Author Topic: Experiences of depression and anxiety  (Read 167545 times)

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Offline BlueStar

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2950 on: Monday 4 January 2021, 08:59:13 AM »
Quick update on my posish. Citalopram didn't work on 10 mg or 20 mg but it did stop my legs working so I was falling over all the time. :lol: Got a smashing 2 inch gash on me dome which didn't half bleed, looked like a murder scene in there :lol: It also tanked my sodium levels to a life-threatening degree so that they wanted to put me in hospital over Christmas. Noped out of that one. Swapped for mirtazapine, interesting side-effect is peripheral oedema, which means I'm currently thudding around on elephant's feet instead. :lol: I'm trying to phone the doc now, can't be doing with this! Three months on the sick now, need a new sick note anyway, they're going to cut my pay and I need to apply for SSP. anyone know how that works?

Happy 2021 everyone!

Citalopram was a complete horror for me, about 5 hours after each dose all my limbs would jerk like electric shocks, couldn't operate my hands well enough to make a cup of tea, head spinning, shivering, vomiting, absolutely woeful.  Eventually settled on duloxetine, which was fine and most importantly stopped the nerve pain I was getting, either because that was psychosamatic and it fixed my head brain or because duloxetine is also for nerve pain, so bonus.  Took that for a year then stopped and came off it fine.  Only issue I had was the first time I got p*ssed two nights in a row on it, when I ended up completely blacking out and waking up in Cramlington A&E.  Oops.

Offline Infinitely Content

  • General Member
  • Life imitates art
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2951 on: Monday 4 January 2021, 08:59:17 AM »
I've been getting bang in to Alan Watts of late and it's released a lot of negative thoughts on mortality, death and why the f*** we exist in the 1st place. I haven't got religion, but can't believe in nothing, so it's filling that gap nicely and it sit well with me. From that I feel so much better, my thoughts on death changed and it bothers me less every day.

Hence the avatar update  :lol:

He's really cool, got into him because of shrooms. Interesting guy.

An thought that keeps coming back to me is how great would this be if i were stoned.  :lol: So gutted he's been around all this time, had i found him when i was younger i honestly think i'd have dealt with life better.

I've been getting bang in to Alan Watts of late and it's released a lot of negative thoughts on mortality, death and why the f*** we exist in the 1st place. I haven't got religion, but can't believe in nothing, so it's filling that gap nicely and it sit well with me. From that I feel so much better, my thoughts on death changed and it bothers me less every day.

Hence the avatar update  :lol:

Aye Alan Watts is very interesting. I've been thinking about death and rattling myself about it for years, but I really like what Alan Watts says, and like you say, it seems to "fit" for me.

It just makes sense, more so than any other theory or religious attempt to explain WTF is going on. I've found some comfort in it all and it has certainly let my mind rest a bit about these kind of things, which allows attention to focus elsewhere. No point clinging on to the rock that is falling with you, you both end up at the same place.

I found Watts, Eckhart Tolle and some others (Ram Dass, Thich Nhat Hahn) with a similar message when I was around 19. From 19-21 I felt the most mental clarity, contentment and connection to something higher than I've ever felt. I'm now 28 and constantly think back to those years like it was some passing dream. Ebbs and flows, lightness and dark etc, storms come, happy states are impermanent as is everything else, all we can do is build a tough enough ship to weather those storms.

@ManDoon, if you like Watts for his comments on psychedelics, Ram Dass may be a good person to look up. We lost him last year but his life story is as fascinating and surprising as it is inspiring.
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

Offline ManDoon

  • General Member
  • pls die DT
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2952 on: Tuesday 5 January 2021, 06:30:03 PM »
I've been getting bang in to Alan Watts of late and it's released a lot of negative thoughts on mortality, death and why the f*** we exist in the 1st place. I haven't got religion, but can't believe in nothing, so it's filling that gap nicely and it sit well with me. From that I feel so much better, my thoughts on death changed and it bothers me less every day.

Hence the avatar update  :lol:

He's really cool, got into him because of shrooms. Interesting guy.

An thought that keeps coming back to me is how great would this be if i were stoned.  :lol: So gutted he's been around all this time, had i found him when i was younger i honestly think i'd have dealt with life better.

