Author Topic: Experiences of depression and anxiety  (Read 99501 times)

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Offline Tyne81

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1825 on: Monday 13 May 2019, 10:47:11 am »
Urgh. Don't really know if this goes in here or not. My sister in law (aged 38) has been told she has weeks to live through a recurrence of bowel cancer. She has two kids aged 2 and 4. We have 5 month old. We're all so close, she's been like a sister to me. Really struggling to rationalise it. Life feels totally absurd. I'm worried we are going to be consumed by grief.

That is awful mate, really feel for your family. I'm the same age and had similar news about my wife's brother in law and it's really got to me about how fragile life is. I've two young kids and i'm often thinking of the what 'if's' about my wife and I. Totally selfish I know but can't shake it at times, life truly can be a lottery. My anxious feeling stem's from that I've been through a hell of alot in life and especially when young caned the drugs and booze. Only a year and a half ago I got back into the sniff big time for a period of 6 months but thankfully I've stopped all that. Was stupid really considering I'd pretty much packed that in bar a few stags, lad trips etc since I was 21. I still drink a bit too much at times but can go a few months without it and when I do drink it's only once or twice at the weekend but tend to consume more then I should.

Apologies if I went off on a bit of a tangent, just really struck a chord there. Wishing you all the best.

Offline alijmitchell

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1826 on: Sunday 19 May 2019, 09:19:22 pm »
Urgh. Don't really know if this goes in here or not. My sister in law (aged 38) has been told she has weeks to live through a recurrence of bowel cancer. She has two kids aged 2 and 4. We have 5 month old. We're all so close, she's been like a sister to me. Really struggling to rationalise it. Life feels totally absurd. I'm worried we are going to be consumed by grief.

That is awful mate, really feel for your family. I'm the same age and had similar news about my wife's brother in law and it's really got to me about how fragile life is. I've two young kids and i'm often thinking of the what 'if's' about my wife and I. Totally selfish I know but can't shake it at times, life truly can be a lottery. My anxious feeling stem's from that I've been through a hell of alot in life and especially when young caned the drugs and booze. Only a year and a half ago I got back into the sniff big time for a period of 6 months but thankfully I've stopped all that. Was stupid really considering I'd pretty much packed that in bar a few stags, lad trips etc since I was 21. I still drink a bit too much at times but can go a few months without it and when I do drink it's only once or twice at the weekend but tend to consume more then I should.

Apologies if I went off on a bit of a tangent, just really struck a chord there. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks man, it's been really hard. Wife's up the hospital every day seeing her sister but it's just a matter of days really. Swinging from wishing it to end so she isn't in so much pain to thinking maybe some sort of miracle might happen. I've been thinking a lot about health recently too - life is so f***ing precious man. I had my wild days in my early 20s as well and I want to go back and tell myself to be sensible. Maybe it's just totally unlucky for my sister in law because she's been in good health, doing triathlons, marathons. The perspective it gives you though...I really really want to live a healthy, happy life now, seems stupid to have not considered that up till now, but christ, with a wee boy, family... We're gutted our wee one won't know his auntie because she's always been our biggest support, and totally loves him.

Coincidentally I was in the city up here today and so happens that the race for life people were doing their thing. Seeing thousands of people walking past with their lost loved one's names on their back I just stood there crying a bit. It was happy in the sense that all these people have managed to move on, but s**** because there are so many who have lost people. The wife is coping amazingly, but she's being strong for the rest of her family. She's trying not to be beaten by it all I guess, since her sister is so determined I think that's given her strength. Horrible to see it all happen, and so quickly too. Good luck with your family's journey mate, my only advice so far is stick together, follow her lead, and be prepared to swallow some of her anger/hurt. Oh and get rest where you can.

Offline Si

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  • I dont handle change well.
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1827 on: Sunday 19 May 2019, 09:39:40 pm »
Grief is so strange, the whole process is just mad. I feel like it's not hit me yet with Mum. I find stuff creeps up on you, a film or a TV show will just hit you in the feels. My sister sent me some photos on Friday from when we were kids,  that love from childhood that mum gave us just came back like a weird warm feeling of knowing how much she loved us, and did everything for us (that probably sounds daft but I can't explain it better)

Whats helped me is to keep talking about her, tell and share stories. My sister told me something about mum a couple of months ago that made me me smile as I'd never noticed it till she pointed it out but it was something that we both do too.

