Newcastle-Online

General => Chat => Topic started by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 05:37:23 pm

Title: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread
Post by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 05:37:23 pm
Inspired to start this thread today, after the lastest in a long line of classics from my lass.


So, im just finishing work today about 1-30 , when she rings me, to tell me her meeting at st Nicks hospital has finished.
So i offer to pick her up.

She gets in the car, and without a hint of irony.

' This place is f***ing Mad!'

 ;D ;D ;D ;D



edit, to those who dont know, its a mental hospital.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on Friday 26 June 2009, 05:40:52 pm
"stalin? he's from Red Dwarf ain't he?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 26 June 2009, 05:58:22 pm
Last year:

"So, is Beckham playing for England?"

"Yeah, number 18 there"

"Ah, I thought he went off to play for America?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Friday 26 June 2009, 06:07:33 pm
"They have cars in Russia?!"

As we viewed the photos of our friends recent holiday.

About an hour later I went to the laptop and she had left the browser open after she'd finished with it. Was open on the wiki page entitled 'Russia'.

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: matta on Friday 26 June 2009, 06:07:46 pm
"can we watch something else"(kan vi ikke se på no anna?, in norwegian)


newcastle vs boro this year.


we're still together. crazy i know :)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Rocker on Friday 26 June 2009, 06:10:54 pm
Hope you brayed her  :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Friday 26 June 2009, 06:15:19 pm
To her mother: "you know james is catered? Well his dinners cost £4.50 a night, and if you add breakfasts onto that it's almost £40 a day!
Her mother: Do you not mean...a week?
Her: Nah, I worked it out before, it's £40 a day.

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Friday 26 June 2009, 06:16:51 pm
'Yes'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kaizero on Friday 26 June 2009, 06:20:18 pm
"If you don't start paying attention to me it's over."

Easiest break-up, ever.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:07:32 pm
What number do you wear when you play football on sunday ?

'11'

Is that 5 a side ?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:23:40 pm
"If you don't start paying attention to me it's over."

Easiest break-up, ever.

I hope you replied with:

"..... what?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:32:30 pm
'Yes'

Bet you'll update that in a year with "I do"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:34:43 pm
"Thats the wrong hole"

Yeah, I know. Your point?  :bluestar:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:37:37 pm
"Thats the wrong hole"

The girl from crazy golf?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:46:23 pm
"Thats the wrong hole"

The girl from crazy golf?
:) :)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:48:50 pm
She said something (can't remember what)
Me: Bollocks
Her (without even blinking): If I had bollocks I would teabag you!


Random bitch :lol:


Shop in town named "The Sandwich Shop"
Her: Do you think they sell sandwiches? (geniune question).
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Leazes1986 on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:51:49 pm
At the beach: "Is London on the other side of the water?"

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:54:15 pm
At the beach: "Is London on the other side of the water?"



 ;D ;D

what fking beach??
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Leazes1986 on Friday 26 June 2009, 07:55:39 pm
At the beach: "Is London on the other side of the water?"



 ;D ;D

what fking beach??

Shields  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:00:41 pm
At the beach: "Is London on the other side of the water?"



 ;D ;D

what fking beach??

Shields  :lol:



 :laugh:

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:04:23 pm
At the beach: "Is London on the other side of the water?"



 ;D ;D

what fking beach??

Shields  :lol:



 :laugh:



 :mackems:

I was gonna say you must be joking........ but that has to be true
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Leazes1986 on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:07:32 pm
At the beach: "Is London on the other side of the water?"



 ;D ;D

what fking beach??

Shields  :lol:



 :laugh:



 :mackems:

I was gonna say you must be joking........ but that has to be true

 :lol: f*** off, she's from Jarra  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TêteDeMaure on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:15:43 pm
You must have picked her up at Margie Suttons.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:19:12 pm
At the beach: "Is London on the other side of the water?"



 ;D ;D

what fking beach??

Shields  :lol:



 :laugh:



 :mackems:

I was gonna say you must be joking........ but that has to be true

 :lol: f*** off, she's from Jarra  :lol:

Really  :kasper:

15 years ago, I was seeing a lass from Jarra called A****

Anyhoo me and a mate were playing Sensible Soccer at mine, well, my parents house, where I lived, when she appeared, fully expected. Me and my mate were starting a game (me toon - him Liverpool) and she said "Don't mind me, I'll sit and watch....... who's in the red?"

To which my mate responded "me!"

"And who's in the black?"

 :frantic:

I do not lie!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Leazes1986 on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:37:22 pm
 :lol: To be fair wor lass is canny intelligent, she just comes out with some stupid f***ing questions. Hasn't got a clue about any sort of geography.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:39:25 pm
:lol: To be fair wor lass is canny intelligent, she just comes out with some stupid f***ing questions. Hasn't got a clue about any sort of geography.

"It took the children forty minutes to locate Canada on the map."

"Oh Marge, anyone could miss Canada. All tucked away down there!"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:40:46 pm
Mine said that Wales isn't a country.  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:40:47 pm
You must have picked her up at Margie Suttons.

 :lol:

We called it Maggie Buttons Mr. Manure............ yes.. I know it's Mr. Mora
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:41:47 pm
Mine said that Wales isn't a country.  :laugh:

If she can make that into some form of policy then I'll vote for her to be PM tbh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TêteDeMaure on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:45:14 pm
You must have picked her up at Margie Suttons.

 :lol:

We called it Maggie Buttons Mr. Manure............ yes.. I know it's Mr. Mora

Haha never heard it called Maggie Buttons like. Favourite insult in junior school that, came flooding back to me.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:45:30 pm
:lol: To be fair wor lass is canny intelligent, she just comes out with some stupid f***ing questions. Hasn't got a clue about any sort of geography.


you could be seeing my lass judging by that, come to think of it , where is she tonite :shifty:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:46:10 pm
I feel left out because my lass hasn't said anything funny enough to be posted in this thread  :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:47:09 pm
I feel left out because my lass hasn't said anything funny enough to be posted in this thread  :undecided:


give it time,  take her to a Zoo , never fails.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:47:11 pm
Mine said that Wales isn't a country.  :laugh:

If she can make that into some form of policy then I'll vote for her to be PM tbh.

Woahh there Mr. Pilko!  Without Wales, we wouldn't have sheepskin jackets, liver, lamb, or a team that has a chance in the four nations.... normally!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Friday 26 June 2009, 08:52:35 pm
I feel left out because my lass hasn't said anything funny enough to be posted in this thread  :undecided:


give it time,  take her to a Zoo , never fails.

Her inability to grasp of the offside rule is fairly funny but not funny enough.

Right off to Edinburgh Zoo we go.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:06:25 pm
This thread has got me paranoid that I say daft things.  :no:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:13:12 pm
This thread has got me paranoid that I say daft things.  :no:


you do, ive read your posts.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:17:53 pm
This thread has got me paranoid that I say daft things.  :no:


you do, ive read your posts.

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:24:59 pm
Mine said that Wales isn't a country.  :laugh:

If she can make that into some form of policy then I'll vote for her to be PM tbh.

I don't think Tooj would shag PM like, but you never know.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:30:26 pm
Mine said that Wales isn't a country.  :laugh:

If she can make that into some form of policy then I'll vote for her to be PM tbh.

I don't think Tooj would shag PM like, but you never know.

:laugh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:30:34 pm
My ex lass once said in front of my dad 'Michael, have you shown your dad your hole?' It was the first time they met aswell.

The reason being that I had earlier in the day tried pulling a wall plug out of the wall and it had left a massive hole. My dad just went 'Should I go out and come back in?'

Not my lass, but a lass mate asked which country Lescott was from whilst watching an England match.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:39:24 pm
My ex lass once said in front of my dad 'Michael, have you shown your dad your hole?' It was the first time they met aswell.

The reason being that I had earlier in the day tried pulling a wall plug out of the wall and it had left a massive hole. My dad just went 'Should I go out and come back in?'

Not my lass, but a lass mate asked which country Lescott was from whilst watching an England match.

Don't know why but that one tickled me in particular for some reason  ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:40:20 pm
My ex lass once said in front of my dad 'Michael, have you shown your dad your hole?' It was the first time they met aswell.

The reason being that I had earlier in the day tried pulling a wall plug out of the wall and it had left a massive hole. My dad just went 'Should I go out and come back in?'

Not my lass, but a lass mate asked which country Lescott was from whilst watching an England match.

Don't know why but that one tickled me in particular for some reason  ;D

Racist.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:41:33 pm
My ex lass once said in front of my dad 'Michael, have you shown your dad your hole?' It was the first time they met aswell.

The reason being that I had earlier in the day tried pulling a wall plug out of the wall and it had left a massive hole. My dad just went 'Should I go out and come back in?'

Not my lass, but a lass mate asked which country Lescott was from whilst watching an England match.

Don't know why but that one tickled me in particular for some reason  ;D

Racist.

I cant be racists I know 2 Lescott coloured people.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:44:29 pm
My ex lass once said in front of my dad 'Michael, have you shown your dad your hole?' It was the first time they met aswell.

The reason being that I had earlier in the day tried pulling a wall plug out of the wall and it had left a massive hole. My dad just went 'Should I go out and come back in?'

Not my lass, but a lass mate asked which country Lescott was from whilst watching an England match.

Don't know why but that one tickled me in particular for some reason  ;D

Racist.

I cant be racists I know 2 Lescott coloured people.

What country are they from?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Friday 26 June 2009, 09:45:42 pm
My ex lass once said in front of my dad 'Michael, have you shown your dad your hole?' It was the first time they met aswell.

The reason being that I had earlier in the day tried pulling a wall plug out of the wall and it had left a massive hole. My dad just went 'Should I go out and come back in?'

Not my lass, but a lass mate asked which country Lescott was from whilst watching an England match.

Don't know why but that one tickled me in particular for some reason  ;D

Racist.

I cant be racists I know 2 Lescott coloured people.

What country are they from?

Wales  :kinnear:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: midds on Friday 26 June 2009, 10:36:34 pm
Cath doesn't say stupid things. :hmm:

However, I managed to convince a couple of retards at work that you could buy 'diet chickens' rather than normal ones.  ???
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 26 June 2009, 10:59:07 pm
Cath doesn't say stupid things. :hmm:

She was stood right beside you whilst your typed that, wasn't she?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:03:57 pm
Cath doesn't say stupid things. :hmm:

She was stood right beside you whilst your typed that, wasn't she?

defo, in the room.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:08:41 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:10:32 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:18:55 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:20:21 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



Bloody amateurs. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:23:10 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: midds on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:27:19 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Exactly.  :celb:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:29:49 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Friday 26 June 2009, 11:30:34 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Exactly.  :celb:

Let them think they're in charge :pow: is what you said, I definately didn't say it
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Saturday 27 June 2009, 01:39:13 am
despite being born and bred in newcastle the wife thought the high level bridge was actually called the eye level bridge as it's about eye level when you approach it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 27 June 2009, 07:28:50 am
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



Bloody amateurs. :lol: :lol: :lol:


reads like an episode of the likely lads,
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 27 June 2009, 09:10:03 am
Cath doesn't say stupid things. :hmm:

However, I managed to convince a couple of retards at work that you could buy 'diet chickens' rather than normal ones.  ???

Where from?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Leazes1986 on Saturday 27 June 2009, 04:48:54 pm
Came out with another today.

Her: "I thought Shields town hall was above Shields library"

Me: "Are you joking you nutter? You've passed it millions of times"

Her: "You mean the one with the big clock on it?"

Me: "Aye"

Her: "I thought that was a big church"

Me : "Oh for f*** sake"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Saturday 27 June 2009, 06:15:10 pm
The Man U Barcelona Champs league final

"who is that really good player for bacelona, Ronaldo Jessi?"

"You mean Lionel Messi?"

"yeah him"

 :kinnear:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Saturday 27 June 2009, 07:22:55 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:

I never needed permission to go.  :buck2:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Saturday 27 June 2009, 07:52:19 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:

I never needed permission to go.  :buck2:

Funny thing is - neither did midds! They concocted this whole elaborate explanation/plan and I actually suggested he should go before he got a chance to use it :lol:

Plus, I'm off out for beer with an old mate of mine in a couple of weeks when he visits Newcastle so it works both ways :)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Saturday 27 June 2009, 07:55:14 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:

I never needed permission to go.  :buck2:

Funny thing is - neither did midds! They concocted this whole elaborate explanation/plan and I actually suggested he should go before he got a chance to use it :lol:

Plus, I'm off out for beer with an old mate of mine in a couple of weeks when he visits Newcastle so it works both ways :)

Thats a lush av Cat....   or Catav, sister of Satnav........ffs

Anyhoo, who is it?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: McCormick on Saturday 27 June 2009, 08:38:27 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:

I never needed permission to go.  :buck2:

Funny thing is - neither did midds! They concocted this whole elaborate explanation/plan and I actually suggested he should go before he got a chance to use it :lol:

Plus, I'm off out for beer with an old mate of mine in a couple of weeks when he visits Newcastle so it works both ways :)

Thats a lush av Cat....   or Catav, sister of Satnav........ffs

Anyhoo, who is it?

:lol: You're not serious?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Saturday 27 June 2009, 08:40:36 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:

I never needed permission to go.  :buck2:

Funny thing is - neither did midds! They concocted this whole elaborate explanation/plan and I actually suggested he should go before he got a chance to use it :lol:

Plus, I'm off out for beer with an old mate of mine in a couple of weeks when he visits Newcastle so it works both ways :)

Thats a lush av Cat....   or Catav, sister of Satnav........ffs

Anyhoo, who is it?

:lol: You're not serious?

Have I ever been? :razz:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Saturday 27 June 2009, 09:00:11 pm
My missus has just been watching Glastonbury on BBC 4. Neil Young's on.  She says, look at the old man having to sit down to play the guitar - he must be a canny age?

This is about the Peddle steel guitarist. FFS.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Saturday 27 June 2009, 09:06:35 pm
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:

I never needed permission to go.  :buck2:

Funny thing is - neither did midds! They concocted this whole elaborate explanation/plan and I actually suggested he should go before he got a chance to use it :lol:

Plus, I'm off out for beer with an old mate of mine in a couple of weeks when he visits Newcastle so it works both ways :)

Thats a lush av Cat....   or Catav, sister of Satnav........ffs

Anyhoo, who is it?

Dunno. Found him in a cabbage patch and brought him home...

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 28 June 2009, 12:23:02 am
You lot are all so wrong.  Midds is in charge in that house. :nods:

He absolutely is. He is as much in charge in this house as LLLO is in his.

Which is why they recently had to hatch an elaborate plan in order to go and see a band, both hoping that neither myself nor LLLO's lovely wife would speak to each other and figure out what they had done...



But are we going? :snod:

Of course you're going! You're going because we're lovely, wonderful, perfect women and we said you were allowed! :lol:

I never needed permission to go.  :buck2:

Funny thing is - neither did midds! They concocted this whole elaborate explanation/plan and I actually suggested he should go before he got a chance to use it :lol:

Plus, I'm off out for beer with an old mate of mine in a couple of weeks when he visits Newcastle so it works both ways :)

Thats a lush av Cat....   or Catav, sister of Satnav........ffs

Anyhoo, who is it?

Dunno. Found him in a cabbage patch and brought him home...


aye we done that once. drunk on the way back from the pub. it leaked something rotten so we tried to take it back but they wouldn't exchange without a receipt.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Newcastle Fan on Sunday 28 June 2009, 12:38:04 am
"What the hell is Newcastle, is that even a real team?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 28 June 2009, 12:56:47 am
"What the hell is Newcastle, is that even a real team?
i trust your reply was "tell me when i'm in,it's like a wellie top"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Theregulars on Sunday 28 June 2009, 01:59:42 pm
"The bombing of Konichiwa"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 9 September 2009, 07:39:29 pm
My lass has just said we should get Fabio capello to manage the Toon.

I explained he was to up market for us, that he would only manage a national side , or a Champions leagu side.

so she says... I thought we were in the champions league now. ;D


championship Pet, .. sounds similar,  2 divisions Below ( sort of)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ZeRoE on Wednesday 9 September 2009, 10:31:50 pm
The lass ringing me on the house phone...

"Where Are You?"

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Chrissy Bee on Wednesday 9 September 2009, 11:17:44 pm
"Is Jackie Chan Bruce Lee's son?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: 2sheds on Wednesday 9 September 2009, 11:44:56 pm
My daughter was a bit peckish but she also needed a shower.

To resolve the dilemma my good lady gave her the following advice:

"Have your shower first THEN eat because it's dangerous to have a shower on a full stomach"

A classic even before you consider the double-entendre aspect of the line.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Allmo on Thursday 10 September 2009, 12:25:31 am
Before we went for a day trip to Edinburgh 'Do I need to take my passport to get into Scotland'

Another was 'Do Egg plants grow on tree's? ' 

She's honestly quite a smart bird as well.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: kingdawson on Thursday 10 September 2009, 12:27:13 am
My ex was pretty smart but made the occasional stupid comment. I remember when i was watching Spurs vs Chelsea the season before last...

Ex - "Are you lot playing Chelsea?"

Me - "yeh"

Ex - "Is Lampard playing"

Me - "yeh"

Ex - "is Drogba"

Me - "yeh"

Ex - "Drogba's ugly but he's got a nice body"

Me - "Ok"

Ex - "What about his brother? is he playing"

Me - "what? he hasn't got a brother that plays for Chelsea"

Ex - "Kalou or something"

Me- "ummm they're not brothers, they have different surnames"

Ex - "soo? one of them could be married or something"


 :facepalm:


I felt to throw her out the house there and then.




Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jay Jay Sea on Thursday 10 September 2009, 02:39:59 pm
Wife - 'Why do you want to hurt me Big Daddy?

Me (Big Daddy) - 'Why do I want to hurt you? What kinda f*cking question is that you stupid bitch'?

Wife - 'Please don't hurt me Daddy, we love you Big Daddy, you know we do, I love you Big Daddy. Please don't hurt me again by getting all mad and irrational Big Daddy'

Me - 'Irrational? Me? F*cking irrational. Stupid f*cking bitch'

SILENCE...THUD....SCREAMS....SILENCE

Wife - (through severed lip and broken jaw) 'I deserved that didn't I Big Daddy?'

Me - 'Shut your mouth you f*cking pig'

Wife - 'But I wanted to suck you off for not beating me up that much and I am grateful that I will have to take in my food for the next 3 months via a straw and that I am not on a life-support machine'

Me - 'Yeah, bitch. Next time, It'll be different. I'll will not relent'

Wife - 'Ok master, I can (spitting blood and loose teeth with mascara running down her face) call you master can't I Big Daddy'

Me - 'Yeah, now button it whore'

Mistress - Ok Master, you wanna come up stairs?'

Me - 'F*ck you too bitch. Now get your laughing gear around my snake, he's spitting and ready to roast ya'

Mistress 'Your hurting me'

Me - 'Why don't you women ever shut the f*ck up'?

Wife & Mistress (simultaneously) - 'We are sorry Master'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 10 September 2009, 03:28:42 pm
Wife - 'Why do you want to hurt me Big Daddy?

Me (Big Daddy) - 'Why do I want to hurt you? What kinda f*cking question is that you stupid bitch'?

Wife - 'Please don't hurt me Daddy, we love you Big Daddy, you know we do, I love you Big Daddy. Please don't hurt me again by getting all mad and irrational Big Daddy'

Me - 'Irrational? Me? F*cking irrational. Stupid f*cking bitch'

SILENCE...THUD....SCREAMS....SILENCE

Wife - (through severed lip and broken jaw) 'I deserved that didn't I Big Daddy?'

Me - 'Shut your mouth you f*cking pig'

Wife - 'But I wanted to suck you off for not beating me up that much and I am grateful that I will have to take in my food for the next 3 months via a straw and that I am not on a life-support machine'

Me - 'Yeah, bitch. Next time, It'll be different. I'll will not relent'

Wife - 'Ok master, I can (spitting blood and loose teeth with mascara running down her face) call you master can't I Big Daddy'

Me - 'Yeah, now button it whore'

Mistress - Ok Master, you wanna come up stairs?'

Me - 'F*ck you too bitch. Now get your laughing gear around my snake, he's spitting and ready to roast ya'

Mistress 'Your hurting me'

Me - 'Why don't you women ever shut the f*ck up'?

Wife & Mistress (simultaneously) - 'We are sorry Master'

 :kasper:

What you been taking?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Gorilla on Thursday 10 September 2009, 03:33:57 pm
Wife - 'Why do you want to hurt me Big Daddy?

Me (Big Daddy) - 'Why do I want to hurt you? What kinda f*cking question is that you stupid bitch'?

Wife - 'Please don't hurt me Daddy, we love you Big Daddy, you know we do, I love you Big Daddy. Please don't hurt me again by getting all mad and irrational Big Daddy'

Me - 'Irrational? Me? F*cking irrational. Stupid f*cking bitch'

SILENCE...THUD....SCREAMS....SILENCE

Wife - (through severed lip and broken jaw) 'I deserved that didn't I Big Daddy?'

Me - 'Shut your mouth you f*cking pig'

Wife - 'But I wanted to suck you off for not beating me up that much and I am grateful that I will have to take in my food for the next 3 months via a straw and that I am not on a life-support machine'

Me - 'Yeah, bitch. Next time, It'll be different. I'll will not relent'

Wife - 'Ok master, I can (spitting blood and loose teeth with mascara running down her face) call you master can't I Big Daddy'

Me - 'Yeah, now button it whore'

Mistress - Ok Master, you wanna come up stairs?'

Me - 'F*ck you too bitch. Now get your laughing gear around my snake, he's spitting and ready to roast ya'

Mistress 'Your hurting me'

Me - 'Why don't you women ever shut the f*ck up'?

Wife & Mistress (simultaneously) - 'We are sorry Master'

 :kasper:

What you been taking?
It's what he hasn't thats the problem.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 10 September 2009, 03:37:43 pm
Maybe, just maybe.  :shifty:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: maybe_next_year on Sunday 13 September 2009, 10:38:57 am
"its only a game"  :kasper:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 13 September 2009, 10:45:21 am
Before we went for a day trip to Edinburgh 'Do I need to take my passport to get into Scotland'

Another was 'Do Egg plants grow on tree's? ' 

She's honestly quite a smart bird as well.

You sure it was her being stupid, rather than you failing to appreciate a bit of ironic humour?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 13 September 2009, 08:32:29 pm
Im pregnant. in 1994  :frantic:

Im pregnant. in 1997  :kasper:

Im pregnant. in 2000 :harry:


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 13 September 2009, 08:39:19 pm
"whats your pin number ?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 13 September 2009, 08:40:52 pm
"whats your pin number ?"


dunno forgot it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Sunday 13 September 2009, 08:41:03 pm
Im pregnant. in 1994  :frantic:

Im pregnant. in 1997  :kasper:

Im pregnant. in 2000 :harry:




:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 13 September 2009, 08:42:52 pm
"whats your pin number ?"


dunno forgot it.
so do i when she's around.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: maybe_next_year on Sunday 13 September 2009, 09:03:31 pm
" are you on that forum again?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: NE6 on Sunday 13 September 2009, 09:14:35 pm
Do you want me to suck it?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Sunday 13 September 2009, 09:18:31 pm
Do you want to come shopping with me?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 13 September 2009, 09:20:56 pm
" are you on that forum again?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Tuesday 15 September 2009, 09:27:37 pm
"Is South-Africa a real country?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jayson on Friday 18 September 2009, 08:18:41 pm
Explained to me other day that when people are in space, time works differently.
A year can pass down here, people in space experience it as something like 10 years. Or vice versa. She couldnt remember.

 :aww:

She also warned me to be careful tryna play with our cat because "what if it dislocates its knee shoulders or something".   :laugh2:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Tuesday 22 September 2009, 05:13:29 pm
Seems a reasonable place to put this:

Sound familiar?

A new sign in the bank lobby reads:

'Please note that this bank is installing new drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, male & female procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is likely to be true!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Apply hand brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine...
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of cheque book.
18. Re-check make-up.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 kms.
27. Release hand brake.
 :smug:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dokko on Tuesday 22 September 2009, 06:19:33 pm
'I'd have to be really drunk to try that'


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Leazes1986 on Tuesday 22 September 2009, 06:27:59 pm
"I've just found out at work tonight that Jarra isn't in Newcastle"

"Are Hamburgers the same as Beefburgers?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shearergol on Tuesday 22 September 2009, 06:51:22 pm
Explained to me other day that when people are in space, time works differently.
A year can pass down here, people in space experience it as something like 10 years. Or vice versa. She couldnt remember.

Technically, it does. You'd need to understand physics to understand why though.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: DoWorkSon on Wednesday 23 September 2009, 12:34:52 am
Seems a reasonable place to put this:

Sound familiar?

A new sign in the bank lobby reads:

'Please note that this bank is installing new drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, male & female procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is likely to be true!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Apply hand brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine...
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of cheque book.
18. Re-check make-up.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 kms.
27. Release hand brake.
 :smug:


that actually is probably 90% true for females!
:blush: lol
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jayson on Wednesday 23 September 2009, 12:58:12 am
Explained to me other day that when people are in space, time works differently.
A year can pass down here, people in space experience it as something like 10 years. Or vice versa. She couldnt remember.

Technically, it does. You'd need to understand physics to understand why though.

Time working differently in space, wasnt the dopey part of the post.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haris Vuckic on Wednesday 23 September 2009, 01:00:45 am
As in she think people perceive time differently in space.

e.g, a year feels like ten.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shearergol on Wednesday 23 September 2009, 11:44:33 am
Explained to me other day that when people are in space, time works differently.
A year can pass down here, people in space experience it as something like 10 years. Or vice versa. She couldnt remember.

Technically, it does. You'd need to understand physics to understand why though.

Time working differently in space, wasnt the dopey part of the post.

Oh. I ignored that part. D'oh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Fenham Mag on Wednesday 23 September 2009, 12:52:17 pm
"I've just found out at work tonight that Jarra isn't in Newcastle"

"Are Hamburgers the same as Beefburgers?"

Ive had this , we were at Leeds festival together and i got a burger from the food stand. Now my gf never eats beef as she thinks she'll get mad cow disease. Shes asks "Whats that?" and i said a Hamburger so she has a bite. The day later i said you do realise you ate beef yesterday and she said "No it was Hamburger made from Ham"  :mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Roger Kint on Wednesday 23 September 2009, 02:31:04 pm
"I've just found out at work tonight that Jarra isn't in Newcastle"

"Are Hamburgers the same as Beefburgers?"

If your lass is from jarra am willing to bet i know here haha ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lotus on Friday 25 September 2009, 10:10:06 am
When discussing the phonetic alphabet:

'Is s c for charlie?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lotus on Friday 25 September 2009, 10:23:17 am
I knew this Italian bird who used to manage a Starbucks and she was always complaining about one of her staff:

'Heee's sucha laazy bastaart. Heee take reeeeaaally long brrrreaks, i'ma gonna complayyne to the area manager about heeem, heee's always bloody skydiving during heeee's fag breaks!'

'I wouldn't say that if i were you...'

'Why, iiiit's troooo, fugging skydiving bastart!'

'I promise you he isn't'

'You don iven know 'im and you'rrrre defendin 'im! Fuiggin men!'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BlueStar on Friday 25 September 2009, 10:54:40 am
Of a poor start to the Fantasy Football season "It's a marathon, not a race."

"I've got some disposable aspirin" (Think she means dispersable.)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 25 September 2009, 03:05:26 pm
I knew this Italian bird who used to manage a Starbucks and she was always complaining about one of her staff:

'Heee's sucha laazy bastaart. Heee take reeeeaaally long brrrreaks, i'ma gonna complayyne to the area manager about heeem, heee's always bloody skydiving during heeee's fag breaks!'

'I wouldn't say that if i were you...'

'Why, iiiit's troooo, fugging skydiving bastart!'

'I promise you he isn't'

'You don iven know 'im and you'rrrre defendin 'im! Fuiggin men!'

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 25 September 2009, 05:59:18 pm
reversing out of a parking space the wife asked "whats behind me ?"

"your best years" i replied

she didn't laugh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 25 September 2009, 06:00:07 pm
reversing out of a parking space the wife asked "whats behind me ?"

"your best years" i replied

she didn't laugh.

:lol: Les Dawson would be proud, mate.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Friday 25 September 2009, 06:01:37 pm
reversing out of a parking space the wife asked "whats behind me ?"

"your best years" i replied

she didn't laugh.

You would've got a sharp f***ing slap from me for that.  :lol:

Oh and to my dearest boyfriend who often browses this forum... don't even f***ing think about it. :knuppel2:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 25 September 2009, 06:05:01 pm
reversing out of a parking space the wife asked "whats behind me ?"

"your best years" i replied

she didn't laugh.

You would've got a sharp f***ing slap from me for that.  :lol:

Oh and to my dearest boyfriend who often browses this forum... don't even f***ing think about it. :knuppel2:
i was giggling all the way home.

she still doesn't like it when after "being friendly" i tell her shes the oldest woman i've ever shagged. i'm just doing it often enough so that i'll stop doing it one day to get her worried.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Friday 25 September 2009, 06:47:00 pm
You sir are a f***ing role model.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 25 September 2009, 06:56:39 pm
reversing out of a parking space the wife asked "whats behind me ?"

"your best years" i replied

she didn't laugh.

:lol:

class.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 25 September 2009, 07:04:27 pm
reversing out of a parking space the wife asked "whats behind me ?"

"your best years" i replied

she didn't laugh.

You would've got a sharp f***ing slap from me for that.  :lol:

Oh and to my dearest boyfriend who often browses this forum... don't even f***ing think about it. :knuppel2:
i was giggling all the way home.

she still doesn't like it when after "being friendly" i tell her shes the oldest woman i've ever shagged. i'm just doing it often enough so that i'll stop doing it one day to get her worried.

:lol: f***ing hell.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Sunday 27 September 2009, 07:51:28 pm
Driving past the old empress at whitley bay (spanish city)

'I didn't realise whitley bay had a mosque'


f***ing beat that for thickness, jesus
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Sunday 27 September 2009, 07:57:02 pm
'Have you showed your dad your hole?'

When she first met my dad the day after I'd pulled a wall plug out of the wall and left a massive hole in it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Sunday 27 September 2009, 08:13:28 pm
Driving past the old empress at whitley bay (spanish city)

'I didn't realise whitley bay had a mosque'


f***ing beat that for thickness, jesus



And we have a winner..............
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Sunday 27 September 2009, 08:23:17 pm
Driving past the old empress at whitley bay (spanish city)

'I didn't realise whitley bay had a mosque'


f***ing beat that for thickness, jesus



And we have a winner..............

Honestly, i wish it wasn't true.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Sunday 27 September 2009, 09:13:11 pm
Driving past the old empress at whitley bay (spanish city)

'I didn't realise whitley bay had a mosque'


f***ing beat that for thickness, jesus

End of thread. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haris Vuckic on Sunday 27 September 2009, 09:24:41 pm
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Mowen on Tuesday 29 September 2009, 02:17:00 pm
Her - singing the Millenium prayer. Stops. What's that song you sing at New Years?

Me - you mean Auld Lang Syne?

Her - that's the one. How does it go?

Me - are you joking?

Her - no, how does it go?

Me - you were just singing it you idiot.

Her - Wow...I never realised it was to the tune of auld lang syne. I wondered how I knew the tune...that makes sense with the millenium part of the title too. Clever.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: NE6 on Tuesday 29 September 2009, 03:45:56 pm
Driving past the old empress at whitley bay (spanish city)

'I didn't realise whitley bay had a mosque'


f***ing beat that for thickness, jesus



And we have a winner..............

Honestly, i wish it wasn't true.

f***ing hell, thats the best to date like :)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Gorilla on Tuesday 29 September 2009, 03:53:42 pm
Lass "Is it in yet?"

Me "What?  Is in in yet, no"

Me "Boom, hows that?"

Lass  "My Kidneys hurt"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: icemanblue on Tuesday 29 September 2009, 04:22:08 pm
 :tumbleweed:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 29 September 2009, 06:05:52 pm
Lass "Is it in yet?"

Me "What?  Is in in yet, no"

Me "Boom, hows that?"

Lass  "My Kidneys hurt"
aye. some vibrators are far too big these days aren't they.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: DoWorkSon on Tuesday 29 September 2009, 06:16:31 pm
 ;D
nice one.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Geordiecunny on Thursday 1 October 2009, 01:21:28 am
Not a "girlfriend" but a friend of mine from college.
We convinced her that if you go to the tobacco counter at tesco, they will sell you a gun if you know the special password.
We also convinced her- upon commenting that the people in metal hammer magazine look ill- that it was actually a sort of argos catalogue for buying corpses.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heneage on Thursday 1 October 2009, 01:59:08 am
Lass "Is it in yet?"

Me "What?  Is in in yet, no"

Me "Boom, hows that?"

Lass  "My Kidneys hurt"
Can you not parallel park like?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Sunday 4 October 2009, 12:44:28 pm
Our friend James: We'll have to go for a pint in Tom's later

Lass: We certainly will (strongly emphasising the word certainly for no apparent reason)

James: We CERTAINLY will.

Lass: Huh?

James: The way you emphasise certainly, you're just like your mother.

Lass: Well, at least we know I'm not adopted.

James (who was adopted): Yeah, God forbid.

:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: CarlaNUFC on Tuesday 6 October 2009, 01:02:38 am
I feel for all your lassies! :lol:

I had a "blonde" moment myself recently when i was in the car with the BF and i seen a shop that had a sign saying  CAR PETS

 so i said " awwww that's well cute, a pet for your car"

I didnt notice it was actually a flooring shop with a lampost was dividing the sign  :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: DoWorkSon on Tuesday 6 October 2009, 04:45:50 am
a pet for your car??
who does that!
lol
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Tuesday 6 October 2009, 07:59:49 am
Rover?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: CarlaNUFC on Tuesday 6 October 2009, 02:02:35 pm
a pet for your car??
who does that!
lol

I thought it was the wee plastic dogs with the bobbing head! :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:22:53 pm
Whilst watching Eastenders she sees the guy playing the local GP...

(http://primetime.unrealitytv.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/adam-croasdell-239x300.jpg)

and she pipes up: "Phwoar! I wouldn't mind having a doctor like that. See if I had a doctor like that I'd be having a lot more smear tests a more often I can tell ya"

Oh, the joy. :hmm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:23:32 pm
No way he's a doctor ffs, he's too young and nice to everyone. Most of them are boring old farts who think you're there to waste their time.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:25:12 pm
No way he's a doctor ffs, he's too young and nice to everyone. Most of them are boring old farts who think you're there to waste their time.

I had all of this with Clooney in his ER years, you know. This medical thing seems to be a recurring theme. :huff:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:26:17 pm
Pm me a pic, and i might change my name to DR40
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:26:49 pm
Pm me a pic, and i might change my name to DR40

f*** off. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:27:10 pm
Whilst watching Eastenders she sees the guy playing the local GP...

(http://primetime.unrealitytv.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/adam-croasdell-239x300.jpg)

and she pipes up: "Phwoar! I wouldn't mind having a doctor like that. See if I had a doctor like that I'd be having a lot more smear tests a more often I can tell ya"

Oh, the joy. :hmm:

Thats him off American Pie man!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:40:40 pm
No way he's a doctor ffs, he's too young and nice to everyone. Most of them are boring old farts who think you're there to waste their time.

I had all of this with Clooney in his ER years, you know. This medical thing seems to be a recurring theme. :huff:

Maybe she wants someone who can clear her yeast infection before boning her.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:43:42 pm
No way he's a doctor ffs, he's too young and nice to everyone. Most of them are boring old farts who think you're there to waste their time.

I had all of this with Clooney in his ER years, you know. This medical thing seems to be a recurring theme. :huff:

Maybe she wants someone who can clear her yeast infection before boning her.

Hmmm...I just thought that was Marmite.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:47:02 pm
Jesus f***ing Christ.

(http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/2135/emotbarf.gif)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heneage on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:48:04 pm
Our Doctor is quite young.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 9 October 2009, 08:56:13 pm
Jesus f***ing Christ.