I've been getting bang in to Alan Watts of late and it's released a lot of negative thoughts on mortality, death and why the f*** we exist in the 1st place. I haven't got religion, but can't believe in nothing, so it's filling that gap nicely and it sit well with me. From that I feel so much better, my thoughts on death changed and it bothers me less every day.

Hence the avatar update  :lol:

Aye Alan Watts is very interesting. I've been thinking about death and rattling myself about it for years, but I really like what Alan Watts says, and like you say, it seems to "fit" for me.

It just makes sense, more so than any other theory or religious attempt to explain WTF is going on. I've found some comfort in it all and it has certainly let my mind rest a bit about these kind of things, which allows attention to focus elsewhere. No point clinging on to the rock that is falling with you, you both end up at the same place.

I found Watts, Eckhart Tolle and some others (Ram Dass, Thich Nhat Hahn) with a similar message when I was around 19. From 19-21 I felt the most mental clarity, contentment and connection to something higher than I've ever felt. I'm now 28 and constantly think back to those years like it was some passing dream. Ebbs and flows, lightness and dark etc, storms come, happy states are impermanent as is everything else, all we can do is build a tough enough ship to weather those storms.

@ManDoon, if you like Watts for his comments on psychedelics, Ram Dass may be a good person to look up. We lost him last year but his life story is as fascinating and surprising as it is inspiring.

:thup: thanks man, I've heard the name but not read much about him. I have read a bit of Eckhart Tolle, makes sense to me for sure.
:lol: I dunno. I'm starting to think it was us.
Trump will do well man. Don't know why but I really feel this will be the case. Really hope it will come to be that way.

Steve Bruce "“We can’t compete with the bigs boys at the top end so the cup is our best bet - it’s a lovely day out”"

Offline ManDoon

  • General Member
  • pls die DT
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2953 on: Tuesday 5 January 2021, 06:32:05 PM »
Just found out that I've been ruled out of the psylocybin trial I was meant to be doing, as they found out i had "looked at pro suicide websites". Thats something only my therapist knows about the trial researchers only speak with my doctors, so she must have told them. This is a massive break of my trust, and more than that, I'm gutted, I was so happy I had got on the trial was like my last shot, I felt really hopeful and its been completley ripped away from me, literal once in a lifetime thing. Gutted.
:lol: I dunno. I'm starting to think it was us.
Trump will do well man. Don't know why but I really feel this will be the case. Really hope it will come to be that way.

Steve Bruce "“We can’t compete with the bigs boys at the top end so the cup is our best bet - it’s a lovely day out”"

Offline joeyt

  • Loves an Anthem
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2954 on: Tuesday 5 January 2021, 06:32:37 PM »
I know it's just words on a page at the end of the day but some may find this thread helpful


Offline newsted

  • General Member
  • Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2955 on: Tuesday 5 January 2021, 07:28:37 PM »
Quick update on my posish. Citalopram didn't work on 10 mg or 20 mg but it did stop my legs working so I was falling over all the time. :lol: Got a smashing 2 inch gash on me dome which didn't half bleed, looked like a murder scene in there :lol: It also tanked my sodium levels to a life-threatening degree so that they wanted to put me in hospital over Christmas. Noped out of that one. Swapped for mirtazapine, interesting side-effect is peripheral oedema, which means I'm currently thudding around on elephant's feet instead. :lol: I'm trying to phone the doc now, can't be doing with this! Three months on the sick now, need a new sick note anyway, they're going to cut my pay and I need to apply for SSP. anyone know how that works?

Happy 2021 everyone!

Citalopram was a complete horror for me, about 5 hours after each dose all my limbs would jerk like electric shocks, couldn't operate my hands well enough to make a cup of tea, head spinning, shivering, vomiting, absolutely woeful.  Eventually settled on duloxetine, which was fine and most importantly stopped the nerve pain I was getting, either because that was psychosamatic and it fixed my head brain or because duloxetine is also for nerve pain, so bonus.  Took that for a year then stopped and came off it fine.  Only issue I had was the first time I got p*ssed two nights in a row on it, when I ended up completely blacking out and waking up in Cramlington A&E.  Oops.