Thinking of you all and your families.
« Last Edit: Sunday 19 May 2019, 09:54:30 pm by Si »
Bearings Straight!

Offline alijmitchell

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1828 on: Sunday 19 May 2019, 09:51:30 pm »
Thanks, deep down I know we will be okay and that, you know, the world will move on, time will march forward and the sun will come up in the morning. It's these kind of thoughts that help, thinking in a slightly detached, philosophical way, otherwise, you just get drawn into the pain of it all and it just becomes incredibly tiring and numbing. I mean, things thoughts like going out for a pint with mates or whatever just feels so absurd, not just now, but in the future. I guess part of it is also being a new dad as well.

That's a really nice post, and really helpful, glad you've got some lovely memories.

Offline Wullie

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1829 on: Sunday 19 May 2019, 10:55:19 pm »
My wife lost her 19 year old sister very suddenly, six weeks after we got married. She was in a coma for four days before we said goodbye and it was by far the hardest time of my life, not just the grief of losing her but the thought of how it might affect my wife, that she might never recover emotionally.

Four years on and it stuns me how strong she has been in picking herself up. Everyone's different (and your situation is very different to ours as we didn't have kids at the time) but my only advice would be don't rush her. My wife was off work for nearly six months and our life was basically on hold for all that time but that was fine with me and it was what she needed to come to terms with it.
Jeff's Garage - Cheaper than some other garages.

Offline alijmitchell

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1830 on: Monday 20 May 2019, 12:02:30 am »
Great advice and even just hearing that there are positive stories is a real help. I think she has the kind of personality that will see her through and I think maybe having a wee one will act as more of a resilience factor than an added stress if we play it right and keep being grateful. But yeah, I'll try to be sensible and go at her pace. Well done on getting past the hard bit yourselves too.

Offline alijmitchell

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1831 on: Sunday 2 June 2019, 03:24:29 pm »
Well, thats it over then. Our sister in law passed away last night in a hospice. The last few weeks have been utterly awful. Watching someone die...you think the news that they have a 'timeline' is the worst bit. But really, this has been the worst. They don't tell you how utterly f***ing s*** the last bit is. Feel absolutely exhausted, and not prepared for this.

Offline Mike

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1832 on: Sunday 2 June 2019, 03:30:44 pm »
Sorry for your loss, ali.

The last days are absolutely harrowing and I'm sorry you had to experience that.

Offline alijmitchell

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1833 on: Sunday 2 June 2019, 04:00:36 pm »
Thanks man

Offline Si

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  • I dont handle change well.
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1834 on: Sunday 2 June 2019, 09:32:49 pm »
So sorry for your loss, the end is brutal and nothing prepares you for it.The hospice care mum got meant she could stay at home, they are f***ing angels doing an unbelievable job. We wouldn't have been able to cope without them.


Keep talking, keep sharing memories and vent in here when you need to.
Bearings Straight!

Offline alijmitchell

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1835 on: Sunday 2 June 2019, 10:25:15 pm »
So sorry for your loss, the end is brutal and nothing prepares you for it.The hospice care mum got meant she could stay at home, they are f***ing angels doing an unbelievable job. We wouldn't have been able to cope without them.


Keep talking, keep sharing memories and vent in here when you need to.

Honestly, they are amazing aren't they. I think Paula (my sister-in-law) was keen at first to die at home, but I think now it was a good idea to be elsewhere, especially with young kids around. They basically put up with the entire family sitting out watching for the past week, the kids coming down, the baby being there and staying overnights, and all managed to keep her peaceful, rested, clean. It also struck me yesterday that I haven't ever seen a dead person before. What was weird was the difference between even the last few hours and the corpse - it didn't even really look like her.

Anyway, I don't think we've fully connected with it like. We've had family round today and we are trying to keep them all going...but I was getting really angry too. Like, I don't want to tell people how to grieve but people who didn't give a s*** about spending time with her when she was alive were pissing me off. I think now it's the end, a load of weird emotions just come out.

Having said all that, this bit is crap, because now we live in a world without her but we're also still in a bit of a bubble really. It's all so surreal, 5 weeks ago she was playing on the trampoline in the garden with her kids ffs.