(http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/2135/emotbarf.gif)

So do you reckon I overdid it there a bit, then? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SupermacTheLegend on Friday 9 October 2009, 10:00:39 pm
Lass: Can moths talk?

Me: Yeah babe, they can talk.

Lass: Cool, can we get one?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 9 October 2009, 11:44:25 pm
Jesus f***ing Christ.

(http://img101.imageshack.us/img101/2135/emotbarf.gif)

So do you reckon I overdid it there a bit, then? :lol:

Na, I just f***ing hate Marmite.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Roger Kint on Saturday 10 October 2009, 11:59:58 am
Our Doctor is quite young.

So is mine, shes also rather fit :-*
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BlueStar on Sunday 11 October 2009, 03:28:13 pm
In quick succession, upon walking into a pub - Me: Smells fishy in here. Her: Yeah, i thought it was just me. Followed by Her: I can't wait to go to york, haven't been since i was a kid. Me: We went to york last year. Her: (like i'm an idiot) No we didn't, that was york... I'm talking about durham.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BlueStar on Sunday 11 October 2009, 03:29:44 pm
And just now 'Have you just slagged me off on your mobile on that message board where i'm not on it and cant reply?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 11 October 2009, 03:30:20 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 16 October 2009, 08:17:31 pm
I told my lass about being invited to my mates stag do next year and she said "Its fine as long as you don't do a Gately" not sure if she means the gay sex or apparently drinking myself to death :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Friday 16 October 2009, 08:21:33 pm
I told my lass about being invited to my mates stag do next year and she said "Its fine as long as you don't do a Gately" not sure if she means the gay sex or apparently drinking myself to death :lol:

 :lol:  Both on the cards I take it?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 16 October 2009, 08:23:55 pm
I told my lass about being invited to my mates stag do next year and she said "Its fine as long as you don't do a Gately" not sure if she means the gay sex or apparently drinking myself to death :lol:

 :lol:  Both on the cards I take it?

Knowing me probably.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 16 October 2009, 08:38:59 pm
and...

8:30pmWendy

what video is christiann meaning

8:30pmJon
2 girls one cup

DONT WATCH IT!

8:31pmWendy
:-( dont want u watching things like that

8:31pmJon
you really dont want to watch it!

8:32pmWendy
whats your status mean

stop watching porn

8:32pmJon
what? I'm not watching porn :D

8:34pmWendy
thats really sick.

probably the worst thing i have ever seen

8:35pmJon
Wendy is no longer online. The following was not sent:

shouldn't have watched it! (send as a message)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Friday 16 October 2009, 08:43:05 pm
:lol:

Well played.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Friday 16 October 2009, 08:43:31 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Friday 16 October 2009, 10:39:02 pm
Jon has finally been tamed. It's a sad day for us all.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 18 October 2009, 06:54:11 pm
shes just seen David Coultherd on the F1 , and asked if it was Micheal Makkashu.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 09:01:57 pm
Talking about Gary Neville's red card last night, she asked what the part of your leg that shinpads protect is called.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 09:27:25 pm
Talking about Gary Neville's red card last night, she asked what the part of your leg that shinpads protect is called.

She probably meant the latin anatomical name, David.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cronky on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 09:56:58 pm
Suggested that the F1 drivers with the fastest qualifying times should start from the back of the grid, to even things up.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 10:16:39 pm
Before we went for a day trip to Edinburgh 'Do I need to take my passport to get into Scotland'

Another was 'Do Egg plants grow on tree's? ' 

She's honestly quite a smart bird as well.

Actually, if you go by plane, then yes you (not that if you live in Newcastle you woud go by plane, but elsewhere in the UK people do)

And in a few years, if the SNP you may have to.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 10:19:54 pm
Before we went for a day trip to Edinburgh 'Do I need to take my passport to get into Scotland'

Another was 'Do Egg plants grow on tree's? ' 

She's honestly quite a smart bird as well.

Actually, if you go by plane, then yes you (not that if you live in Newcastle you woud go by plane, but elsewhere in the UK people do)

And in a few years, if the SNP you may have to.

You'll not get in unless you can prove you can trace your family back to before the Act of Union in 1707. :smug:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 11:19:48 pm
'You've got the same birthday as Obafemi Martins!? Ah class, I thought it was just the same date of birth. '



Beyond.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 11:21:24 pm
'You've got the same birthday as Obafemi Martins!? Ah class, I thought it was just the same date of birth. '



Beyond.

What's it mean, ffs? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Wednesday 28 October 2009, 11:33:00 pm
'You've got the same birthday as Obafemi Martins!? Ah class, I thought it was just the same date of birth. '



Beyond.

What's it mean, ffs? :lol:

It wasnt my lass like, but I reminded them that it's also Oba's birthday today, to which they replied 'ah class, i thought you just had the same date of birth.' which of course means that we have the same birthday, in fact we have the same birthday and were both born in 1984.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 29 October 2009, 07:21:18 am
Suggested that the F1 drivers with the fastest qualifying times should start from the back of the grid, to even things up.


wow, saturday qualifying would be interesting as they crawled round in 1st gear to finish last. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 7 November 2009, 11:24:21 pm
she asked tonight watching SSN why we didnt get 2 goals when Nolan Booted the ball into the open net after Carol had scored.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Saturday 7 November 2009, 11:28:02 pm
she asked tonight watching SSN why we didnt get 2 goals when Nolan Booted the ball into the open net after Carol had scored.
and it's her boss you went killed ?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Saturday 7 November 2009, 11:28:21 pm
she asked tonight watching SSN why we didnt get 2 goals when Nolan Booted the ball into the open net after Carol had scored.

Is she Alan Partridge?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Saturday 7 November 2009, 11:32:59 pm
BACK OF THE NET.. X2

Works for me.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 7 November 2009, 11:34:07 pm
BACK OF THE NET.. X2

Works for me.


it would be canny tho, if you cud get more than one , the scrambles in the goalmouth would be great.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 8 November 2009, 04:14:45 pm
We have started watching Prison Break (well I have seen up to season 4 but started again for her) and she woke up last night saying "Don't stab me". She reckons she cant remember saying it but says she had dreams about Prison Break last night, as long as she isn't dreaming about that Wentworth Miller f***er!  :angry:

















He's mine!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 8 November 2009, 04:52:32 pm
The stupid things my lass has heard me say (well just the one actually).

When I was asleep a while back, my lass says I quite clearly said "LOVELY BOYS".  That's bad, isn't it?  I don't know why I'm admitting that on here but I tend to tell pretty much everyone about it because I think it's quite funny.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Sunday 8 November 2009, 04:56:29 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 8 November 2009, 04:59:35 pm
The stupid things my lass has heard me say (well just the one actually).

When I was asleep a while back, my lass says I quite clearly said "LOVELY BOYS".  That's bad, isn't it?  I don't know why I'm admitting that on here but I tend to tell pretty much everyone about it because I think it's quite funny.

You play with kids.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Sunday 8 November 2009, 05:01:30 pm
I'm laughing about it still. f***ing hell. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 8 November 2009, 05:05:44 pm
The stupid things my lass has heard me say (well just the one actually).

When I was asleep a while back, my lass says I quite clearly said "LOVELY BOYS".  That's bad, isn't it?  I don't know why I'm admitting that on here but I tend to tell pretty much everyone about it because I think it's quite funny.

You play with kids.

:lol:  Thanks for putting my mind at ease.

I'd never even thought about it from that perspective.  I presumed boys meant blokes, not children.  To be honest I hoped it was just the craziness of the human brain and that it was based on nothing whatsoever.  Or that I was like dreaming about being on Countdown or something.  A version of Countdown where you can say 2 words for an answer.  But nah, maybe it means I'm a pervert, something to ponder.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 8 November 2009, 05:11:58 pm
I would say there is a 90% chance of you being a nonce, out of interest have you ever had sex with a young boy/boys? Its normally a strong sign if you have.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 8 November 2009, 05:15:05 pm
I would say there is a 90% chance of you being a nonce, out of interest have you ever had sex with a young boy/boys? Its normally a strong sign if you have.

I haven't, no.  I considered saying that I had or something in order to play along with a charade, but then I realised that I had nothing to gain and everything to lose, so decided to nip it in the bud.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 8 November 2009, 05:16:28 pm
Yeah I am pretty bored of this now too, I am f***ing boring most of the time though so its probably best just to ignore anything I say in future.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Sunday 8 November 2009, 07:47:14 pm
Played the blaydon races today, she said "was that chaz n dave?"   :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 8 November 2009, 07:54:22 pm
Played the blaydon races today, she said "was that chaz n dave?"   :facepalm:

That new version by Whately, Nail and the little one from Auf Wiedersehn that was played at H/T yesterday actually does sound like Chas & Dave. A bit.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Monday 9 November 2009, 10:12:06 am
Played the blaydon races today, she said "was that chaz n dave?"   :facepalm:

That new version by Whately, Nail and the little one from Auf Wiedersehn that was played at H/T yesterday actually does sound like Chas & Dave. A bit.

I didn't play that version, I played the old music hall version on youtube.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tisd09 on Monday 9 November 2009, 02:13:11 pm
No so much what she said but how she said it and when.

After Wales v NZ on Saturday in a massive que for the train home some druken lads behind us. One takes a p*ss against the wall next minute "errrrr thats f***ing disgusting" from the mouth of my wife, everyone shuts up and the guy protests his innocence to which she replied I can still see it hanging out. I was dying at this stage. We were with another couple I'm trying to keep my piece and she is still shouting the odds at this bloke. Luckily for me and my mate these lads were a bit soft because they started turning it in to a joke and actually apologised to my wife. The point she made was fair but the number of times I told her to engage the brain before talking/acting I do not know.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Tuesday 10 November 2009, 01:00:51 am
The metro centre is so busy these days. I think that's why hardly anyone goes anymore.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 10 November 2009, 01:03:27 am
The metro centre is so busy these days. I think that's why hardly anyone goes anymore.

:lol:

Was that intentional, what you just said there?  As in do you realise that it makes no sense?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Greg on Tuesday 10 November 2009, 01:04:36 am
The metro centre is so busy these days. I think that's why hardly anyone goes anymore.

:lol:

Was that intentional, what you just said there?  As in do you realise that it makes no sense?

I presume that was the stupid thing his lass said.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Tuesday 10 November 2009, 01:05:22 am
The metro centre is so busy these days. I think that's why hardly anyone goes anymore.

:lol:

Was that intentional, what you just said there?  As in do you realise that it makes no sense?

Yeah that's the nature of the thread.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 10 November 2009, 01:08:38 am
The metro centre is so busy these days. I think that's why hardly anyone goes anymore.

:lol:

Was that intentional, what you just said there?  As in do you realise that it makes no sense?

Yeah that's the nature of the thread.

Bollocks, sorry mate.  :lol:  I thought you were replying to somebody earlier in thread going on about the Metrocentre.  Didn't realise you were quoting your lass.  That is a brilliant quote though.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: maybe_next_year on Friday 20 November 2009, 10:56:05 pm
got kicked out of bed for about 5 mins last night after arguing with her when she said;

" Jonathan Stead was way better than Michael Owen"

She's seen two football matches in her entire life, the man city on last year and a valencia match on tv this season....


mental at times
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 20 November 2009, 10:57:54 pm
got kicked out of bed for about 5 mins last night after arguing with her when she said;

" Jonathan Stead was way better than Michael Owen"

She's seen two football matches in her entire life, the man city on last year and a valencia match on tv this season....


mental at times

Why were you sleeping with Ronaldo?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 21 November 2009, 11:06:30 am
Was talking about Jim Carrey the other day with my lass and I said "I think he is Canadian actually" and she says "Most people are"  :undecided: couldn't really understand that but equally couldnt be arsed to ask. Althought it wouldn't surprise me if she has got Canada mixed up with Africa and the whole 'man originated from Africa" thing :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Saturday 21 November 2009, 10:19:51 pm
this is getting difficuilt now as it means listening.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: huss9 on Saturday 21 November 2009, 10:24:54 pm
do you have to go to the match on the 28th (swansea), do you not fancy helping me take the kids to their school disco?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Saturday 21 November 2009, 10:31:10 pm
Was talking about Jim Carrey the other day with my lass and I said "I think he is Canadian actually" and she says "Most people are"  :undecided: couldn't really understand that but equally couldnt be arsed to ask. Althought it wouldn't surprise me if she has got Canada mixed up with Africa and the whole 'man originated from Africa" thing :lol:

This post has me as confused as she had you!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Monday 23 November 2009, 04:39:15 pm
Not my lass, but heard a cracker last Saturday.

People were discussing cows for some reason (mostly because we're Irish, I suppose) and someone said something about Asian cows. One of the lads asked

"How exactly can you tell the cows are Asian?"

One of the girls responds in complete seriousness with

"They'd have narrow, sort of squinty eyes wouldn't they?"

:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Monday 23 November 2009, 07:32:49 pm
Sure that wasn't just a joke?

Who's the stupid one now? haha!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 05:38:27 pm
Shes just said about her Pitta bread  'what the f***s up with this' ...she didnt know that sometimes you have to cut the side to open them yourself, she thought hey came ready split.

 ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: S.S.R. on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 05:43:38 pm
The stupid things my lass has heard me say (well just the one actually).

When I was asleep a while back, my lass says I quite clearly said "LOVELY BOYS".  That's bad, isn't it?  I don't know why I'm admitting that on here but I tend to tell pretty much everyone about it because I think it's quite funny.

Could've been "Lovely, boys".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: indi on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 06:56:31 pm
The stupid things my lass has heard me say (well just the one actually).

When I was asleep a while back, my lass says I quite clearly said "LOVELY BOYS".  That's bad, isn't it?  I don't know why I'm admitting that on here but I tend to tell pretty much everyone about it because I think it's quite funny.

Could've been "Lovely, boys".

Or perhaps he's been possessed by the ghost of Windsor Davies?



Even though he's not dead.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 07:01:36 pm
The stupid things my lass has heard me say (well just the one actually).

When I was asleep a while back, my lass says I quite clearly said "LOVELY BOYS".  That's bad, isn't it?  I don't know why I'm admitting that on here but I tend to tell pretty much everyone about it because I think it's quite funny.

Could've been "Lovely, boys".

Or perhaps he's been possessed by the ghost of Windsor Davies?



Even though he's not dead.

I mentioned it to my lass the other day and she said it was said like "lovely boys" (no comma) and she interpreted it as blokes not kids.  Mint.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 07:13:12 pm
Hahaha, thats mint!


Here's one for you's.

In the first flat I ever had there was loads that needed done to it. There were loads of wall plug in the wall that needed taken out in the living room. When I took one of them out loads of the wall fell out and left a massive hole. Later that day my dad came around to help me decorate the flat and my lass at the time, who hadn't met my dad yet said as the first thing in front of him 'Michael, have you shown your dad your hole?'

 :lol:

My dad just laughed and went 'Should I go out and come back in?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 09:00:09 pm
My lass just said "why are you online, are you on the internet?"  :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Prophet on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 09:04:57 pm
Not my lass but...

The other day I was in the main library building doing some reading for my course. Not sensing the irony the lass sat opposite me started jabbering on about people being too noisy. She than asked me what I was reading, so I showed her. It was an article about resulting trusts. She then says with a deadly serious face: "Why? Do you have problems trusting people like?"

It was a combined reaction of trying not to laugh too hard and being shocked at the stupidity.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 09:13:56 pm
Upon reading this:
Why are sunderland called the black cats when they play in red and white?  Would've been much better if they called themselves the barbers.
She said: "Because they've got a big f***ing black cat on the side of the stadium, idiot!"

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BlueStar on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 09:25:14 pm
Was talking about Jim Carrey the other day with my lass and I said "I think he is Canadian actually" and she says "Most people are" 

Think what she was trying to say is that a lot of famous people who you presume to be American are actually Canadian.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 24 November 2009, 09:26:10 pm
Was talking about Jim Carrey the other day with my lass and I said "I think he is Canadian actually" and she says "Most people are" 

Think what she was trying to say is that a lot of famous people who you presume to be American are actually Canadian.

She isn't clever enough to know/assume that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 25 November 2009, 04:37:27 pm
Not my lass but a lass at my work.  Someone secretly filmed her dancing to the Ghostbusters tune while sitting at her desk and stuck it on YouTube.  Her whole personality centres around being incredulous about something or other, so when she was kicking off she said:

"They put it on YouTube.  That's on the internet".

It's been taken down now.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Wednesday 25 November 2009, 04:43:32 pm
Some c*** once secretly filmed me singing at the frigging karaoke and sent it round.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LesPaul on Wednesday 25 November 2009, 04:52:41 pm
Some c*** once secretly filmed me singing at the frigging karaoke and sent it round.

There was a video of me miming Supersonic (as Liam would do it) at a 21st birthday party. Now I had a fair few in me at the time. Apparently it was great but I haven't seen it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Southerner on Thursday 26 November 2009, 02:54:10 pm
Was utterly baited into telling lass that Britney Spears is much better looking than her, whilst both p*ssed with friends round. Tears were involved.  :facepalm: Stupid bitch tried telling me that Britney wasn't 'real' and that she's a real woman after, I laughed,  :facepalm: All my bumsex tokens that i'd ben saving up all year, spent in one foul blow.

Sod it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 26 November 2009, 03:01:29 pm
Was utterly baited into telling lass that Britney Spears is much better looking than her, whilst both p*ssed with friends round. Tears were involved.  :facepalm: Stupid bitch tried telling me that Britney wasn't 'real' and that she's a real woman after, I laughed,  :facepalm: All my bumsex tokens that i'd ben saving up all year, spent in one foul blow.

Sod it.


You Knacker.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Decky on Thursday 26 November 2009, 03:02:10 pm
Bumsex tokens :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 26 November 2009, 03:04:24 pm
Women are like plasticine, they need to be worked with delicate hands to bring out the final sculpture.  Not worked with monkey hands and forced together so you just end up with a big grey ball.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: AfroP on Thursday 26 November 2009, 03:18:22 pm
Women are like plasticine, they need to be worked with delicate hands to bring out the final sculpture.  Not worked with monkey hands and forced together so you just end up with a big grey ball.



so wait, what your saying is that birds are like morf?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 26 November 2009, 03:32:24 pm
Women are like plasticine, they need to be worked with delicate hands to bring out the final sculpture.  Not worked with monkey hands and forced together so you just end up with a big grey ball.



so wait, what your saying is that birds are like morf?


Yeah, basically.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Southerner on Thursday 26 November 2009, 03:40:15 pm
Women are like plasticine, they need to be worked with delicate hands to bring out the final sculpture.  Not worked with monkey hands and forced together so you just end up with a big grey ball.



so wait, what your saying is that birds are like morf?


Yeah, basically.

But with bruises..
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: STM on Monday 30 November 2009, 01:23:08 pm
(Watching Barca vs Real last night)

I pointed out Perez and Laporta sitting in the directors box, stating that they were the clubs presidents, to which she replied;

"Haven't they got more important things to do than watch football!"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: bulivye on Monday 30 November 2009, 03:01:01 pm
Not my lass but a lass at my work.  Someone secretly filmed her dancing to the Ghostbusters tune while sitting at her desk and stuck it on YouTube.  Her whole personality centres around being incredulous about something or other, so when she was kicking off she said:

"They put it on YouTube.  That's on the internet".

It's been taken down now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy8wtxIsHhw      :coolsmiley:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Steggy on Monday 30 November 2009, 05:39:09 pm
"Do the players like know what team thy're playing against until the day of the game?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 30 November 2009, 08:57:46 pm
Just caught her watching im a Celeb.
I asked what the lass was doing.

she says.

' she has to move through the thingy wiithout thingying it'

that cleared that up then.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 1 December 2009, 06:30:31 pm
she has a driving lesson at 7.

just asked if you have to put petrol in on your test. ffs.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Skirge on Tuesday 1 December 2009, 06:32:27 pm
"I do"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Tuesday 1 December 2009, 06:52:24 pm
"Ah dee".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Colo's Short and Curlies on Friday 11 December 2009, 10:45:57 am
Not my lass, but at work today (I'm the only male in an office with 6 women atm for context).

Talking about the Mask, I bring up the perfectly valid comment that Cameron Diaz is stunning, 5 agree but one screws up her face, says she looks like a hamster (!?) then goes on to say that she thinks Drew Barrymore is stunning.

Nothing particularly wrong with Ms Barrymore, but to say that Diaz is not good looking but Barrymore is??? Crazy!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 11 December 2009, 11:12:13 am
Not my lass, but at work today (I'm the only male in an office with 6 women atm for context).

Talking about the Mask, I bring up the perfectly valid comment that Cameron Diaz is stunning, 5 agree but one screws up her face, says she looks like a hamster (!?) then goes on to say that she thinks Drew Barrymore is stunning.

Nothing particularly wrong with Ms Barrymore, but to say that Diaz is not good looking but Barrymore is??? Crazy!
to be fair diaz does have a reputation for having a maingy pelt and not scrubbing up well when off camera.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Friday 11 December 2009, 11:15:07 am
Not my lass, but at work today (I'm the only male in an office with 6 women atm for context).

Talking about the Mask, I bring up the perfectly valid comment that Cameron Diaz is stunning, 5 agree but one screws up her face, says she looks like a hamster (!?) then goes on to say that she thinks Drew Barrymore is stunning.

Nothing particularly wrong with Ms Barrymore, but to say that Diaz is not good looking but Barrymore is??? Crazy!

Diaz is a babe in that movie, smokinnnnn
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 11 December 2009, 11:15:33 am
Not my lass, but at work today (I'm the only male in an office with 6 women atm for context).

Talking about the Mask, I bring up the perfectly valid comment that Cameron Diaz is stunning, 5 agree but one screws up her face, says she looks like a hamster (!?) then goes on to say that she thinks Drew Barrymore is stunning.

Nothing particularly wrong with Ms Barrymore, but to say that Diaz is not good looking but Barrymore is??? Crazy!
to be fair diaz does have a reputation for having a maingy pelt and not scrubbing up well when off camera.


your just a whinging old git
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 11 December 2009, 11:22:25 am
Not my lass, but at work today (I'm the only male in an office with 6 women atm for context).

Talking about the Mask, I bring up the perfectly valid comment that Cameron Diaz is stunning, 5 agree but one screws up her face, says she looks like a hamster (!?) then goes on to say that she thinks Drew Barrymore is stunning.

Nothing particularly wrong with Ms Barrymore, but to say that Diaz is not good looking but Barrymore is??? Crazy!
to be fair diaz does have a reputation for having a maingy pelt and not scrubbing up well when off camera.


your just a whinging old git
but it's not down to my age.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 26 December 2009, 02:05:12 pm
Think the mouse poison we laid down has finally worked, you can sort of tell from the unmistakable stench of rotting mouse cadaver that seems to be coming from the wall between our bathroom and kitchen...so she's been cleaning the bathroom and kitchen from top to bottom, trying to ventilate them both. Good on her. Won't make the blindest bit of difference, mind. So I told her this and she comes back enraged with:

"Well, the dead mouse still smells better than your s*** or your armpits, dearest."

:undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Saturday 26 December 2009, 05:48:43 pm
The bairn dropped her phone down the toilet. Right round the f***ing u bend it went, never to be seen again (on xmas eve)

She's crying telling our lass. Our lass says 'have you tried ringing it ?'

If there was just one iota of sense in the statement i could've forgiven it.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Saturday 26 December 2009, 06:00:46 pm
 :doh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Tuesday 29 December 2009, 11:57:46 pm
"You know I've spent over 90 days on N-O since I signed up..."

"90 days? thats like more than a year! "

"no, thats not..."

"oh, wait, whats 52?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 31 December 2009, 12:28:13 pm
Daughter last night.


I think Phil Killed Archie cos he needs a Lullaby.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 31 December 2009, 05:11:28 pm
I went for a p*ss and came back in the room and she said "we must get that toilet fixed, the flush is going on for ages after the inital flush!"


"erm, thats the TV down stairs"

WTF
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Colo's Short and Curlies on Friday 1 January 2010, 06:39:08 pm
Playing articulate last night.

someone (thankfully not my lass) giving the following clues

Where the Spanish Grand Prix is (Monaco)
Actor in Greece (Hercules)

And the best answer of the night (real answer was cooking) - her other half 'what we did together last night' - answer 'anal'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Gash? on Friday 1 January 2010, 06:48:32 pm
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME ON MY OWN
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. TC on Friday 1 January 2010, 06:54:47 pm
Playing articulate last night.

someone (thankfully not my lass) giving the following clues

Where the Spanish Grand Prix is (Monaco)
Actor in Greece (Hercules)

And the best answer of the night (real answer was cooking) - her other half 'what we did together last night' - answer 'anal'

Haha, I was playing this with my lass the other day. I wasn't on her team.

She describes "child of an unmarried couple." answer - "b******." Moves on

After the round I'm thinking that's an awfully strong word to have in a game for all ages, especially in the nature section. Checked the card: "Bustard". She's like: "WTF is a Bustard? Thought it must be a misspelling."

Mind you, how the hell you would begin describe that I've no idea.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. TC on Friday 1 January 2010, 06:55:18 pm
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME ON MY OWN

No idea when to just go offline for a few days do ya mate?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:11:42 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:12:39 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Mr. Snrub on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:16:57 pm
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME ON MY OWN

No idea when to just go offline for a few days do ya mate?

:lol:

He left a girl with working legs to walk home, ban him from the internet!!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:16:57 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:18:24 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?

OK we're getting somewhere.  What's an Osprey mate?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. TC on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:19:06 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?

I knew it was a bird, nothing else. According to wiki:

"Bustards, including floricans and korhaans, are large terrestrial birds mainly associated with dry open country and steppes in the Old World."
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:21:13 pm
That's the most difficult thing I've ever heard from Articulate, like. I've never really not even been able to begin to describe the challenge...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:26:20 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?

I knew it was a bird, nothing else. According to wiki:

"Bustards, including floricans and korhaans, are large terrestrial birds mainly associated with dry open country and steppes in the Old World."

f*** OFF!!! I was making a slight joke about buzzards!    :mackems:


Osprey

(http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/5795/osp.jpg)


Buzzard
(http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/6551/buze.jpg)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:27:22 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?

I knew it was a bird, nothing else. According to wiki:

"Bustards, including floricans and korhaans, are large terrestrial birds mainly associated with dry open country and steppes in the Old World."

f*** OFF!!! I was making a slight joke about buzzards!    :mackems:


Osprey

(http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/5795/osp.jpg)


Buzzard
(http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/6551/buze.jpg)

:lol: :lol: :lol: Hahaha, there was me thinking you were some kind of ornithological expert!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:27:40 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?

OK we're getting somewhere.  What's an Osprey mate?

And were you being serious??   :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:28:54 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?

OK we're getting somewhere.  What's an Osprey mate?

And were you being serious??   :lol:

I was aye. :lol: It rang a bell I suppose, but my head hurts today.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. TC on Friday 1 January 2010, 07:29:00 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

:lol:  Exactly, I haven't got a clue either.

Isn't it a bit like an Osprey?

OK we're getting somewhere.  What's an Osprey mate?

And were you being serious??   :lol:

I thought maybe you meant Ostrich.

Your joke was way over all our heads mate, time to dumb it down.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: eddco on Friday 1 January 2010, 09:42:28 pm
What the f*** is a bustard?

(http://nationalzoo.si.edu/ConservationAndScience/TropicalEcosystems/KoriBustards/images/bustard.gif)

There are 4 main varieties of Bustards to be had...

The Great Bustard (which you can find on these shores)
The Australian Bustard
The Kori Bustard
and...wait for it.....

The Dutty Bustard!  :celb:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Friday 1 January 2010, 10:02:11 pm
Was all that just for a Nile Ranger joke? Because congrats, that's dedication.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Friday 1 January 2010, 10:10:59 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Greg on Friday 1 January 2010, 10:11:59 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 1 January 2010, 10:12:52 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:
ahem........http://www.bigcatsinbritain.org/crypto4.htm (http://www.bigcatsinbritain.org/crypto4.htm)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Friday 1 January 2010, 10:16:17 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:
ahem........http://www.bigcatsinbritain.org/crypto4.htm (http://www.bigcatsinbritain.org/crypto4.htm)

Stop it! :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heneage on Friday 1 January 2010, 10:28:43 pm
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME ON MY OWN

No idea when to just go offline for a few days do ya mate?

:lol:

He left a girl with working legs to walk home, ban him from the internet!!!
Do you have a girlfriend?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. TC on Friday 1 January 2010, 10:58:03 pm
FFS Just had a second one in the space of two days.

We watched Spinal Tap this evening. The wife and I laughing like mentalists at such crazy japes as drawves crushing minature foam stonehenges.

After the credits, as the adverts started the wife asks: "So hangon, was that real or not?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:13:09 pm
FFS Just had a second one in the space of two days.

We watched Spinal Tap this evening. The wife and I laughing like mentalists at such crazy japes as drawves crushing minature foam stonehenges.

After the credits, as the adverts started the wife asks: "So hangon, was that real or not?"

With an arse like that, I bet your reply was "who cares baby, bend over!"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:13:50 pm
FFS Just had a second one in the space of two days.

We watched Spinal Tap this evening. The wife and I laughing like mentalists at such crazy japes as drawves crushing minature foam stonehenges.

After the credits, as the adverts started the wife asks: "So hangon, was that real or not?"

With an arse like that, I bet your reply was "who cares baby, bend over!"

:lol: You are truly a class act, mate.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:17:47 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:

AKA GM
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:24:17 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:

AKA GM

Lazy-arsed b******. Come up with a new, original line of abuse or f*** off.

:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:28:10 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:

AKA GM

Lazy-arsed b******. Come up with a new, original line of abuse or f*** off.

:facepalm:


och aye.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:36:45 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:

AKA GM

Lazy-arsed b******. Come up with a new, original line of abuse or f*** off.

:facepalm:


och aye.

:rant: Get it right up ye, ya bassa.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:37:55 pm
(http://episteme.arstechnica.com/eve/forums/a/ga/ul/669001318931/inlineimg/Y/fat_bastard.jpg)

Yer lucky wee man!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 1 January 2010, 11:39:18 pm
My mother-in-law on hearing that we were going to Loch Lomond for a wedding:

"Careful the monster doesn't get you mind!!"

Ah yes, that well known Loch Lomond Monster....  :lol:

AKA GM

Lazy-arsed b******. Come up with a new, original line of abuse or f*** off.

:facepalm:


och aye.

:rant: Get it right up ye, ya bassa.



alreet man keep ya Tam o shanter on, i apologise for the jocking with you. :razz:

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Saturday 2 January 2010, 09:55:03 am
FFS Just had a second one in the space of two days.

We watched Spinal Tap this evening. The wife and I laughing like mentalists at such crazy japes as drawves crushing minature foam stonehenges.

After the credits, as the adverts started the wife asks: "So hangon, was that real or not?"

With an arse like that, I bet your reply was "who cares baby, bend over!"

:lol: You stay classy San Diego.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. TC on Saturday 2 January 2010, 10:50:41 am
FFS Just had a second one in the space of two days.

We watched Spinal Tap this evening. The wife and I laughing like mentalists at such crazy japes as drawves crushing minature foam stonehenges.

After the credits, as the adverts started the wife asks: "So hangon, was that real or not?"

With an arse like that, I bet your reply was "who cares baby, bend over!"

:lol: You stay classy San Diego.

If I'd said that I think it would have been: "Go f*** yourself San Diego."
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 2 January 2010, 01:25:54 pm
her.   you havent put sugar in my tea.
me     I have.
her     well you didnt stir it.
me      i did, i used the cant be arsed spoon.
her      whats that.
me      its the spoon with no handle and no spoony bit.
her     well it dosent taste very nice.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Saturday 2 January 2010, 01:29:12 pm
her.   you havent put sugar in my tea.
me     I have.
her     well you didnt stir it.
me      i did, i used the cant be arsed spoon.
her      whats that.
me      its the spoon with no handle and no spoony bit.
her     well it dosent taste very nice.

 :mackems:  has her 'understanding of wit' driver buned up?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 2 January 2010, 01:30:20 pm
she a lass.......
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 2 January 2010, 06:55:20 pm
and shes just asked if thats Real Madrid playing.


priceless





( REA)...reading.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 7 January 2010, 08:05:39 pm
her...Wheres Everest?

me ...Scotland,....Ben everest.

her....its not, is it? your full of s***.

her....its in America
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Thursday 7 January 2010, 08:10:32 pm
Lass at work today thought that a 'forum' was actually called a 'for room' and that people were just pronouncing 'room' as 'rum'


She's a manager.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Thursday 7 January 2010, 08:15:09 pm
her...Wheres Everest?

me ...Scotland,....Ben everest.

her....its not, is it? your full of s***.

her....its in America

 :mackems:

Ask her if she thought Kenny Everest was funny!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ChrisJbarnes on Thursday 7 January 2010, 08:28:05 pm
not my lass but had an interesting conversation with someone in my kitchen at uni the other week:

him: your a s*** drinker, ill drink you under the table any day of the week
me: wheres your drink then?
him: i dont drink, im a muslim.
me:  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Thursday 7 January 2010, 08:34:08 pm
not my lass but had an interesting conversation with someone in my kitchen at uni the other week:

him: your a s*** drinker, ill drink you under the table any day of the week
me: wheres your drink then?
him: i dont drink, im a muslim.
me:  :facepalm:


 :mackems:

I hope you laughed and knocked his turpin off!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 7 January 2010, 08:34:12 pm
not my lass but had an interesting conversation with someone in my kitchen at uni the other week:

him: your a s*** drinker, ill drink you under the table any day of the week
me: wheres your drink then?
him: i dont drink, im a muslim.
me:  :facepalm:

I think you're after the 'stupid things Hamas has said thread'.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Thursday 7 January 2010, 09:01:31 pm
Playing a quiz the other night.

All answers appertain to fruit !

Q. Name the computer giant

Our lass: Jolly green giant
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 7 January 2010, 09:02:07 pm
Playing a quiz the other night.

All answers appertain to fruit !

Q. Name the computer giant

Our lass: Jolly green giant


 ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Thursday 7 January 2010, 09:03:42 pm
not my lass but had an interesting conversation with someone in my kitchen at uni the other week:

him: your a s*** drinker, ill drink you under the table any day of the week
me: wheres your drink then?
him: i dont drink, im a muslim.
me:  :facepalm:

I think you're after the 'stupid things a Ham sandwich has said thread'.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Friday 8 January 2010, 12:30:52 pm
Doing the pub quiz last night, got to the anagram round (bands/groups) and I was brainstorming out loud some random words I was able to make for one of them.. Gerry, Jerry.. Jerry...Mungo? Is there a band called Jerry Mungo? My sister gave me the most pathetic look possible and just stared at me before saying "...Mungo Jerry?"

Totally forgot they existed.  :blush:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 20 January 2010, 10:01:23 pm
Is Bombay mix now called mumbai mix
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Wednesday 20 January 2010, 10:04:16 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Wednesday 20 January 2010, 11:11:39 pm
Is Bombay mix now called mumbai mix

:lol:

That's fantastic tbh
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Thursday 21 January 2010, 12:03:41 am
I'll always remember an ex lass of mine asking if David Beckham can still play for England now he has moved to Madrid.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 21 January 2010, 12:08:46 am
I'll always remember an ex lass of mine asking if David Beckham can still play for England now he has moved to Madrid.

Most Americans are still confused by the notion of national sports. The amount of times I've been asked whether I'm p*ssed that Beckham has defected to the LA Galaxy is ridiculous. I normally answer with "Don't really care, he can still play for England", which is followed by a very blank expression on their behalf. After 30 minutes of explaining the difference between club teams and nations, their expressions remain the same. It's annoying.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Friday 22 January 2010, 03:18:30 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr.Spaceman on Friday 22 January 2010, 03:43:27 pm
My foreign girlfriend told me that I was unable to use the word 'canny' the way I did.  Aye pet, thats right, I suppose I was only brought up in Gateshead you stupid bitch.  We are no longer together.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 22 January 2010, 03:46:39 pm
My foreign girlfriend told me that I was unable to use the word 'canny' the way I did.  Aye pet, thats right, I suppose I was only brought up in Gateshead you stupid bitch.  We are no longer together.

