Topic: Experiences of depression and anxiety

[Big Geordie]

Have posted this on another forum, so I hope it's OK to share it on here. In light of the sad news about Gary Speed and also Stan Collymore speaking about his recent troubles, I hope it's OK to bring up the subject. Why? To shed light on something which affects a great many people yet often is misunderstood and belittled because it is considered something of a taboo by society in general.

Mental illness will affect 1 in 4 of us at some point in our lives and it's more common than people realize and yet there is this stigma. With regards to my own experiences, I've got an anxiety disorder which has been around for nearly 14 years now. Initially it was diagnosed as depression, then PTSD and finally a more GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) The last bout I had was 2 years ago, brought on by a trigger which I still don't know about. It lasted for 3 months, I dropped 3st in weight and ended up in a pretty bad way. As Stan Collymore said on his own Twitter blog today, it began as an irrational fear which built up over days and exploded into panic attacks and feeling constantly scared to death from the moment I woke up in the morning, until I somehow fell asleep at night. By the last occurance though, I had discovered something great about beating it and that is to share your experiences with others and talk about it. Granted not everyone feels able to do this - but I would urge it as it can be a huge help. With regards to how I dealt with it, I went onto 40mg Citaloram per day(which I am still on), along with an emergency supply of Diazepam and Temazepam (to aid sleep), which I take as an when which is thankfully very rare over the last 18 months or so. I've also had CBT in this time, which gave me a greater understanding of my illness. It's something which I have learned to live with and I now accept that I will come back at some point in the future, but I CAN and WILL get better.

Feel free to contribute and ask questions if it helps to generate more of an understanding. Attitudes are changing (abeit slowly) but more can be done.

*NOTE - I appreciate at this time, the reasons surrounding Gary Speed's death are unknown. Depression may or may not have been a factor.

[madras]

my wife suffered from a mild post natal depression after girl 2's birth. she is still adamant it wasn't a depression as she had nothing to be down about but was constantly "tiredly stressed" if that makes sense. i'm always weary of her as she does stress over trivial things by which i mean losing nights sleep and before we had kids we'd often make trips to her work at 3am so she could double check mindless trivial things that we'd talked through many times that night to ease her. she's a prime depression candidate really, good job i'm so easy to live with 

[Theregulars]

Sometimes I think I might suffer from it, I'm not sure. Like i've had panic attacks in the past, I also get insomnia quite a lot and then have periods where I can't wake up for s***. I never feel 'depressed' per se, like really sad about anything. I'll struggle to physically get up but I'll still do my work and stuff in bed. But I go through spells where I can't be bothered to pick up the phone/go out for a week or two. I don't really know, don't want to diagnose myself with something serious which might just be a mixture of standard anxiety/laziness/unsociableness.

[Craig-NUFC]

Sometimes I think I might suffer from it, I'm not sure. Like i've had panic attacks in the past, I also get insomnia quite a lot and then have periods where I can't wake up for s***. I never feel 'depressed' per se, like really sad about anything. I'll struggle to physically get up but I'll still do my work and stuff in bed. But I go through spells where I can't be bothered to pick up the phone/go out for a week or two. I don't really know, don't want to diagnose myself with something serious which might just be a mixture of standard anxiety/laziness/unsociableness.

Sounds similar to how I feel a lot of the time.

I had to go see a psychosomebullshitorother when I was 11/12 because I would get about 3 hours sleep a night and was constantly feeling stressed and rushed. That seemed to sort itself out in time and then my parents divorce a couple of years ago threw me off again. Being an only child meant that I was the middle man and felt the brunt of the break up. Essentially spent a year having to look after my mam whilst she suffered with depression, playing the role of an emotional punchbag whilst she was coming to terms with things, then once she got better from that her illness (something with her joints) flared up due to stress and depression and left her bed ridden for 4 months, so again it was down to me to take care of her. On top of that I've had to fit in university. During this  time I've dreaded getting out of bed, struggled to sleep, suffered panic attacks and hated human interaction. There have been times where I've thought about going to the doctors, but I always put it off, thinking that the doctor could be seeing someone in a worse position than I'm in rather than seeing me.

