Author Topic: Experiences of depression and anxiety  (Read 159810 times)

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Offline Mike

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2925 on: Wednesday 18 November 2020, 10:00:47 PM »
I went into a volunteer hold at the 24/7 psych ward at the local hospital last Wednesday, got home yesterday. Couldn't escape my thoughts and got genuinely scared I'd act on them. Since then I've been diagnosed with rapid cycle bipolar disorder and have started medication, which so far seems to help a lot on my mood. Still depressed really, but my thoughts being all muddled and automatically going for the worst possible outcome have subsided a bit. In a rather bad spot on a relationship level with everything going on with my new diagnosis and psychiatrist appointments and so on, as well as some economic hurdles throwing shade on my day to day due to Covid stopping everything and bills not going away even though the available work has - but that's an issue most people are dealing with these days, so trying to stay logical there even though it's frustrating.

Uncertain how things will go forward as I'm not sure how to cope with the rather inevitable end that's coming on what's essentially a three year relationship. It's in all honesty been my only real relationship, and it hasn't even had a proper label after all this time. I can't go into details as that would be unfair to the other party, but there's a similar struggle on both sides with issues like I've been plagued with. I've never dealt with emotions like these before in my life, and my go to has been pushing away and ignoring all bad emotions until I "forget" them, and that's not possible anymore as my mind is out of storage space. My hope is that the meds will manage to have me balanced enough to deal with everything, but I fear it will end badly as I'm an emotional mess even with the meds, just not as big of one.
If the end is inevitable and this is your first proper relationship you absolutely have to prioritize your mental health before you two split. You do NOT want to be in a post relationship mindset while your self harm and suicidal ideation are through the roof. Set up a check in system with a friend or family member or failing that, right in here.

Offline B-more Mag

  • General Member
  • Sleestak 2020
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2926 on: Wednesday 18 November 2020, 10:09:45 PM »
It's so good that you were able to do that for yourself, Kaizero. I know it doesn't magically make everything better, but you've got what it takes to get to where you want to be.

Offline Jill

  • Don't really care what.
  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2927 on: Wednesday 18 November 2020, 10:15:32 PM »
Massive steps there Kaiz! Give the meds some time and I really hope you'll see an improvement. Once your illness is somewhat under control life should seem a little more manageable.

Offline Hoogen

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2928 on: Wednesday 18 November 2020, 10:18:11 PM »
Howay the Kaiz. If you could run and write the N-O Awards for that many years in a row you can do this. Massive steps you've taken, as Jill said.

Offline AyeDubbleYoo

  • General Member
  • Ian W
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2929 on: Wednesday 18 November 2020, 10:19:40 PM »
Well done Kaizero, good luck :clap:

Offline NEEJ

  • General Member
  • Kent
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2930 on: Wednesday 18 November 2020, 11:07:28 PM »
At the minute, I'm going through a massive phase of having bad anxiety issues. I've felt anxious before about things such as myself, what others are saying/thinking about me, what's going on around me but I can't put a finger on this. My depression is still there and still as sporadic yet potent as it was when I was 16, 17, 18, but this anxiety phase right now is not affecting it at all. I understand what's built up to this and I'll list them below but I can't fathom why it's striking me so hard?

  • Being a uni student during this pandemic; it's had an affect on my mental health, for sure. There's already been rows in my friendship group here at uni (I'm in a house with 3 other lads and there's another house of 8 that we're all friends with which includes my gf) about self isolation and the rules and this, that and the other. Also not knowing for sure if it's safe to travel home and not getting the full benefits of university level teaching. I've already been like what f***ing Mike Ross from Suits claimed to do at uni and just sacking off these online lectures completely and just doing assessments so far; it's not that I can't be bothered, I just don't see the point if I can get 2:1s and firsts on my assessments without them, which I am. Whether that's having an effect, I don't know.
  • Unsure about fracas between friends; I bounce between both my house and the other house (don't worry, the other house has a car so support bubble baby) and I've started to notice slight changes in behaviour in mates who were slightly different last year. From an outside perspective that may be because their mental health is a bit all over the place given the same reason I just given before but it's been like, people making snidey digs towards people and covering it in a blanket of 'banter' or 'getting 1-0s' or whatever. Never towards me but to other people. And I still don't like it and I get the same feeling in my stomach as I got when I was passive-aggressively picked on in secondary school and I get angry. And when I get angry I say some pretty nasty s*** to people and I think this is playing a part too, even though ostensibly it isn't a reason for me to get anxious about.
  • This 'student going home window' or whatever the f*** the Tories are calling it. Clearly just a way to get students back home so that figures can look like they were in the right all along to lockdown when they did or whatever. I was planning on Tuesday to go home between the 20th and 23rd. The day after (yesterday) I see that on the news and now it's either go home for Christmas for good next weekend, or come back down from home for another 2 weeks and go back home again after that but for good the second time. I wanted to go home for just a weekend to just get away from uni life for a few days and to attempt to get this phase to lessen a tad. Now, it's this. The main reason I think this whole going home malarkey is now massively on my mind is because my girlfriend is waiting for a reply from CPS for a sexual assault claim she made towards this lad over the summer. And if I'm not there for her if CPS tell her that they won't proceed with charging this guy it'll tear me apart and put her god knows where mentally as she's already on antidepressants as a result of what happened to her.
  • Lastly and probably something everyone on the planet can agree with, I f***ing hate this pandemic. I f***ing hate lockdowns and although it'll make me sound like a huge drunk (which I probs am) I miss going out. I just get a feeling I don't like inside of hating seeing the same 4 (or 8) walls and the same people every single day, the only opportunity to leave is to get more stuff to keep you in the house for longer. I just despise it.