Aye, I've friends who confuse it with the English word 'canny'. Which is obviously something completely different.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cambb on Friday 22 January 2010, 04:03:16 pm
Watching the tall ships race in Tynemouth with wor lass when she asked if the ships return past Tynemouth or go out the other way
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: winnie on Friday 22 January 2010, 04:28:14 pm
Mine got lost in the motor by going north on the A19 get home "because we live in the north" even though she was on the return leg of a journey that she initially drove north on!  Suffice to say she ended up a long way north from home.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: HTT on Friday 22 January 2010, 06:36:29 pm
"Do people in London watch the same telly as we do in Newcastle"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Southerner on Friday 22 January 2010, 06:43:57 pm
Got a friend to attempt to bin his girlfriend for one night ( he's never got away from her for a night out in 4 /1/2 years... ) for a wee lads night in drinking spirits like the polish do, However in his attempt at asking a friend is he was bringing his wife he accidentally texted his girlfriend this
" Alright c***, Are you leaving the partner at home as i'm trying to bin #nameofgirlfriend# for tonight"
Party over, I'm sat here now and he's trying to save his relationship by making variously lies up about me to attempt to use me as a scapegoat, don't judge you know you would too ;)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 22 January 2010, 07:23:19 pm
Got a friend to attempt to bin his girlfriend for one night ( he's never got away from her for a night out in 4 /1/2 years... ) for a wee lads night in drinking spirits like the polish do, However in his attempt at asking a friend is he was bringing his wife he accidentally texted his girlfriend this
" Alright c***, Are you leaving the partner at home as i'm trying to bin #nameofgirlfriend# for tonight"
Party over, I'm sat here now and he's trying to save his relationship by making variously lies up about me to attempt to use me as a scapegoat, don't judge you know you would too ;)

What's wrong with that? Unless she's a f***ing psycho she should realise he needs to f*** off to the pub on his tod occasionally.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 14 February 2010, 08:10:49 pm
couple pearlers this weekend.


saturday...Are Lime fruits the same stuff as Limestone from the ground?


Today,at Tynemouth....Is france across that Water?

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Monday 15 February 2010, 01:18:29 am
i've possibly already posted this in here but we werer talking about it tonight......

Mrs M thought that, you know the "pause live tele" stuff ? that it would work on every channel even those you werent watching. ie watching bbc 1, turn it over and rewind bbc2 for an hour.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Monday 15 February 2010, 01:20:14 am
i've possibly already posted this in here but we werer talking about it tonight......

Mrs M thought that, you know the "pause live tele" stuff ? that it would work on every channel even those you werent watching. ie watching bbc 1, turn it over and rewind bbc2 for an hour.

Why couldn't she just record BBC2 while she watched BBC1?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Monday 15 February 2010, 01:23:19 am
i've possibly already posted this in here but we werer talking about it tonight......

Mrs M thought that, you know the "pause live tele" stuff ? that it would work on every channel even those you werent watching. ie watching bbc 1, turn it over and rewind bbc2 for an hour.

Why couldn't she just record BBC2 while she watched BBC1?
are you a woman ? bloody hell man, she thought it worked aon all channels. ie she could rewind bbc 2, E, E+1, Living etc.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Monday 15 February 2010, 01:27:34 am
i've possibly already posted this in here but we werer talking about it tonight......

Mrs M thought that, you know the "pause live tele" stuff ? that it would work on every channel even those you werent watching. ie watching bbc 1, turn it over and rewind bbc2 for an hour.

Why couldn't she just record BBC2 while she watched BBC1?
are you a woman ? bloody hell man, she thought it worked aon all channels. ie she could rewind bbc 2, E, E+1, Living etc.

I know what she meant.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 25 March 2010, 09:08:04 pm
talking about cars cos shes learning to drive.

she says she wants a ford fiesta dieso turbel.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: OzzieMandias on Thursday 25 March 2010, 09:24:35 pm
I go for intelligent women, myself.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Fenham Mag on Thursday 25 March 2010, 10:11:02 pm
I go for intelligent women, myself.

What, where?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 09:31:31 pm
Last night she asked if we win the game will we be "re-allocated"  ??? :lol: bless her.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 09:34:45 pm
I told himself that there was an Apple store opening in Eldon Square. After he started at me blankly for 5 minutes and I repeated myself, I realised that he thought I meant a fruit shop that only sold apples.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 09:38:46 pm
I told himself that there was an Apple store opening in Eldon Square. After he started at me blankly for 5 minutes and I repeated myself, I realised that he thought I meant a fruit shop that only sold apples.
well why not, theres a potato and egg shop at denton burn
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 09:39:56 pm
I told himself that there was an Apple store opening in Eldon Square. After he started at me blankly for 5 minutes and I repeated myself, I realised that he thought I meant a fruit shop that only sold apples.

Easy mistake to make tbh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 09:55:52 pm
:lol: Solidarity.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 09:58:42 pm
Last night she asked if we win the game will we be "re-allocated"  ??? :lol: bless her.

Newcastle win re-allocation back to the prem!  ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 09:59:13 pm
:lol: Solidarity.

She told me that there was an Apple store opening in Eldon Square. After staring at her blankly for 5 minutes she repeated herself, & then realised that she should have been more specific, as most people would think she meant a fruit shop that only sold apples.

[/midds]
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:00:04 pm
:lol: Solidarity.

Aye, they're obviously such grumpy old men that when you mention "Apple store" instead of equating that with the finest technology of the moment they hark back to the days of Adam and Eve!  :rolleyes:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:01:16 pm
:lol: Solidarity.

She told me that there was an Apple store opening in Eldon Square. After staring at her blankly for 5 minutes she repeated herself, & then realised that she should have been more specific, as most people would think she meant a fruit shop that only sold apples.

[/midds]

He normally doesn't listen to a word I say anyway so I should be grateful he even heard me  :razz:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:01:28 pm
Last night she asked if we win the game will we be "re-allocated"  ??? :lol: bless her.

Newcastle win re-allocation back to the prem!  ;D



start up the

Reallocationometer.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:02:24 pm
:lol: Solidarity.

She told me that there was an Apple store opening in Eldon Square. After staring at her blankly for 5 minutes she repeated herself, & then realised that she should have been more specific, as most people would think she meant a fruit shop that only sold apples.

[/midds]

He normally doesn't listen to a word I say anyway so I should be grateful he even heard me  :razz:


Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm apples..............
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: midds on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:08:02 pm
:lol: Solidarity.

Aye, they're obviously such grumpy old men that when you mention "Apple store" instead of equating that with the finest technology of the moment they hark back to the days of Adam and Eve!  :rolleyes:

Reet - first off, I thought you said Apple 'stall' - you mumbled and didn't make it clear. That's why you got the blank look. I was figuring out if meant the shitty market that was part of Eldon Sq which is why an apple stall seemed a little plausible. Secondly, Apple 'stores' are like rocking horse s*** and not exactly a major name on the average high street which didn't leave any alternative other than some new-age, veggietastic, specialised fruit shop. [/bite]
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:11:28 pm
:lol: Solidarity.

Aye, they're obviously such grumpy old men that when you mention "Apple store" instead of equating that with the finest technology of the moment they hark back to the days of Adam and Eve!  :rolleyes:

Reet - first off, I thought you said Apple 'stall' - you mumbled and didn't make it clear. That's why you got the blank look. I was figuring out if meant the shitty market that was part of Eldon Sq which is why an apple stall seemed a little plausible. Secondly, Apple 'stores' are like rocking horse s*** and not exactly a major name on the average high street which didn't leave any alternative other than some new-age, veggietastic, specialised fruit shop. [/bite]



Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ght :frantic:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:14:43 pm
TBH, I'm quite taken with the idea of a dedicated apple store. Every type of apple under one roof. I'm salivating.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:29:16 pm
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4076818939_8cb9581df7_o.jpg)

the original newcastle apple store ?

any guesses where it is (johnny pd and i think bigchris aren't allowed )
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 10:56:07 pm
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4076818939_8cb9581df7_o.jpg)

the original newcastle apple store ?

any guesses where it is (johnny pd and i think bigchris aren't allowed )

Metrocentre?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:01:57 pm
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4076818939_8cb9581df7_o.jpg)

the original newcastle apple store ?

any guesses where it is (johnny pd and i think bigchris aren't allowed )
Haha, I've changed my name.

But NH...........is that you?

BTW, I can't be botherd to go through the SSC archives, shame I remember this discussion not so long ago, I just can't seem to remember where it was.


Anyway, I disagree with the comments someone said that Apple isn't a big name retial store, having and Apple store (Computer one) is pretty good for any city.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Crumpy Gunt on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:05:36 pm
Looking through some holiday snaps our lass see's a photo of herself and informs me 'that's me'

I did chuckle.
 
Standing in a museum in New York (national history museum?) we stand looking at grizzly bear in a glass case and she pipes up 'I think its stuffed'

You could hear the sniggers.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:06:19 pm
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4076818939_8cb9581df7_o.jpg)

the original newcastle apple store ?

any guesses where it is (johnny pd and i think bigchris aren't allowed )
Haha, I've changed my name.

But NH...........is that you?

BTW, I can't be botherd to go through the SSC archives.
no i'm not NH. i just found that site about a week ago and i've been addicted since.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:08:07 pm
Looking through some holiday snaps our lass see's a photo of herself and informs me 'that's me'

I did chuckle.
 
Standing in a museum in New York (national history museum?) we stand looking at grizzly bear in a glass case and she pipes up 'I think its stuffed'

You could hear the sniggers.
Still though Crumpy, I think the daftest thing your lass has ever said was, "I do" to you.

 :laugh:

Just winding you up, you know your canny.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:08:44 pm
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4076818939_8cb9581df7_o.jpg)

the original newcastle apple store ?

any guesses where it is (johnny pd and i think bigchris aren't allowed )
Haha, I've changed my name.

But NH...........is that you?

BTW, I can't be botherd to go through the SSC archives.
no i'm not NH. i just found that site about a week ago and i've been addicted since.
Ah right.

You can also include Geordie Ahmed and , Greg on that ban list.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LesPaul on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:09:28 pm
Looking through some holiday snaps our lass see's a photo of herself and informs me 'that's me'

I did chuckle.
 
Standing in a museum in New York (national history museum?) we stand looking at grizzly bear in a glass case and she pipes up 'I think its stuffed'

You could hear the sniggers.
Still though Crumpy, I think the dafest thing your lass has ever said was, "I do" to you.

 :laugh:

Just winding you up, you know your canny.
:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:15:46 pm
:lol: Solidarity.

Aye, they're obviously such grumpy old men that when you mention "Apple store" instead of equating that with the finest technology of the moment they hark back to the days of Adam and Eve!  :rolleyes:

Reet - first off, I thought you said Apple 'stall' - you mumbled and didn't make it clear. That's why you got the blank look. I was figuring out if meant the shitty market that was part of Eldon Sq which is why an apple stall seemed a little plausible. Secondly, Apple 'stores' are like rocking horse s*** and not exactly a major name on the average high street which didn't leave any alternative other than some new-age, veggietastic, specialised fruit shop. [/bite]



Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ght :frantic:


:celb: :fight: :slap: :omg: :mike: :sigh:

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Tuesday 30 March 2010, 11:37:17 pm
I would win any fight or argument and you all know it's true :aww:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: OzzieMandias on Thursday 1 April 2010, 11:34:04 am
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4076818939_8cb9581df7_o.jpg)

the original newcastle apple store ?

any guesses where it is (johnny pd and i think bigchris aren't allowed )

By the Blackgate?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 1 April 2010, 11:40:32 am
:lol: Solidarity.

Aye, they're obviously such grumpy old men that when you mention "Apple store" instead of equating that with the finest technology of the moment they hark back to the days of Adam and Eve!  :rolleyes:

Reet - first off, I thought you said Apple 'stall' - you mumbled and didn't make it clear. That's why you got the blank look. I was figuring out if meant the shitty market that was part of Eldon Sq which is why an apple stall seemed a little plausible. Secondly, Apple 'stores' are like rocking horse s*** and not exactly a major name on the average high street which didn't leave any alternative other than some new-age, veggietastic, specialised fruit shop. [/bite]



Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ght :frantic:


:celb: :fight: :slap: :omg: :mike: :sigh:






 ;D ;D ;D :clap:


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr.Spaceman on Thursday 1 April 2010, 12:54:55 pm
Talking about cricket and mine said "Eeeh, a didn't know they bowled from both ends."

Stupid bitch.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 1 April 2010, 01:07:07 pm
Talking about cricket and mine said "Eeeh, a didn't know they bowled from both ends."

Stupid bitch.
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Thursday 1 April 2010, 01:07:50 pm
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4076818939_8cb9581df7_o.jpg)

the original newcastle apple store ?

any guesses where it is (johnny pd and i think bigchris aren't allowed )

By the Blackgate?

So, where's it from? And where did you find the photo?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Segun Oluwaniyi on Tuesday 6 April 2010, 01:22:57 am
Her: "What are you watching?"

Me: "Big football match in England. Chelsea are playing."

Her: "England's a weird place. Why would they schedule a soocer game at 8 am?!"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 7 April 2010, 08:30:08 pm
"Is this the final?" about every game of football I've watched in the last 3 months.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 8 April 2010, 01:36:26 pm
"Is this the final?" about every game of football I've watched in the last 3 months.


i had to explain aggregate after ever goal last night.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:12:38 pm
"Is this the final?" about every game of football I've watched in the last 3 months.


i had to explain aggregate after ever goal last night.
you didnt attempt the away goals rule did you ?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:16:47 pm
"Is this the final?" about every game of football I've watched in the last 3 months.




i had to explain aggregate after ever goal last night.
you didnt attempt the away goals rule did you ?


yep. we go through this stuff often, never sticks
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:19:51 pm
"Is this the final?" about every game of football I've watched in the last 3 months.




i had to explain aggregate after ever goal last night.
you didnt attempt the away goals rule did you ?


yep. we go through this stuff often, never sticks
i tried to explain the away goals rule. "in the event of a draw" lots of times. as soon as the away team scored "so they are 2-0 up then ?" i just said "yes........yes they are"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:22:10 pm
"Is this the final?" about every game of football I've watched in the last 3 months.




i had to explain aggregate after ever goal last night.
you didnt attempt the away goals rule did you ?


yep. we go through this stuff often, never sticks
i tried to explain the away goals rule. "in the event of a draw" lots of times. as soon as the away team scored "so they are 2-0 up then ?" i just said "yes........yes they are"


its often easier to feign agreement on most things than explain why a lass is wrong.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:28:36 pm
I managed to explain to my mam last night how the play off's work.

Now their is no excuse for anyone to not know how the play off's work even Ralf Wiggum should know if my mam does.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:30:02 pm
I managed to explain to my mam last night how the play off's work.

Now their is no excuse for anyone to not know how the play off's wor even Ralf Wiggum should know if my mam does.
try the belgian play offs...f***ing bizarre.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:33:51 pm
I managed to explain to my mam last night how the play off's work.

Now their is no excuse for anyone to not know how the play off's wor even Ralf Wiggum should know if my mam does.
try the belgian play offs...f***ing bizarre.
I've never really taken any notice to Belgian football, is that one of those systems where one team from the top league plays a team from a league below and in effect a final could actually promoted someone and relegate another?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:38:54 pm
I managed to explain to my mam last night how the play off's work.

Now their is no excuse for anyone to not know how the play off's wor even Ralf Wiggum should know if my mam does.
try the belgian play offs...f***ing bizarre.
I've never really taken any notice to Belgian football, is that one of those systems where one team from the top league plays a team from a league below and in effect a final could actually promoted someone and relegate another?
the league has effectivly split in two with the top half only playing other teams in the top half and the bottom teams only .....you get the drift.

Quote
At the end of the regular season, the numbers 1 to 6 will play the playoffs for the championship, in which they start with half of the points they reached during the regular season. Numbers 7 to 14 will play playoffs to decide which team can play against the number three of the championship playoffs for the last European ticket. Number 15 and 16 will relegate to second division.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stifleaay on Thursday 8 April 2010, 05:41:42 pm
I managed to explain to my mam last night how the play off's work.

Now their is no excuse for anyone to not know how the play off's wor even Ralf Wiggum should know if my mam does.
try the belgian play offs...f***ing bizarre.
I've never really taken any notice to Belgian football, is that one of those systems where one team from the top league plays a team from a league below and in effect a final could actually promoted someone and relegate another?
the league has effectivly split in two with the top half only playing other teams in the top half and the bottom teams only .....you get the drift.

Quote
At the end of the regular season, the numbers 1 to 6 will play the playoffs for the championship, in which they start with half of the points they reached during the regular season. Numbers 7 to 14 will play playoffs to decide which team can play against the number three of the championship playoffs for the last European ticket. Number 15 and 16 will relegate to second division.


Bizare and unfair but fairly simple to follow.

Seems to be amazing to think that you could finish 14th, and still get into Europe at the expense of the 3rd placed team.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Thursday 8 April 2010, 07:08:07 pm
"Do the dishes, while I'm at work, will you?!"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lotus on Friday 9 April 2010, 01:02:26 pm
We have an automatic.

She says 'have you noticed when you put in drive a kind of rectangle comes up on the dash?' 'And you put it in park it changes shape, and in neutral it's like a sideways Z, have you noticed that?

I had to take a moment (in silence) to figure out if she was taking the p*ss, then justly gently nodded my head and kept eyes forward with a very pensive look on my face, i'm sure.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Friday 9 April 2010, 05:30:50 pm
Me: Malcolm McLaren died today

Our lass: what the racing car bloke
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Saturday 10 April 2010, 12:44:36 am
Me: Malcolm McLaren died today

Our lass: what the racing car bloke

:spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: loven Mag 11 on Sunday 11 April 2010, 03:07:20 am
Me: "if you could be reincarnated, what would you want to be?"

Bit Stuff: "a penny so i could travel the world"

WHAT ?
Me: they only use penny's in britian, cause its english currency, how the F*** would you travel the world ?  :doh:
God Help Me !
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Chase on Sunday 11 April 2010, 09:46:05 am
Me: Malcolm McLaren died today

Our lass: what the racing car bloke

Poor choice of wording:

http://www.malcolmmclaren.com/
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Sunday 18 April 2010, 01:29:04 pm
She came out with a belter on Friday. She's not often stupid I'll give her that but this.....

"What Loch does the Ness Monster live in?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 18 April 2010, 09:31:29 pm
topical.



"why don't the planes just fly lower ?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 18 April 2010, 11:06:47 pm
I had that exact thought earlier :blush:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pedro_de_geordieo on Tuesday 20 April 2010, 11:14:32 pm
How do they put the alcohol in wine?  ???
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 21 April 2010, 03:23:30 pm
During the Plymouth match "does Lee Bowyer still get his game?".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pedro_de_geordieo on Friday 7 May 2010, 09:18:06 pm
class
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:00:14 pm
*singing*

"Oh, burnin' through the sky, yeah
Eleven degrees that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit..."
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:02:38 pm
*singing*

"Oh, burnin' through the sky, yeah
Eleven degrees that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit..."

 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:04:06 pm
I'm waiting C3PO!!!!   :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:14:35 pm
I'm waiting C3PO!!!!   :lol:


aww man its been like trying to explain politics to an Alien all day :sadnod:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:18:16 pm
I'm waiting C3PO!!!!   :lol:


aww man its been like trying to explain politics to an Alien all day :sadnod:

 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:19:46 pm
My lass had a nap today, woke up about 8pm.  She asked about what was going on with the election so I said something like "officially a hung Parliament, they'll try to sort things out over the next few days.  Tories talking to Libdems.  And Brown's refusing to budge from 10 Downing Street".

Her response was "awwww that's so cute".  She really likes Gordon Brown and is always telling people to stop bullying him.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:22:35 pm
My lass had a nap today, woke up about 8pm.  She asked about what was going on with the election so I said something like "officially a hung Parliament, they'll try to sort things out over the next few days.  Tories talking to Libdems.  And Brown's refusing to budge from 10 Downing Street".

Her response was "awwww that's so cute".  She really likes Gordon Brown and is always telling people to stop bullying him.

 ;D Give her a dead arm please!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:28:37 pm
(http://img.youtube.com/vi/_lrJg8NMsFw/0.jpg)



(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_b4ft3Mod7AE/SwEZycpy0hI/AAAAAAAAAXk/na5h6bDcf6c/s320/TN_know_your_limits_women.JPG)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:36:54 pm
(http://img.youtube.com/vi/_lrJg8NMsFw/0.jpg)



(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_b4ft3Mod7AE/SwEZycpy0hI/AAAAAAAAAXk/na5h6bDcf6c/s320/TN_know_your_limits_women.JPG)

:lol:

I was watching the Louis Theroux meets Jimmy Saville thing the other day and Jimmy was asked why he'd never really had a proper girlfriend.  He said something along the lines of "half an hour with a woman is fine I suppose, but beyond that I get brain damage".  He just kept saying that every time he was asked about women after that, "no chance, brain damage.  Did you hear me, brain damage".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:39:10 pm
(http://img.youtube.com/vi/_lrJg8NMsFw/0.jpg)



(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_b4ft3Mod7AE/SwEZycpy0hI/AAAAAAAAAXk/na5h6bDcf6c/s320/TN_know_your_limits_women.JPG)

 :mackems:

They are CLASS!

Ladies, I do not agree with the mockery of male domineering attitudes set down to 'mere women'  through the thirties and forties. But it was funny wasnt it!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:41:26 pm
(http://img.youtube.com/vi/_lrJg8NMsFw/0.jpg)



(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_b4ft3Mod7AE/SwEZycpy0hI/AAAAAAAAAXk/na5h6bDcf6c/s320/TN_know_your_limits_women.JPG)

:lol:

I was watching the Louis Theroux meets Jimmy Saville thing the other day and Jimmy was asked why he'd never really had a proper girlfriend.  He said something along the lines of "half an hour with a woman is fine I suppose, but beyond that I get brain damage".  He just kept saying that every time he was asked about women after that, "no chance, brain damage.  Did you hear me, brain damage".


(http://www.denofgeek.com/siteimage/scale/800/600/70507.png)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Friday 7 May 2010, 10:53:07 pm
Not my lass, but a friend im travelling to Hawaii with for a year was explaining to her sister how big Honolulu was. "Yeah, it's really big. They got skyscrapers there and all. I think it's about the same size as New York!!"  :clap:

I didn't say anything, and hopefully she will go around telling stuff like that to all her friends. Im just waiting till we arrive to see what she says then.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pedro_de_geordieo on Friday 7 May 2010, 11:01:41 pm
Our lass was just saying she needs some more stuff for the kitchen to stock up i.e. freezer stuff when she mentioned Italian seasoning!

I was more than a little confused and had to ask, to which she replied "well you know mixed herbs" huh? "yeah you know for spag bol"  :yikes:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 7 May 2010, 11:13:21 pm
Our lass was just saying she needs some more stuff for the kitchen to stock up i.e. freezer stuff when she mentioned Italian seasoning!

I was more than a little confused and had to ask, to which she replied "well you know mixed herbs" huh? "yeah you know for spag bol"  :yikes:

Yeah, and?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Friday 7 May 2010, 11:14:45 pm
Letting the side down there like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pedro_de_geordieo on Friday 7 May 2010, 11:51:35 pm
Our lass was just saying she needs some more stuff for the kitchen to stock up i.e. freezer stuff when she mentioned Italian seasoning!

I was more than a little confused and had to ask, to which she replied "well you know mixed herbs" huh? "yeah you know for spag bol"  :yikes:

Yeah, and?

Well she thought mixed herbs were made in Italy only for Italian food
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BlufPurdi on Saturday 8 May 2010, 12:00:49 am
"Do you want to watch Question Time?" Daftest question I've asked her. 

She was well defeated in negotiations mind you.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Saturday 8 May 2010, 12:37:04 am
Our lass was just saying she needs some more stuff for the kitchen to stock up i.e. freezer stuff when she mentioned Italian seasoning!

I was more than a little confused and had to ask, to which she replied "well you know mixed herbs" huh? "yeah you know for spag bol"  :yikes:

Yeah, and?

Well she thought mixed herbs were made in Italy only for Italian food

I think she just wanted you to buy one of these:

(http://www.rexfoods.com/custom/photos/00659_Italian_Seasoning.jpg)(http://www.mccormick.com/~/media/Images/Products/Product%20Details/Herbs%20and%20Spices/Spices%20A%20to%20Z/italian%20seasoning.ashx?w=225)(http://www.spiceplace.com/images/mccormick_italian_seasoning_sm.gif)

(http://chronicle.augusta.com/images/headlines/073102/italian_seasoning_FEA.jpg)(http://charityshopping.net/cart/images/18912-FR-Italian-Seasoning.jpg)(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51EQ46X0DBL.jpg)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Chrissy Bee on Sunday 16 May 2010, 02:37:00 pm
She wanted a trip to Wilkos today for some home related tat so I offered to give her a lift while I went to Tesco. Gave her the keys because she'd not take as long as me. When I left the Tesco I heard a car alarm going off, but that's nothing strange for Gateshead so I moved on. As I got closer to my car I saw the lights flashing and the alarm was gradually sounding more like mine, but she was sitting in the passenger seat.

Asked her why the alarm was going off, she said it wasn't so I plipped it off. She'd got in and locked it with the plipper, then sat in it for 5-10 mins with the alarm going off waiting for me while everyone walks past staring. Apparently she thought it was another car, "it doesn't exactly make it obvious that it's your alarm going off".

Not sure what she expects, a big sign to drop down to alert the burglar that the alarm's going off and he should hurry up and take my A to Z?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 16 May 2010, 02:38:33 pm
Our lass was just saying she needs some more stuff for the kitchen to stock up i.e. freezer stuff when she mentioned Italian seasoning!

I was more than a little confused and had to ask, to which she replied "well you know mixed herbs" huh? "yeah you know for spag bol"  :yikes:

Yeah, and?

Well she thought mixed herbs were made in Italy only for Italian food

I think she just wanted you to buy one of these:

(http://www.rexfoods.com/custom/photos/00659_Italian_Seasoning.jpg)(http://www.mccormick.com/~/media/Images/Products/Product%20Details/Herbs%20and%20Spices/Spices%20A%20to%20Z/italian%20seasoning.ashx?w=225)(http://www.spiceplace.com/images/mccormick_italian_seasoning_sm.gif)

(http://chronicle.augusta.com/images/headlines/073102/italian_seasoning_FEA.jpg)(http://charityshopping.net/cart/images/18912-FR-Italian-Seasoning.jpg)(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51EQ46X0DBL.jpg)
disgusted at you of all people.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 16 May 2010, 10:09:07 pm
Been watching worried about the Boy for over an Hour.

Shes just said he really does look like a young George Michael.


 ;D


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Monday 17 May 2010, 01:52:17 am
I managed to explain to my mam last night how the play off's work.

Now their is no excuse for anyone to not know how the play off's work even Ralf Wiggum should know if my mam does.


Irony.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QBG on Friday 28 May 2010, 11:00:06 pm
Bumping this: this lass I've been seeing on and off recently: "diet coke's not very sugary is it?" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MrIrrelevant on Friday 28 May 2010, 11:02:14 pm
Haven't seen this thread before, oh my god I could keep it going on my own.

The most embarrassing one of the last few weeks, had a few people round for the CL final (first schoolboy error there, allowing the gf to stay and watch football with lads present) and she said in front of all of them, 'what stage of the World Cup will England meet Inter Milan?'

:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 29 May 2010, 12:38:44 am
New big brother advert "why are they dancing on jade goodies grave, it's a bit disrespectful isn't it?" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 29 May 2010, 12:56:56 am
New big brother advert "why are they dancing on jade goodies grave, it's a bit disrespectful isn't it?" :lol:

:lol: :lol: Stupid bitch. :lol:

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Saturday 29 May 2010, 04:32:12 pm
Not my lass but my old housemate who was a lass came out with a belter!

We were out somewhere and 'Sweet Child Of Mine' came on.

Laura starts singing along.... " Wooooooow, three times a night"


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Sunday 30 May 2010, 12:44:26 pm
My mam the other day: "There's a good thing on the telly tonight about Len Shackleton's polar expedition."

Len Shackleton:
(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/01/19/article-0-00348C1100000258-205_224x423.jpg)


Ernest Shackleton:
(http://www.btinternet.com/~sa_sa/south_georgia/images/ernest_shackleton.jpg)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Besty on Sunday 30 May 2010, 04:54:20 pm
"So all the teams in England's group are foreign?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Monday 31 May 2010, 04:07:54 pm
Me: "There's Blu-Ray players for about a hundred quid".

Her: "But we don't have any Blu-Rays".

Bloody hell, of course we don't if we don't have a Blu-Ray player.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 07:56:24 pm
Not my lass, but my mam

I use her car quite often, and today, when I put some petrol in, I reset the trip (digital) on the mileometer for some reason, don't normally bother, but there y' go.  Got this email a few minutes ago...........


(http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/9679/111gyj.jpg)



 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Wullie on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 07:58:58 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 08:17:01 pm
 :mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 08:17:22 pm
f***ing hell. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 11:11:47 pm
I hope that was a joke and she is really a comic Genius.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 11:42:54 pm
-"Do you miss me?" (The lass travelled home to her parents yesterday)


Of course I f***ing don't!

Home alone! f***ing YES!



Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 11:46:21 pm
-"Do you miss me?" (The lass travelled home to her parents yesterday)


Of course I f***ing don't!

Home alone! f***ing YES!





I was geared up all day for the house to myself for two days and nights only to return from Morrisons after work with all the goodies I'd bought for myself to find she'd changed her mind.......

GUTTED
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Tuesday 1 June 2010, 11:49:24 pm
-"Do you miss me?" (The lass travelled home to her parents yesterday)


Of course I f***ing don't!

Home alone! f***ing YES!





I was geared up all day for the house to myself for two days and nights only to return from Morrisons after work with all the goodies I'd bought for myself to find she'd changed her mind.......

GUTTED

 ;D My symphaties!

There's nowt like having the flat for yourself for a couple of days!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Theregulars on Wednesday 2 June 2010, 02:57:50 am
My ex had some moments:

"The Japanese, they hate Americans. It's because of the bombing of Konichiwa".

"Moscow's probably like Peckham, with a few more skyscrapers"

The word unanimous came on E4 for some reason - her reaction: "What's un-animous? Is that when you aren't friendly?"

Cretin.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Wednesday 2 June 2010, 03:39:41 am
 :lol:

She sounds Pilkington-esque. Clever stupid if that makes sense.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ronaldo on Wednesday 2 June 2010, 04:11:01 am
My ex had some moments:

"The Japanese, they hate Americans. It's because of the bombing of Konichiwa".

"Moscow's probably like Peckham, with a few more skyscrapers"The word unanimous came on E4 for some reason - her reaction: "What's un-animous? Is that when you aren't friendly?"

Cretin.

Reminds me of an absolute classic, "i'd like to go to Moscow to see the Mosques".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Wednesday 2 June 2010, 01:35:24 pm
Not my lass, but my mam

I use her car quite often, and today, when I put some petrol in, I reset the trip (digital) on the mileometer for some reason, don't normally bother, but there y' go.  Got this email a few minutes ago...........


(http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/9679/111gyj.jpg)



 :facepalm:

I love how she uses the word "thing" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pedro_de_geordieo on Thursday 3 June 2010, 10:53:30 pm
Picked the wife up today and on the way home we passed a large house at the end of our street where outside was parked an estate agents car plastered with the company logos

I said to the wife that must be coming up for sale

Only for her to pipe up "what the mini"

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Tuesday 8 June 2010, 01:41:13 am
After hearing the description of the human centipede: ''So is it a documentary?'' 
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Tuesday 8 June 2010, 02:05:30 am
When we needed a solution to dry clothes without a tumble dryer at the weekend:

"Why don't you just put them in the bathroom and put the shower on and let the steam from that dry them?"





Not my girlfriend, thank f***.









Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Tuesday 8 June 2010, 02:30:10 pm
"Wanna hang out on Friday?"


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 21 June 2010, 08:09:17 pm
"eeh its 1-0 to spain , who they playing Hong Kong?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Decky on Tuesday 22 June 2010, 12:43:01 am
After hearing the description of the human centipede: ''So is it a documentary?'' 

If only it was :(
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ElDiablo on Tuesday 22 June 2010, 12:46:47 am
My mate:

"Can you transfer players to your fantasy football team after the game and still get their points?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Blackbelts on Tuesday 22 June 2010, 01:02:14 am
My ex had some moments:

"The Japanese, they hate Americans. It's because of the bombing of Konichiwa".

"Moscow's probably like Peckham, with a few more skyscrapers"The word unanimous came on E4 for some reason - her reaction: "What's un-animous? Is that when you aren't friendly?"

Cretin.

Reminds me of an absolute classic, "i'd like to go to Moscow to see the Mosques".

Reminds me of convincing my lass that the people of malta are really called malteasers, it lasted a good while!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Tuesday 22 June 2010, 01:50:50 am
Not fair when you trick them into thinking stupid s***. Too easy.

Got one friend who still thinks, after 4 years, that Johnnie Walker is Prince Alberts best friend after we were on vacation to see the Monaco Grand Prix, and she was wondering why there were so many posters with the name Johnnie Walker posted around in the city.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Tuesday 22 June 2010, 03:04:23 am
To some scotish lad " So are frozen mars bars nice?"  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Tuesday 22 June 2010, 05:19:01 am
The all-time classic from my mate was 'You've got the same birthday as Martins!? Ah, I thought you just had the same date of birth.'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 22 June 2010, 11:21:04 am
Her "can madonna win the world cup?"

Me "no she is a pop star in her 50s"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 24 June 2010, 07:50:15 pm
"Neil, I'm going for a quick nap before we go out - can you make sure you find me a pencil sharpener?"

:kinnear:

And no, it's not some kind of euphemism. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Thursday 24 June 2010, 07:59:13 pm
"Neil, I'm going for a quick nap before we go out - can you make sure you find me a pencil sharpener?"

:kinnear:

And no, it's not some kind of euphemism. :lol:

:lol:

Mine just asked me if I was going to have the chicken drumstick in the fridge for my tea tonight, and when I said "No love, you have it, I'm not really bothered" she pipes up with "Nah, I'm not so keen on nibbling on a bone".

Damn. I'm getting married soon. :(
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 24 June 2010, 08:07:35 pm
"Neil, I'm going for a quick nap before we go out - can you make sure you find me a pencil sharpener?"

:kinnear:

And no, it's not some kind of euphemism. :lol:

:lol:

Mine just asked me if I was going to have the chicken drumstick in the fridge for my tea tonight, and when I said "No love, you have it, I'm not really bothered" she pipes up with "Nah, I'm not so keen on nibbling on a bone".

Damn. I'm getting married soon. :(

:lol: Crazy.

I've been giving mine s*** about being so bloody unreasonable about the World Cup, telling her that most people take some kind of interest, a bit like Wimbledon.  So she piped up with a few questions this evening:

Are players allowed to wear gloves?  Yes pet, and many do.
Are they allowed to wear scarves?  I think I've seen one with a wrap-around thing on, aye.
Are they allowed to wear trousers?  Some keepers do, yeah... not really in fashion that much these days though.
What about hats?  Not really, seen a bandana or 2.
Ear muffs?  OK, p*ss off pet - I get the point... that it's proper s*** when you take an interest in the football. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 24 June 2010, 08:22:18 pm
"Neil, I'm going for a quick nap before we go out - can you make sure you find me a pencil sharpener?"

:kinnear:

And no, it's not some kind of euphemism. :lol:

:lol:

Mine just asked me if I was going to have the chicken drumstick in the fridge for my tea tonight, and when I said "No love, you have it, I'm not really bothered" she pipes up with "Nah, I'm not so keen on nibbling on a bone".

Damn. I'm getting married soon. :(

:lol: Crazy.

I've been giving mine s*** about being so bloody unreasonable about the World Cup, telling her that most people take some kind of interest, a bit like Wimbledon.  So she piped up with a few questions this evening:

Are players allowed to wear gloves?  Yes pet, and many do.
Are they allowed to wear scarves?  I think I've seen one with a wrap-around thing on, aye.
Are they allowed to wear trousers?  Some keepers do, yeah... not really in fashion that much these days though.
What about hats?  Not really, seen a bandana or 2.
Ear muffs?  OK, p*ss off pet - I get the point... that it's proper s*** when you take an interest in the football. :lol:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 24 June 2010, 08:43:31 pm
"Neil, I'm going for a quick nap before we go out - can you make sure you find me a pencil sharpener?"