[Interpolic]

Not going to go into any amount of detail right now but I've had longstanding (yet on and off) issues with this myself, hence the reason I get f***ed off with the ignorant attitudes to it that are all over the shop.  The "pull yourself together" sentiment that you so often hear makes my blood boil.

[madras]

Not going to go into any amount of detail right now but I've had longstanding issues with this myself, hence the reason I get f***ed off with the ignorant attitudes to it that are all over the shop.  The "pull yourself together" sentiment that you so often hear makes my blood boil.

there are many for whom that advice is right, those who feel a bit down cos they're hard up or they've had an argument with the lass, however there are many many more for whom it is a clinical condition and that advice is really just taking the p*ss.

[Nobody]

Not going to go into any amount of detail right now but I've had longstanding issues with this myself, hence the reason I get f***ed off with the ignorant attitudes to it that are all over the shop.  The "pull yourself together" sentiment that you so often hear makes my blood boil.

It's quite clear where that attitude comes from though. Depression and anxiety is first of all something that we can understand if we've never experienced it. I'm lucky enough to not have had any experience from it whatsoever (neither me or anyone in my family or close friends, that I'm aware of anyway), and as it is such an intangible illness, it's easy to get that sort of attitude.
Absolutely not saying it's right, or that I share the opinions, but I can see where it comes from. I honestly think Speeds tragic death will be a bit of an eye opener as well, will hopefully make these people realise that it is an illness, and that it can happen to even a wealthy father of two who's got friends all over the world and not one person has a bad word to say about him.

[Nobody]

Sometimes I think I might suffer from it, I'm not sure. Like i've had panic attacks in the past, I also get insomnia quite a lot and then have periods where I can't wake up for s***. I never feel 'depressed' per se, like really sad about anything. I'll struggle to physically get up but I'll still do my work and stuff in bed. But I go through spells where I can't be bothered to pick up the phone/go out for a week or two. I don't really know, don't want to diagnose myself with something serious which might just be a mixture of standard anxiety/laziness/unsociableness.

Sounds similar to how I feel a lot of the time.

I had to go see a psychosomebullshitorother when I was 11/12 because I would get about 3 hours sleep a night and was constantly feeling stressed and rushed. That seemed to sort itself out in time and then my parents divorce a couple of years ago threw me off again. Being an only child meant that I was the middle man and felt the brunt of the break up. Essentially spent a year having to look after my mam whilst she suffered with depression, playing the role of an emotional punchbag whilst she was coming to terms with things, then once she got better from that her illness (something with her joints) flared up due to stress and depression and left her bed ridden for 4 months, so again it was down to me to take care of her. On top of that I've had to fit in university. During this  time I've dreaded getting out of bed, struggled to sleep, suffered panic attacks and hated human interaction. There have been times where I've thought about going to the doctors, but I always put it off, thinking that the doctor could be seeing someone in a worse position than I'm in rather than seeing me.

You should certainly go seek help mate, that logic of yours in the last post is so incredibly flawed. He might just as well be someone that is in a position that isn't anywhere near as bad as yours instead of seeing you, and there are hundreds of other reasons why you just can't think like that.

[Interpolic]

I think that if I'd not had any experience of depression then I'd not feel I had the right to make sweeping generalistic, ignorant comments on it.  I think I'd realise depression was a lot more complicated than feeling a bit down but people seem willing to over-simplify it based on perceptions that are a load of s****, frankly.

But there's also that "boy who cried wolf" thing where everyone seems to know someone who's taken the p*ss by staying off work with depression for a sustained period of time.  How often this is a genuine example of taking the p*ss is another issue.  Similar to the cheating of the benefits system this sort of thing creates resentment and ridicule that is widespread, and the people that are most vulnerable are forgotten about, and also more likely to just shut the f*** up and try their best to get on with it.