Anyway, if anyone takes their time out to read through this drivel then thanks a lot. Whether I'm just coming on here to vent or to seek help/advice from someone, I don't know.
Hang on in there, pal. I sympathise massively with you as a student in this s*** sarnie of a situation you've been placed into but it will get better eventually.

And you shouldn't feel guilty about the lectures thing. They're recorded ahead of time and available to watch whenever though, right? Double playback speed the s*** out of them if you can and then you'll know you're not missing anything in only half the time.

All the best to Kaiz, too.

Offline Consortium of one

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2931 on: Thursday 19 November 2020, 01:37:32 PM »
I went into a volunteer hold at the 24/7 psych ward at the local hospital last Wednesday, got home yesterday. Couldn't escape my thoughts and got genuinely scared I'd act on them. Since then I've been diagnosed with rapid cycle bipolar disorder and have started medication, which so far seems to help a lot on my mood. Still depressed really, but my thoughts being all muddled and automatically going for the worst possible outcome have subsided a bit. In a rather bad spot on a relationship level with everything going on with my new diagnosis and psychiatrist appointments and so on, as well as some economic hurdles throwing shade on my day to day due to Covid stopping everything and bills not going away even though the available work has - but that's an issue most people are dealing with these days, so trying to stay logical there even though it's frustrating.

Uncertain how things will go forward as I'm not sure how to cope with the rather inevitable end that's coming on what's essentially a three year relationship. It's in all honesty been my only real relationship, and it hasn't even had a proper label after all this time. I can't go into details as that would be unfair to the other party, but there's a similar struggle on both sides with issues like I've been plagued with. I've never dealt with emotions like these before in my life, and my go to has been pushing away and ignoring all bad emotions until I "forget" them, and that's not possible anymore as my mind is out of storage space. My hope is that the meds will manage to have me balanced enough to deal with everything, but I fear it will end badly as I'm an emotional mess even with the meds, just not as big of one.

Kaiz, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that if you've both been struggling with issues that it hasn't been a healthy relationship.  Yes, 3 years invested is a long time but as you let the meds kick in and start working on your issues and yourself you will find a healthier relationship down the road. 

Hang in brother.

Offline Rocker

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2932 on: Thursday 26 November 2020, 09:32:14 PM »
Bumping. This should never fall out of page one.  :aww:

Offline newsted

  • General Member
  • Newcastle upon Tyne, EU
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2933 on: Sunday 29 November 2020, 11:42:32 AM »
Dunno, my therapist sent me this, might help some who are suffering/have suffered or want to find out.

:) As you were.

Offline Dokko

  • TT
  • General Member
  • Norm life baby
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2934 on: Sunday 29 November 2020, 03:21:53 PM »
Dunno, my therapist sent me this, might help some who are suffering/have suffered or want to find out.



Helped my lass understand me a bit more. Great video. Certainly a one to share with those closest to you if they are struggling to cope/understand it all.

Offline newsted

  • General Member
  • Newcastle upon Tyne, EU
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2935 on: Sunday 29 November 2020, 08:40:01 PM »
Dunno, my therapist sent me this, might help some who are suffering/have suffered or want to find out.


Helped my lass understand me a bit more. Great video. Certainly a one to share with those closest to you if they are struggling to cope/understand it all.

Yeah, same with my missus.
:) As you were.

Offline Rocker

  • General Member
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #2936 on: Monday 30 November 2020, 08:51:14 AM »
Forgot to re-order my Citalopram. Picking them up today but I've been without for five days.

Horrendous nightmares, brain zaps, insomnia, the list of come downs is endless. Forgot how much of a struggle this is. Not looking forward to coming off them, whenever that may be.