:kinnear:

And no, it's not some kind of euphemism. :lol:

:lol:

Mine just asked me if I was going to have the chicken drumstick in the fridge for my tea tonight, and when I said "No love, you have it, I'm not really bothered" she pipes up with "Nah, I'm not so keen on nibbling on a bone".

Damn. I'm getting married soon. :(

:lol: Crazy.

I've been giving mine s*** about being so bloody unreasonable about the World Cup, telling her that most people take some kind of interest, a bit like Wimbledon.  So she piped up with a few questions this evening:

Are players allowed to wear gloves?  Yes pet, and many do.
Are they allowed to wear scarves?  I think I've seen one with a wrap-around thing on, aye.
Are they allowed to wear trousers?  Some keepers do, yeah... not really in fashion that much these days though.
What about hats?  Not really, seen a bandana or 2.
Ear muffs?  OK, p*ss off pet - I get the point... that it's proper s*** when you take an interest in the football. :lol:

 ;D

I'm ok wor lass enjoys footy.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Thursday 24 June 2010, 09:35:25 pm
"Neil, I'm going for a quick nap before we go out - can you make sure you find me a pencil sharpener?"

:kinnear:

And no, it's not some kind of euphemism. :lol:

:lol:

Mine just asked me if I was going to have the chicken drumstick in the fridge for my tea tonight, and when I said "No love, you have it, I'm not really bothered" she pipes up with "Nah, I'm not so keen on nibbling on a bone".

Damn. I'm getting married soon. :(

:lol: Crazy.

I've been giving mine s*** about being so bloody unreasonable about the World Cup, telling her that most people take some kind of interest, a bit like Wimbledon.  So she piped up with a few questions this evening:

Are players allowed to wear gloves?  Yes pet, and many do.
Are they allowed to wear scarves?  I think I've seen one with a wrap-around thing on, aye.
Are they allowed to wear trousers?  Some keepers do, yeah... not really in fashion that much these days though.
What about hats?  Not really, seen a bandana or 2.
Ear muffs?  OK, p*ss off pet - I get the point... that it's proper s*** when you take an interest in the football. :lol:

 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Thursday 24 June 2010, 09:36:50 pm
"Neil, I'm going for a quick nap before we go out - can you make sure you find me a pencil sharpener?"

:kinnear:

And no, it's not some kind of euphemism. :lol:

:lol:

Mine just asked me if I was going to have the chicken drumstick in the fridge for my tea tonight, and when I said "No love, you have it, I'm not really bothered" she pipes up with "Nah, I'm not so keen on nibbling on a bone".

Damn. I'm getting married soon. :(


Are you sure she was refering to the t' chicken drumstick?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Friday 25 June 2010, 12:50:24 am
:lol: Lanky.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 25 June 2010, 01:04:55 am
Man, Lanky! I thought nobody was ever gonna pick up on that. Thank you! :smitten:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 25 June 2010, 05:46:13 pm
Man, Lanky! I thought nobody was ever gonna pick up on that. Thank you! :smitten:


I aim to please, which is more than can be said for.................................... :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 25 June 2010, 07:32:58 pm
Man, Lanky! I thought nobody was ever gonna pick up on that. Thank you! :smitten:


I aim to please, which is more than can be said for.................................... :facepalm:

:laugh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 26 June 2010, 01:29:50 am
She just full-on licked my face and went "FACE RAPE" in a proper six year old child's voice.  What the f***.

That's it, I'm documenting all this s*** now - there's no going back.  If she finds out I'm dead though.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Prophet on Saturday 26 June 2010, 01:35:37 am
She just full-on licked my face and went "FACE RAPE" in a proper six year old child's voice.  What the f***.

That's it, I'm documenting all this s*** now - there's no going back.  If she finds out I'm dead though.

 :lol:

Sounds like a keeper.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Yorkie on Saturday 26 June 2010, 01:36:51 am
She sounds awesome. :(
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 26 June 2010, 01:49:03 am
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Saturday 26 June 2010, 06:33:59 am
Watching a world cup game with the lass where a player blasts the ball over the bar.

Her: He must have pushed square too hard.  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Saturday 26 June 2010, 09:50:13 am
Watching a world cup game with the lass where a player blasts the ball over the bar.

Her: He must have pushed square too hard.  :lol:
dunno, i actually think thats quite cleverly funny. "someone" instead of "he" maybe,but it still works.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Saturday 26 June 2010, 11:58:29 am
Watching a world cup game with the lass where a player blasts the ball over the bar.

Her: He must have pushed square too hard.  :lol:
dunno, i actually think thats quite cleverly funny. "someone" instead of "he" maybe,but it still works.

I meant it like that, it really cracked me up. I see this as more of a 'Funny thing's my lass has said' thread.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Saturday 26 June 2010, 12:07:12 pm
Watching a world cup game with the lass where a player blasts the ball over the bar.

Her: He must have pushed square too hard.  :lol:

That's class man. I sometimes shout 'Square, not Circle!' while watching a match if someone blasts it over and I want a cheap laugh. It's a good stock joke.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dokko on Saturday 26 June 2010, 12:07:25 pm
I've just paid mine off for the World Cup, it's not even cost £20 so far, she thought she'd have been quids in but I stipulated no England games and her sweepstake teams. Full WC peace and quiet.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 29 June 2010, 01:09:52 pm
She just full-on licked my face and went "FACE RAPE" in a proper six year old child's voice.  What the f***.

That's it, I'm documenting all this s*** now - there's no going back.  If she finds out I'm dead though.

GET HER BACK.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: a random player who doesn't even play for us any more on Friday 16 July 2010, 05:57:10 pm
Me

did you know that if you hold a mouthful of cola in your mouth for a full night

it will dissolve parts of your tongue
5:48pmRachael

i didnt
5:49pmMe

something to tell your mates
5:49pmRachael

hahaha shut up
5:51pmMe

ill tell u another

if you eat 50 pork pies in a day you actually lose half a stone because your bodys metabolism reverses because of the amount of calories
5:53pmRachael

so how are fat people fat?

lol
5:54pmMe

they dont eat that amount during a day
5:54pmRachael

some eat laodsssssssssssssssssssss
5:54pmMe

im just saying if you tried it

yes but pork pies have jelly in them

which activates the cells

more
5:55pmRachael

oooo

i see
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: khay on Friday 16 July 2010, 06:01:54 pm
I'm not sure who is daft you or your lass.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: a random player who doesn't even play for us any more on Friday 16 July 2010, 06:03:04 pm
I'm not sure who is daft you or your lass.
I am very daft, but still :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 21 July 2010, 06:46:44 pm
Well Ive looked right through this owners manual and I cant find anything about Towing weights for Caravans
It only mentions trailers. :suicide:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heneage on Wednesday 28 July 2010, 11:09:16 pm
"So Goal 2 isn't based on a true story? But David Beckham was in it? So that guy doesn't exist at all?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mrmojorisin75 on Friday 30 July 2010, 06:55:04 pm
"why are the birds angry?"

was the first question When being shown how to play angry birds, not how do you play or anything stupid like that.

:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 10 August 2010, 08:20:16 pm
Via text:

Her - "I wish I looked like Shakira"
Me - "So do I"

Then she gets the hump, not being funny but if she realises how hot Shakira is then she should realise how hot I think Shakira is  :doh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Tuesday 10 August 2010, 08:26:40 pm
"why are the birds angry?"

was the first question When being shown how to play angry birds, not how do you play or anything stupid like that.

:facepalm:

The pigs took their eggs man, their f***ing eggs
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 10 August 2010, 08:26:59 pm
she goes out for a fag, and comes back in, has a pee.

then comes into living room and asks why ive left back door open.



 :angry:

f*** off or I will chop your head OFF!!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Tuesday 10 August 2010, 08:31:00 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: icemanblue on Tuesday 10 August 2010, 08:40:22 pm
"why are the birds angry?"

was the first question When being shown how to play angry birds, not how do you play or anything stupid like that.

:facepalm:

The pigs took their eggs man, their f***ing eggs

To be fair, they've fallen for the old 'wooden cut-out of a pig' routine a fair few times now. They could just be angry with themselves?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ameritoon on Tuesday 10 August 2010, 08:46:29 pm
Me: "I think they're doing it out of jest."
Her: "Yeah, well maybe they're just joking."
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Tuesday 10 August 2010, 08:47:50 pm
"why are the birds angry?"

was the first question When being shown how to play angry birds, not how do you play or anything stupid like that.

:facepalm:

The pigs took their eggs man, their f***ing eggs

To be fair, they've fallen for the old 'wooden cut-out of a pig' routine a fair few times now. They could just be angry with themselves?

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mrmojorisin75 on Wednesday 11 August 2010, 06:34:02 am
"why are the birds angry?"

was the first question When being shown how to play angry birds, not how do you play or anything stupid like that.

:facepalm:

The pigs took their eggs man, their f***ing eggs

:lol:

cracks me with the stress on the second bit, THEIR f***ing EGGS!!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 17 August 2010, 01:24:04 am
not said but done..............


shes got a burn, quite a large one on her collarbone, i asked how she got it, weeeeeeeeellllllll "you  know when the girls go out we go to someones house first for a wine and a giggle ? well when i was there i realised my collar on my blouse wouldnt stay down so i tried to iron it".....while she was f***ing wearing it........i've watched her do this before aswell.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Tuesday 17 August 2010, 01:28:33 am
Not a lass but a bloke in the bar tonight. When the advert for the games tomorrow came on. ''Spurs are playing young Boys. Wonder if that's a European game?''
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Tuesday 17 August 2010, 01:30:27 am
Not a lass but a bloke in the bar tonight. When the advert for the games tomorrow came on. ''Spurs are playing young Boys. Wonder if that's a European game?''

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MrIrrelevant on Tuesday 17 August 2010, 05:29:48 am
Not a lass but a bloke in the bar tonight. When the advert for the games tomorrow came on. ''Spurs are playing young Boys. Wonder if that's a European game?''

Similar, a guy in the bar where we were asked if they were a Brazilian or Argentinian club. In the Champions League ffs.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 21 August 2010, 09:44:34 pm
' Theres Fkin sand everywhere!!'



Location Tynemouth Longsands.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 21 August 2010, 11:28:30 pm
This from my lass a few weeks back: "I do."

Bet she's regretting it now.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 22 August 2010, 06:23:16 pm
Got a text from my lass the other day about one of the hamsters:

"Was so scared this morning - thought Lily had died.  She hadn't.  I rewarded her with some lettuce".

:lol: I texted back saying wtf or whatever and got this:

"She was lying in the corner with her eyes closed.  Terrifying ordeal".

Not really stupid, just funny. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: robm on Sunday 22 August 2010, 11:01:37 pm
Watching the match today the camera shows Steven Taylor. She says he's gay isnt he.  I say thats the rumour and she says aww if he goes out with Joe(McElderry) it will be just like Posh and Becks
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Quiché on Sunday 22 August 2010, 11:53:14 pm
Not my lass thank god but a lass I know "Half of my family are cockney, their from Peterborough. Thats near London!"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Monday 23 August 2010, 12:01:46 am
Not my lass thank god but a lass I know "Half of my family are cockney, their from Peterborough. Thats near London!"

My lass is adamant P'boro is near the coast as its on the East Coast mainline. Moron.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Quiché on Monday 23 August 2010, 01:06:06 am
Not my lass thank god but a lass I know "Half of my family are cockney, their from Peterborough. Thats near London!"

My lass is adamant P'boro is near the coast as its on the East Coast mainline. Moron.

Good old Peteborough by the sea lol. I do remember getting a friend of a friend to believe that Scunthorpe was the seaside.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Monday 23 August 2010, 04:11:30 am
I once remarked 'that sun is hot.' while on holiday. I've never been allowed to forget it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: indi on Monday 23 August 2010, 06:48:01 pm
Not my lass thank god but a lass I know "Half of my family are cockney, their from Peterborough. Thats near London!"

My lass is adamant P'boro is near the coast as its on the East Coast mainline. Moron.

Good old Peteborough by the sea lol. I do remember getting a friend of a friend to believe that Scunthorpe was the seaside.

Was chatting to a lass on t'internet when I was at Uni, she asked me where I was and when I told her Leicester, she asked where that was and I thought that she must be a yank or something, turned out she was from London and that was the end of the conversation.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ads on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 11:34:02 am
Just this weekend gone we were getting ready to go to Go Ape at Dalby Forest.

Hannah sat doing Skye's (3 year old) hair and said, "We're going to Dalby Forest today, guess who lives there?"

Skye: "Don't know"

Hannah: "Robin Hood"

Me:  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mrmojorisin75 on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 11:35:10 am
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 11:42:46 am
So who does live there then?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ads on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 11:45:40 am
So who does live there then?

No idea but the humour comes from the fact that Robin Hood was from Sherwood Forest.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 11:54:23 am
So who does live there then?

No idea but the humour comes from the fact that Robin Hood was from Sherwood Forest.

 :elvis:

I would never have got that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ads on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 12:01:00 pm
So who does live there then?

No idea but the humour comes from the fact that Robin Hood was from Sherwood Forest.

 :elvis:

I would never have got that.

Appreciate the sarcasm. Was there something I had missed in your original post then?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 12:06:33 pm
I don't know, do you think you missed something in my post?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 12:07:40 pm
I think you both missed something in the post. I'd leave the computer to go check.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ads on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 12:07:49 pm
I don't know, do you think you missed something in my post?

Sense.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 12:11:27 pm
I don't know, do you think you missed something in my post?

Sense.

There is often very little sense in my posts. Anyone round here will tell you that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: kirkwdavis2001 on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 09:51:04 pm
On a similar theme, a mate of mine thought Robin Hood was from Leeds, when I queried why his reply was "Robin Hood, Prince of Leeds" ?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 09:52:15 pm
No way. :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: kirkwdavis2001 on Tuesday 24 August 2010, 10:07:36 pm
I go for intelligent women, myself.

What, where?

:)

Awesome thread this!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Wednesday 25 August 2010, 12:01:25 pm
Why is Doncaster Airport called Robin Hood Airport?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 30 August 2010, 05:37:20 pm
Watching the news about David Cameron's new baby,

her: yeah everyone thinks it's all sweet but they don't think about how they made the baby
me:  ???
her: well him shagging her up the arse and stuff isn't sweet is it?

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 30 August 2010, 05:40:17 pm
Watching the news about David Cameron's new baby,

her: yeah everyone thinks it's all sweet but they don't think about how they made the baby
me:  ???
her: well him shagging her up the arse and stuff isn't sweet is it?

 :facepalm:

 ;D


(im off to look at your lass on facebook)




Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 30 August 2010, 05:42:30 pm
I wouldn't.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 30 August 2010, 05:43:23 pm
I wouldn't.


i just did, she dosent look like the type to do that. :nope:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Monday 30 August 2010, 05:46:37 pm
Why is Doncaster Airport called Robin Hood Airport?

Have you ever met anyone from Doncaster? Thick as pig s***!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 30 August 2010, 06:01:01 pm
I wouldn't.


i just did, she dosent look like the type to do that. :nope:

Anal? Oh she does  :snod:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 30 August 2010, 06:04:01 pm
I wouldn't.


i just did, she dosent look like the type to do that. :nope:

Anal? Oh she does  :snod:


you wanna watch out you dont get her pregnant then :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 30 August 2010, 06:04:25 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: neesy111 on Monday 30 August 2010, 09:55:35 pm
Why is Doncaster Airport called Robin Hood Airport?

Have you ever met anyone from Doncaster? Thick as pig s***!

I used to live with someone from there, I would concur.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 5 September 2010, 05:00:54 pm
Watching Hollyoaks and one of the characters has aids, he has split up with his wife and seeing another woman:

"Should they be advocating the use of aids?"

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Sunday 5 September 2010, 05:17:45 pm
Watching Hollyoaks and one of the characters has aids, he has split up with his wife and seeing another woman:

"Should they be advocating the use of aids?"

:lol:


 :lol: :lol: :lol:

Brilliant.


Mine just said 'I want a divorce'

She cracks me up.  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Sunday 5 September 2010, 05:24:42 pm
Watching Hollyoaks and one of the characters has aids, he has split up with his wife and seeing another woman:

"Should they be advocating the use of aids?"

:lol:

The Queen has aids. If its good enough for her.....
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 5 September 2010, 05:40:51 pm
Watching Hollyoaks and one of the characters has aids, he has split up with his wife and seeing another woman:

"Should they be advocating the use of aids?"

:lol:

The Queen has aids. If its good enough for her.....

She has aides, dear boy. Aides. Not the same thing at all...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Gorilla on Sunday 5 September 2010, 05:46:30 pm
Why cant she pronounce stuff from reading.

"I've ordered some stuff from Jojo Miam Bien"

IT'S JOJO MAMAN BEBE FFS.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heron on Sunday 5 September 2010, 05:47:14 pm
A while ago there was a Barclaycard advert with a glass bottomed boat on it. My lass said " I really don't get how that doesn't sink with that massive hole in it". :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 5 September 2010, 11:21:50 pm
amazed thst i got her to watch "georgie girl" a black and white film...............with half an hour left she was asking "what happens"..."does she have the baby"?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 8 September 2010, 06:23:09 pm
Me:  Your full of s***

Her: Im not full of s***

Her: Shut up Sherlock

Me: ???

Me: ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: S.S.R. on Wednesday 8 September 2010, 08:13:05 pm
Me:  Your full of s***

Her: Im not full of s***

Her: Shut up Sherlock

Me: ???

Me: ;D

Were you wearing a deerstalker, smoking a pipe and playing the violin at the time?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: McCormick on Wednesday 8 September 2010, 08:22:53 pm
"What's that browser you use again... Mozzarella Firefrost?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Wednesday 8 September 2010, 08:26:09 pm
"What's that browser you use again... Mozzarella Firefrost?"


:lol:

She's a keeper like
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: McCormick on Wednesday 8 September 2010, 08:32:48 pm
"What's that browser you use again... Mozzarella Firefrost?"


:lol:

She's a keeper like

After laughing and telling her what it's real name was her response was:

"What a stupid name"

:lol: ??
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 8 September 2010, 08:37:04 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 9 September 2010, 09:03:20 pm
Whats the Date, ?

7th?

No the 9th.


Its the aniversary of 9/11
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 10 September 2010, 04:22:28 pm
Dole sum family come into the pub, just as they were walking passed us "I wish I was on benefits".

She wasn't kicking off or anything, just needs to learn what needs to be said in the head and what can be said out loud :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 17 September 2010, 08:00:05 pm
Just saw a dog on telly with big tits he he he.


 ???
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Saturday 18 September 2010, 01:47:59 am
My dad was waffling on pretending he knew all about computers (he wouldn't even know how to switch one one) and came out with "I couldn't log on to that website cos it got blocked by the fireguard" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 18 September 2010, 06:53:50 pm
My dafty came up with this the other night:

"You know how you can fast-forward telly on Sky Plus, how far can you fast-forward it?"
"Erm, you can't fast-forward it, it's not a f***ing time machine pet.  You can fast-forward it after you've rewound it".
"Shut up man, I'm not being daft - TV stations must have the whole broadcast set up for hours in advance.  Well, if it's not live stuff".
"Aye, perhaps.  Pfff, I dunno.  But you can't f***ing fast-forward telly ffs, are you for real?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lewando on Sunday 19 September 2010, 05:05:05 pm
Last night my girlfriend said to me, "Did you know, butterflies only live for two days?"

I said, "Honey, I think that's a myth."

"No", she replied, "It's definitely a butterfly."
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 19 September 2010, 05:15:08 pm
Last night my girlfriend said to me, "Did you know, butterflies only live for two days?"

I said, "Honey, I think that's a myth."

"No", she replied, "It's definitely a butterfly."

:lol: I don't believe you.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Sunday 19 September 2010, 07:53:45 pm
My dad was waffling on pretending he knew all about computers (he wouldn't even know how to switch one one) and came out with "I couldn't log on to that website cos it got blocked by the fireguard" :lol:

Must have been passing on a message from your mam.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Friday 1 October 2010, 04:10:02 pm
Trying to get Fifa brought back from the metrocentre. Text ''do you have the xbox 420 or 720?'' followed by ''Is fifa 11 any different to fifa?'' Obviously the new fifa for xbox wasn't specific enough.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Foluwashola on Friday 1 October 2010, 04:12:09 pm
Trying to get Fifa brought back from the metrocentre. Text ''do you have the xbox 420 or 720?'' followed by ''Is fifa 11 any different to fifa?'' Obviously the new fifa for xbox wasn't specific enough.

What the f***  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Friday 1 October 2010, 04:14:00 pm
Trying to get Fifa brought back from the metrocentre. Text ''do you have the xbox 420 or 720?'' followed by ''Is fifa 11 any different to fifa?'' Obviously the new fifa for xbox wasn't specific enough.

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heneage on Friday 1 October 2010, 04:16:41 pm
So the Geneva convention isn't an actual convention held every year?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: junkhead on Friday 1 October 2010, 05:18:56 pm
So my wife wasn't sure how WWII ended ( :sadnod: )..

me: The Germans brutally defeated everybody.. like they did the first WW..
her: yeah, you sure?
me: Of course.. nobody can beat the Germans baby.. Haven't you read about Hitler and that?
her: oh ok.. I just wasn't sure..

A couple of days later, I'm talking to her best friend.. She complains about the guy she's dating: "He's not the brightest really.. He even thought the Germans lost the second world war!!"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Decky on Friday 1 October 2010, 05:27:49 pm
Trying to get Fifa brought back from the metrocentre. Text ''do you have the xbox 420 or 720?'' followed by ''Is fifa 11 any different to fifa?'' Obviously the new fifa for xbox wasn't specific enough.

:lol: Brilliant
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 9 October 2010, 05:56:50 pm
Was discussing my next visit to Newcastle with her just then and said:

"I'm getting the train back down to London at about 7 on Halloween".

"Are you not a bit scared?"

:kinnear: Jesus.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 9 October 2010, 10:05:57 pm
Was discussing my next visit to Newcastle with her just then and said:

"I'm getting the train back down to London at about 7 on Halloween".

"Are you not a bit scared?"

:kinnear: Jesus.

 :lol:


Witch trian are you getting?


Wooooooooooooo
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr.Spaceman on Sunday 10 October 2010, 12:47:45 am
Lets go to bulletproof, it'll be fun.

Turns out it's f***ing s***, and i'm on n-o on the middle of the dancefloor. Oh how i'm going to have to liaten to something decent when i get in.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: neesy111 on Sunday 10 October 2010, 12:48:48 am
Lets go to bulletproof, it'll be fun.

Turns out it's f***ing s***, and i'm on n-o on the middle of the dancefloor. Oh how i'm going to have to liaten to something decent when i get in.

Was it dead?

I went like 5 weeks ago and it was awful.  The academy is a bad venue for it, should move it back to reds bar.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Sunday 10 October 2010, 01:15:00 am
Lets go to bulletproof, it'll be fun.

Turns out it's f***ing s***, and i'm on n-o on the middle of the dancefloor. Oh how i'm going to have to liaten to something decent when i get in.

Was it dead?

I went like 5 weeks ago and it was awful.  The academy is a bad venue for it, should move it back to reds bar.

He's there now. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 10 October 2010, 01:18:28 am
Lets go to bulletproof, it'll be fun.

Turns out it's f***ing s***, and i'm on n-o on the middle of the dancefloor. Oh how i'm going to have to liaten to something decent when i get in.

Was it dead?

I went like 5 weeks ago and it was awful.  The academy is a bad venue for it, should move it back to reds bar.

He's there now. :lol:

:lol:

I've never had a night out quite that bad.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Sunday 10 October 2010, 01:22:16 am
Would've thought it would've picked up with the Estudiantes being back. Went a while back and it was quiet-ish but the Academy is too big to be hosting club nights anyway. Should do it no.2.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ash on Sunday 10 October 2010, 01:23:53 am
Lass who lives in the same student accommodation as me came out with this the other day when using the AA Route Planner:

"It says it's 10 miles away and will take 12 minutes. Do you think that's how long it takes to walk?"

:doh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 10 October 2010, 01:24:25 am
Lass who lives in the same student accommodation as me came out with this the other day when using the AA Route Planner:

"It says it's 10 miles away and will take 12 minutes. Do you think that's how long it takes to walk?"

:doh:
hope you said "yes"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ElDiablo on Sunday 10 October 2010, 01:32:29 am
Girl on my course who's from a nice area and is well spoken:

"I'd say cricket is just as popular as football in this country, I mean every pub has a cricket team don't they?"

A fair few looks were exchanged between the lads.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: andrew on Sunday 10 October 2010, 09:56:09 pm
Scrolling through the team lists on an old PES I was playing-

"You know, I've never heard of any of these teams"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: neesy111 on Sunday 10 October 2010, 11:40:50 pm
Would've thought it would've picked up with the Estudiantes being back. Went a while back and it was quiet-ish but the Academy is too big to be hosting club nights anyway. Should do it no.2.

Upstairs used to be good with Where Angels Play, it's where I'd always end up if I was going to the academy.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Segun Oluwaniyi on Wednesday 13 October 2010, 06:32:42 pm
My girlfriend drove to see her people last weekend and was at fault for an accident on the motorway. The girl told me that she had meant to push the brakes, but accidentally hit the acceleration pedal and drove directly into the back of another vehicle. Honestly, she is a danger to herself and others. Sometimes, I drive her places so I don't have to read a small paragraph about the girl in the back of the newspapers.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Wednesday 13 October 2010, 06:35:53 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Thursday 14 October 2010, 03:55:21 am
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shearergol on Thursday 14 October 2010, 11:56:18 am
My dad was waffling on pretending he knew all about computers (he wouldn't even know how to switch one one) and came out with "I couldn't log on to that website cos it got blocked by the fireguard" :lol:

Without getting too techie, there's a device called the Fireguard which load balances multiple firewalls to ensure internet traffic management is efficient. He could have just said something extremely clever ;)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SteveR on Thursday 14 October 2010, 12:50:41 pm
On reading this forum my work mate (a bird of course) looked over my shoulder at interpolics avatar and said "what is that?" I replied.. a sloth. To which she replied.... I didnt think they were real??

Now she just said.. I thought they were just in ice age. Where do they live then???? hahahahaha
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Thursday 14 October 2010, 01:21:35 pm
She's hot isn't she?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 14 October 2010, 01:23:25 pm
My dafty came up with this the other night:

"You know how you can fast-forward telly on Sky Plus, how far can you fast-forward it?"
"Erm, you can't fast-forward it, it's not a f***ing time machine pet.  You can fast-forward it after you've rewound it".
"Shut up man, I'm not being daft - TV stations must have the whole broadcast set up for hours in advance.  Well, if it's not live stuff".
"Aye, perhaps.  Pfff, I dunno.  But you can't f***ing fast-forward telly ffs, are you for real?"

;D

She's a lucky girl like, Mr Darcy
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ED209 on Thursday 14 October 2010, 01:42:05 pm
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:

every time i drive an automatic i do that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 14 October 2010, 05:07:15 pm
'Is it called common wealth games cos its full of common people who have wealth.'


' what? seriously?'

 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Segun Oluwaniyi on Thursday 14 October 2010, 05:54:34 pm
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:

every time i drive an automatic i do that.
How do you have difficulty driving an automatic? It is ridiculously simple. I learned how to drive using manual first, which is useless and inadequate unless you are on a test track. Didn't realise what I was missing out on. I could drive automatic blind and deaf.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Thursday 14 October 2010, 05:57:27 pm
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:

every time i drive an automatic i do that.
How do you have difficulty driving an automatic? It is ridiculously simple. I learned how to drive using manual first, which is useless and inadequate unless you are on a test track. Didn't realise what I was missing out on. I could drive automatic blind and deaf.

Eh? He's not saying he finds it hard, just that it becomes second nature to depress the left-most pedal when coming to a stop in a manual. When that pedal is the brake and not a clutch it catches you out. I've done the same.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dilligaf on Thursday 14 October 2010, 06:23:50 pm
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:

every time i drive an automatic i do that.
How do you have difficulty driving an automatic? It is ridiculously simple. I learned how to drive using manual first, which is useless and inadequate unless you are on a test track. Didn't realise what I was missing out on. I could drive automatic blind and deaf.
What was you missing out on? Automatics are a lazy mans car, you have so much more control of the car using a manual and yes I now drive an automatic :)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 14 October 2010, 07:09:25 pm
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:

every time i drive an automatic i do that.
How do you have difficulty driving an automatic? It is ridiculously simple. I learned how to drive using manual first, which is useless and inadequate unless you are on a test track. Didn't realise what I was missing out on. I could drive automatic blind and deaf.

Tosh

Driving a manual is 100x better! There's nothing more annoying than an automatic. I want to change gear at the revs I chose to.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Thursday 14 October 2010, 07:12:32 pm
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:

every time i drive an automatic i do that.
How do you have difficulty driving an automatic? It is ridiculously simple. I learned how to drive using manual first, which is useless and inadequate unless you are on a test track. Didn't realise what I was missing out on. I could drive automatic blind and deaf.

Tosh

Driving a manual is 100x better! There's nothing more annoying than an automatic. I want to change gear at the revs I chose to.

Aye that's why I prefer manual too. Was once in an automatic with Stifler driving and it was overrevving like mad, very weird...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Thursday 14 October 2010, 08:29:14 pm
"So, you're telling me that Pakistan isn't the capital of India?"  :fool:  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pedro_de_geordieo on Thursday 14 October 2010, 10:55:07 pm
Great!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 14 October 2010, 11:16:58 pm
"So, you're telling me that Pakistan isn't the capital of India?"  :fool:  :lol:

Seriously, how the f*** do you get through a day not knowing that. There are so many f***ing references to those two countries in every day life. I would have been very tempted to take the back of my hand to her. I hope you did.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Foluwashola on Thursday 14 October 2010, 11:19:50 pm
 :lol:

I don't understand why people do this. Just decide places are country's capitals for no f***ing reason at all  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Thursday 14 October 2010, 11:22:49 pm
"Hey Finch, what's the capital of Thailand?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Thursday 14 October 2010, 11:25:04 pm

Me:
'Those 3D Tellies are proper realistic like, I was watching the Liverpool match the other day, and when I looked down someone had nicked my wallet.'

My Sister:
'I don't get it, did the telly steal the wallet?'



I can't believe we're related.




Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 20 October 2010, 11:40:16 pm
Here man, she's going to a fancy dress party where everybody has to dress as owls.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Wednesday 20 October 2010, 11:46:56 pm
Here man, she's going to a fancy dress party where everybody has to dress as owls.
get her to go as clinton morrison
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Wednesday 20 October 2010, 11:50:00 pm
Get her to go as the most common owl in britain... the teat.

Spoiler
[close]
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: adam on Thursday 21 October 2010, 01:43:03 pm
Here man, she's going to a fancy dress party where everybody has to dress as owls.

Thats canny twattish that like.  ;D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 21 October 2010, 01:52:52 pm
"So, you're telling me that Pakistan isn't the capital of India?"  :fool:  :lol:

She needs 40 lashes like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 21 October 2010, 01:55:50 pm
She should be stoned!

Then again, she's probably been stoned plenty of times, it is Tooj's lass after all.

waheeyyy
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Thursday 21 October 2010, 09:25:04 pm
Had a call from "Microsoft", they told her they detected a problem with her pc and had she been experiencing problems with it being slow, coincidently she had. So they told her they have a fix and she has to follow their instructuions. They talked her through all this stuff including typing something into run, then it popped up with the remote access thing and asking if she would give them permission to remote access her pc.

Thankfully she said she wouldn't do it as she couldn't be sure they were from microsoft, she googled it and surprise surprise it was a scam. 

I can't believe in this day and age people will still pick up a phone and do whatever is asked because they claim to be from a certain company, apparently her dad was half way through their instructions the day before but a student turned up so he had to hang up.

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Thursday 28 October 2010, 09:36:37 pm
Me: I've recorded a documentary about the escape from Alcatraz

Her: Oh did someone actually escape from there, I thought it was just a film.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Friday 29 October 2010, 02:48:27 am
This may very well be my favorite thread on this forum. :lol:

Same girl that tried to clutch in a car with automatic gear just bought a wallet for $400. When I asked her why in the hell she would spend so much on a f***ing wallet, seeing as she is a student, she just replied that "it is an investment!"  Is that the new exuse girls use now to justify silly spending? ???

Seems kind of weird to have a wallet that is worth more then all the things in it combined.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: McCormick on Friday 29 October 2010, 03:29:28 am
Another gem:

Me <as I stepped outside the restaurant to find it was raining heavily and the pathway was flooded>" Jesus it's like Atlantis out here..."

Her: "Why? Does it rain a lot in Atlantis?"


......
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ronaldo on Friday 29 October 2010, 03:54:11 am
On a similar note - went on a roadtrip around O'ahu this weekend, and rented a Jeep Wrangler with automatic gears which isn't very common in Norway. Anyway, one of my room mates wanted to give it a spin. When we came near a traffic light, she suddenly crushed in the brakes, bags flying everywhere, smoke coming from the wheels etc. Thank god nobody got hurt. This was on a pretty heavily trafficated road as well.

All she wanted to do was to clutch..  :doh:

every time i drive an automatic i do that.
How do you have difficulty driving an automatic? It is ridiculously simple. I learned how to drive using manual first, which is useless and inadequate unless you are on a test track. Didn't realise what I was missing out on. I could drive automatic blind and deaf.

Got to say, i'm amazed that so many folk over here choose manual gearboxes. Absolutely love driving my auto, tis my third. Gives me a free hand in which to smoke a stogie, too.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Friday 29 October 2010, 04:07:26 am
A few years ago my ex-husband and I were on our way back from Manchester to Newcastle for Christmas. We were on the M62 and he was driving and I noticed the car was making a hell of a racket. I looked at the gears and he was struggling along in 4th gear. I mentioned that he might want to put the car into 5th. He looked down at the gearstick and in all seriousness turned to me in the passenger seat and said "Did you change that?" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Friday 29 October 2010, 08:35:45 pm
Slight variation on a theme

Me: Can you babysit on the 27th November?
Mam:  27th, so that's the Sunday.
Me: Oh right, it must be the 26th, it's the Saturday we're going out
Mam: Ok, so Friday 26th................................
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: maybe_next_year on Monday 1 November 2010, 08:02:53 pm
a mate brought along his female friend to the pub before the match, while discussing the offside rule, she said " is that when you cant shoot when you go past one of those dark or light green patches on the pitch?".... i doubt i'll ever understand the logic behind thinking that the marks the groundsman make shows where players can shoot from  :idiot2:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Monday 1 November 2010, 08:49:12 pm
Slight variation on a theme

Me: Can you babysit on the 27th November?
Mam:  27th, so that's the Sunday.
Me: Oh right, it must be the 26th, it's the Saturday we're going out
Mam: Ok, so Friday 26th................................

:lol:

Now are you sure this is sorted?!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Liam Liam Liam O on Monday 1 November 2010, 08:58:32 pm
Slight variation on a theme

Me: Can you babysit on the 27th November?
Mam:  27th, so that's the Sunday.
Me: Oh right, it must be the 26th, it's the Saturday we're going out
Mam: Ok, so Friday 26th................................

:lol:

Now are you sure this is sorted?!

:doh:

You do realise that by asking that madras will be all over this conversation now, after he suggested I'd got you the Take That ticket. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Geordiecunny on Monday 1 November 2010, 09:37:25 pm
Me (testing her geography): What country is Amsterdam in?
Her: Prague.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Monday 1 November 2010, 09:47:34 pm
Me (testing her geography): What country is Amsterdam in?
Her: Prague.

:lol: Sounds like a right keeper that one.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Mr. Snrub on Monday 1 November 2010, 09:50:52 pm
Me (testing her geography): What country is Amsterdam in?
Her: Prague.