Right, done a bit more digging. That Sodium thing isn't a normal side-effect of citalopram, BUT if you smoke as I do, it hinders the drug leaving your body so, when I was put on 20 mg I had like 30 mg and up in my body, effectively overdosing, and that can lead to hyponatraemia, today's fun medical word, symptoms including seizures, coma and death. :( That f***er could have killed me dead for real. :( I mean, counting my blessings that I only got the falling down thing, but s***!

On a positive note, me dropsy's getting better now that I've ditched the mirtazapine :)
:) As you were.

Offline Jill

  • Don't really care what.
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2956 on: Wednesday 6 January 2021, 11:21:09 AM »
Mirtazapine had me sleeping like a corpse but I was hungry all waking hours. :lol: Couldn't bear the hunger.

Offline Rocker

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2957 on: Wednesday 6 January 2021, 11:53:25 AM »
Quick update on my posish. Citalopram didn't work on 10 mg or 20 mg but it did stop my legs working so I was falling over all the time. :lol: Got a smashing 2 inch gash on me dome which didn't half bleed, looked like a murder scene in there :lol: It also tanked my sodium levels to a life-threatening degree so that they wanted to put me in hospital over Christmas. Noped out of that one. Swapped for mirtazapine, interesting side-effect is peripheral oedema, which means I'm currently thudding around on elephant's feet instead. :lol: I'm trying to phone the doc now, can't be doing with this! Three months on the sick now, need a new sick note anyway, they're going to cut my pay and I need to apply for SSP. anyone know how that works?

Happy 2021 everyone!

Citalopram was a complete horror for me, about 5 hours after each dose all my limbs would jerk like electric shocks, couldn't operate my hands well enough to make a cup of tea, head spinning, shivering, vomiting, absolutely woeful.  Eventually settled on duloxetine, which was fine and most importantly stopped the nerve pain I was getting, either because that was psychosamatic and it fixed my head brain or because duloxetine is also for nerve pain, so bonus.  Took that for a year then stopped and came off it fine.  Only issue I had was the first time I got p*ssed two nights in a row on it, when I ended up completely blacking out and waking up in Cramlington A&E.  Oops.

Right, done a bit more digging. That Sodium thing isn't a normal side-effect of citalopram, BUT if you smoke as I do, it hinders the drug leaving your body so, when I was put on 20 mg I had like 30 mg and up in my body, effectively overdosing, and that can lead to hyponatraemia, today's fun medical word, symptoms including seizures, coma and death. :( That f***er could have killed me dead for real. :( I mean, counting my blessings that I only got the falling down thing, but s***!

On a positive note, me dropsy's getting better now that I've ditched the mirtazapine :)

That's crazy. It must be rare, I assume, otherwise surely they wouldn't prescribe you them if they knew you were a smoker?

I'm on citalopram 20mg. Hate them but scared to come off them.

Offline newsted

  • General Member
  • Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2958 on: Wednesday 6 January 2021, 12:07:15 PM »
You have to read a canny way into the warnings to find it, I guess it doesn't flag it up on the doctor's website, but I wanted to get to the bottom of it.
:) As you were.

Offline Keggy_Keagal

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2959 on: Friday 8 January 2021, 06:26:33 PM »
I've been on Mirtazipine for over 15 year now and had been tried on nearly I think every anti depressant going (even Seroxat which nearly killed me). Without Mirtazpine I don't doubt that I wouldn't have made it this far. Weight's really difficult to handle on it as pretty much 40 minutes after I've taken it I'm absolutely ravenous and have to, yes have to, eat. When I'm in better shape physically I can manage the weight with running but for the last few years I've had significant back problems so that's out the window for now. It's a trade off I'm prepared to accept though. For me the zonking out effect has been a highlight as had struggled all my life with sleep issues so my tablet is taken at night. The mornings are pretty slow going as can barely function for first hr but after that I'm fine .

Offline newsted

  • General Member
  • Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2960 on: Monday 11 January 2021, 02:05:55 PM »
Fluoxetine 20 mg now, it's like I'm playing antidepressant roulette.

This one? Nearly killed him.