[Newcastle Fan]

My dad tried taking his own life earlier this year and has been suffering from OCD and depression for a while, its a horrible thing to see and its even worse when you can't really understand the way that person is thinking/feeling, you'd always assume that "if this was me i wouldn't.." but after a while you realise its something that they can't control and it just takes over their lives and controls them. what really scares me is that my dad used to be really normal back when he was my age and it just hit him. thats why whenever i read about people like Gary Speed there always comes the fear that this might happen to me  at one point, and its even worse when the person seems happy and succesfull in his life as i'm at a phase where i'm desperately seeking and working hard to have what they've got and to know i could lose it and take my life after i (hopefully) finally get it really puts me in a dark place. been feeling like s*** all day long.

[Dave]

My Dad was diagnosed with it a few years ago, when he felt he wasn't good enough to do his job any more. He was in tears telling us about his feelings, it destroyed me seeing him like that because he's not the emotional type let alone one I thought would ever doubt himself or end up with depression. Came as a huge shock.

The support (and medication) he received saw him through it though and he's loving life and work more than ever now. There are happy endings.

[Nobody]

I think that if I'd not had any experience of depression then I'd not feel I had the right to make sweeping generalistic, ignorant comments on it.  I think I'd realise depression was a lot more complicated than feeling a bit down but people seem willing to over-simplify it based on perceptions that are a load of s****, frankly.

With all due respect, just like I can't comment on how I'd feel had I had any experience with the disease, you can't say "I would do this and that if only". Like I said, it's incredibly hard for us to even begin to understand the illness as it's so intangible and something you can't see. I just don't think you've got any right to criticise people for not understanding something that often can't be understood.

[Rocker]

Not depression, but suffered with Health Anxiety and panic disorders since I was about 18, the year my Dad died.


Horrible and feel very lonely at times, even with everyone rallying around me.


On the right track now though, and only have the occasional lapse every now and then. Counselling helped. Never took the meds they gave me, always thought it was best to talk everything though.

[Interpolic]

I think that if I'd not had any experience of depression then I'd not feel I had the right to make sweeping generalistic, ignorant comments on it.  I think I'd realise depression was a lot more complicated than feeling a bit down but people seem willing to over-simplify it based on perceptions that are a load of s****, frankly.

With all due respect, just like I can't comment on how I'd feel had I had any experience with the disease, you can't say "I would do this and that if only". Like I said, it's incredibly hard for us to even begin to understand the illness as it's so intangible and something you can't see. I just don't think you've got any right to criticise people for not understanding something that often can't be understood.

That's not what I'm saying, I'm not criticising people for not understanding it.  I'm criticising people for dismissing it and ridiculing it.

And although I can't categorically say what my opinion of it would be without having directly experienced it, I can say with a high degree of confidence that I wouldn't dismiss it and ridicule it because it's not in my nature to be like that about anything, I'd sooner hold my tongue on it at worst.

[SuperShola!]

Sometimes I think I might suffer from it, I'm not sure. Like i've had panic attacks in the past, I also get insomnia quite a lot and then have periods where I can't wake up for s***. I never feel 'depressed' per se, like really sad about anything. I'll struggle to physically get up but I'll still do my work and stuff in bed. But I go through spells where I can't be bothered to pick up the phone/go out for a week or two. I don't really know, don't want to diagnose myself with something serious which might just be a mixture of standard anxiety/laziness/unsociableness.

Same, tbh.

[Bowie]

Nowt boils my p*ss more than when people sparingly use the term 'depressed' whenever they're having a s*** day or whatever. Really f***s me off.

[JH]

Never suffered it myself, but have a colleague/friend at work who lost her son earlier this year in similar cicurmstances to Speed.

It's been a really tough day. It just brings it all back.

[madras]

Never suffered it myself, but have a colleague/friend at work who lost her son earlier this year in similar cicurmstances to Speed.

It's been a really tough day. It just brings it all back.

but we dont know what speeds circumstances are.