You a teacher and she in primary school?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Geordiecunny on Monday 1 November 2010, 09:56:52 pm
She's a teacher.
:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 1 November 2010, 10:13:50 pm
Messi was getting the right horn then.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Monday 1 November 2010, 10:35:58 pm
Me: 'Honestly man, I think I've watched Match of the Day like 5 times today.'
My Stepmam: 'What was the score again?'
Me:  :shifty: '5-1.......Apparently loads of Sunderland fans have been off work today as well.'
My Stepmam: 'Why? What's happened?'
Me:  :dowie: 'We bummed them 5-1 man!'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 7 November 2010, 01:34:56 am
About a taxi driver:  "I have NEVER encountered someone who smelt so much of menthol in my entire life".

Not really stupid but it made me laugh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Sunday 7 November 2010, 01:48:27 am
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 7 November 2010, 10:45:46 am
Her reading the Carroll orgy story "I'd ride him" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Sunday 7 November 2010, 10:51:52 am
:lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 7 November 2010, 12:07:39 pm
I would let her, as long as he promised not to hit her.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 23 November 2010, 05:39:45 pm
I kid you not.....

' Was shakespeare a Real person?'

'Is Hugh Janus related to Samantha Janus?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Tuesday 23 November 2010, 05:45:55 pm
:spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr. Mambo on Tuesday 23 November 2010, 08:46:52 pm
Not my lass, but my mates wife asked why Stephen Hawking -being English- spoke with an American accent.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 23 November 2010, 08:50:59 pm
Not my lass, but my mates wife asked why Stephen Hawking -being English- spoke with an American accent.

Tbf it is pretty outdated now, should have Mr T or something.


I PITY THE FOOL who doesn't believe the whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Tuesday 23 November 2010, 09:41:27 pm
Not my lass, but my mates wife asked why Stephen Hawking -being English- spoke with an American accent.

That's a Ricky Gervais joke.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Wednesday 24 November 2010, 09:03:02 am
ahahaha, my norwegian female flatmate was invited to a traditional german dinner by some german students here in Honolulu.

She has this habit that when she doesn't know what a specific word is in english, she just englifies the norwegian word.

Got a bit akward after dinner when she thanked "all the cocks for dinner" :lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 24 November 2010, 09:07:38 am
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Thursday 25 November 2010, 08:20:30 pm
Just said something was as 'rare as rocket fuel'.

It is pretty rare I guess. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Thursday 25 November 2010, 08:55:19 pm
ahahaha, my norwegian female flatmate was invited to a traditional german dinner by some german students here in Honolulu.

She has this habit that when she doesn't know what a specific word is in english, she just englifies the norwegian word.

Got a bit akward after dinner when she thanked "all the cocks for dinner" :lol: :lol: :lol:
sounds to me like she got it dead right.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 27 November 2010, 12:28:33 pm
Talking about Hitler and how ironic it was he wanted a world of tall, blonde, blue eyed people and she says "why didn't he just move to Sweden".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 28 November 2010, 12:53:25 am
Talking about Hitler and how ironic it was he wanted a world of tall, blonde, blue eyed people and she says "why didn't he just move to Sweden".

She sounds far too witty and clever to be hanging around with the likes of you, man.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Sunday 28 November 2010, 01:15:54 am
Talking about Hitler and how ironic it was he wanted a world of tall, blonde, blue eyed people and she says "why didn't he just move to Sweden".

I see where you get all your patter from now
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 28 November 2010, 12:42:48 pm
Talking about Hitler and how ironic it was he wanted a world of tall, blonde, blue eyed people and she says "why didn't he just move to Sweden".

She sounds far too witty and clever to be hanging around with the likes of you, man.

Opposites attract.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 28 November 2010, 01:31:07 pm
Talking about Hitler and how ironic it was he wanted a world of tall, blonde, blue eyed people and she says "why didn't he just move to Sweden".

She sounds far too witty and clever to be hanging around with the likes of you, man.

Opposites attract.

:( Oooofppphhhh! Now I feel bad.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 28 November 2010, 04:24:04 pm
Talking about Hitler and how ironic it was he wanted a world of tall, blonde, blue eyed people and she says "why didn't he just move to Sweden".

She sounds far too witty and clever to be hanging around with the likes of you, man.

Opposites attract.

:( Oooofppphhhh! Now I feel bad.

Don't be, your lass seems like a really nice person.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 28 November 2010, 04:24:47 pm
Talking about Hitler and how ironic it was he wanted a world of tall, blonde, blue eyed people and she says "why didn't he just move to Sweden".

She sounds far too witty and clever to be hanging around with the likes of you, man.

Opposites attract.

:( Oooofppphhhh! Now I feel bad.

Don't be, your lass seems like a really nice person.

Ouch. :(
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 28 November 2010, 04:26:35 pm
 :razz:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 28 November 2010, 04:28:30 pm
Nice though my wife is, I have to say your lass seems much a nicer person. Much, much nicer.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 28 November 2010, 04:29:28 pm
:lol: she is, I'm a c***.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Tuesday 30 November 2010, 05:58:11 pm
My mam: 'I like having a slow laptop, Michael. It gives me time to think.'


I have no idea how I'm not adopted.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 5 December 2010, 04:35:51 pm
My lass just sent me a text talking about some website and typed "dot co dot uk" instead of ".co.uk".

Just found it a bit odd, took me a while to work out what was wrong with it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ObiChrisKenobi on Sunday 5 December 2010, 04:39:59 pm
Reading the newspaper, she comes out with:

"I can't believe the Ark Royal is over 400 years old."

What do you mean?

"The ship; its been in service for over 400 years."

...

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Sunday 5 December 2010, 07:14:17 pm
Reading the newspaper, she comes out with:

"I can't believe the Ark Royal is over 400 years old."

What do you mean?

"The ship; its been in service for over 400 years."

...



Ouch.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 17 December 2010, 09:08:52 pm
Not my lass but a lass at work, her team bought her a map of the world because she is really s*** at geography and didn't know where Wales was. I asked her if she knows now and she said "Yeah it's in England, I thought it was but I wasn't sure if it was in Ireland"

:lol:

She said she didn't pay attention in Geography because her teacher kept calling her Sophie when her name is Sophia.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Friday 17 December 2010, 09:25:03 pm
Yeah. 'Cause that's the sort of s*** you need Geography for to learn :lol:

Can't really give a quote of it, but a girl at my last pub didn't know who Hitler was :doh:

We also told her there were no more medium rare steaks and she started telling customers :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 17 December 2010, 09:27:58 pm
Yeah. 'Cause that's the sort of s*** you need Geography for to learn :lol:

Can't really give a quote of it, but a girl at my last pub didn't know who Hitler was :doh:

We also told her there were no more medium rare steaks and she started telling customers :lol:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Friday 17 December 2010, 09:34:26 pm
Quite amazing how many people actually fall for that. In the 4 and a half years I was there, I can remember 3 off the top of my head that we managed to get to do that steak thing :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 17 December 2010, 09:40:50 pm
I suppose it's sort of fair enough if you don't eat steak  :undecided:

It's still funny though  :laugh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: AliGupter on Friday 17 December 2010, 09:42:11 pm
I suppose it's sort of fair enough if you don't eat steak  :undecided:


Under no circumstances is it anywhere near socially or morally acceptable.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: NewBoyPeetah on Friday 17 December 2010, 10:05:50 pm
Today my mrs discovered what the 'V' in DVD stands for. It's not like we've been watching DVDs for easily a decade.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 17 December 2010, 10:07:18 pm
Today my mrs discovered what the 'V' in DVD stands for. It's not like we've been watching DVDs for easily a decade.

So what does it stand for?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 17 December 2010, 10:17:13 pm
Versatile?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Saturday 18 December 2010, 05:33:55 pm
It's not 'The stupid things GM has said' thread either!

KA-BOOM.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Saturday 18 December 2010, 05:36:21 pm
Should have done a quote tbh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Saturday 18 December 2010, 05:43:17 pm
Not a lass, but he may as well be. We told this lad at work during the presentation about pensions, that it's actually you that pays the pension to the company after retirement, because you're no longer contributing to the business. He's handed his notice in. Nah, but he believed it, the stupid f***ing plum.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Sunday 19 December 2010, 12:04:57 pm
My sons girlfriend, when talking about Michael Jackson's new release:

"So did he record it before he died?" 

Seriously.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Sunday 19 December 2010, 12:08:10 pm
She might have meant the full song.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Sunday 19 December 2010, 12:58:35 pm
My sons girlfriend, when talking about Michael Jackson's new release:

"So did he record it before he died?" 

Seriously.

I wondered the same thing, tbf. I presume she means with a view to becoming a comeback single, rather than they just pumped air up his arse and recorded the sound that came out his mouth.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Sunday 19 December 2010, 12:59:51 pm
She meant it exactly as it sounded and admitted so.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Sunday 19 December 2010, 01:01:25 pm
Well she's a keeper.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pedro_de_geordieo on Sunday 19 December 2010, 04:39:49 pm
Me and the wife called in to KFC earlier today. we ordered a couple of zinger tower meals and she said " Ooo lets try one of those bbq chees wraps"

After biting in to it she said "MMmmm nice I wonder what meat it is?".

To which I spat my burger all over the dashboard


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: S.S.R. on Sunday 19 December 2010, 04:42:02 pm
Today my mrs discovered what the 'V' in DVD stands for. It's not like we've been watching DVDs for easily a decade.

Does she know what the V in VD stands for?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mrmojorisin75 on Tuesday 21 December 2010, 07:00:35 am
My sons girlfriend, when talking about Michael Jackson's new release:

"So did he record it before he died?" 

Seriously.

I wondered the same thing, tbf. I presume she means with a view to becoming a comeback single, rather than they just pumped air up his arse and recorded the sound that came out his mouth.

:mackems:

genuine belly laugh moment for that, thanks man :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Colo's Short and Curlies on Thursday 30 December 2010, 11:59:49 am
After watching an hour of the Milton Jones DVD....

'I like him, but the thing is I couldn't sit through an hour of him.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 4 January 2011, 08:52:21 pm
If we get a solar flare and all the power and communications go stay in your house and I will walk to you.

She just text me that :lol: on crack that lass.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Theregulars on Wednesday 5 January 2011, 02:12:36 am
It's waaaay fun convincing girls of ridiculously untrue stuff and watching them completely take it. Years ago my ex was complaining of a stomach ache, the following conversation roughly ensued:

Her: "It really hurts, I think maybe I have a problem with my colon..."
Me: "That's impossible, girls don't have colons."
Her: "What? of course we do"
Me: "Are you serious? Why do you think men have a straight waist and hip line, and girls have a narrow waist and wide hips?"
Her: "Oh yeh... guess i haven't done biology in a while!"

Really?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 5 January 2011, 11:30:53 pm
"Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, why does the commentator keep saying Van Der Vaart?  It's a stupid name and he won't stop saying it".

"He's obviously quite heavily involved in the game".

"Well he should give someone else a turn then".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Yorkie on Thursday 6 January 2011, 02:11:11 am
"Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, why does the commentator keep saying Van Der Vaart?  It's a stupid name and he won't stop saying it".

"He's obviously quite heavily involved in the game".

"Well he should give someone else a turn then".

See, that's the sort of thing that would make me say "that's why i love her". Can't beat that s***. :smitten:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ronaldo on Thursday 6 January 2011, 02:13:03 am
See, that's really cute. My girl understands the game too well now.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Yorkie on Thursday 6 January 2011, 02:14:54 am
See, that's really cute. My girl understands the game too well now.

Exactly. I couldn't be with a lass who knew footy inside out.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Thursday 6 January 2011, 02:17:02 am
"Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, why does the commentator keep saying Van Der Vaart?  It's a stupid name and he won't stop saying it".

"He's obviously quite heavily involved in the game".

"Well he should give someone else a turn then".

See, that's the sort of thing that would make me say "that's why i love her". Can't beat that s***. :smitten:

Yorkie is tapping up the clunge. He's like a Paul Jewell/Harry Redknapp hybrid.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Yorkie on Thursday 6 January 2011, 02:20:54 am
I ain't tapping owt man, hence the growly snaps at those whinging about their actual-real-life girlfriends.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: bulivye on Thursday 6 January 2011, 12:13:49 pm
"Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, Van Der Vaart, why does the commentator keep saying Van Der Vaart?  It's a stupid name and he won't stop saying it".

"He's obviously quite heavily involved in the game".

"Well he should give someone else a turn then".

 :aww: that's gorgeous!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 6 January 2011, 04:28:25 pm
Last night

"i was readng an article at work today about skiing in the spanish alps"
 :mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 6 January 2011, 04:44:36 pm
Last night

"i was readng an article at work today about skiing in the spanish alps"
 :mackems:



fki hell - you go skiing on sunday? better keep an eye on her if she wanders off piste
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 6 January 2011, 08:17:03 pm
How can a brush be daft?


 ??? where to eve be-fukin-gin
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Thursday 6 January 2011, 09:59:15 pm
Last night

"i was readng an article at work today about skiing in the spanish alps"
 :mackems:


She mixed up the alps with the pyrenees? Hilarious.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jordan on Thursday 6 January 2011, 10:25:21 pm
"Well that went down like a lead brick" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Saturday 8 January 2011, 03:28:26 am
Text: ''The TV is out of zinc''.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Saturday 8 January 2011, 08:34:06 am
"Well that went down like a lead brick" :lol:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Saturday 8 January 2011, 11:46:52 am
'Has Dalglish ever managed before?' - just now.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 8 January 2011, 01:15:47 pm
The only things my lass says about football are about how Carroll (although she calls him Avatar which she wins points for), Smith and Simpson are fit.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: indi on Saturday 8 January 2011, 01:48:56 pm
'Has Dalglish ever managed before?' - just now.

I can understand why someone might have wanted to expunge that from their memory.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 8 January 2011, 10:20:28 pm
Not something she said, so much as the near-orgasmic sigh she lets out whenever she hears Morgan Freeman doing a voiceover. We're watching the start of The Bucket List...

I think she may like his voice quite a bit or something? :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heneage on Saturday 8 January 2011, 10:23:53 pm
Not something she said, so much as the near-orgasmic sigh she lets out whenever she hears Morgan Freeman doing a voiceover. We're watching the start of The Bucket List...

I think she may like his voice quite a bit or something? :undecided:
Well next time you get ready to make love don't put the Proclaimers on like usual, instead start March of the Penguins in the DVD player.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: S.S.R. on Saturday 8 January 2011, 10:27:16 pm
Not something she said, so much as the near-orgasmic sigh she lets out whenever she hears Morgan Freeman doing a voiceover. We're watching the start of The Bucket List...

I think she may like his voice quite a bit or something? :undecided:
Well next time you get ready to make love don't put the Proclaimers on like usual, instead start March of the Penguins in the DVD player.

They'll do role play, where he blackens up, wears a chauffeurs' hat and she pretends to teach him how to read.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 8 January 2011, 10:33:27 pm
Not something she said, so much as the near-orgasmic sigh she lets out whenever she hears Morgan Freeman doing a voiceover. We're watching the start of The Bucket List...

I think she may like his voice quite a bit or something? :undecided:
Well next time you get ready to make love don't put the Proclaimers on like usual, instead start March of the Penguins in the DVD player.

They'll do role play, where he blackens up, wears a chauffeurs' hat and she pretends to teach him how to read.

:lol: Sounds like a regular night in to me.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 9 January 2011, 09:16:41 am
Im pregnant. in 1994  :frantic:

Im pregnant. in 1997  :kasper:

Im pregnant. in 2000 :harry:




Im pregnant in 2010   :)



diffrent lass same old same old.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Sunday 9 January 2011, 09:25:44 am
Congratulations to cp40 and his super sperm.  :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 9 January 2011, 09:28:48 am
Congratulations to cp40 and his super sperm.  :thup:

cheers


thats something along the lines of what she said- with a b****** in there somewhere.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 9 January 2011, 09:29:11 am
Congratulations to cp40 and his super sperm.  :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Saturday 15 January 2011, 12:45:09 pm
My gf just asked if I knew Edin Dzeko because he was just compared to Alan Shearer and I'm Bosnian  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: AliGupter on Saturday 15 January 2011, 02:55:46 pm
My gf just asked if I knew Edin Dzeko because he was just compared to Alan Shearer and I'm Bosnian  :lol:

Well, do you? :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kaizero on Saturday 15 January 2011, 02:56:37 pm
My gf just asked if I knew Edin Dzeko because he was just compared to Alan Shearer and I'm Bosnian  :lol:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 15 January 2011, 10:39:44 pm
Just need to clarify after last time that I'm not calling my gf stupid, but there's not a 'funny s*** your lass has done/said thread'.

I vaguely recalled her saying she wanted the box of PG Tips with the free Monkey toy with it but we haven't saw them knocking about.  Anyway I saw it in the shop earlier on and bought it and it's like all of her Christmas' have came at once.  She's been playing with that thing for hours, making it wave, and cry and watch telly.  Quotes have included "I can't wait to make him a little hat" and "I can't believe he's came into my life". :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 15 January 2011, 10:41:06 pm
She sounds a right scream. :)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 15 January 2011, 10:43:57 pm
Hmm. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jubby on Sunday 16 January 2011, 09:26:24 am
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: McCormick on Sunday 16 January 2011, 09:32:09 am
Just need to clarify after last time that I'm not calling my gf stupid, but there's not a 'funny s*** your lass has done/said thread'.

I vaguely recalled her saying she wanted the box of PG Tips with the free Monkey toy with it but we haven't saw them knocking about.  Anyway I saw it in the shop earlier on and bought it and it's like all of her Christmas' have came at once.  She's been playing with that thing for hours, making it wave, and cry and watch telly.  Quotes have included "I can't wait to make him a little hat" and "I can't believe he's came into my life". :lol:

Yorkie has just jizzed in his pants.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jubby on Sunday 16 January 2011, 09:58:42 am
Defrost*
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 16 January 2011, 11:45:47 am
Just need to clarify after last time that I'm not calling my gf stupid, but there's not a 'funny s*** your lass has done/said thread'.

I vaguely recalled her saying she wanted the box of PG Tips with the free Monkey toy with it but we haven't saw them knocking about.  Anyway I saw it in the shop earlier on and bought it and it's like all of her Christmas' have came at once.  She's been playing with that thing for hours, making it wave, and cry and watch telly.  Quotes have included "I can't wait to make him a little hat" and "I can't believe he's came into my life". :lol:

Yorkie has just jizzed in his pants.

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Sunday 16 January 2011, 11:47:53 am
Defrost*

As if that's the only thing wrong with your post.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:30:40 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

Reckon she might have quoted this in 'The stupid things your lad has said thread' on another forum tbh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Foluwashola on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:35:37 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:38:30 pm
:lol: This page, man.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:39:43 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:43:19 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

Aye, that was my first thought too. :lol: Nothing about that post makes sense.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Doctor Zaius on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:46:32 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I know someone who went to Blyth on holiday and lives in Ashington. Best part was when they got there they had forgot something so had to go back and get it. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:47:15 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I know someone who went to Blyth on holiday and lives in Ashington. Best part was when they got there they had forgot something so had to go back and get it. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Foluwashola on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:49:26 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I know someone who went to Blyth on holiday and lives in Ashington. Best part was when they got there they had forgot something so had to go back and get it. :lol:

 :lol: Classy guy.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Yorkie on Sunday 16 January 2011, 07:52:19 pm
Just need to clarify after last time that I'm not calling my gf stupid, but there's not a 'funny s*** your lass has done/said thread'.

I vaguely recalled her saying she wanted the box of PG Tips with the free Monkey toy with it but we haven't saw them knocking about.  Anyway I saw it in the shop earlier on and bought it and it's like all of her Christmas' have came at once.  She's been playing with that thing for hours, making it wave, and cry and watch telly.  Quotes have included "I can't wait to make him a little hat" and "I can't believe he's came into my life". :lol:

Yorkie has just jizzed in his pants.

:lol: :lol: :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Sunday 16 January 2011, 08:29:03 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I know someone who went to Blyth on holiday and lives in Ashington. Best part was when they got there they had forgot something so had to go back and get it. :lol:

was it their skag per chance?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheGuv on Sunday 16 January 2011, 08:48:02 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I know someone who went to Blyth on holiday and lives in Ashington. Best part was when they got there they had forgot something so had to go back and get it. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm rolling on the floor lauhging here.
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

Don't want to be 'that' guy. But there's no Greggs in Monkesaton...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Foluwashola on Sunday 16 January 2011, 08:58:53 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

Don't want to be 'that' guy. But there's no Greggs in Monkesaton...

 :lol: Nightmare of a town.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Colo's Short and Curlies on Sunday 16 January 2011, 09:36:55 pm
'I do'

Oh sorry, i thought it was stupid things you've said to your lass
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 16 January 2011, 09:52:44 pm
Just need to clarify after last time that I'm not calling my gf stupid, but there's not a 'funny s*** your lass has done/said thread'.

I vaguely recalled her saying she wanted the box of PG Tips with the free Monkey toy with it but we haven't saw them knocking about.  Anyway I saw it in the shop earlier on and bought it and it's like all of her Christmas' have came at once.  She's been playing with that thing for hours, making it wave, and cry and watch telly.  Quotes have included "I can't wait to make him a little hat" and "I can't believe he's came into my life". :lol:

Yorkie has just jizzed in his pants.

:lol: :lol: :thup:

Canny wrong this btw. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Sunday 16 January 2011, 10:07:09 pm
Just need to clarify after last time that I'm not calling my gf stupid, but there's not a 'funny s*** your lass has done/said thread'.

I vaguely recalled her saying she wanted the box of PG Tips with the free Monkey toy with it but we haven't saw them knocking about.  Anyway I saw it in the shop earlier on and bought it and it's like all of her Christmas' have came at once.  She's been playing with that thing for hours, making it wave, and cry and watch telly.  Quotes have included "I can't wait to make him a little hat" and "I can't believe he's came into my life". :lol:



Yorkie has just jizzed in his pants.

:lol: :lol: :thup:

Canny wrong this btw. :lol:

That is quite funny that like, but you really shouldn't worry, unless you suspect some kind of monkey buisness!! Bwahaaaaaaa! God I'm funny!! Don'y p*ss with this sort of high octane comedy!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 16 January 2011, 10:11:42 pm
:mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: JH on Monday 17 January 2011, 12:34:45 am
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I know someone who went to Blyth on holiday and lives in Ashington. Best part was when they got there they had forgot something so had to go back and get it. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I stayed in a caravan in Corbridge for a week once, and it just didn't feel the same having a bus that stopped right outside the caravan park that took you to the Metro Centre :laugh:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 17 January 2011, 12:40:07 am
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I just nearly killed myself laughing there :lol:

My lass asked the other week if Andy Carroll played for more than one club 'you know like Arsenal or somebody' :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Monday 17 January 2011, 01:17:15 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I just nearly killed myself laughing there :lol:

My lass asked the other week if Andy Carroll played for more than one club 'you know like Arsenal or somebody' :facepalm:

Aye, he's just part-time there. Just fills in if van Persie calls in sick.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ketsbaia on Monday 17 January 2011, 10:40:02 pm
Well when we used to have a caravan (tourer), we once went to Beamish for a weekend. When we forgot the TV, dad just drove back to Chester-le-Street to get it. Was back within 20 minutes!!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: M4 on Saturday 22 January 2011, 10:44:05 pm
Not the girlfriend but had a long conversation with a girl explaining to me how it was impossible for a plane to take longer than 24 hours to get anywhere on the planet (or get all the way around earth) because of the 24 one-hour time zones.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Saturday 22 January 2011, 11:13:34 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I'll have you know we're a very attractive tourist destination, you b******.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 24 January 2011, 09:03:32 pm
' you love Kevin Keegan more than me'

'so?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Tuesday 25 January 2011, 07:11:33 pm
IP, thought your missus would enjoy this.

http://www.studentbeans.com/worldweirdweb/nutters/holiday-tours-for-teddies895.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialnetwork&utm_campaign=WWW
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Tuesday 25 January 2011, 07:22:58 pm
Not the girlfriend but had a long conversation with a girl explaining to me how it was impossible for a plane to take longer than 24 hours to get anywhere on the planet (or get all the way around earth) because of the 24 one-hour time zones.

That may be true at some point soon!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 25 January 2011, 07:29:45 pm
IP, thought your missus would enjoy this.

http://www.studentbeans.com/worldweirdweb/nutters/holiday-tours-for-teddies895.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialnetwork&utm_campaign=WWW

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: M4 on Tuesday 25 January 2011, 08:22:19 pm
Not the girlfriend but had a long conversation with a girl explaining to me how it was impossible for a plane to take longer than 24 hours to get anywhere on the planet (or get all the way around earth) because of the 24 one-hour time zones.

That may be true at some point soon!

Even then it won't be because of there only being 24 zones :D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Wednesday 26 January 2011, 07:25:31 pm
Me on the phone to our lass:

Me: what you up to ?

Lass: am just on my way out

( I hear door slam)

Lass: s*** I've forgot my phone.

Me: you're talking on it.

Me:........
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 26 January 2011, 07:34:01 pm
Me on the phone to our lass:

Me: what you up to ?

Lass: am just on my way out

( I hear door slam)

Lass: s*** I've forgot my phone.

Me: you're talking on it.

Me:........

:lol: Priceless one, that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Thursday 27 January 2011, 12:55:37 am
Me on the phone to our lass:

Me: what you up to ?

Lass: am just on my way out

( I hear door slam)

Lass: s*** I've forgot my phone.

Me: you're talking on it.

Me:........

:shifty: I've not done that before like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 1 February 2011, 12:34:30 pm
Just Passed her Driving test today :laugh2:


last night she said her mam told her if she passed she would buy her a car.


Turns out she said Card.... :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Tuesday 1 February 2011, 12:37:05 pm
Just Passed her Driving test today :laugh2:


last night she said her mam told her if she passed she would buy her a car.


Turns out she said Card.... :lol:

:lol: Fully gutted.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 1 February 2011, 07:59:34 pm
Some woman at work slipped over and "broke her shin in her arm" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Tuesday 1 February 2011, 08:14:57 pm
Some woman at work slipped over and "broke her shin in her arm" :lol:

Sounds painful.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Doctor Zaius on Friday 4 February 2011, 11:08:33 am
N ot my lass but some other girl told me 3 times to get the number 6 bus because "they run like clockwork". This despite me saying twice that it doesnt go to where I need to be. Only for her to say "yeah, but they run like clockwork, they're every 10 minutes".

In the end i just agreed and started walking to that bus stand just to get away from the mentalist.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 15 February 2011, 08:19:37 pm
whos that oh-cock-it-an-cheer?

 :lol: no- coloccini and cheick tiote
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Monday 21 February 2011, 08:39:41 pm
Apparently she couldn't get any kip last night because she was thinking about what would happen if zombies were real.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Monday 21 February 2011, 08:41:09 pm
' you love Kevin Keegan more than me'

'so?'

:lol: I get that all the time.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Monday 21 February 2011, 08:45:12 pm
' you love Kevin Keegan more than me'

'so?'

:lol: I get that all the time.

At least it's someone decent, my lad proper loves Glenn Hoddle ffs. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Monday 21 February 2011, 08:54:15 pm
' you love Kevin Keegan more than me'

'so?'

:lol: I get that all the time.

At least it's someone decent, my lad proper loves Glenn Hoddle ffs. :lol:

:lol: f***ing hell.

Does he try the old healing hands trick on you?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Monday 21 February 2011, 09:08:38 pm
' you love Kevin Keegan more than me'

'so?'

:lol: I get that all the time.

At least it's someone decent, my lad proper loves Glenn Hoddle ffs. :lol:

:lol: f***ing hell.

Does he try the old healing hands trick on you?

I wish. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 22 February 2011, 12:29:15 am
' you love Kevin Keegan more than me'

'so?'
hope you were ready with the reply "f***ing hell man, i love shaun elliott more than yee man"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mrmojorisin75 on Tuesday 22 February 2011, 07:27:02 am
Apparently she couldn't get any kip last night because she was thinking about what would happen if zombies were real.
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Roger Kint on Tuesday 22 February 2011, 09:46:24 am
Was talking to my mate who is doing a sponsored bungee jump off the Transporter Bridge in March. Our lass jumped straight in with 'but thats not there anymore, i saw a documentary of it being moved a few years ago!' She still didnt click on when i asked if Jimmy Nail had presented it.......

 
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mattypnufc on Tuesday 22 February 2011, 09:52:41 am
Talking about 3D films/glasses the other day...I said, jokingly to her, "if I put the glasses on will you be in 3D?"

She looked at me puzzled and said "No, it only works at the cinema."

Then went in a huff when I laughed at her.

 
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: fraz77 on Thursday 3 March 2011, 10:39:46 pm
Not me lass but a female housemate  -

"I think in 10 years time there will definitely be a female manager in the premier league"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Thursday 3 March 2011, 10:40:19 pm
Not me lass but a female housemate  -

"I think in 10 years time there will definitely be a female manager in the premier league"


It's possible.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Darth Crooks on Friday 4 March 2011, 03:42:33 pm
Managed to convince a gullible housemate i once had that wasps make marmite. She still does to my knowledge
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 5 March 2011, 08:18:54 pm
"Looked up throat gurgles on the net and it's a sign of aids. Also so is tummy ache and chest pain. Hope my chest pain isn't aids."

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 5 March 2011, 08:21:59 pm
Hope my chest pain isn't aids. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Saturday 5 March 2011, 08:32:33 pm
 :lol:   f*** off! Did she say that Jon? Be honest!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 5 March 2011, 08:53:21 pm
I swear on my life :lol: she is always on the net looking up symptoms.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 11 March 2011, 07:25:21 pm
Not my lass, but my mother.

Just got a text before saying "I can't get 103 on my virgin box, can you get it?"  I went downstairs to check if I could get it on my Sky box. When I found what was on, it was Emmerdale. Went back up to tell her everything was fine this end. I picked up my phone, and noticed two more texts from her. Text 1. "Well?"  Text 2. "WELL?" This in the space of a minute!!   :facepalm:

I can only imagine what it must have been like for her! The torture of missing the Dingle clan and fat Paddy! I texted back saying my sky box was normal. She then proceeded to ask me If I'd go on Facebook chat, and keep her up to date with the plot!!

I never thought I woulod immediately, without warning, delete my mother from facebook!! I'll suffer in the a.m.!!   :weep:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LiquidAK on Friday 11 March 2011, 07:27:01 pm
Not my lass, but I once knew a girl who thought Mario's last name was Kart. :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Friday 11 March 2011, 08:13:49 pm
Not my lass, but I once knew a girl who thought Mario's last name was Kart. :facepalm:

Idiot. Everyone knows it's Brothers.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Si on Friday 11 March 2011, 10:29:15 pm
Not my lass, but I once knew a girl who thought Mario's last name was Kart. :facepalm:

Idiot. Everyone knows it's Brothers.

Nah Mario is is surname, his first name is Super!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ronaldo on Friday 11 March 2011, 10:33:49 pm
Not my lass, but I once knew a girl who thought Mario's last name was Kart. :facepalm:

Brilliant. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 11 March 2011, 10:38:11 pm
Not my lass, but my mother.

Just got a text before saying "I can't get 103 on my virgin box, can you get it?"  I went downstairs to check if I could get it on my Sky box. When I found what was on, it was Emmerdale. Went back up to tell her everything was fine this end. I picked up my phone, and noticed two more texts from her. Text 1. "Well?"  Text 2. "WELL?" This in the space of a minute!!   :facepalm:

I can only imagine what it must have been like for her! The torture of missing the Dingle clan and fat Paddy! I texted back saying my sky box was normal. She then proceeded to ask me If I'd go on Facebook chat, and keep her up to date with the plot!!

I never thought I woulod immediately, without warning, delete my mother from facebook!! I'll suffer in the a.m.!!   :weep:

:lol: It amuses me that you reacted to that situation by deleting your mam off Facebook rather than just ignoring her. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Friday 11 March 2011, 10:42:43 pm
'That's a bloke' (ironically in dougal mcGuire fashion) as we sat down to watch mrs brown's boys on replay.

Funnily though there's a bloke a work who's lass said the same ?

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Friday 11 March 2011, 10:47:06 pm
Not my lass, but my mother.

Just got a text before saying "I can't get 103 on my virgin box, can you get it?"  I went downstairs to check if I could get it on my Sky box. When I found what was on, it was Emmerdale. Went back up to tell her everything was fine this end. I picked up my phone, and noticed two more texts from her. Text 1. "Well?"  Text 2. "WELL?" This in the space of a minute!!   :facepalm:

I can only imagine what it must have been like for her! The torture of missing the Dingle clan and fat Paddy! I texted back saying my sky box was normal. She then proceeded to ask me If I'd go on Facebook chat, and keep her up to date with the plot!!

I never thought I woulod immediately, without warning, delete my mother from facebook!! I'll suffer in the a.m.!!   :weep:

:lol: It amuses me that you reacted to that situation by deleting your mam off Facebook rather than just ignoring her. :lol:

I'll replace her tomorrow, after she shouts at me for a bit for not helping her out in a moment of need. But Friday night is MY TIME DAMMIT! Should I make a break in every hour I have to myself in order to make that BINT appraised of the goings on in Emmerdaleville? I think NOT!!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 11 March 2011, 10:48:01 pm
BINT. :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lazlo on Friday 11 March 2011, 10:50:55 pm
Not my lass, but my mother.

Just got a text before saying "I can't get 103 on my virgin box, can you get it?"  I went downstairs to check if I could get it on my Sky box. When I found what was on, it was Emmerdale. Went back up to tell her everything was fine this end. I picked up my phone, and noticed two more texts from her. Text 1. "Well?"  Text 2. "WELL?" This in the space of a minute!!   :facepalm:

I can only imagine what it must have been like for her! The torture of missing the Dingle clan and fat Paddy! I texted back saying my sky box was normal. She then proceeded to ask me If I'd go on Facebook chat, and keep her up to date with the plot!!

I never thought I woulod immediately, without warning, delete my mother from facebook!! I'll suffer in the a.m.!!   :weep:

:lol: It amuses me that you reacted to that situation by deleting your mam off Facebook rather than just ignoring her. :lol:

I'll replace her tomorrow, after she shouts at me for a bit for not helping her out in a moment of need. But Friday night is MY TIME DAMMIT! Should I make a break in every hour I have to myself in order to make that BINT appraised of the goings on in Emmerdaleville? I think NOT!!!

Lol Indy, take that prose that you have in capitals and chill out, they hate it more when you are actually helpful ;)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 13 March 2011, 04:13:24 pm
We don't really want to see The Company Men, but there's not much else on at the pictures.  Anyway, we're definitely not seeing it because she's seen the trailer and Ben Affleck "looks too much like Adam Sandler now.  We're definitely not going to see that, it would be too distracting".

Also, we've got the rugby on the telly.  "What the hell is this?  If your kids did that, you'd tell them off wouldn't you?  But no, apparently it's fine".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Chrissy Bee on Sunday 13 March 2011, 09:44:18 pm
Managed to convince a gullible housemate i once had that wasps make marmite. She still does to my knowledge

Lass at my work thought they were baby bees. Might try that one on her.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 14 March 2011, 02:52:46 pm
me ' what we having for dinner tonight?'

her ' di-nah'

me' ???
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: lankybellwipe on Monday 14 March 2011, 06:51:36 pm
me ' what we having for dinner tonight?'

her ' di-nah'

me' ???



 :mackems: 

I do believe sometimes a stern slap reminds family members who the funny one is!!

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheGuv on Tuesday 15 March 2011, 07:00:27 pm
"why can't we just remove the tectonic plates so we have no earthquakes?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mrmojorisin75 on Wednesday 16 March 2011, 08:16:12 am
"why can't we just remove the tectonic plates so we have no earthquakes?"

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Friday 1 April 2011, 04:13:14 pm
"You're going to hate me for saying this. I don't want to be in this anymore."

Incredibly f***ing stupid.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Sunday 3 April 2011, 07:44:51 am
Making onion focaccia at her request.

Me: Do you have any honey? (for the dough).
Her: Don't think so, will jam do instead?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 8 April 2011, 09:31:28 am
Her: Babe weve only got 4 weeks to go you know ( till  :binkybaby:)

Me:  :kasper: you fkin what?

