Evening all.
Been a while, hope everyone is OK? I'd given up on NUFC and felt I had no choice to walk away from the forum since Bruce signed, but a recent incident has triggered actions and part of that was to reestablish communication and help lines that i'd closed off. What good is a football forum? Well, it was the beginning of me seeking help; most likely my world would have fallen completely apart had I not, so you all have that on your CV and me to thank you for.
Anyway, so after a month off work in the summer and new medication I've been doing canny. I went and did 8 weeks of group CBT, then when that ended I started a 1-2-1 ongoing sessions (I was a risk still) with the same therapist which is getting deeper, harder and subjects more difficult to talk through. I also attend a group session on weds night for people dealing with depression, so have a lot of options working for me. Still though, wasn't enough a few Friday's ago, was left alone as family were away, no one to talk to and well, shocked myself a little...It was crazy, had a tough day at work, real shitter, but plan was to pick the bairn up, spend an hour with him before dropping him off at his Aunties. I did this, but as soon as the car door shut and the silence kicked in my mood dropped off a cliff, sitting in my car and 1st thought was to just drive in a straight line and in over the edge of the fishquay. I was p*ssed at myself, so went for the easy option: Avoidance. Alcohol. From there a blur. I do remember crying, first time since 25 June, the day i went in to the docs.
Since going back to work its been a steady climb up as well, though struggle hard with random drops in mood, like the one above but usually I have someone to talk to, that weekend I didn't. Big issues such as my mam in for an op for breast cancer last week i've had no problem dealing with, probably as i so was pre-occupied with this and her recovery. All has gone well so back to concentrate on myself, with part of that being to open up former outlets such as this thread. I've also had a sit down with my partner to let her know what happened when she was away and that i've been hiding my feelings/thoughts since then.
It was discussed in therapy what else could i have done, one of them was come on here and talk, question was why couldn't I? Well, could hardly say...well i hate Steve Bruce & Mike Ashley, so i've left the forum and don't post any more
So said i'd jump back on and say hello.
Apart from that the other option was the Gym. I've signed up to a one closer to home. Member of work ones, but got to be there and most time i just want to get away from the building therefore new surroundings and in my own time, any time might help me better.
Well, that's me caught up, thanks for reading if you did. Again hope everyone is OK.