[ElDiablo]

Diagnosed with it when I was around 12. Teen years, especially 13-15 were pretty tough (on more than just me). Last major episode was November 2009, though, so doing OK, managed to get off to Uni since then so it's nice to know it hasn't completely ruled my life (and therefore, might not in the future).

Still obliged to take medication though (Venlafaxine 225mg), but I'm hoping to come off it within the next year.

Anything like what's happened yesterday always scares me though. Thinking the same might happen to me at some point. Bit morbid really.

[JH]

Never suffered it myself, but have a colleague/friend at work who lost her son earlier this year in similar cicurmstances to Speed.

It's been a really tough day. It just brings it all back.

but we dont know what speeds circumstances are.

I meant a seemingly happy man with family, wife, kids and job hanging himself.

[madras]

Never suffered it myself, but have a colleague/friend at work who lost her son earlier this year in similar cicurmstances to Speed.

It's been a really tough day. It just brings it all back.

but we dont know what speeds circumstances are.

I meant a seemingly happy man with family, wife, kids and job hanging himself.

oh right, sorry.

[mrmojorisin75]

my mum was diagnosed with depression/anxiety last year, totally out of the blue - she was coming over to asia to visit us (first time to see her granddaughter) and stopped sleeping and s*** in the weeks before it, apparently she was just worrying about random aspects of the long journey and it got on top of her, she called me at 4am the day she was due to come and said she couldn't make it then did the same thing again a few months later

on a personal note i go into massive bleak patches myself, total gloom that i find it hard to get out of and often there's nothing that triggers it...been the same since i was a kid but i somehow always manage to just keep ploughing on and come out the other side, never seen anyone about it

[Northerngimp]

Nearly done myself in while I was in my early 20s, had no job, felt like I had no prospects, left school with no qualifications, was on the dole and the lass I was seeing finished me.  I was in a pretty bad way, was a bit drunk one night, picked up some of my old mans pills and necked a s*** load of them...luckily for me they were nothing serious.

Told my old man who was "whoooaaa WTF" 

Went to the doctors and they were equally shocked but from that moment I think I scared myself that I could have actually ended it all,

[Beren]

Nearly done myself in while I was in my early 20s, had no job, felt like I had no prospects, left school with no qualifications, was on the dole and the lass I was seeing finished me.  I was in a pretty bad way, was a bit drunk one night, picked up some of my old mans pills and necked a s*** load of them...luckily for me they were nothing serious.

Told my old man who was "whoooaaa WTF" 

Went to the doctors and they were equally shocked but from that moment I think I scared myself that I could have actually ended it all,

Without the distinct intention of not sounding or being dickish, but for those of you have experienced depression - what turned it around for you? Was it circumstances in your life changing, or your attitude/perspective on said circumstances/life/everything? [Not just you Gimp, but others too].

I'm aware that for some it never fully goes away and is an reoccurring/intermittent part of the lives of many.

[La Parka]

I've suffered with depression twice in the last few years, with the second episode being much worse than the first. Its kinda still there from day to day in different forms, but I've started to notice things when it could become a problem and take action to solve the issues which may be causing it. Funnily enough my second episode happened at the most stable part of my life, when I'd moved in with my future wife, had a solid job etc, so it is not always social circumstances that determines how depression can take hold.

I still suffer with anxiety, and it is all tied up with over thinking every situation and automatically jumping to the worst conclusion possible. If I think about things in the right frame of mind then I usually come to a conclusion that doesn't affect my mood, however sometimes its like I get stuck in a hole and I just get more and more negative, which leads to depressive thoughts. For example if my missus can't sleep she will not worry about it, and just relax and will eventually fall asleep. I'll lie there thinking that I'm never going to get to sleep, and that I'm gonna be useless at work the next day, if I dont sleep i will make a mistake etc.

I have managed these thoughts with the support of my wife to be, a bit of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and a bit of Counselling. My missus kinda made me realise a lot of what was getting me down was created by myself, and that only I can determine my reactions to events which happen. Once I kept that thought in my head I managed to turn in around. The medications they gave me didn't seem to help and the side effects were worse.