Her:  From the 28th of this month, weve only got 4 weeks to go.

Me:   ???  but its about 3 weeks till the 28th of this month.
         that means we have 7 weeks to go.

Her:    :tard: doh, oh yeah.......pause...

Her:    Babe weve only got 7 weeks to go.

Me:     :jesuswept: :facepalm:


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 8 April 2011, 11:24:08 am
"You're going to hate me for saying this. I don't want to be in this anymore."

Incredibly f***ing stupid.
but did you turn the camera off ?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Friday 8 April 2011, 11:36:53 am
"You're going to hate me for saying this. I don't want to be in this anymore."

Incredibly f***ing stupid.
but did you turn the camera off ?

A little bit early for drunk Madras, isn't it?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 8 April 2011, 11:38:29 am
"You're going to hate me for saying this. I don't want to be in this anymore."

Incredibly f***ing stupid.
but did you turn the camera off ?

A little bit early for drunk Madras, isn't it?
the drink numbs me, i use it as a suppressant.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 8 April 2011, 09:47:47 pm
her : so the Royal Family have no say in this countries politics anymore?

me: no Oliver Cromwell put an end to that.

her: whos he like


 :buck2:



Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SuperShola! on Friday 8 April 2011, 10:04:23 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I just nearly killed myself laughing there :lol:

My lass asked the other week if Andy Carroll played for more than one club 'you know like Arsenal or somebody' :facepalm:

Same. Absolutely creased :D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Friday 8 April 2011, 11:23:48 pm
"You're going to hate me for saying this. I don't want to be in this anymore."

Incredibly f***ing stupid.
but did you turn the camera off ?

Cock. :lol:

It was the cellar she was talking about, I unbolted it and gave her the key yesterday. Did I do the right thing?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Friday 8 April 2011, 11:28:08 pm
This is canni daft Wat my lass I said wen we were on holiday. She bought a cheese n onion pasty from greggs n wen she got home she said it was too hot so she put in microwave on dearest to cool it down  :facepalm:

A Greggs on holiday? Where the f*** do you holiday, Monkseaton?

I just nearly killed myself laughing there :lol:

My lass asked the other week if Andy Carroll played for more than one club 'you know like Arsenal or somebody' :facepalm:

Same. Absolutely creased :D

Monkseaton comment had me giggling again just now like :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Saturday 16 April 2011, 08:25:35 am
The lass's sister was going through this phase of checking the fat content of the foods she was eating. Holding a bottle of olive oil: "Oh my god, this is almost 100% fat."
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Saturday 16 April 2011, 01:07:31 pm
:lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Tuesday 19 April 2011, 09:56:49 am
"Euthanasia? Is that where China and that is?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 19 April 2011, 10:07:43 am
"Euthanasia? Is that where China and that is?"

Wallsen lass? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Tuesday 19 April 2011, 10:08:27 am
She's not from Wallsend nar. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: La Parka on Tuesday 19 April 2011, 05:02:13 pm
"Euthanasia? Is that where China and that is?"

(http://rlv.zcache.com/oman_flag_magnet-p147241875458582131qjy4_400.jpg)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Sunday 1 May 2011, 10:21:40 pm
"Is there a speed limit for Motorbikes?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Sunday 1 May 2011, 11:12:28 pm
f***ing hell :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Monday 2 May 2011, 01:27:23 pm
ahahaha, my norwegian female flatmate was invited to a traditional german dinner by some german students here in Honolulu.

She has this habit that when she doesn't know what a specific word is in english, she just englifies the norwegian word.

Got a bit akward after dinner when she thanked "all the cocks for dinner" :lol: :lol: :lol:

This girl has been on a roll lately.

A testament to how much she reads stuff on the internet other than stupid facebook feeds

Me: "I downloaded the Justin Bieber movie for you and some other girls"
Her: "What is Justin Bieber?"

Me: "I guess you spent all of yesterday watching the wedding?"
Her: "Who got married?"

We also did an interview together over the phone, where the guy on the other end talked about how "......hurricanes or typhoons might affect a cruise ship."
When she later on were writing down what we had recorded over the phone, she wrote ".......hurricanes or raccoons might affect a cruise ship".

Further on in the interview, he said that "the people present are usually the head of marine operations, head of hotel operations, the president of xxx and the chairman John Doe".
What she wrote down: "the people present are usually the head of marine operations, head of hotel operations, the president of xxx and the german John Doe".


 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Segun Oluwaniyi on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 02:46:18 am
Not my lass (I give no one that title right now), but my mother. She used to be convinced that "LOL" actually meant "lots of love", and that this is why people constantly used it in internet communication. She would send off messages like "I am very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. Please call if I can help in any way. LOL" and "Olumide, I will not be able to wire any money to you until next week at the earliest. You will have to handle this expense from your own accounts. LOL, Your Mother". My father and I thought that this was brilliant, and never told her. I think she found out after getting back some irritated response messages. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 03:11:28 am
:lol: My mum and dad still sign theirs off lol. My mum knows the difference though so knows when she can use it. My dad on the other hand...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 07:40:01 am
Not my lass (I give no one that title right now), but my mother. She used to be convinced that "LOL" actually meant "lots of love", and that this is why people constantly used it in internet communication. She would send off messages like "I am very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. Please call if I can help in any way. LOL" and "Olumide, I will not be able to wire any money to you until next week at the earliest. You will have to handle this expense from your own accounts. LOL, Your Mother". My father and I thought that this was brilliant, and never told her. I think she found out after getting back some irritated response messages. :lol:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ED209 on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 07:53:31 am
"Is there a speed limit for Motorbikes?"


Not really that silly, given most bikers speed like idiots most of the time it would be easy for one to assume the speed limit does not apply to them.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 08:24:31 am
Not my lass (I give no one that title right now), but my mother. She used to be convinced that "LOL" actually meant "lots of love", and that this is why people constantly used it in internet communication. She would send off messages like "I am very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. Please call if I can help in any way. LOL" and "Olumide, I will not be able to wire any money to you until next week at the earliest. You will have to handle this expense from your own accounts. LOL, Your Mother". My father and I thought that this was brilliant, and never told her. I think she found out after getting back some irritated response messages. :lol:

:mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 08:57:38 am
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: M4 on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 09:05:46 am
"Olumide, I will not be able to wire any money to you until next week at the earliest...."

There's a Nigerian joke to be made in there somewhere :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ads on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 01:21:51 pm
Jo Brand appears on the tv.

Me: "Wheyyy! Fat dyke" (based on very old rumours)

The wife: "What? She isn't a lesbian"

Me: "How do you know?"

The wife: "She's married to that chef"

Me: "What chef?"

The wife: "Ainsley Harriet"

Wasn't until a few minutes later that I burst out laughing realising she'd meant Dawn French and Lenny Henry :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 01:29:02 pm
Not my lass (I give no one that title right now), but my mother. She used to be convinced that "LOL" actually meant "lots of love", and that this is why people constantly used it in internet communication. She would send off messages like "I am very sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers. Please call if I can help in any way. LOL" and "Olumide, I will not be able to wire any money to you until next week at the earliest. You will have to handle this expense from your own accounts. LOL, Your Mother". My father and I thought that this was brilliant, and never told her. I think she found out after getting back some irritated response messages. :lol:

Baba is a phony!

(http://theipadkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Screen-shot-2011-03-06-at-8.21.31-PM.png)

http://theipadkids.com/yo-kids-help-ur-parents-with-texting-lol
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Mr. Snrub on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 03:32:56 pm
A Nigerian trying to scam people?  Well I never...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Heneage on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 03:36:40 pm
I knew he wasn't real.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheGuv on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 03:41:03 pm
I love this thread :aww:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 06:44:04 pm
Jo Brand appears on the tv.

Me: "Wheyyy! Fat dyke" (based on very old rumours)

The wife: "What? She isn't a lesbian"

Me: "How do you know?"

The wife: "She's married to that chef"

Me: "What chef?"

The wife: "Ainsley Harriet"

Wasn't until a few minutes later that I burst out laughing realising she'd meant Dawn French and Lenny Henry :lol:

Well tbf they all look the same.











Fat birds.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 07:52:49 pm
I hope it wasn't during sex.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 3 May 2011, 07:53:25 pm
I hope it wasn't during sex.

I hope it was.....
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Wednesday 4 May 2011, 10:17:34 pm
not the wife but a playground mother "i think i'm going deaf, i'm having to turn my i-pod up to drown out people on the metro"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Mr. Snrub on Wednesday 4 May 2011, 10:35:29 pm
You sure you're just not drugging random girls then trying to pass them off as your girlfriend when you're in a taxi en route to your house?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Wednesday 4 May 2011, 10:39:17 pm
You sure you're just not drugging random girls then trying to pass them off as your girlfriend when you're in a taxi en route to your house?

I'm quite sure.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Monday 9 May 2011, 01:35:57 pm
Commenting on the bright light trying to break through the rain clouds on Saturday...

"Is that the Sun?"




I s*** you not
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Prophet on Monday 9 May 2011, 05:58:50 pm
Bumped into a lass off my course, handed her dissertation in with her name spelt wrong. That'll go down well.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 9 May 2011, 06:00:10 pm
f***ing hell :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 9 May 2011, 07:16:37 pm
Commenting on the bright light trying to break through the rain clouds on Saturday...

"Is that the Sun?"




I s*** you not


Christ on a bike
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: toonlass on Wednesday 8 June 2011, 12:08:52 pm
Not my lass, obviously, but my dad has come over, and brought his laptop with him, for no other reason than he bought a laptop and it's mobile enough to cart round with you. My mam logs into her FB account on it and my dad, with genuine concern in his voice says "I will be able to log into my FB after you've been in?" Cue me literally spitting coffee out of my nose!  :spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Wednesday 8 June 2011, 02:14:49 pm
Lying in bed last night after watching that WWII thing, she turns and starts on about Friendly Fire..

"You know Friendly Fire...? That's really bad! I always thought it was something like a training exercise or something. Like on the news when they say someone was caught up in Friendly Fire. I didn't know it meant it was being killed by their side!"

:lol: Bless'a
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 8 June 2011, 05:00:45 pm
Lying in bed last night after watching that WWII thing, she turns and starts on about Friendly Fire..

"You know Friendly Fire...? That's really bad! I always thought it was something like a training exercise or something. Like on the news when they say someone was caught up in Friendly Fire. I didn't know it meant it was being killed by their side!"

:lol: Bless'a

Ha, amazing.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Wednesday 8 June 2011, 05:08:59 pm
Some lass was telling me the other day how she only found out last year that girls were allowed to eat Yorkies.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Steggy on Wednesday 8 June 2011, 05:24:50 pm
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 12 June 2011, 12:59:55 pm
she took me into work yesterday.

she "have we got time to go along scotswood road ?"

me "why ?"

she "cos it's quicker"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ketsbaia on Monday 13 June 2011, 12:44:52 am
Some lass was telling me the other day how she only found out last year that girls were allowed to eat Yorkies.

Winner!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 13 June 2011, 10:17:14 am
Ryan Giggs is a legend.


Can't see that's the word most girls would use for him but fair play.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 26 June 2011, 06:08:15 pm
 her 'she needs to learn to be a bit more independant'

me' :kasper: Shes f***ing 15 days old'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 26 June 2011, 06:49:58 pm
Tbd at that age my dad had stopped buying me beer and I had to get my own. By th time I was teething I was on whisky, but that's newbiggin hall for ya.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Steggy on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 02:01:22 am
Not my lass but some girl i know quite well is going to Ibiza next week and for some reason she thinks shes going to die when shes there. She told one of her friends who was like 'OMG HAD THE EXACT SAME THOUGHT, I HAVE THIS FEELING YOUR GOING TO DIE THERE ASWELL'. She thinks she will either be 'raped and cut up' or hit by a car. Absolutely unbeleivable.  :lol: How can anyone think like this?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QuakesMag on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 02:02:37 am
Giving me the whole playbook of 'How to Date Like a Man' before attempting to enact the techniques on me.  Needless to say, it backfired immensely for her.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QuakesMag on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 02:06:10 am
some of the dating advice given to women by other women is f***ing mind boggling.  Half false empowerment - half preying on the insecurities of others, it beggars belief.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Darth Crooks on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 08:43:36 am
Mine can't say vanilla for s***. Vallina every time except when I break down her elocution at slow speed and she can say it. Speed it back up and shes back in sp** mode. She reckons she can't hear the difference.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 10:30:54 am
some of the dating advice given to women by other women is f***ing mind boggling.  Half false empowerment - half preying on the insecurities of others, it beggars belief.

Was at a BBQ the other week listening to a load of public school girls talking about men. It was hilarious, there was one really militant one who just kept saying stuff like "you're too good for him" etc etc, and the others were saying "well maybe he'll call, you should call him" etc.

I guess men think all the same s***, we just don't discuss it with our mates.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Darth Crooks on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 10:32:22 am
Nah....lasses are on a plane of insane we'll never understand or aspire to reach
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Gorilla on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 10:44:28 am
Me:Stop moving you keep waking me up
her:I can't sleep
me:Why
her:The tyres on the car need changing
me:I know, shut up
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: adam on Tuesday 26 July 2011, 10:44:49 am
"Olumide, I will not be able to wire any money to you until next week at the earliest...."

There's a Nigerian joke to be made in there somewhere :lol:

Never heard a more typically nigerian sentance like!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Adam^ on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 01:59:52 am
some of the dating advice given to women by other women is f***ing mind boggling.  Half false empowerment - half preying on the insecurities of others, it beggars belief.

Was at a BBQ the other week listening to a load of public school girls talking about men. It was hilarious, there was one really militant one who just kept saying stuff like "you're too good for him" etc etc, and the others were saying "well maybe he'll call, you should call him" etc.

I guess men think all the same s***, we just don't discuss it with our mates.

The s*** women spout to each other is f***ing nuts, one of my friends she used to believe that if a guy texted/called her less than 2 days after a date he was too keen, the stupid f***ing games they like to play then complain that men aren't straight forward and mess them about. Well maybe if they were up front about stuff they wouldn't be. I think blokes are a lot more straight forward and dont talk about it as much as they either play along with the silly games or just ask what the craic is outright.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QuakesMag on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 02:05:11 am
It's all of this, "you are special" s***, when any sane person knows that we are no more special than any other nebulous dust.  6000 years of the invention of the plow and patriarchy, and we are dealing with the residuals of this gender specialized mess. I personally blame the first prick who ever stumbled into a barley field for these "self-empowering" Cosmo articles. 
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Adam^ on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 02:32:11 am
Ai its all pretty simple, you like them they like you, if not well never mind.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 08:24:13 am
some of the dating advice given to women by other women is f***ing mind boggling.  Half false empowerment - half preying on the insecurities of others, it beggars belief.

Was at a BBQ the other week listening to a load of public school girls talking about men. It was hilarious, there was one really militant one who just kept saying stuff like "you're too good for him" etc etc, and the others were saying "well maybe he'll call, you should call him" etc.

I guess men think all the same s***, we just don't discuss it with our mates.

The s*** women spout to each other is f***ing nuts, one of my friends she used to believe that if a guy texted/called her less than 2 days after a date he was too keen, the stupid f***ing games they like to play then complain that men aren't straight forward and mess them about. Well maybe if they were up front about stuff they wouldn't be. I think blokes are a lot more straight forward and dont talk about it as much as they either play along with the silly games or just ask what the craic is outright.

Sounds like you wanna start dating men.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: healthyaddiction on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 12:38:18 pm
My girlfriend is queen of saying stupid things such as "Who won world war 2".  My favourite though was when we were watching Elizabeth the golden age and there is a large map on the floor of europe.  My girlfriend declares (thinking it is a map of the world) "look at how close the continents were, that's continental drift for you."

I wish I was making this up, but sadly i'm not.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 03:11:13 pm
f***ing hell man
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jordan on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 03:31:32 pm
"I'm confused, how can David Beckham play for LA Galaxy, Real Madrid and England? Do they not play at the same time?"  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Mr. Snrub on Wednesday 27 July 2011, 09:11:57 pm
Not my lass but my mates.  Was at his house there and Top gear was on

Her: Who's that old man
Me: Bob Geldof
Her: Is that him out of lord of the rings
Me: :dowie:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Saturday 30 July 2011, 07:55:45 am
lolbump
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haz on Wednesday 3 August 2011, 12:19:18 pm
Sorry if its a repeat, cant be bothered to go through entire thread again.

Son's girlfriend:  I think its wonderful how they keep finding new Dinosaurs.  But how do they know what they were called?

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 6 August 2011, 11:32:24 pm
Her: "Why are you such a grumpy b******?"

Me: "Why don't you take a look in the mirror?"

:aww:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 6 August 2011, 11:47:59 pm
She gets her words mixed up sometimes and I was reading the paper about the Haye-Klitschko fight and she was asking me about where I was going to watch it.

"When is the time on?"  Sometimes I feel like I'm going out with Yoda.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 7 August 2011, 12:01:36 am
She gets her words mixed up sometimes and I was reading the paper about the Haye-Klitschko fight and she was asking me about where I was going to watch it.

"When is the time on?"  Sometimes I feel like I'm going out with Yoda.

And dyslexic Yoda at that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 7 August 2011, 01:56:54 pm
community leader gets interviewed about totenham.

'Is that Lenny Henry'


 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: FrenchWilliam on Tuesday 9 August 2011, 03:10:47 pm
Watching coverage of the riots last night she asked "Where's Looting?".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 9 August 2011, 03:18:50 pm
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Tuesday 9 August 2011, 03:23:37 pm
*In car with girlfriend, we drive past a power-plant*

Me: What kind of power plant is that? Do you know?
Her: Electricity

Then after giving her a thorough mocking, she declares she "knew what I meant", but decided to answer that way anyway, because she didn't know the answer. 2 minutes later I find out that 4 years ago she went on a guided tour of said Power Plant, and still couldn't remember. Oh, and it's a nuclear power plant.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 07:16:35 pm
Wifey on The One Show "warning, the video coming up contains very cute kids, some viewers may require a tissue"


:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: bimpy474 on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 07:20:36 pm
The lifesucking frigid lard arsed joy vacuum just noted England only need just over 100 to win the 3rd test.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: adam on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 09:39:48 pm
The lifesucking frigid lard arsed joy vacuum just noted England only need just over 100 to win the 3rd test.
:spit:

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ObiChrisKenobi on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 09:42:10 pm
"You haven't posted anything about me in that thread have you?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: maybe_next_year on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 09:53:55 pm
not the significant other but some stupid blonde at work talking to person next to her "oh your from scotland, does that mean you have a scottish passport?" shes just returned from holiday recently too so its not like its been a while since shes seen a British passport
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: bimpy474 on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 09:59:47 pm
Just thought of this from Princess Gargoyle.

Our son and her talking about something, i couldn't hear exactly what about as i'm in the lounge, i start to make my way to the loo and i hear this.

Son : thats wrong isn't it Mum
Her : Oh yeah sorry "my bag"
Son : my bag ?
Her : yeah my bag, its what you say when your wrong about something, you should use it to your mates at school
Me : did you say my bag ?
Her : yes
Me : its my bad you numptie
Her : no its not
Me : are you actually trying to get him bullied at school or what ?
Her : no its my bag, its definitely my bag

I have to take her to google to show her as she refused to believe me.

Along with this and her insistence on shouting "i love you" to our son every morning as he goes through the school door, if he cant stand up for himself, he is toast at school.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 10:01:59 pm
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 10:42:57 pm
debate with a girl at work about the riots. her point was if it was illegal to hide your face then they would be identifiable so this sort of thing wouldn't happen. i pointed out that the penalty for hiding their faces would be the least of their worries when looting, she replied,exasperated "but if it was illegal they wouldn't be able to do it"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Wednesday 10 August 2011, 11:21:49 pm
Just thought of this from Princess Gargoyle.

Our son and her talking about something, i couldn't hear exactly what about as i'm in the lounge, i start to make my way to the loo and i hear this.

Son : thats wrong isn't it Mum
Her : Oh yeah sorry "my bag"
Son : my bag ?
Her : yeah my bag, its what you say when your wrong about something, you should use it to your mates at school
Me : did you say my bag ?
Her : yes
Me : its my bad you numptie
Her : no its not
Me : are you actually trying to get him bullied at school or what ?
Her : no its my bag, its definitely my bag

I have to take her to google to show her as she refused to believe me.

Along with this and her insistence on shouting "i love you" to our son every morning as he goes through the school door, if he cant stand up for himself, he is toast at school.


cringeworthy but brilliant :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Froggy on Thursday 11 August 2011, 01:57:57 am
I was talking about darts (hopefully my future career) with my lass, and we were discussing the places I'll be travelling to next year and the first place I mentioned was the Belgium Open.

She goes, "Is that in Belgium?"

:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Friday 12 August 2011, 01:20:50 am
See s*** like that gets me into trouble because I'd have responded with 'Nah its in f***ing Spain' or some other sarcastic remark :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Foluwashola on Friday 12 August 2011, 01:48:40 am
I was talking about darts (hopefully my future career) with my lass, and we were discussing the places I'll be travelling to next year and the first place I mentioned was the Belgium Open.

She goes, "Is that in Belgium?"

:facepalm:

Hope you've telt her that to be a darts WAG she'll have to turn into a complete and utter munter  :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 12 August 2011, 12:25:59 pm
I was talking about darts (hopefully my future career) with my lass, and we were discussing the places I'll be travelling to next year and the first place I mentioned was the Belgium Open.

She goes, "Is that in Belgium?"

:facepalm:
tbf look at the european tour in golf, israel is in the eurovision song contest, kazakhstan is in uefa and japan and mexico have recently played in the south american championships.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Friday 12 August 2011, 07:19:26 pm
Not my lass, but my mates...

'I want to go to Auschwitz'

'Why'

'I dunno, history and that'

:kinnear:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MW on Friday 12 August 2011, 09:03:18 pm
I want to go to Autchwitz
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Friday 12 August 2011, 09:04:30 pm
I want to go to Autchwitz

So do I. But I could explain my reasoning for it too
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Friday 12 August 2011, 09:08:43 pm
Be pretty f***ing grim like. Problem is with it being near Krakow you're almost certain to be going there nursing a bad hangover.

I went to the Killing Fields in Phnom Penh where they have this massive tower full of skulls that have been caved in and I doubt anything can get much worse than that visually but we know so much about the Auschwitz and other concentration camps stories it'd be heartbreaking.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Tuesday 16 August 2011, 07:49:12 pm
Not my lass, but my mates...

'I want to go to Auschwitz'

'Why'

'I dunno, history and that'

:kinnear:

Not really fitting in this thread, but a lad I know (refuse to call him a friend or acquaintance) went to Auschwitz and went on a tour. At the end when they asked if anyone had any questions he actually asked "How much would it cost to get this place up and running again"

He's a racist c***.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 16 August 2011, 07:54:22 pm
On saturday just gone...


me "im getting some new shoes, need a new pair"

her "ahh yeah ok, you gonner get those beige ones you like?"

Me "wtf im not in my 70s! you mean tan"

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Tuesday 16 August 2011, 07:56:54 pm
Expect that again if you go with her.

her: "I really like these ones"  :joker:
you: "I really like those... tan... shoes"  :pow:

her: "WTF man, these are nude heels, not tan, you c***"    :rant:
you:  :dowie:

etc
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 16 August 2011, 07:59:09 pm
beige slip ons?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 16 August 2011, 08:06:39 pm
Expect that again if you go with her.

her: "I really like these ones"  :joker:
you: "I really like those... tan... shoes"  :pow:

her: "WTF man, these are nude heels, not tan, you c***"    :rant:
you:  :dowie:

etc

 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Wednesday 17 August 2011, 04:11:24 am
If you're stupid enough to go f***ing shopping with your lass then you forfeit all right to make fun of anything she says on the trip.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Wednesday 17 August 2011, 01:48:51 pm
Sometimes it's not an option whether you go or not, you're made to go.

And sometimes I'm tricked in to it. i.e. "Lets go to the movies" (which happens to be in the mall...)

8 hours later

:(

Or the best one is when I need to quickly pick something up at the mall, she comes along for the ride....

8 hours later

(http://knowyourmeme.com/system/icons/2862/original/Re2idh.jpg?1275787349)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 17 August 2011, 02:26:25 pm
Be pretty f***ing grim like. Problem is with it being near Krakow you're almost certain to be going there nursing a bad hangover.

I went to the Killing Fields in Phnom Penh where they have this massive tower full of skulls that have been caved in and I doubt anything can get much worse than that visually but we know so much about the Auschwitz and other concentration camps stories it'd be heartbreaking.

I sob like a baby at almost every film, book or anything to do with the holocaust, some of the images I've seen I'll never forget. Not sure I could handle actually going and seeing it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Wednesday 17 August 2011, 02:33:43 pm
On saturday just gone...


me "im getting some new shoes, need a new pair"

her "ahh yeah ok, you gonner get those beige ones you like?"

Me "wtf im not in my 70s! you mean tan"


Expect that again if you go with her.

her: "I really like these ones"  :joker:
you: "I really like those... tan... shoes"  :pow:

her: "WTF man, these are nude heels, not tan, you c***"    :rant:
you:  :dowie:

etc
Sometimes it's not an option whether you go or not, you're made to go.

And sometimes I'm tricked in to it. i.e. "Lets go to the movies" (which happens to be in the mall...)

8 hours later

:(

Or the best one is when I need to quickly pick something up at the mall, she comes along for the ride....

8 hours later

(http://knowyourmeme.com/system/icons/2862/original/Re2idh.jpg?1275787349)

Yes. Yes. And yes. f***ing bitches
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Thursday 18 August 2011, 01:59:41 am
A guy I go to school with told me about his stupid c*** of a lass.


Her: What's the film called, the one with all the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park?

Him: Errmm... Jurassic Park?

Her: No, that's not the one.

Him:  :kinnear:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Thursday 18 August 2011, 04:53:57 am
You need to nip that in the bud lads, luckily my lass has the same opinion as me when it comes to her going shopping (i.e I should be somewhere f***ing else) and it's better for everyone that way.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: OpenC on Thursday 18 August 2011, 06:11:48 am
You need to nip that in the bud lads, luckily my lass has the same opinion as me when it comes to her going shopping (i.e I should be somewhere f***ing else) and it's better for everyone that way.

Yep, works for me too
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 18 August 2011, 12:04:13 pm
Sometimes it's not an option whether you go or not, you're made to go.

And sometimes I'm tricked in to it. i.e. "Lets go to the movies" (which happens to be in the mall...)

8 hours later

:(

Or the best one is when I need to quickly pick something up at the mall, she comes along for the ride....

8 hours later

(http://knowyourmeme.com/system/icons/2862/original/Re2idh.jpg?1275787349)

She has stopped inviting me to go clothes shopping with her....cos i have a look on my face like a murderer.  When i go for my blokes clobber i pretty much know what i want and if i cant get it I'll wait until it crops up.

She/her/women  "im going into town to look at shoes, i need shoes for blah blah bah" - comes home with new trousers, 3 tops and a cardi.  no shoes. :facepalm:

Oh and another one, she came home with a new laptop bag, i aked why did you buy that, i bought you a nice leather laptop bag a few years ago.

"yeah, hmm its not red and doesnt go with my hand bag"  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Fenham Mag on Thursday 18 August 2011, 12:10:04 pm
Just thought of this from Princess Gargoyle.


:mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Friday 19 August 2011, 11:39:39 pm
Sometimes it's not an option whether you go or not, you're made to go.

And sometimes I'm tricked in to it. i.e. "Lets go to the movies" (which happens to be in the mall...)

8 hours later

:(

Or the best one is when I need to quickly pick something up at the mall, she comes along for the ride....

8 hours later

(http://knowyourmeme.com/system/icons/2862/original/Re2idh.jpg?1275787349)

She has stopped inviting me to go clothes shopping with her....cos i have a look on my face like a murderer.  When i go for my blokes clobber i pretty much know what i want and if i cant get it I'll wait until it crops up.

She/her/women  "im going into town to look at shoes, i need shoes for blah blah bah" - comes home with new trousers, 3 tops and a cardi.  no shoes. :facepalm:

Oh and another one, she came home with a new laptop bag, i aked why did you buy that, i bought you a nice leather laptop bag a few years ago.

"yeah, hmm its not red and doesnt go with my hand bag"  :facepalm:

The f***ing thing that gets me is they give all these reasons as to why they buy this s***, and there's hardly any logic behind it. f***ing mindless hoarding of pointless stuff.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Friday 19 August 2011, 11:41:12 pm
Sometimes it's not an option whether you go or not, you're made to go.

And sometimes I'm tricked in to it. i.e. "Lets go to the movies" (which happens to be in the mall...)

8 hours later

:(

Or the best one is when I need to quickly pick something up at the mall, she comes along for the ride....

8 hours later

(http://knowyourmeme.com/system/icons/2862/original/Re2idh.jpg?1275787349)

She has stopped inviting me to go clothes shopping with her....cos i have a look on my face like a murderer.  When i go for my blokes clobber i pretty much know what i want and if i cant get it I'll wait until it crops up.

She/her/women  "im going into town to look at shoes, i need shoes for blah blah bah" - comes home with new trousers, 3 tops and a cardi.  no shoes. :facepalm:

Oh and another one, she came home with a new laptop bag, i aked why did you buy that, i bought you a nice leather laptop bag a few years ago.

"yeah, hmm its not red and doesnt go with my hand bag"  :facepalm:

The f***ing thing that gets me is they give all these reasons as to why they buy this s***, and there's hardly any logic behind it. f***ing mindless hoarding of pointless stuff.



:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Sunday 21 August 2011, 12:03:08 am
The missus: "So do all football teams start with no points at the beginning of the season, then?"

Me: :rolleyes: "Aye, love. All of them except Man Utd who get a 20 point start on account of being last year's Champions".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QBG on Sunday 21 August 2011, 12:13:28 am
Her looking at a pack of Tyskie polish beer in the supermarket: "Why don't you get some Japanese beer?"

Me: "You mean that Japanese beer that's advertising free trips to Poland on its packaging?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: henke on Sunday 21 August 2011, 11:00:43 pm
Her looking at a pack of Tyskie polish beer in the supermarket: "Why don't you get some Japanese beer?"

Me: "You mean that Japanese beer that's advertising free trips to Poland on its packaging?"

Just lol'ed my cuppa up there. :lol: There was a similar conversation between the wife and me a while back. (only it was me that was the mong so we'll leave it at that)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: adam on Monday 22 August 2011, 08:29:53 am
Made some cd's for the car, but my lass would let me put them on because "MGMT are s***". She parks up and goes to the cashpoint so I put the cd on anyway and she gets back in and says "Oh, this is MGMT? I like these, I thought you meant that bloke that sings 'Cant Touch This'.


MC f***ing Hammer.  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 22 August 2011, 11:58:23 am
:spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TBG on Monday 22 August 2011, 12:03:17 pm
Made some cd's for the car, but my lass would let me put them on because "MGMT are s***". She parks up and goes to the cashpoint so I put the cd on anyway and she gets back in and says "Oh, this is MGMT? I like these, I thought you meant that bloke that sings 'Cant Touch This'.


MC f***ing Hammer.  :facepalm:

 :mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Monday 22 August 2011, 12:09:06 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 22 August 2011, 04:03:45 pm
Her; i got tooted at twice today in shields cos im a yummy mummy

Me; they were trying to get thier cars past your arse.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Monday 22 August 2011, 04:08:06 pm
On the train this morning for durham...woman gets on and looks at me and asks "is this the train im after?"

"Erm, i dunno. How am I supposed to know"

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Monday 22 August 2011, 04:44:54 pm
My girlfriend's brother supports Fulham and she suggested it would have been nice for us to go to the game this season, except that it's at SJP and we aren't going up to Newcastle that weekend.

I then explained we played each team twice each season, home and away. She was genuinely amazed that we don't just play Fulham once.

She's normally pointing out stupid things I've said mind, so this is a blip.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Thursday 25 August 2011, 10:23:04 pm
Watching the match tonight, she called Coloccini, Fettuccine, then at the end of the match we had this conversation.

Her: I think Sammy Ameobi should be Man of the Match.

Me: I think it should be Krul.

Her: Ah, good point, then I think Sammy should be Boy of the Match.

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 25 August 2011, 10:38:20 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 25 August 2011, 11:08:37 pm
Her via text while I was at work - "I've got a surprise in the garden"

Me on getting home: "Oh aye, this 2nd hand wing-backed chair that won't fit through the doors?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BlueStar on Monday 29 August 2011, 12:10:38 pm
Snuggling in bed this morning, my phone vibrates.  Being the romatic chap I am, I lean back and pick it up off the bedside table.

Her: Oi, what you doing?

Me: Just got an email

Her: Why would you care about email when you're in bed with a gorgeous shemale?

...

Female.  FEMALE!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 29 August 2011, 02:42:30 pm
Should have stuck it in her tbh, it was vibrating.

Typical man!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Monday 29 August 2011, 06:21:32 pm
She's categorising our DVDs and putting them back in the bookcase.  Categories include boyish, girly, football, quirky, foreign. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:27:40 pm
:spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:28:41 pm
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:29:36 pm
Tell me more about quirky and foreign...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:33:12 pm
Is she using sub-categories and little coloured stickers. If not she isn't doing it properly.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QBG on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:37:59 pm
Her: "My bag smells really leathery."

Me: "Well is it made of leather?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:42:59 pm
:lol:

I honestly don't think I say anything that's really, really stupid.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:43:17 pm
Reminds me, not something she said but something she did.

My lass isn't one to spend silly money on clothes and stuff but for some reason, completely out of character she found a bag she liked and just took it to the till without checking how much it was, then she felt too embarrassed to say no thanks so bought it despite it costing a lot more than she* would spend on something like that.








*I paid for it  :blush:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:45:51 pm
How much? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:49:28 pm
£75, probably not much in real women world but to me that's a hell of a lot for a bag that barely holds her purse.

She would normally see if there is one cheaper than the £20 one she is currently looking at.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:51:20 pm
£75, probably not much in real women world but to me that's a hell of a lot for a bag that barely holds her purse.

She would normally see if there is one cheaper than the £20 one she is currently looking at.

Was it a Radley?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 29 August 2011, 11:53:28 pm
No, I do know that name though my mum and aunty are obsessed by it.

It had a little heart or something on it which my lass took off to bin but her workmate told her she was an idiot and took them off her.

Tbf it is a really nice bag, just not something I was planning on buying :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Tuesday 30 August 2011, 12:01:55 am
No, I do know that name though my mum and aunty are obsessed by it.

It had a little heart or something on it which my lass took off to bin but her workmate told her she was an idiot and took them off her.

Tbf it is a really nice bag, just not something I was planning on buying :lol:

I'm sure she appreciated it ;)

And yes, us girls like a bit of Radley. Luckily my local retail outlet has just opened a discount Radley shop. About time I paid it a visit actually... :aww:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 30 August 2011, 12:05:28 am
Tbf she deserves it, her boyfriend is a right dickhead :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: AliGupter on Tuesday 30 August 2011, 12:18:38 am
Tbf she deserves it, her boyfriend is a right dickhead :lol:

Quoted for truth.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Tuesday 30 August 2011, 03:19:49 am
Tbf she deserves it, her boyfriend is a right dickhead :lol:


(http://us.cdn3.123rf.com/168nwm/blackcurrent1/blackcurrent11101/blackcurrent1110100006/8763249-business-man-working-on-a-computer-with-woman-watching-over-his-shoulder.jpg)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Tuesday 30 August 2011, 09:59:44 am
Her: Why do you watch wrestling? Its all fake anyway.

Me: Its as real as Eastenders

Her:....

Me: :memelol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: dinotheprehistoricgeordie on Tuesday 30 August 2011, 10:20:18 am
 :lol: :thup: well played sir :snod:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Tuesday 30 August 2011, 03:56:34 pm
Aye, am dining out on that bad boy like :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 3 September 2011, 01:03:38 am
She used to love Sesame Street when she was a kid (I never watched it) and she apparently caught an episode for the first time in years today.  She went into this massive, overly detailed and quite airy-fairy, babyish description of the episode, concluding with "... and then Elmo turned up at the end and started acting the t*** AS USUAL" out of nowhere, with a level of disgust I don't think I've ever heard from her. :lol: She never even swears usually. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Saturday 3 September 2011, 08:09:24 am
To be fair Elmo IS a complete w*****.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Steggy on Saturday 3 September 2011, 11:47:54 am
Aye never really liked Elmo.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Saturday 3 September 2011, 05:14:11 pm
c*** that he is.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Rebellious on Saturday 3 September 2011, 06:28:21 pm
My wife though the Term Lead Foot was meant for people who have one boot bigger than the other due to disabilities.
She thought you poor oil over the engine.

