads of stuff as well, but just thought it was a character trait, and it motivated me to work a lot so I didn't mind.

When my father was diagnosed with cancer when I was at university, it all started going beyond normal levels into insomnia, full blown panic attacks, proper anxiety that i couldn't just set aside, and turned into this lethargy as well where I wouldn't see anybody and didn't want to do anything. Maybe that was depression, but I never wanted to acknowledge it, so waited it out for a few months and just got through that year. The panic and anxiety would come on and off. When I split up with my ex who I was crazy about it all went really weird again, really regular panic attacks, insomnia, then the lethargy, all in this predictable pattern. I never thought about actually topping myself properly, but wondered weird stuff like what it would be like if I were dead, and how people would react. I would always shake those thoughts off quickly though.

That all got better, albeit with still intermittent panic attacks and regular anxiety/still always fearing the worst, when I talked to my friends about it, saw the university counsellor and talked stuff through. She said it was likely depression and I should consider getting it diagnosed but I never did, I think I have real problems admitting it to myself, so I hate talking about it. much less actually making it more than just a theory. I guess it's easy to talk about on here because, bar 1 or 2, I don't know any of you personally so it's kind of easier describing it to 'strangers'. It went away by living in the same place for a while, having a lot of good friends, getting a new girlfriend etc. But recently the panic attacks and lethargy have been coming back - I think it's because i have moved to a new city, been having problems with the girlfriend having moved up here, and always worry about my Dad no end because I can't see him regularly. Everytime I have a voicemail I worry it will be a family member saying he's died. That's actually the first time I've ever admitted that, but it's really harrowing and stressful. Also as a law student, I constantly fear failure, even though it's totally irrational as I've always got good enough marks throughout my life and never really failed.

I guess the others here who have talked about similar symptoms feel this too: it's so tedious, and tiring, and sometimes embarrassing. There's such a stigma and, aside from my close mates, I just won't tell anyone. Like I missed time at college recently because i felt it coming on so wanted to go home for a few weeks, and just lied to them saying I was ill, I just didn't want my teachers/classmates to know as I find it so, so hard to acknowledge or talk about, which isn't like me, I'm a proper blabbermouth.

Maybe it's time to finally do and talk to a doctor, as I worry it might kick in again being away from all my friends and family, and especially with continued issues with my girlfriend. Maybe I should tell my college I wasn't actually ill but this was the real problem. I don't know. I'll probably just keep it within as I usually to because I don't want the attention of people thinking I need help, and I don't want to admit that I might have a mental illness. Which is stupid, i know.
You're going to pay. In fear dollars.

Offline Conjo

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #70 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 11:38:20 pm »
God, I really hate these kind of threads. It´s really uncomfortable to read, yet I can´t stop reading. At the same time, I have this irrational fear that reading about peoples thoughts, how they feel and what otherwise makes them or people close to them depressed can alter my chain of thought and spiral me into a depression.

This is not to disrespect anyone, but we´re sharing thoughts here, and this is what I genuinely think. I am really scared by the thought of it. I wouldn´t wish it on anyone. I know too many people who have taken/tried to take their lives because of it, step uncle, two friends, my neighbor, my tennis coach, only one of them survived, but still I don´t understand it, just scared of it.
Toon Army Norway - www.newutd.no

Offline madras

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #71 on: Monday 28 November 2011, 11:45:46 pm »
God, I really hate these kind of threads. It´s really uncomfortable to read, yet I can´t stop reading. At the same time, I have this irrational fear that reading about peoples thoughts, how they feel and what otherwise makes them or people close to them depressed can alter my chain of thought and spiral me into a depression.

This is not to disrespect anyone, but we´re sharing thoughts here, and this is what I genuinely think. I am really scared by the thought of it. I wouldn´t wish it on anyone. I know too many people who have taken/tried to take their lives because of it, step uncle, two friends, my neighbor, my tennis coach, only one of them survived, but still I don´t understand it, just scared of it.
aye.....and nah!

as someone who has, thankfully, never really suffered anything like those described here, I wonder if the knowledge that others are going through a similar things is helpful. a long while back there was a possibility that the last 20 in where i work were going to be let go, i'd just got a mortgage and it was made easier by thinking that others i knew were in the same boat, the isolation of feeling your alone can often make it worse for many.

obviously this doesnt go for the clinical cases but the more "i'm down cos i'm having a bad time" type of scenario
Bullshitters misrepresent themselves to their audience not as liars do, that is, by deliberately making false claims about what is true. In fact, bullshit need not be untrue at all.

Rather, bullshitters seek to convey a certain impression of themselves without being concerned about whether anything at all is true. They quietly change the rules governing their end of the conversation so that claims about truth and falsity are irrelevant.

Offline Dokko

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #72 on: Tuesday 29 November 2011, 01:30:44 am »
Cbt and hypnotherapy do not work, you fuking can't fool me, my brain is far to many steps ahead in this s*** for your words, actions to work.  :lol:

Drugs work, still not the answer, like clay I just hope I grow out of it one day and be able to be the person I want to be, not some half arsed job shackled by this s***.

Anyway, developing quite a fuk it attitude, one thing I am damn sure about is I'd rather be alive and put up with it than be dead and missing out on the diluted version of life I do get to experience.


Offline Tisd09

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #73 on: Tuesday 29 November 2011, 10:18:46 am »
Toon's Taylor - you are right when you say Drugs work but still not the answer. The person even on medication need to have belief and drive in themselves, its easy to fall into a doom and gloom trap. Its not as easy as saying pull yourself together but there is a big degree of self help. The old saying you can lead the horse to water........

I feel I have been very supportive of my wife but she is still well off being 'better'. I struggle to understand what is so tough in her life at the moment, our life has been the least stressful it has been for a long while. The job I am in I no longer fear the threat of it going under, the company I worked for went under during all of the problems with my wife and we came out the other side. I am in a very stable job now, even though the take home pay is slightly less my pension is pretty much kick ass compared to my previous one, I roll into work most days at 8.20 to start for 8.30 and leave dead on 4.30. My son is now 3.5 and his behaviour has improved massively, hes enjoying school and really progressing so I find it hard to understand why my wife is suffering. Whilst it is an illness there is a responsibilty on he shoulders to want to get better.
"Now who ya gonna run to?"

Offline Cajun

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #74 on: Tuesday 29 November 2011, 10:29:19 am »
Doesn't that say a lot to you though? She is going through the most comfortable time in her life but is struggling with depression.

I think the easiest and most common mistake people have with depression is the "what have you got to be depressed about!?" Thing.