Offline Si

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  • I dont handle change well.
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1836 on: Sunday 2 June 2019, 10:46:42 pm »
Yeah it's an astonishing thing to witness what they do for families. I'm profoundly greatful for what they did for us, mum wanted to be at home desperately and that couldn't have happened without them. Can relate so much with your posts, stay strong. The bubble lasts a while and the hard thing is the world keeps moving outside it. Take all the time you need to adjust, take care.
Bearings Straight!

Offline Jill

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1837 on: Wednesday 12 June 2019, 03:55:01 pm »
Major black clouds in my head at the moment. I'm making sure I prioritise my sobriety and thankfully I have no desire to drink but struggling to find interest in anything currently.

Offline Interpolic

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1838 on: Wednesday 12 June 2019, 04:47:31 pm »
Major black clouds in my head at the moment. I'm making sure I prioritise my sobriety and thankfully I have no desire to drink but struggling to find interest in anything currently.

Have you thought about getting a new hobby?  The music production stuff really saved my bacon.  Something vaguely healthy I can obsess over.  Something like that or learning a new instrument might be good, I always thought I'd drop it after a short while and think it was too hard, but that hasn't happened at all.  Without that and new relationship I'd be in big trouble now personally.  Meetings did the trick for me for 2 years but after a while I needed to obsess over something other than my own alcoholism :lol:

Offline Yorkie

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1839 on: Wednesday 12 June 2019, 06:31:02 pm »
Sketching + music/a podcast is also triffic hobby along the same lines, too. Really simple in terms of the tools, as well.

Offline Minhosa

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1840 on: Wednesday 12 June 2019, 06:39:18 pm »
Aware you have (or had) a full time office job but would you consider another part time job in the evenings/weekends with a new set of people to socialise/engage with?

Offline Jill

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1841 on: Wednesday 12 June 2019, 10:33:30 pm »
Aware you have (or had) a full time office job but would you consider another part time job in the evenings/weekends with a new set of people to socialise/engage with?

I've got a whole new set of friends through AA who I see outside of meetings and speak to daily about stuff other than recovery so that's a big help.

I'm definitely lacking in hobbies though, starting to try and get back into regular exercise and I'm doing ok learning Swedish. I'm considering learning to play keyboard/piano but I have a major tendency to quit before I make any progress with instruments.

Offline OpenC

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1842 on: Wednesday 12 June 2019, 10:37:58 pm »
Hardest thing about learning an instrument as an adult is appreciating you're necessarily going to be a bit s*** for a few months. It's easy to be s*** at something as a bairn, it's not something you're used to as an adult (because obviously it's much easier to just not have to do it).  Keep yourself motivated through that, look for the incremental improvements which will be there, and you'll do it :)

Offline Mike

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1843 on: Thursday 13 June 2019, 03:58:29 pm »
Aware you have (or had) a full time office job but would you consider another part time job in the evenings/weekends with a new set of people to socialise/engage with?

I've got a whole new set of friends through AA who I see outside of meetings and speak to daily about stuff other than recovery so that's a big help.

I'm definitely lacking in hobbies though, starting to try and get back into regular exercise and I'm doing ok learning Swedish. I'm considering learning to play keyboard/piano but I have a major tendency to quit before I make any progress with instruments.

Fishing is f***ing laughs, Jill. :lol: Go get a cheap pole. I've been getting into it quite a bit lately. I'm f***ing s*** and I've stuck myself with so many hooks but still.

Offline Ian W

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1844 on: Thursday 13 June 2019, 04:59:24 pm »
Go get a cheap pole eh?

Offline Mike

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1845 on: Thursday 13 June 2019, 05:29:27 pm »
Go get a cheap pole eh?

:lol: It was either gonna be rod, or pole. I was actually trying to be serious for once so it felt like a bad spot for cock jokes.

Offline Ian W

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  • ex NUFC fan
Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1846 on: Friday 14 June 2019, 05:42:41 pm »
I decided to go for it anyway, I’m uncomfortable around genuine emotions.

Offline Mike

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1847 on: Friday 14 June 2019, 06:02:23 pm »
:lol: I'm not mad at you, Ian.

Offline Jill

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1848 on: Saturday 15 June 2019, 09:22:48 am »
Feeling a little better today, but now I feel myself in danger of going a touch manic because I can feel the urge to spend money. :lol:

Offline Mike

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Re: Experiences of depression and anxiety
« Reply #1849 on: Saturday 15 June 2019, 10:58:15 am »
Buy the club, J.