Theres loads more will have to have a think.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Froggy on Saturday 3 September 2011, 06:57:23 pm
What is lead foot again? Something to do with driving quick?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Conjo on Saturday 3 September 2011, 07:01:28 pm
A female friend of mine just started her job as a real estate broker. At her first showing a guy asked if he could see the fuse box.
"Of course you can!"
She leads him to the entrance hall and opens the key cabinet :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QBG on Saturday 3 September 2011, 07:23:43 pm
Talking to her sister about her Performing Arts degree:

Her: What was that Joan of Arc one you did?

Me (interjecting): Joan of Arc?

Her: Yeah! That's the one!


Then in line at the Co-Op

Her: That man in front of us has got fish and chips, ooo maybe we should get some chips, oh no in fact the shop might not be open.

:facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Saturday 3 September 2011, 09:06:31 pm
To be fair mate, she's pretty fit and going out with you. There had to be something wrong.

 :troll:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Haris Vuckic on Saturday 3 September 2011, 10:04:40 pm

''Why do you do that thrust thing when you play the guitar''

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Prophet on Saturday 3 September 2011, 10:58:03 pm
It's truly frightening one of my mates is allowed to drive. A couple of weeks ago she was talking about an accident she nearly had, when she came out with: 'Do you know when your're coming to junction and you're supposed to stop but you kind of forget?'

Then a couple of days ago it was: 'Sometimes I just don't see pedestrian crossings' when talking about a guy that was scowling at us that she'd nearly hit moments earlier.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Rebellious on Sunday 4 September 2011, 08:38:30 am
What is lead foot again? Something to do with driving quick?

Yeah, people that drive fast everywhere = Lead foot.  Not someone with a larger shoe.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QBG on Sunday 4 September 2011, 10:51:19 pm
To be fair mate, she's pretty fit and going out with you. There had to be something wrong.

 :troll:

:lol: f*** off.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Monday 5 September 2011, 03:46:43 pm
Her with a new HTC phone, pissing about with it for ages going on facebook and seting up skype....

turns to me "you Iphone, is that a smart phone?"

f*** off man.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 5 September 2011, 07:12:14 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Friday 16 September 2011, 03:33:45 pm
Little bit of a GTalk argument with her complaining that something I wrote to her didn't make sense, blah blah blah. Anyway, it ends up going like...


her: "you're sentence actually made no sense"
me: .....
me: HA
me: ITS JUST
me: YOU COULDNT WRITE IT
me: "you're sentence actually made no sense"
me: LOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL




She's yet to reply. :alone:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Saturday 17 September 2011, 09:53:09 pm
She knits.  She left her knitting at work so she can't knit this weekend, she was quite annoyed.

Me later on: "Love you" (SMOOTH), her: "Well I love you as well but I wish I'd remembered my knitting".

Such an old married couple it's unreal.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Saturday 17 September 2011, 10:17:58 pm
She knits.  She left her knitting at work so she can't knit this weekend, she was quite annoyed.

Me later on: "Love you" (SMOOTH), her: "Well I love you as well but I wish I'd remembered my knitting".

Such an old married couple it's unreal.

:lol: wor lass is currently sat next to me doing her knitting.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Saturday 17 September 2011, 11:35:21 pm
:lol::lol: That's proper funny like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: aoliversaknob on Sunday 18 September 2011, 09:31:55 pm
:lol::lol: That's proper funny like.


Not my lass but there is a girl at work whose two hobbies are knitting and going to pole dancing fitness lessons. Mental!!

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Sunday 18 September 2011, 09:43:31 pm
:lol::lol: That's proper funny like.


Not my lass but there is a girl at work whose two hobbies are knitting and going to pole dancing fitness lessons. Mental!!



Get her to mek me a jumper man!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: aoliversaknob on Sunday 18 September 2011, 09:57:40 pm
mate its mental man. I thought she was just winding me up for about a year. Then one day she brought in photos of her hanging upside down holding on to this pole  with her thighs. She was well impressed with herself as she had been trying to be able to do that move for ages. I nearly fell of my office chair.

Reminded me of post match in Lennons a few years back :-)


Also got some knitted booties for the bairn when she was born.

I miss working in that office!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Sunday 18 September 2011, 09:58:48 pm
Swedish bird on here does pole dancing. Saw it on her twitter.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Sunday 18 September 2011, 10:02:04 pm
We have pole dancers come to our gym, we hang around a bit after training just to be dirty little perverts.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Sunday 18 September 2011, 10:31:08 pm
mate its mental man. I thought she was just winding me up for about a year. Then one day she brought in photos of her hanging upside down holding on to this pole  with her thighs. She was well impressed with herself as she had been trying to be able to do that move for ages. I nearly fell of my office chair.

Reminded me of post match in Lennons a few years back :-)


Also got some knitted booties for the bairn when she was born.

I miss working in that office!

Can she knitt and pole dance at the same time?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: HildeStranden on Tuesday 20 September 2011, 10:00:12 pm
Swedish bird on here does pole dancing. Saw it on her twitter.


Norwegian*
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Tuesday 20 September 2011, 11:22:05 pm
s***. Sorry. Norwegian. I knew that, given the recent events and all that.

:)

Spoiler
[close]
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Flip on Tuesday 20 September 2011, 11:28:04 pm
f***ing hell Semtex, stalking on twitter aint cool brah.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Tuesday 20 September 2011, 11:29:07 pm
Lol, not entirely sure following forum people on twitter constitutes stalking like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Flip on Tuesday 20 September 2011, 11:30:16 pm
and knitting? What the hell is this, retirement home forum.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Flip on Tuesday 20 September 2011, 11:31:23 pm
Lol, not entirely sure following forum people on twitter constitutes stalking like.

True, but don't tell me you're only following her. I know you're not, you little perv.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: ElDiablo on Wednesday 21 September 2011, 02:27:34 am
poidhffs
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Wednesday 21 September 2011, 09:03:47 am
poidhffs

Get creative
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Tuesday 3 January 2012, 12:16:33 pm
Wifey's reading Cosmopolitan and she's just turned to me and said: "Did you know, it says here, that masturbation can burn up to 150 calories each time?" and then the cheeky mare said "by that mark, you should be a lot slimmer!"

(Posted this in the wrong thread previously)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BooBoo on Tuesday 3 January 2012, 12:23:34 pm
:memelol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Tuesday 3 January 2012, 08:43:42 pm
All the stupid things my lass has said to me and she only told me the other day she's got an uncle called Andy Cole. Couldn't get over it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 3 January 2012, 09:51:35 pm
All the stupid things my lass has said to me and she only told me the other day she's got an uncle called Andy Cole. Couldn't get over it.
i work with an andy cole.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 13 January 2012, 08:14:24 pm
As usual it's not really stupid, more her being funny again.  New actress taking over the role of Lucy in Eastenders:

"Oh that's Lucy, look.  Lucy's got a new face".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Friday 13 January 2012, 08:34:45 pm
As usual it's not really stupid, more her being funny again.  New actress taking over the role of Lucy in Eastenders:

"Oh that's Lucy, look.  Lucy's got a new face".

 :lol: Does she do this deadpan, like, and keep the act up, or smirking afterwards? It's all about the delivery.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 13 January 2012, 08:40:57 pm
As usual it's not really stupid, more her being funny again.  New actress taking over the role of Lucy in Eastenders:

"Oh that's Lucy, look.  Lucy's got a new face".

 :lol: Does she do this deadpan, like, and keep the act up, or smirking afterwards? It's all about the delivery.

It's all delivered in the same high-pitched innocent manner tbh. :lol: Works though.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Friday 13 January 2012, 09:06:36 pm
As usual it's not really stupid, more her being funny again.  New actress taking over the role of Lucy in Eastenders:

"Oh that's Lucy, look.  Lucy's got a new face".

 :lol: Does she do this deadpan, like, and keep the act up, or smirking afterwards? It's all about the delivery.

It's all delivered in the same high-pitched innocent manner tbh. :lol: Works though.

:thup: A comedy genius, obviously. You must record it for posterity.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: VegasToon on Sunday 15 January 2012, 04:54:32 am
My wife got really mad at me for telling her she is smarter when she doesn't say anything.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: kirkwdavis2001 on Sunday 15 January 2012, 02:18:15 pm
Missus, "Who went off on a stretcher?"
Me, "Cabaye"
Missus, "Is he a QPR player?"

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: The Quiché on Monday 16 January 2012, 08:48:09 pm
Not my Missus but a lass Ive started seeing:

Having a conversation about Yorkshire

Her: "So is York in Yorkshire?"

Me:  :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: JH on Thursday 19 January 2012, 12:32:40 am
Girl I worked with:

"How do you get whiskey out of a grouse?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Theregulars on Thursday 19 January 2012, 01:54:08 am
The chica lived in Pakistan for 7 years. She claimed that Pakistan had no law, so I asked for an example. She said the driving age was 12 and under. When I gave her the chance to correct herself, she stuck with it. So when I put it to her that this meant a toddler could drive but a man my age could not, she still stuck with it. She even rang her mum; who confirmed it as verbatim. 12 and under. Looked it up it was 16 and over, she said the law has changed since she lived there.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 19 January 2012, 01:58:20 am
:spit: Fantastic. Sounds not dissimilar to the crap I have to work with in the homestead.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Theregulars on Thursday 19 January 2012, 02:02:55 am
I love the chica but she's thick as mince to be fair. She has also claimed that orange peel is covered in arsenic, shaving gives you cancer and that girls don't have colons. It's just a litany of misinformed dribble.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 19 January 2012, 02:05:47 am
:lol: Okay, not sure I have it to that extent... she's stubborn more than stupid, so if she did declare something, she certainly won't be changing her mind any time soon, no matter how far fetched.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 19 January 2012, 09:53:39 am
:lol: Some great stuff from Theregulars.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Thursday 19 January 2012, 10:05:23 am
I love the chica but she's thick as mince to be fair. She has also claimed that orange peel is covered in arsenic, shaving gives you cancer and that girls don't have colons. It's just a litany of misinformed dribble.
isn't that the way their minds work though ? weather forecast says it'll rain, next prog is about frogs......................an hour later they'll say it's going to rain frogs.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Friday 20 January 2012, 02:31:35 pm
i've just been corrected by my mother in law after calling her daughter a hypchondriac... "act"...."eh ?"... it's hypochondriACT, cos they are acting"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lush Vlad on Friday 20 January 2012, 03:18:16 pm
Too many too remember, it annoys me that I forget the pearlers.  One that comes to mind straight away is:

Me: Do you know what the medical term for your skull is?

Missus: Erm, your brain?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TRC on Saturday 21 January 2012, 08:46:18 am
The bird bought some crisps she didn't like and came out with.

"I'm going to buy these more often, because I don't like them, so I wont eat them and get fat"

She fully believed this was good logic and seemed quite proud with her statement.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Monday 23 January 2012, 12:27:57 am
Not something she said, rather something she did...

She did this space themed film night at the little cinema she works at. She was making loads of decorations for the lobby and so had gone out to get loads of stuff: Card, stars, foil, spray paint etc.
She was sitting down with all the stuff around her and went to get the tin foil out the bag to cover some stuff she'd made. The look on her face as she opened the long thin box and realised she'd bought 3 rolls of clingfilm.

:lol: Hilarious.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 23 January 2012, 10:51:03 am
:spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Monday 23 January 2012, 11:16:33 am
The bird bought some crisps she didn't like and came out with.

"I'm going to buy these more often, because I don't like them, so I wont eat them and get fat"

She fully believed this was good logic and seemed quite proud with her statement.

My girlfriend buys snacks that are just about nice enough to eat when hungry but not good enough to smash loads. I thought that logic was pretty sensible TBH!
Title: Re: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Monday 23 January 2012, 02:48:18 pm
I love the chica but she's thick as mince to be fair. She has also claimed that orange peel is covered in arsenic, shaving gives you cancer and that girls don't have colons. It's just a litany of misinformed dribble.

:lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Craig-NUFC on Wednesday 25 January 2012, 09:57:49 pm
Talking about wor penis:
"It's like a little mouse is a sleeping bag"

:okay:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Rocker on Wednesday 25 January 2012, 10:04:09 pm
Talking about wor penis:
"It's like a little mouse is a sleeping bag"

:okay:

 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Thursday 26 January 2012, 10:30:25 am
Talking about wor penis:
"It's like a little mouse is a sleeping bag"

 :okay:

 :spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Thursday 26 January 2012, 04:43:58 pm
:memelol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan on Thursday 26 January 2012, 04:45:47 pm
:mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Thursday 26 January 2012, 04:50:12 pm
I once got told I have a black man's penis. Because apparently it's ridiculously more tanned than the rest of me. 'I mean, obviously you know I don't mean the size, right?'

:alone:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: steve_69 on Thursday 26 January 2012, 08:37:00 pm
A Recent gem:

"if you didn't have legs would you still have an arse?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Si on Thursday 26 January 2012, 08:43:03 pm
A Recent gem:

"if you didn't have legs would you still have an arse?"

Tbh thats a valid question if it's talking from an evolutionary perspective, think she may be on some Dawkins esque track that you haven't followed there.

Either that or she dumb.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Saturday 28 January 2012, 10:48:45 am
Managed to convince my gf that 'asian handicap' in football betting meant that one team would be playing a small asian man in net, therefore lengthening the odds on them winning.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Saturday 28 January 2012, 11:13:22 am
:lol:

I'd have gone too far and said the asian guy only had one arm or something, well played.
Title: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan on Saturday 28 January 2012, 12:30:57 pm
Managed to convince my gf that 'asian handicap' in football betting meant that one team would be playing a small asian man in net, therefore lengthening the odds on them winning.

f***ing hell :lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: David28 on Saturday 28 January 2012, 01:52:51 pm
Managed to convince my gf that 'asian handicap' in football betting meant that one team would be playing a small asian man in net, therefore lengthening the odds on them winning.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol:

I'd have gone too far and said the asian guy only had one arm or something, well played.

:spit:
Title: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: S.S.R. on Saturday 28 January 2012, 02:56:43 pm
I once got told I have a black man's penis. Because apparently it's ridiculously more tanned than the rest of me. 'I mean, obviously you know I don't mean the size, right?'

:alone:

You can wash your cock too, you know.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Saturday 28 January 2012, 03:00:56 pm
I once got told I have a black man's penis. Because apparently it's ridiculously more tanned than the rest of me. 'I mean, obviously you know I don't mean the size, right?'

:alone:

You can wash your cock too, you know.

But then I won't get told that I have a black man's penis.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Sunday 29 January 2012, 01:13:05 am
I once got told I have a black man's penis. Because apparently it's ridiculously more tanned than the rest of me. 'I mean, obviously you know I don't mean the size, right?'

:alone:

You can wash your cock too, you know.

But then I won't get told that I have a black man's penis.

Aye but any girl you nail won't be necking Cranberry Juice for days after.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Sunday 29 January 2012, 06:58:29 pm
I love it how WUM has worked its way into her vocabulary.  "You're such a bloody WUM". :lol: Love it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: steve_69 on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 10:32:45 am
I s*** you not gentlemen:

'I used to think Armageddon was a true story'

It's a good job she's fit as f***!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 10:46:03 am
I s*** you not gentlemen:

'I used to think Armageddon was a true story'

It's a good job she's fit as f***!

Refuse to believe :huff:

:lol:

Ditto. Fit as f***? :yao:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 10:49:15 am
I s*** you not gentlemen:

'I used to think Armageddon was a true story'

It's a good job she's fit as f***!
tell her you are thinking of moving to jeopardy as the news reckons there's a load of jobs there.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 11:17:57 am
I s*** you not gentlemen:

'I used to think Armageddon was a true story'

It's a good job she's fit as f***!


any pics?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: kirkwdavis2001 on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 11:58:52 am
Pics please
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 12:25:21 pm
(http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/2557/201112145d9e5ef.png)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: steve_69 on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 12:44:41 pm
I s*** you not gentlemen:

'I used to think Armageddon was a true story'

It's a good job she's fit as f***!


any pics?

Yes, lots but i doubt she'd be happy about me sticking some on here.
Classically trained professional dancer - let your imaginations run wild boys
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 12:45:44 pm
cp40 will trade if you want mate. He's not shy.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MW on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 01:06:45 pm
I s*** you not gentlemen:

'I used to think Armageddon was a true story'

It's a good job she's fit as f***!


any pics?

Yes, lots but i doubt she'd be happy about me sticking some on here.
Classically trained professional dancer - let your imaginations run wild boys

black out her face. no problemo
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 02:27:14 pm
I s*** you not gentlemen:

'I used to think Armageddon was a true story'

It's a good job she's fit as f***!


any pics?

Yes, lots but i doubt she'd be happy about me sticking some on here.
Classically trained professional dancer - let your imaginations run wild boys

black out her face. no problemo

(http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01517/JOLSON_1517115c.jpg)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: bowlingcrofty on Tuesday 31 January 2012, 05:54:29 pm
Before dinner:

Her: I'm ravishing
Me: Don't you mean ravenous?
Her: Huh?

After dinner:
Me: Did you enjoy that
Her: Yep i'm full to the rim
Me: Do you mean brim?
Her: Yes haha
Me:  :okay:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: kingkerouac on Wednesday 1 February 2012, 08:16:51 am
Last night.

Her: She should really stop and face the roses, and smell the s***...or whatever they say.
Me: You mean stop and smell the roses?
Her: No.
Me: You mean wake up and smell the coffee?
Her: Yes...
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: adam on Wednesday 1 February 2012, 09:14:42 am
"Eh, so is Hellboy based on a true story or something, i mean, theres Nazi's in it"

 :suicide: :scared:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 1 February 2012, 09:24:39 am
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Wednesday 1 February 2012, 11:24:49 am
"Eh, so is Hellboy based on a true story or something, i mean, theres Nazi's in it"

 :suicide: :scared:

 :pilko:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Wednesday 1 February 2012, 01:32:21 pm
"Eh, so is Hellboy based on a true story or something, i mean, theres Nazi's in it"

 :suicide: :scared:
i hope you said yes.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Wednesday 1 February 2012, 01:33:39 pm
(http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/2557/201112145d9e5ef.png)

:suicide:

All the time!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Chrisjraby on Wednesday 1 February 2012, 02:17:02 pm
(http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/2557/201112145d9e5ef.png)

I hear that!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 9 February 2012, 12:57:55 am
She's f***ing mortal, might as well C&P what I've been passing on to my mates on Facebook:

god, she's back
has already spilt water all over the shop

she's been sick!
haha
jesus
really glad i made her that baked potato, she'll probably not be able to eat it now

"sorry neily, i didnt mean to be sick on the floor, i don't even remember doing it, it feels like it was someone else"

stumbles back in, kicks over the glass of water, starts nearly crying because she's hurt her toe, asks whether the water's went on her knitting
starts eating potato, burns her mouth
haha god's sake
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TRC on Thursday 9 February 2012, 01:35:42 am
"Why don't you support Sunderland"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Thursday 9 February 2012, 09:58:55 am
(http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/2557/201112145d9e5ef.png)

:lol: Even I can't stand lasses like that! I find it easier just to do exactly as I please ;)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:10:47 pm
She is like that sometimes, one of my greatest fears is sitting in the gimp room, her coming in the room while im on the PC or ps3 asking what shoes go with what dress or outfit.

Im sure she tries to catch me out..

 Mrs Gimp"what about this?"

 Gimp  "yeah looks good"

 Mrs Gimp "what shoes"

Gimp "erm i cant remember what shoes you have???"

Mrs Gimp "you dont remember my shoes?"

Gimp "no you have several pairs man"

Mrs Gimp "hmm let me fetch a couple"

two minutes later

 Mrs Gimp "right what do you think of these shoes"

Gimp "nah they dont go "

Mrs Gimp "what about these?"

Gimp "hmm neither do those"

 :pokerface:


BIG f***ing MISTAKE GIMP, BIG MISTAKE !
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:16:17 pm
you need to learn to say what they want to hear regardless of what you think young Jedi.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:20:34 pm
Doesn't work, its almost like she turns in to WWII german gestapo officer...everything I say is questioned and counter questioned.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:22:58 pm
I just say she looks nice unless she's bumped the wackiness up to 11, in which case something needs to be said.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:23:35 pm
Just keep saying it all works, she's beautiful no matter what. Then you become the partner with bad taste who she never asks agin.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:31:52 pm
I just say she looks nice unless she's bumped the wackiness up to 11, in which case something needs to be said.

:lol: Why doesn't she just go up to 10 and make 10 wackier?

Mine's an absolute nightmare for this s***, like. She'll ask, I'll say (mostly positive as she does look good in fairness to her) but I'll just get accused of lying or 'just being nice'. Then I'm either like well f*** it, which is a big mistake as that apparently proves I was lying in the first pace, or all 'I really mean it, you look great' which is just me trying to be even nicer apparently and therefore being harsh - because obviously if Im that positive it means she's s***.

I hoenstly don't even know why she bothers asking, no one could tell her different and she doesn't even care anyway.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:40:38 pm
I feel your pain  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:43:40 pm
I think I got sussed pretty early on that I say she looks nice no matter what like, so now I think she believes my opinion to be completely invalid.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:44:50 pm
I think I got sussed pretty early on that I say she looks nice no matter what like, so now I think she believes my opinion to be completely invalid.

:thup: See. The way to go, lads.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:48:22 pm
Mine normally does look quite nice though, I couldn't really give a f*** about whether she's achieved absolutely perfection for that night tbh. :lol:  I just veto it when she looks like Michael Jackson or something, otherwise I couldn't care less.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:51:10 pm
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:51:57 pm
Michael Jackson :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 9 February 2012, 02:56:52 pm
Mine can spend so long on it it's untrue. It's actually f***ing infuriating how much thought she wastes on appearance sometimes. If it's not right she'll keep going, keep adding or applying or whatever until there is far too much of whatever it is she's decided needs doing.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Thursday 9 February 2012, 03:12:18 pm
I think I got sussed pretty early on that I say she looks nice no matter what like, so now I think she believes my opinion to be completely invalid.

Mine normally does look quite nice though [...]

:lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 9 February 2012, 03:48:35 pm
I think I got sussed pretty early on that I say she looks nice no matter what like, so now I think she believes my opinion to be completely invalid.

Mine normally does look quite nice though [...]

:lol: :lol:

Eh? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Thursday 9 February 2012, 04:11:46 pm
His reply sounded (to me) like he was saying your bird never looks nice. Obviously unintentionally

...maybe.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 9 February 2012, 04:28:04 pm
I wonder which brother is more of the ladies man and which is more of the 'shut yo face, trick' kinda guy
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 9 February 2012, 04:52:56 pm
Shut yo face, trick? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Neil on Thursday 9 February 2012, 09:10:03 pm
Mine normally does look quite nice though, I couldn't really give a f*** about whether she's achieved absolutely perfection for that night tbh. :lol:  I just veto it when she looks like Michael Jackson or something, otherwise I couldn't care less.

Veto. :lol:

Normal: you look really nice.

Wackiness of 11: Nah, sorry but I'm going to have to use my veto. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 9 February 2012, 09:24:18 pm
said  did.

cheating on wii fit , whats the point?  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Segun Oluwaniyi on Thursday 9 February 2012, 09:25:32 pm
No. Hair is vital to the relationship and an area in which you need to hold your ground as a man. I don't spend ten dollars every three weeks get my hair cut down and my line intricately shaped because I enjoy the sting of razors and alcohol. I am making myself presentable so I can take the woman to formal events and informal events, she should at least return the favour. I am not showing some bald woman to my people, when I signed on with well groomed appearance.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MW on Thursday 9 February 2012, 09:36:59 pm
No. Hair is vital to the relationship and an area in which you need to hold your ground as a man. I don't spend ten dollars every three weeks get my hair cut down and my line intricately shaped because I enjoy the sting of razors and alcohol. I am making myself presentable so I can take the woman to formal events and informal events, she should at least return the favour. I am not showing some bald woman to my people, when I signed on with well groomed appearance.

:spit:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 9 February 2012, 09:42:34 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ketsbaia on Thursday 9 February 2012, 11:24:26 pm
I'm not attracted to short-haired lasses, like. I've not found a single exception to the rule yet.

Open to suggestions of course.....
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Thursday 9 February 2012, 11:54:49 pm
"my people" :lol:

I f***ing love Baba man
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Craig-NUFC on Friday 10 February 2012, 01:48:03 pm
Was looking at a thing about space and saw that there's a place called the "Tarantula Nebula" so obviously I told her it's where giant spiders live. She believed me until I pushed it too far and told her there's a film based on it called Starship Troopers.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Friday 17 February 2012, 01:44:11 pm
can you get the indicator stick switched over to the other side on your car.


WTF!.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 17 February 2012, 01:45:01 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: icemanblue on Friday 17 February 2012, 01:51:27 pm
Driving through France, when we approached a toll road. Handing over the money for the toll, she looked at me, perplexed. 'Why do they have the cashiers on the passenger side in France?'.

She's a very bright lass, too. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Friday 17 February 2012, 01:54:55 pm
:lol: Another quality one.  I might vote for this thread in the awards like, always very funny.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Stephen927 on Friday 17 February 2012, 01:58:47 pm
can you get the indicator stick switched over to the other side on your car.


WTF!.

Wish you could like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Friday 17 February 2012, 02:01:10 pm
I'm sure someone could do it if you really wanted. Probably wouldn't pass a cost-benefit analysis mind.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: kingkerouac on Friday 17 February 2012, 03:46:21 pm
Carey Mulligan? Short-haired. Very good looking girl.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: steve_69 on Friday 17 February 2012, 05:20:37 pm
Carey Mulligan? Short-haired. Very good looking girl.

Emma Watson still looked pretty fit with short hair
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Friday 17 February 2012, 05:59:02 pm
Not something she said, but something she did last night.

Sho woke me up during a sex dream, the c***.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 17 February 2012, 06:37:19 pm
Not something she said, but something she did last night.

Sho woke me up during a sex dream, the c***.

I wish my lass woke me up during my sex dream the other day  :scared:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: 54 on Friday 17 February 2012, 08:42:49 pm
Not something she said, but something she did last night.

Sho woke me up during a sex dream, the c***.
Just think you wouldn't have remembered it O0
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: LucaAltieri on Friday 17 February 2012, 10:27:24 pm
Not something she said, but something she did last night.

Sho woke me up during a sex dream, the c***.

I wish my lass woke me up during my sex dream the other day  :scared:

Was Parky in it?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 17 February 2012, 10:51:29 pm
No, a very special married couple I know and she had a MASSIVE vagina. Still don't feel right about it now.

Tbf I had an amazing dream about a lass with amazing tits from work before or after then randomly bumped into her on the way to work today so it's not all bad.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: joeyt on Monday 20 February 2012, 06:56:42 pm
''You know you can hear the commentary when watching football on the telly, can you hear the commentary when your in the stadium?''
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: 80 on Monday 20 February 2012, 06:58:08 pm
Spend a lot of time going 'aw, sweet' when I read this thread. Bless their stupid little heads.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Tuesday 21 February 2012, 05:30:28 am
Spend a lot of time going 'aw, sweet' when I read this thread. Bless their stupid little heads.

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 23 February 2012, 09:20:59 am
"I really believe in bad karma, like, I convince myself that if I don't brush my teeth people will be hurt".


:dowie:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: FrenchWilliam on Thursday 23 February 2012, 09:30:34 am
"I really believe in bad karma, like, I convince myself that if I don't brush my teeth people will be hurt".


:dowie:

:lol: That could surely be used to your advantage.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 23 February 2012, 10:02:56 am
Classic like that like  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: summerof69 on Thursday 23 February 2012, 08:13:20 pm
Hairdresser has just had to ask whether or not the north-south poles really exist.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 23 February 2012, 08:21:01 pm
Theres football on tonight babe look, Man utd versus , A-jax clean
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Thursday 23 February 2012, 08:25:13 pm
Theres football on tonight babe look, Man utd versus , A-jax clean

Wouldn't say that's stupid. You've just got her trained well, congrats. :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Friday 24 February 2012, 08:19:24 am
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Friday 24 February 2012, 09:35:08 am
I did have a friend ask me who Soton were when we were watching a match. Scary thing is, she's actually from Southampton :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: catmag on Sunday 8 April 2012, 09:47:16 pm
Just watched a trailer for the Gunther von Hagens documentary which is on at 10pm tonight and Himself warns me "it might be a bit gory mind"

I watch people being cut open on a daily basis and get paid for it!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: pi_D on Sunday 8 April 2012, 09:55:24 pm
The ex didn't know ducks had feet  :rolleyes:

Shocked to find this out she was :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Sunday 8 April 2012, 10:00:50 pm
On the same day that I managed to convince wor lass that I was 1/4 Spanish and 1/4 Italian, she then thought I was taking the p*ss when I told her that Catherine Tate was in Doctor Who.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 17 April 2012, 09:11:44 pm
Is that Nelson Mandela? ah no its Samuel L Jackson.








It was Morgan Freeman
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 17 April 2012, 09:12:28 pm
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 17 April 2012, 09:20:01 pm
:lol: :lol: :lol:

It was probably Mike btw so the jokes on CP40.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Neil on Tuesday 17 April 2012, 09:22:04 pm
Is that Nelson Mandela? ah no its Samuel L Jackson.








It was Morgan Freeman

f***ing hell. :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ginola on Tuesday 17 April 2012, 09:25:20 pm
Is that Nelson Mandela? ah no its Samuel L Jackson.








It was Morgan Freeman

Get the f*** in :lol::lol::lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan on Tuesday 17 April 2012, 09:45:55 pm
Is that Nelson Mandela? ah no its Samuel L Jackson.








It was Morgan Freeman

Brilliant  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: PENKAAA on Wednesday 18 April 2012, 01:43:07 pm
Quotes from my sister not my girlfriend.

"Are walkers crisps made from potatoes?"

"Do cows eat grass?"

"So that's why they're called scarecrows, they scare away crows!"

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan on Thursday 19 April 2012, 09:50:47 am
Quotes from my sister not my girlfriend.

"Are walkers crisps made from potatoes?"

"Do cows eat grass?"

"So that's why they're called scarecrows, they scare away crows!"

:mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Thursday 19 April 2012, 09:53:26 am
I say far more stupid things than my lass, does that mean I need to downgrade?

Like David Brent, I need a woman who is as intelligent, or slightly less intelligent, than me. But maybe I'm going wrong.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Thursday 19 April 2012, 10:04:20 am
My girlfriend was asking how the league works. Told her it was 3 points for a win and 1 for a draw and 0 for a loss. She was outraged :lol: Told me it should be 3:2:1.

I said I thought so too, but in the event of a draw the points are shared out and the remaining point goes to the king of England. She was all "Ah right, so does the king win the league very often then?" :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: 54 on Thursday 19 April 2012, 10:10:58 am
My girlfriend was asking how the league works. Told her it was 3 points for a win and 1 for a draw and 0 for a loss. She was outraged :lol: Told me it should be 3:2:1.

I said I thought so too, but in the event of a draw the points are shared out and the remaining point goes to the king of England. She was all "Ah right, so does the king win the league very often then?" :lol:
:mackems:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan on Thursday 19 April 2012, 11:53:45 am
That can't be true?!  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Thursday 19 April 2012, 11:54:42 am
Aye, she realised straight away like :lol:, begged me not to put it on here.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan on Thursday 19 April 2012, 12:10:52 pm
 :lol: :lol:

Definitely the best one in here.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Thursday 19 April 2012, 12:23:32 pm
:spit: f***ing hell man
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Thursday 19 April 2012, 01:04:10 pm
Just went and had lunch and told her I put it on here, should've seen her face :lol:

 :fuuu:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 19 April 2012, 03:23:16 pm
:lol:




Mine just used more than three fullstops for an ellipsis. What a f***ing idiot.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 19 April 2012, 03:47:12 pm
:lol:




Mine just used more than three fullstops for an ellipsis. What a f***ing idiot.

end it now
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 19 April 2012, 04:15:15 pm
Instantly did.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Thursday 19 April 2012, 06:24:35 pm
Wor lass last night:

"Don't you think these [brand new!] insoles smell a bit like kebab meat?"

*I sniff them*

"Yeah, they do a bit actually, like lamb."

"Wrong! Kebab meat is actually sheep! Oh s*** wait..."

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 19 April 2012, 06:25:11 pm
Wor lass last night:

"Don't you think these insoles smell a bit like kebab meat?"

*I sniff them*

"Yeah, they do a bit actually, like lamb."

"Wrong! Kebab meat is actually sheep! Oh s*** wait..."

:lol:

This whole conversation is broken
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Pilko on Thursday 19 April 2012, 06:26:37 pm
how?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Neil on Thursday 19 April 2012, 06:39:58 pm
Kebabs and shoes tend to cost over £2.50. I don't understand.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Shak on Sunday 6 May 2012, 03:59:57 pm
Watching 'The Wire' last night.

After a very unusual sequence of events she chuckled and said "Jesus, you couldn't make it up, could you?"

:serious:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 08:47:57 pm
its nee wonder they couldnt catch jack the ripper for years, every contestant that sat in the middle on bullseye looked like him.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: healthyaddiction on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 08:53:02 pm
When leaving the Vatican a couple of months back my girlfriend declares "You know, I always get confused between the Vatican and Gotham City".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 08:56:42 pm
:lol: @ both.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 09:12:08 pm
Can we watch the transit of Venus on google earth.

Imagine if the planets went round in squares instead of circles
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 09:14:08 pm
Can we watch the transit of Venus on google earth.

Imagine if the planets went round in squares instead of circles
err they don't go round in circles.  :whistle:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 09:15:31 pm
That was the daft part.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 09:15:46 pm
Can we watch the transit of Venus on google earth.

Imagine if the planets went round in squares instead of circles
err they don't go round in circles.  :whistle:


well they certainly dont do right angle turns :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Tuesday 5 June 2012, 09:17:26 pm
Can we watch the transit of Venus on google earth.

Imagine if the planets went round in squares instead of circles
err they don't go round in circles.  :whistle:


well they certainly dont do right angle turns :lol:
she's been watching too much '3rd rock from the sun'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Craig-NUFC on Tuesday 12 June 2012, 08:38:40 pm
Not my lass, but her ma'. Asked if Africa was in Europe.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 16 June 2012, 05:03:01 pm
'Babe ring the Indians Im so hungry my throat could eat my foot'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Saturday 16 June 2012, 07:42:16 pm
Thats not a bad thing really, is it ?? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 24 June 2012, 07:44:31 pm
They will need a new anthem when wills is king......

then sings.


la la prince william, happy one in a million.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lotus on Monday 25 June 2012, 11:12:18 am
'I found that CD you were looking for'

'Which one?'

'Queens of the Stone Henge'

'!?!'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 25 June 2012, 11:15:51 am
Her: Where is this game being played?

Me: Donetsk

Her: Wheres that?

Me: Ukraine

Her: Wheres Ukraine?

Me: :yao:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Zach on Monday 25 June 2012, 01:53:49 pm
Her: What are people from Norway called?

Me: Norwegian.

Her: So are Dutch people are from Denmark?

Me: :serious:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ted Maul on Monday 25 June 2012, 02:36:46 pm
Was seeing a lass who asked me without a hint of irony or humour whether black men's cum is black, her reasoning being that she'd only shagged white blokes and theirs is white.  s*** you not.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Monday 25 June 2012, 02:38:28 pm
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Monday 25 June 2012, 02:57:49 pm
Logical.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheGuv on Monday 25 June 2012, 03:00:48 pm
I remember 2 years ago at school we were watching the opening scene to Saving Private Ryan a few weeks before our GCSE History exam.

A lass in the class put her hand up and asked

'Did this D-Day thing actually happen Miss?'