This one? Gave him elephant's feet.

This one? Meh, why not?

Interesting they didn't include the warning sheet, :lol: still, Wikipedia is my friend.
:) As you were.

Offline ElDiablo

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2961 on: Monday 11 January 2021, 02:54:53 PM »
Forgot my pill yesterday and woke up at 6am this morning drenched in sweat after some horrendous dreams. Brains are weird.

Offline Rocker

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxietySame
« Reply #2962 on: Wednesday 13 January 2021, 10:15:48 AM »
Same. Forgot mine and I don't know if it was related or I'm going through some issues at the moment, but I had three panic attacks during the night. No reason for it whatsoever. Just woke up after an hour of sleep and had the worst panic I've had for years. Horrible.

Online Lazarus

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxietySame
« Reply #2963 on: Wednesday 13 January 2021, 10:44:06 AM »
Same. Forgot mine and I don't know if it was related or I'm going through some issues at the moment, but I had three panic attacks during the night. No reason for it whatsoever. Just woke up after an hour of sleep and had the worst panic I've had for years. Horrible.

They are f***ing awful like - my very first one was utterly terrifying. My body just deciding to do its own thing, didnt know if it was a heart attack, some sort of brain  aneurysm or stroke or a clitch in the matrix.

I also had a few in quick succession and realsied it couldnt be a heart attack or brain aneurysm as i wasnt dead. i know that sounds totally stupid but it helped me realise it wasnt something life threatening, which helped calm me down.

Offline Hhtoon

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2964 on: Wednesday 13 January 2021, 08:24:33 PM »
Forgot my pill yesterday and woke up at 6am this morning drenched in sweat after some horrendous dreams. Brains are weird.

When I was a teenager I popped a tablet for a headache, which was actually my step-dads anti-depressant.

Had absolutely mental dreams/hallucinations.

Offline Froggy

  • Ok at Rocket League
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2965 on: Sunday 24 January 2021, 12:17:19 AM »
I've maybe posted this before, but has anyone got a mini anxiety attack and it feels like a real feeling of doom or dread. My hearing goes as well, sometimes a slight ringing in the ears. Lasts about 10-20 seconds. It's a horrible feeling. It's happened me a couple of times in the last few days and I can't figure out what the trigger is.

Offline The Prophet

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2966 on: Sunday 24 January 2021, 09:18:02 AM »
I've maybe posted this before, but has anyone got a mini anxiety attack and it feels like a real feeling of doom or dread. My hearing goes as well, sometimes a slight ringing in the ears. Lasts about 10-20 seconds. It's a horrible feeling. It's happened me a couple of times in the last few days and I can't figure out what the trigger is.

Aye, do you sometimes you get a feeling of paranoia too?
It's basically what gives us the upper hand even in times of crisis. "Cannit wait man, we're gonna batter them, hope it's 4 or 5 nil, fancy such and such for a hat trick, we're going got Europe, they're a yo-yo team" Then five minutes into the game "s***, why haven't we scored? They've had a shot! Why aren't we all over them? How come there are two teams in the game? f***, what if we don't win? f***s SAKE CLEAR IT SHOOT TACKLE HIM BOO! What if we lose, PANIC PANIC BRUCE MAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY DID HE MISS THAT SHOT, IS HE A MAG?! IT'S BECAUSE BRUCE IS A MAG! f*** OFF STEWARD ARE YOU A f***ing MAG? BET ALL THESE COPPERS ARE MAGS, AND THE MEDIA! THE REF'S A f***ing MAG! AM I A MAG?! Wait, blacked out for a second there. Ah, f***, we've lost again."

Offline ED209

  • insano
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2967 on: Sunday 24 January 2021, 09:22:05 AM »
I've maybe posted this before, but has anyone got a mini anxiety attack and it feels like a real feeling of doom or dread. My hearing goes as well, sometimes a slight ringing in the ears. Lasts about 10-20 seconds. It's a horrible feeling. It's happened me a couple of times in the last few days and I can't figure out what the trigger is.

I get these sometimes, I sometimes think it’s the early stages of a heart attack. That sense of impending doom.
In the end what you remember are not the words of your enemies but the silence of your friends.