Author Topic: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)  (Read 379979 times)

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firetotheworks

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6350 on: Monday 17 December 2018, 10:46:35 PM »
I saw a radio with a broken volume knob for a quid in a charity shop today. I thought 'I can't turn that down'

Offline newsted

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  • Everything Louder Than Everything Else. RIP Lemmy.
Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6351 on: Monday 17 December 2018, 10:56:56 PM »
:lol: FFS.
:) As you were.

Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6352 on: Monday 17 December 2018, 11:16:55 PM »
:lol:
And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make

Offline Incognito

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6353 on: Tuesday 18 December 2018, 12:19:52 PM »
😂
RIP gejon/cajun/ Jon Lockwood.

Proud to have made your acquaintance Sir.

Offline ToonArmy1892

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6354 on: Wednesday 19 December 2018, 11:19:09 AM »
Walking past a pet shop the other day and the owner comes out and asks if i want to buy this new thing, a talking centipede. So i think aye why not so i took it home and i thought i'm gonna test this out so i shook it's cage and asked it if it fancied going for a pint, no answer so i left it for an hour and tried again..shook the cage and asked if it wanted to go for a pint..no answer again..so i waited another half an hour and said to the Mrs if it doesn't answer this time i'm taking it back..so shook the cage and shouted MATE DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR A PINT?..and the thing shouted back "aye mate i heard you the first time i'm just putting me shoes on".

Offline Incognito

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6355 on: Tuesday 15 January 2019, 03:27:17 PM »
Religious extremists have blown up a sperm bank. Witnesses say there is a right commotion there.
RIP gejon/cajun/ Jon Lockwood.

Proud to have made your acquaintance Sir.

Offline Incognito

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6356 on: Saturday 9 March 2019, 05:16:51 PM »
Both Cream and The Jam were going to reunite for gigs in Devon and Cornwall this year, but the venues couldn't agree about who should go on first.
RIP gejon/cajun/ Jon Lockwood.

Proud to have made your acquaintance Sir.

Offline Hhtoon

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6357 on: Saturday 9 March 2019, 09:46:16 PM »
Who's the most popular person in a hospital?

The ultrasound guy!

Offline newsted

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  • Everything Louder Than Everything Else. RIP Lemmy.
Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6358 on: Sunday 10 March 2019, 08:24:24 AM »
:lol: Both good.
:) As you were.

Offline 54

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6359 on: Tuesday 26 March 2019, 05:58:03 PM »
What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran

Offline Si

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  • I dont handle change well.
Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6360 on: Tuesday 26 March 2019, 11:33:25 PM »
What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran

Alreet 1915 :lol:
Bearings Straight!

Offline Troll

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6361 on: Tuesday 26 March 2019, 11:38:02 PM »
:lol:  Is this thread Peter Beardsley's "joke book"?


Offline ToonArmy1892

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6362 on: Wednesday 27 March 2019, 01:33:00 AM »
f***s sake  :lol:

Offline Astroblack

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6363 on: Wednesday 27 March 2019, 03:04:09 AM »
 :lol: incredible.

Offline chopey

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6364 on: Tuesday 13 August 2019, 09:04:48 PM »
Knock Knock

Who's there ?

Europe

Europe Who ?

Your a Poo

(needs to be spoken to be funny)............out loud..................to a 10 year old.
Mike Ashley stole my 30's

Offline SheikhShearer

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6365 on: Tuesday 20 August 2019, 12:14:19 PM »
Last time I listened to Talking Heads I didn't like them, so I thought I'd give them another chance to see if my opinion of them had changed. Unfortunately it's the same as it ever was. The same as it ever was. The same as it ever was. The same as it ever was.

Offline Raconteur

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6366 on: Tuesday 20 August 2019, 12:28:07 PM »
Yep :thup: :lol:
Steve Bruce: Ashley Enabler.

"I have heard lots of nonsense about tactics but the big thing is about showing pride and having a go." 29/09/19

Offline Tyne81

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6367 on: Tuesday 20 August 2019, 03:03:59 PM »
A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked me if I would like to take part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.

I thought, f*** me, I might win this.

Offline samptime29

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6368 on: Tuesday 20 August 2019, 03:23:48 PM »
Who's the most popular person in a hospital?

The ultrasound guy!

My go to joke!  :lol:

Offline SheikhShearer

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6369 on: Tuesday 20 August 2019, 03:51:08 PM »
Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin' oats.

Offline BlueStar

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6370 on: Tuesday 20 August 2019, 06:50:13 PM »
Who's the most popular person in a hospital?

The ultrasound guy!

Who fills in on his day off?

The hip replacement guy.

Offline Si

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  • I dont handle change well.
Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6371 on: Wednesday 21 August 2019, 12:40:11 AM »
Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin' oats.

Yup like this  :lol:
Bearings Straight!

Offline SheikhShearer

  • General Member
Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6372 on: Wednesday 21 August 2019, 08:09:39 AM »
Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin' oats.

Yup like this  :lol:

It's a Neil Hamburger classic, one of his rare jokes that both makes sense and isn't just horribly offensive :lol:

Offline Bowie

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Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6373 on: Wednesday 21 August 2019, 08:21:02 AM »
Shouldn't it be a rhythm & blues band or something though? :lol:

Offline Bowie

  • General Member
Re: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)
« Reply #6374 on: Wednesday 21 August 2019, 08:22:01 AM »
Ah, is it because punk is like 'f*** everything and cause anarchy to everything including Hall & Oates?'