I didn't know whether to :lol: or :facepalm:

I and the rest of the class chose the latter.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Monday 25 June 2012, 03:13:09 pm
I remember 2 years ago at school we were watching the opening scene to Saving Private Ryan a few weeks before our GCSE History exam.

A lass in the class put her hand up and asked

'Did this D-Day thing actually happen Miss?'

I didn't know whether to :lol: or :facepalm:

I and the rest of the class chose the latter.

So you're only 8 yeah?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Tuesday 26 June 2012, 12:08:14 am
We had an absolutely amazing girl with us last night for the football.

'Why don't England play in their old red shirts anymore?'
'Why is that one in green?'
'If I was being paid millions I'd sponsor some rocket boots or something - like press and button and zooooom!'

Just among some of the corkers.

This is a girl who told us she didn't used to be so dumb. But then she lost weight and got in good shape, that caused her to lose brain mass or some s***. (she didn't use the word mass exactly. Silly bitch wouldn't know what that is)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Tuesday 26 June 2012, 12:10:49 am
I was about unoriginal and reply "f*** her" until I read the edit. I probably would have just hit her tbh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 9 July 2012, 08:21:43 pm
so i come in today and her and her mate are looking at facebook pictures from thier trip to york.

'Put the rainfall radar on man I want to see if its going to let up.'
 so she gets the railfall tab up, and ive got it zoomed in on the newcastle area.

'Zoom  out so I can see the wider area to get an  idea of direction'

so her and her mate shuffle along the sofa away from the computer.

I kid you not. :lol: :lol:

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: McCormick on Monday 9 July 2012, 09:18:03 pm
Was seeing a lass who asked me without a hint of irony or humour whether black men's cum is black, her reasoning being that she'd only shagged white blokes and theirs is white.  s*** you not.

Got asked once by a previous female disappointment if black people had black dandruff. "It's not racist, I was just wondering because I can never see if you have dandruff or not. I thought it was because of your skin colour."

I'm Spanish.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TRC on Sunday 15 July 2012, 03:40:41 pm
Apparently Dumb and Dumber came out in the 1900's
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Lush Vlad on Monday 16 July 2012, 11:21:52 am
We're having a new patio in the back garden and the missus asked the other day on numerous occassions "Did you ask your Dad about that memory foam for the patio" this went on for a while much to my confusion.

In the end, we established she meant membrane. 

Would be f***ing expensive if we went with her suggestion!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Monday 16 July 2012, 11:53:08 am
Bury her under the patio.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Wilson on Monday 16 July 2012, 12:56:48 pm
she was on about something yesterday, and come out with something along the lines of "her english is getting good-er"

:facepalm:

also a while back whilst asking something about football, she mentioned "Bristol Palace" ... kept me amused for a while and I won't let her forget, when i tell people about this i like to tell people she said "nottingham hotspur" and "tottenham forest"... simple things eh :D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Monday 16 July 2012, 01:27:06 pm
Was seeing a lass who asked me without a hint of irony or humour whether black men's cum is black, her reasoning being that she'd only shagged white blokes and theirs is white.  s*** you not.

Got asked once by a previous female disappointment if black people had black dandruff. "It's not racist, I was just wondering because I can never see if you have dandruff or not. I thought it was because of your skin colour."

I'm Spanish.

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TRC on Monday 16 July 2012, 09:03:32 pm
Not my lass, but my mother said "That Dawn French looks a bit like Jessie J"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Monday 16 July 2012, 09:09:03 pm
we doing some work on bathroom. I say ive lost the connector I was going to use to blank off the tap pipes.

' Will ear plugs or play doh not work'
' :lol: No, its a pressurised water system'

' ooh this is a funny looking hammer'
'its a spark plug spanner'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 16 July 2012, 11:07:51 pm
Got my phone very wet in the rain last week, basically it was completely f***ed.

Wasn't sure my insurance would cover me getting it soaked so told my lass I would just take it into the shop and tell them it just stopped working.

Took it into the shop while she went doing women shopping stuff, another lass comes in and tells the shop people the same story I have (probably made up as well). Then my lass comes in and I say 'she has had the same problem as me' so my lass blurts out 'what her phone got soaked too?'

 :facepalm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Monday 16 July 2012, 11:09:01 pm
we doing some work on bathroom. I say ive lost the connector I was going to use to blank off the tap pipes.

' Will ear plugs or play doh not work'
' :lol: No, its a pressurised water system'

' ooh this is a funny looking hammer'
'its a spark plug spanner'

I'm as stupid as your lass :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MW on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 12:20:46 am
was just walking home from the pub, some absolute sket was waiting at the bus stop near mine, i was on the other side of the road, so she came over, could barely talk, had massive tits, said where u going. home, so started walking along with me, to which i said i have a pregnant fiance waiting for me, so she said she was ugly and pushed me :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 12:23:22 am
was just walking home from the pub, some absolute sket was waiting at the bus stop near mine, i was on the other side of the road, so she came over, could barely talk, had massive tits, said where u going. home, so started walking along with me, to which i said i have a pregnant fiance waiting for me, so she said she was ugly and pushed me :lol:

Hom.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MW on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 12:27:33 am
was just walking home from the pub, some absolute sket was waiting at the bus stop near mine, i was on the other side of the road, so she came over, could barely talk, had massive tits, said where u going. home, so started walking along with me, to which i said i have a pregnant fiance waiting for me, so she said she was ugly and pushed me :lol:

Hom.

it was actually my mother. otherwise, honestly i probably would have if i had a free house
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MW on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 12:27:58 am
the person waiting for me, not the f***ed sket
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 12:29:23 am
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 12:29:26 am
:lol: Class.

Think my favourite random skank on the street was one that came from the street and into the yard at my work as I'm cleaning the tables. Tells me she's just been sacked from the massage parlour, to which all I can think to say is 'oh, sorry to hear'. What you doing tonight? 'Erm.. Working'. *cue awkward silence*. So.. you don't want any business? 'Nah thanks, erm, could you please leave now?'. Looking back, don't know why I asked her to leave, couldn't see her hanging around after that. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 08:50:17 am
Got my phone very wet in the rain last week, basically it was completely f***ed.

Wasn't sure my insurance would cover me getting it soaked so told my lass I would just take it into the shop and tell them it just stopped working.

Took it into the shop while she went doing women shopping stuff, another lass comes in and tells the shop people the same story I have (probably made up as well). Then my lass comes in and I say 'she has had the same problem as me' so my lass blurts out 'what her phone got soaked too?'

 :facepalm:

 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: joeyt on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 09:23:38 pm
Mine wondered how football fans knew all the words to chants and said, 'do they all get given a hymn book?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 09:26:41 pm
Mine wondered how football fans knew all the words to chants and said, 'do they all get given a hymn book?'


ive taken my lass to one match. she was given it the lot , waving fists calling the ref a w*****. was about 40mins she asked me which way we were attacking. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Beren on Tuesday 17 July 2012, 10:42:06 pm
Mine wondered how football fans knew all the words to chants and said, 'do they all get given a hymn book?'


ive taken my lass to one match. she was given it the lot , waving fists calling the ref a w*****. was about 40mins she asked me which way we were attacking. :lol:

:lol: :lol:

Just... just... just how, man? How can you not know?!

(http://i.imgur.com/1pBrR.png)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Roger Kint on Wednesday 18 July 2012, 09:07:38 am
In the pub the other day talking about Mexico, few of the lads were arguing that you can take pesos/dollars/both as it doesnt matter, she jumps in with 'hang on why wouldnt Mexico accept Euros?'

 :neutral:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 18 July 2012, 01:32:57 pm
 :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Bowie on Thursday 19 July 2012, 01:37:30 am
Mine wondered how football fans knew all the words to chants and said, 'do they all get given a hymn book?'


ive taken my lass to one match. she was given it the lot , waving fists calling the ref a w*****. was about 40mins she asked me which way we were attacking. :lol:

:lol: :lol:

I took my lass to Villa at home last season but banned her from talking s***. Probably more embarrassing for me when I elbowed her in the temple celebrating Demba's goal. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 19 July 2012, 11:01:40 am
Apparently she fell asleep on the bus on the way home from work last night, woke up and was horrified to see the police outside the bus because "falling asleep on a bus at that time of the day isn't the behaviour of a sensible member of society".

Christ. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: davy_fulla on Friday 20 July 2012, 09:38:39 pm
Just been watching Vic and Bob answer a question on million pound drop about which of these dishes is made with fish.  The answer was 'bombay duck'.  I said that surprised me as I just assumed it was made with duck.

The missus took pride in telling me that a duck is the same as a fish.  Looking at her in disgust she corrected herself to say no it's not a fish it's a mammal.  When I told her that mammals don't lay eggs she sounded amazed to learn that ducks actually lay eggs.

That's a triple whammy of stupidity there - I'm off to bed FFS!!!!!!!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Disco on Friday 20 July 2012, 10:14:02 pm
Jesus was probably black because he was from Africa.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Saturday 21 July 2012, 04:00:59 am
Just been watching Vic and Bob answer a question on million pound drop about which of these dishes is made with fish.  The answer was 'bombay duck'.  I said that surprised me as I just assumed it was made with duck.

The missus took pride in telling me that a duck is the same as a fish.  Looking at her in disgust she corrected herself to say no it's not a fish it's a mammal.  When I told her that mammals don't lay eggs she sounded amazed to learn that ducks actually lay eggs.

That's a triple whammy of stupidity there - I'm off to bed FFS!!!!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme) dude :thup: not that I expect there will be too much debate on taxonomy :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: davy_fulla on Saturday 21 July 2012, 06:46:29 pm
Just been watching Vic and Bob answer a question on million pound drop about which of these dishes is made with fish.  The answer was 'bombay duck'.  I said that surprised me as I just assumed it was made with duck.

The missus took pride in telling me that a duck is the same as a fish.  Looking at her in disgust she corrected herself to say no it's not a fish it's a mammal.  When I told her that mammals don't lay eggs she sounded amazed to learn that ducks actually lay eggs.

That's a triple whammy of stupidity there - I'm off to bed FFS!!!!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme) dude :thup: not that I expect there will be too much debate on taxonomy :lol:

:) Granted there'll always be one example that breaks the norm and ends up as a QI question but there's nee way a duck is a f***ing fish haha.  If I mention taxonomy she'll think it's something to do with HMRC anyway
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Saturday 21 July 2012, 10:07:15 pm
Just been watching Vic and Bob answer a question on million pound drop about which of these dishes is made with fish.  The answer was 'bombay duck'.  I said that surprised me as I just assumed it was made with duck.

The missus took pride in telling me that a duck is the same as a fish.  Looking at her in disgust she corrected herself to say no it's not a fish it's a mammal.  When I told her that mammals don't lay eggs she sounded amazed to learn that ducks actually lay eggs.

That's a triple whammy of stupidity there - I'm off to bed FFS!!!!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme) dude :thup: not that I expect there will be too much debate on taxonomy :lol:

:) Granted there'll always be one example that breaks the norm and ends up as a QI question but there's nee way a duck is a f***ing fish haha.  If I mention taxonomy she'll think it's something to do with HMRC anyway

:lol: Just FYI in case someone else tells her about platypuses which are a bit ducky-fishy if your brain doesn't work right.

Mine was watching a doc about Pope JP2 last night and said he was a waste of our tax :lol: Had to explain who he was, where he came from, what he did, how the entire Western economic system worked and how we completely don't bankroll the pope through taxation. She said she liked him after that, he was a nice old man :lol: but not the new one. Think she might have got that one right by accident. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Saturday 21 July 2012, 10:18:05 pm
Just been watching Vic and Bob answer a question on million pound drop about which of these dishes is made with fish.  The answer was 'bombay duck'.  I said that surprised me as I just assumed it was made with duck.

The missus took pride in telling me that a duck is the same as a fish.  Looking at her in disgust she corrected herself to say no it's not a fish it's a mammal.  When I told her that mammals don't lay eggs she sounded amazed to learn that ducks actually lay eggs.

That's a triple whammy of stupidity there - I'm off to bed FFS!!!!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme) dude :thup: not that I expect there will be too much debate on taxonomy :lol:

:) Granted there'll always be one example that breaks the norm and ends up as a QI question but there's nee way a duck is a f***ing fish haha.  If I mention taxonomy she'll think it's something to do with HMRC anyway

:lol: Just FYI in case someone else tells her about platypuses which are a bit ducky-fishy if your brain doesn't work right.

Mine was watching a doc about Pope JP2 last night and said he was a waste of our tax :lol: Had to explain who he was, where he came from, what he did, how the entire Western economic system worked and how we completely don't bankroll the pope through taxation. She said she liked him after that, he was a nice old man :lol: but not the new one. Think she might have got that one right by accident. :lol:
JP2's legacy was to help cover up loads of sexual abuse by the clergy and keep up the campaign against contraception.

she was wrong by accident.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Sunday 22 July 2012, 12:37:45 am
Just been watching Vic and Bob answer a question on million pound drop about which of these dishes is made with fish.  The answer was 'bombay duck'.  I said that surprised me as I just assumed it was made with duck.

The missus took pride in telling me that a duck is the same as a fish.  Looking at her in disgust she corrected herself to say no it's not a fish it's a mammal.  When I told her that mammals don't lay eggs she sounded amazed to learn that ducks actually lay eggs.

That's a triple whammy of stupidity there - I'm off to bed FFS!!!!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotreme) dude :thup: not that I expect there will be too much debate on taxonomy :lol:

:) Granted there'll always be one example that breaks the norm and ends up as a QI question but there's nee way a duck is a f***ing fish haha.  If I mention taxonomy she'll think it's something to do with HMRC anyway

:lol: Just FYI in case someone else tells her about platypuses which are a bit ducky-fishy if your brain doesn't work right.

Mine was watching a doc about Pope JP2 last night and said he was a waste of our tax :lol: Had to explain who he was, where he came from, what he did, how the entire Western economic system worked and how we completely don't bankroll the pope through taxation. She said she liked him after that, he was a nice old man :lol: but not the new one. Think she might have got that one right by accident. :lol:
JP2's legacy was to help cover up loads of sexual abuse by the clergy and keep up the campaign against contraception.

she was wrong by accident.

No, man, I meant she was right about the current Nazi guy, who she doesn't like in her own little way. They're all a bunch of fascist arseholes whichever way you look at it. I'm happy I've got a woman rather than a priest. :lol: They talk more sense.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Belfast Mags on Sunday 22 July 2012, 12:44:58 am
Was on the Sofa one night and made a random comment wondering about how many cows died to make it (it's Leather) and Wifey says "what have cows got to do with leather?"
So I start explaining that's where most leather comes from etc and she was literally like "get the f*** out" etc.

 :cheesy:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Sunday 22 July 2012, 12:54:14 am
Was on the Sofa one night and made a random comment wondering about how many cows died to make it (it's Leather) and Wifey says "what have cows got to do with leather?"
So I start explaining that's where most leather comes from etc and she was literally like "get the f*** out" etc.

 :cheesy:
similar but proud with girl 2 "its funny that little lambs are called the same as lamb that we eat" type conversation over the sunday dinner table "thats because they are the same"....."are they ?" says she, I nod...she kept on chewing till every piece of meat was gone.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Belfast Mags on Sunday 22 July 2012, 01:03:30 am
A women I worked with years ago had never heard of the Isle of Man. :yikes:
Same women failed to pick out the USA on map of the world.
Pointed at Denmark in an act of desperation.  :idiot2:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: BlueStar on Tuesday 24 July 2012, 09:58:33 pm
Her: "I can't sleep"
"Me neither cos of that whining noise in the room"
"What noise?"
"There it is again"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Tuesday 24 July 2012, 09:58:59 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: joeyt on Wednesday 25 July 2012, 10:11:02 pm
'Are Newcastle competing at the Olympics?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: bulivye on Thursday 26 July 2012, 03:44:40 pm
Her: "I can't sleep"
"Me neither cos of that whining noise in the room"
"What noise?"
"There it is again"

 :spit:

perfect!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 26 July 2012, 05:51:57 pm
looking to replace our massage, jacuzzi bath thing with a curved/ shower bath. Having a look at them on-Bay.

she says. ee that one looks canny- looks a bit like ours.

It is ours, im selling it .
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheGuv on Thursday 26 July 2012, 09:41:57 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Thursday 26 July 2012, 11:07:04 pm
:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 26 July 2012, 11:08:23 pm
:lol: class
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Friday 27 July 2012, 01:46:19 pm
Me: your ex looks like Juan Matta *points at telly*

Her: Aye a bit...but eh, you're the only Juan that Mattas!



Possibly a keeper like. :lol:
Title: Re: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Friday 27 July 2012, 01:47:28 pm
Her: "I can't sleep"
"Me neither cos of that whining noise in the room"
"What noise?"
"There it is again"

Hahaha. I'm using that like!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jordan on Saturday 28 July 2012, 01:12:52 am
Get back from 6 a side
Her: "what was the score?"
Me: "2-2"
Her: "who to?"
She realised instantly what she said :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Fenham Mag on Saturday 28 July 2012, 01:39:08 am
My lass always gets confused when I tell her a 5-aside score, yeh we got beat 13-7, she says what the f*** happened, are you's really that crap?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 28 July 2012, 10:52:50 am
My lass always gets confused when I tell her a 5-aside score, yeh we got beat 13-7, she says what the f*** happened, are you's really that crap?

She has a point.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ryan_Taylor on Saturday 28 July 2012, 11:34:09 am
My lass always gets confused when I tell her a 5-aside score, yeh we got beat 13-7, she says what the f*** happened, are you's really that crap?

Missing the issue here like?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QBG on Tuesday 31 July 2012, 11:57:13 pm
Firstly a conversation between my Mam and Dad last week.

Mum: Who's Mitt Romney?
Dad: The Republican US Presidential candidate
Mum: And where is he from?


Me and my lass while watching the analysts of the men's cycling road race in front of Buckingham Palace.

Her: What's that building in the background?
Me: You're taking the p*ss right?
Her: No, is it Buckingham Palace?
Me: Yes, obviously.
Her: Well I don't know, I've only been to London a few times.
Me: Yeah I suppose, I mean its not like its on TV a 100 times a year or anything.

And finally, a text conversation about Michael Phelps earlier this evening

Me: He's a top bloke, very gracious after coming second in the 200m earlier.
Her: Yeah he was. He's a real soul of the earth kind of guy.
Me: You mean salt of the earth.
Her: You mean I've been saying it wrong all these years?

:lol: :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ketsbaia on Wednesday 1 August 2012, 12:00:27 am
To be fair, in the first one she could be asking which state he is from.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: QBG on Wednesday 1 August 2012, 12:04:32 am
To be fair, in the first one she could be asking which state he is from.

Aye, true enough. Still made me crease at the time.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Segun Oluwaniyi on Wednesday 1 August 2012, 02:39:53 pm
Not my girl (she's actually very quiet, which is a blessing), but my sister. She is constantly confusing Zinedine Zidane and Benazir Bhutto. I don't where this originated, but I always enjoy it. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Colo's Short and Curlies on Wednesday 1 August 2012, 03:34:46 pm
Why is the archery being held in France?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: McCormick on Wednesday 1 August 2012, 05:02:38 pm
My conversation with this French girl that I used to see (her English was terrible):

Me: Knock, Knock
Her: I don't understand
Me: No, you're supposed to say who's there
Her: Why?
Me: It's a joke, just go with it
Her: It's not funny... I don't understand, is this an English joke?
Me: It's cool, forget about it.
Her (genuine excitement): Ooooooh Knock-knock like a door!!
Me: yeah...
Her (giggling): That's funny.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Wednesday 1 August 2012, 05:13:08 pm
:lol: Sounds awesome
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Thursday 2 August 2012, 01:26:09 am
Couple of unbelievable comments this evening, I'm not making these up.

"My mam says you look happy when you sleep".  (My arse f***ing dropped when she said this, turns out the comment was made when I fell asleep on the sofa).

"When do you think we'll have little ones?"  (As in kids).

f***ing headcase.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Thursday 2 August 2012, 01:31:33 am




"When do you think we'll have little ones?"  (As in kids).


you "oooh years yet"

her "wrong!"



edit....."as in kids"....wtf else did you expect we'd think ?, pebbles ? wet dreams where you can't quite find the semen but have a damp end of knob ? gerbils mebees ?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Thursday 2 August 2012, 06:52:17 pm
The cleaner at work just went "what time do you finish? 6?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tooj on Thursday 2 August 2012, 07:00:30 pm
The cleaner at my work mops the carpet ffs.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: joeyt on Thursday 2 August 2012, 08:04:30 pm
Not my girl (she's actually very quiet, which is a blessing), but my sister. She is constantly confusing Zinedine Zidane and Benazir Bhutto. I don't where this originated, but I always enjoy it. :lol:

This sounds hillarious :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheHoob on Thursday 2 August 2012, 08:06:28 pm
The cleaner at my work mops the carpet ffs.

What  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tomato Deuce on Thursday 2 August 2012, 09:01:34 pm

"When do you think we'll have little ones?"  (As in kids).

f***ing headcase.

She's gonna be poking holes soon enough.

(http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/001/384/Atrapitis.gif)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr Colossus on Thursday 2 August 2012, 10:09:31 pm
The news just now, when that shooting guy was greeted by his coach Ahmed Al-Matoum (or whatever)

"Is that him from Manchester City?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Thursday 2 August 2012, 10:17:42 pm
Cleaner at work has some sort of hoover for the toilets and always does it at 8.55am. Worst f***ing time ever to clean a toilet ffs!
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: FrenchWilliam on Friday 3 August 2012, 06:22:08 am
Aye, but people rarely leave exactly when they finish. Probably just checking whether you were working late.
Title: Re: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Friday 3 August 2012, 08:24:28 am
Aye, but people rarely leave exactly when they finish. Probably just checking whether you were working late.

Howeh man. She said "what time do you finish?6?" at quarter to 7. It's as easy as that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 3 August 2012, 08:54:07 am
Why would she need to check if he was working late if she is assuming he would have finished 45 minutes ago? :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Friday 3 August 2012, 04:00:39 pm
Probably just reminding him to get his work/life balance in order :thup:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Sunday 5 August 2012, 09:51:16 pm
whats this, Running again?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Wilson on Sunday 5 August 2012, 10:42:52 pm
watching murray today.

'federer's swiss? Is that Swedish?'

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: JH on Sunday 5 August 2012, 10:43:29 pm
Silly woman.

It's clearly Swinland.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GoranBadlund on Monday 6 August 2012, 08:15:45 am
I convinced my ex girlfriend that internet was about to get "full" around 2014/15 something. She believed me. Don't know if she's still preparing herself for the end of internet in two years time..
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Kid Icarus on Monday 6 August 2012, 08:27:36 am
My mam referred to Chinese food as 'chinkies' so I typed 'ffs mam!'. Her reply?

'Is that [ffs] the stuff they put in the food that makes me really tired?'
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Monday 6 August 2012, 11:15:28 am
i was complaining about the poor coverage of the final round of the mens long jump and my mother said it was with the field events being held in a different stadium to the athletics.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Tuesday 7 August 2012, 10:07:37 pm
She thought the pace setter (or whatever they are called) in Chris Hoy's race was going to be there the whole time and was just much quicker than the Olympic athletes :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 08:52:02 am
Chink is a derogatory term for Asians, taking the p*ss out of their eyes, that's why.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 08:57:55 am
I always thought it was slang for Chinese takeaway.  :undecided:


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:00:42 am
Quote
In the United Kingdom, chinky (or chinky chonky[1], in parts of northern England known as a chinkies, always in the plural) is a slang name for a Chinese takeaway restaurant or the meal that one buys from such a restaurant. Chinky is the adjectival form of chink and, like chink, is an ethnic slur for Chinese and other Asian people.[2]

After several campaigns by the Scottish Executive, more people in Scotland now acknowledge that this name is indirectly racist.[3] However, the Broadcasting Standards Commission held in 2002, after a complaint about the BBC One programme The Vicar of Dibley, that when used as the name of a type of restaurant or meal, rather than as an adjective applied to a person or group of people, the word carries no racist connotation.[4] However, a year earlier, the Commission's counterpart, the Radio Authority, apologised for the offence caused by an incident where a DJ on Heart 106.2 used the term.[5] Ofcom, the successor organisation of the two, classifies it as a derivative of the racist term "chink" but notes that the degree to which the term is deemed offensive varies according to age or ethnic origin of the listener

Interesting.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:22:03 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: localshop on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:31:35 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:36:25 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Im not justifying myself, everyone i know has used the phrase, and from looking into it..its a common phrase to use to refer to chinese food from a restaurant or a takeaway.  Therefore the lads mum has used the phrase in an innocent and none intended racist form.

Ive never used the phrase chink nor chinkie to decribe a group of people. 
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:41:12 am
But... that's what you're doing by using it. :lol:

If you go for an Indian or Italian meal, what is the meaning behind those descriptions? Same principle.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:45:42 am
But... that's what you're doing by using it. :lol:

If you go for an Indian or Italian meal, what is the meaning behind those descriptions? Same principle.

It wasn't intended like that, i was just curious.  It was always in our local dialect that "chinkies" was chinese food.  Everyone i know used the phrase and it wasnt meant as a slur.

So it seemed odd to me that the lad said his mum said "chinkies" and he put it in this thread.

I bet a lot of folk on here from the newcastle area have used the word chinkies to describe food from a takeaway and not used it as a slur against a group of people.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: localshop on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:49:25 am
But... that's what you're doing by using it. :lol:

If you go for an Indian or Italian meal, what is the meaning behind those descriptions? Same principle.

It wasn't intended like that, i was just curious.  It was always in our local dialect that "chinkies" was chinese food.  Everyone i know used the phrase and it wasnt meant as a slur.

So it seemed odd to me that the lad said his mum said "chinkies" and he put it in this thread.

I bet a lot of folk on here from the newcastle area have used the word chinkies to describe food from a takeaway and not used it as a slur against a group of people.

So I'm interested to know, do you call certain newsagents P**i shops?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:51:45 am
But... that's what you're doing by using it. :lol:

If you go for an Indian or Italian meal, what is the meaning behind those descriptions? Same principle.

It wasn't intended like that, i was just curious.  It was always in our local dialect that "chinkies" was chinese food.  Everyone i know used the phrase and it wasnt meant as a slur.

So it seemed odd to me that the lad said his mum said "chinkies" and he put it in this thread.

I bet a lot of folk on here from the newcastle area have used the word chinkies to describe food from a takeaway and not used it as a slur against a group of people.

So I'm interested to know, do you call certain newsagents P**i shops?


No, no I dont.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:52:47 am
Next question, localshop...cos i cant see where you are going with this?    :hmm:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dave on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:55:44 am
Have to admit like, when I was younger I used to believe it was based on an abbreviation of the word China and I bet that's true of a lot of people. Don't use it now I know its real origins.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: localshop on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:57:05 am
Next question, localshop...cos i cant see where you are going with this?    :hmm:

What's the difference between the two? Both words derive from a racist slur and yet I'm inferring that you think one is acceptable and one is not.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 10:01:55 am
Next question, localshop...cos i cant see where you are going with this?    :hmm:

What's the difference between the two? Both words derive from a racist slur and yet I'm inferring that you think one is acceptable and one is not.

All comes down to intent and the use of the word, the lads mother was clearly using it as a description of takeaway food and i dont think for a second she is racist.

Localshop, you've never heard the phrase "fancy getting a chinkies in tonight" or "fancy going for a chinkies?"
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: localshop on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 10:14:25 am
Next question, localshop...cos i cant see where you are going with this?    :hmm:

What's the difference between the two? Both words derive from a racist slur and yet I'm inferring that you think one is acceptable and one is not.

All comes down to intent and the use of the word, the lads mother was clearly using it as a description of takeaway food and i dont think for a second she is racist.

Localshop, you've never heard the phrase "fancy getting a chinkies in tonight" or "fancy going for a chinkies?"

Of course I've heard it, I don't agree with using it though. To me it is an offensive word in whatever context it is presented in.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 10:20:03 am
I always thought that word was just an abbreviation for Chinese when I was younger, and I heard it used a lot. Never with any derogatory intent I suppose, but at the same time it does belittle people to not even bother to say their correct nationality.

Obviously when you grow up and realise that it has racist connotations, you stop using it. To try and justify its continued use is just to deny reality - like when my Gran says it's fine to call black people 'coloured' because "that was the word in my day".
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: MKSC on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 10:29:56 am
Wonder what Sifu's take on this is. Having his family run a chinese take away in Newcastle I'm almost certain he has heard the term used.

FWIW, it does get used down here as well. Personally I'd find it offensive, just the same as someone calling the newsagents the "paki" shop, as localshop pointed out. That's not to say I haven't heard it before as it was fairly common when I was a lad.

You wouldn't go down to the local vietnamese restaurant, if you have one, and say "I'm going for a gook tonight". It's just wrong in modern society.

I get the arguement about "well it's just what we call it round here" but, to quote Hugh Jackman in the film Australia "Just because it is, doesn't mean that it should be."
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheGuv on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 10:44:40 am
My dad's mate at school was half Malaysian and everyone including the teachers used to call him 'China' :lol:

Mid 70's this though.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:12:42 am
Next question, localshop...cos i cant see where you are going with this?    :hmm:

What's the difference between the two? Both words derive from a racist slur and yet I'm inferring that you think one is acceptable and one is not.

All comes down to intent and the use of the word, the lads mother was clearly using it as a description of takeaway food and i dont think for a second she is racist.

Localshop, you've never heard the phrase "fancy getting a chinkies in tonight" or "fancy going for a chinkies?"

Of course I've heard it, I don't agree with using it though. To me it is an offensive word in whatever context it is presented in.


Fair point, if it offends you.

It is widely used to describe food from a chinese takeaway/restaurant.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:16:13 am
Ive always called it a chinkees. since we moved next to my sons best friend who is chinese and his dad own a resteraunt, ive not used it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Belfast Mags on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:18:37 am
Next question, localshop...cos i cant see where you are going with this?    :hmm:

What's the difference between the two? Both words derive from a racist slur and yet I'm inferring that you think one is acceptable and one is not.

All comes down to intent and the use of the word, the lads mother was clearly using it as a description of takeaway food and i dont think for a second she is racist.

Localshop, you've never heard the phrase "fancy getting a chinkies in tonight" or "fancy going for a chinkies?"

Of course I've heard it, I don't agree with using it though. To me it is an offensive word in whatever context it is presented in.


Fair point, if it offends you.

It is widely used to describe food from a chinese takeaway/restaurant.

To be fair, a chinese takeaway is called the same here, either chinkies, chinkers or simply a Chinese.

As an aside, a guy I went to school with (who has half chinese) nickname was Chink.
That's what he called himself. :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Fatwax on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:29:26 am
Ignorance of the meaning still doesn't make it acceptable. Gone are the days when an old dear can go into the seamstress shop and ask for a roll of nigger brown cotton thread.

An old woman my mum knows did the a few years ago because she didn't realise it was offensive. There's no doubt that she wasn't being racist, but she still used a derogatory term. The context isn't really relevant - chinky has been used as a derogatory term in the past and should be treated the same as any other racial slur.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:31:34 am
Ignorance of the meaning still doesn't make it acceptable. Gone are the days when an old dear can go into the seamstress shop and ask for a roll of nigger brown cotton thread.

An old woman my mum knows did the a few years ago because she didn't realise it was offensive. There's no doubt that she wasn't being racist, but she still used a derogatory term. The context isn't really relevant - chinky has been used as a derogatory term in the past and should be treated the same as any other racial slur.


one of my customers was using nigger jsut last week to describe someone.


edit, couldnt believe my ears, was gonna pull him on it but thought, f*** it wasting time.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:32:47 am
Ignorance of the meaning still doesn't make it acceptable. Gone are the days when an old dear can go into the seamstress shop and ask for a roll of nigger brown cotton thread.

An old woman my mum knows did the a few years ago because she didn't realise it was offensive. There's no doubt that she wasn't being racist, but she still used a derogatory term. The context isn't really relevant - chinky has been used as a derogatory term in the past and should be treated the same as any other racial slur.


There is no double meaning for the word "Nigger"

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:37:00 am
The only excuse to use the word now is that you don't know it's offensive. That shows you're ignorant, but not necessarily racist. Once you know, you should stop using it, and stop condoning its use. There's no excuse or reason not to - trying to justify it is pointless.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:38:54 am
The only excuse to use the word now is that you don't know it's offensive. That shows you're ignorant, but not necessarily racist. Once you know, you should stop using it, and stop condoning its use. There's no excuse or reason not to - trying to justify it is pointless.

aye this old guy probs in his 90s, hadnt a clue basically pointless even trying to explain things.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Fatwax on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:39:28 am
Ignorance of the meaning still doesn't make it acceptable. Gone are the days when an old dear can go into the seamstress shop and ask for a roll of nigger brown cotton thread.

An old woman my mum knows did the a few years ago because she didn't realise it was offensive. There's no doubt that she wasn't being racist, but she still used a derogatory term. The context isn't really relevant - chinky has been used as a derogatory term in the past and should be treated the same as any other racial slur.


There is no double meaning for the word "Nigger"

What, because Wikipedia says so? End of the day chink/chinky has been used as a derogatory term to describe Asian people. This bled down to use of the word to describe the Chinese families that ran takeaways and it has stuck. You may not be meaning the word in any other context, but it still has its roots.

Chinky as a word doesn't have a double meaning.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:41:35 am
Im just trying to get across the word has been used to describe food from a Chinese takeaway and all the lads mother was doing was saying so and not in racist use.

We've all heard it used and  used it.  I accept the word can be seen as a slur but people should also acknowledge that when its used its not MEANT as a racist slur.



Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:45:26 am
Ignorance of the meaning still doesn't make it acceptable. Gone are the days when an old dear can go into the seamstress shop and ask for a roll of nigger brown cotton thread.

An old woman my mum knows did the a few years ago because she didn't realise it was offensive. There's no doubt that she wasn't being racist, but she still used a derogatory term. The context isn't really relevant - chinky has been used as a derogatory term in the past and should be treated the same as any other racial slur.


There is no double meaning for the word "Nigger"

What, because Wikipedia says so? End of the day chink/chinky has been used as a derogatory term to describe Asian people. This bled down to use of the word to describe the Chinese families that ran takeaways and it has stuck. You may not be meaning the word in any other context, but it still has its roots.

Chinky as a word doesn't have a double meaning.


Im not even talking about the word chink or chinky man.  Im talking about the usage of the word "chinckies" in an innocent form to describe food from a chinese takeaway.

When I have I said the word chinky is acceptable, when?


Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jimburst on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:49:58 am
Never used the word chinkies, it's so obviously derogatory and it's not even easier to say than 'chinese'.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Fatwax on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 11:58:20 am
Ignorance of the meaning still doesn't make it acceptable. Gone are the days when an old dear can go into the seamstress shop and ask for a roll of nigger brown cotton thread.

An old woman my mum knows did the a few years ago because she didn't realise it was offensive. There's no doubt that she wasn't being racist, but she still used a derogatory term. The context isn't really relevant - chinky has been used as a derogatory term in the past and should be treated the same as any other racial slur.


There is no double meaning for the word "Nigger"

What, because Wikipedia says so? End of the day chink/chinky has been used as a derogatory term to describe Asian people. This bled down to use of the word to describe the Chinese families that ran takeaways and it has stuck. You may not be meaning the word in any other context, but it still has its roots.

Chinky as a word doesn't have a double meaning.


Im not even talking about the word chink or chinky man.  Im talking about the usage of the word "chinckies" in an innocent form to describe food from a chinese takeaway.

When I have I said the word chinky is acceptable, when?

I'm not calling you racist and I didn't once say in my posts that YOU said that the words were acceptable. Have a read back.

If you agree that chink or chinky are racial slurs then I don't understand why you can't see how saying 'I'm just going to get some food from the chinkies down the road' is the same the old woman asking for some nigger brown cotton in my earlier post. Both situations had the terms used through ignorance and not a full awareness of the impact of the true meanings.. but aren't really the things that should be said because of what these words represent.

I used both words as a kid, learnt what they meant and then never used them again. I don't think that there should be any middle ground or grey areas with these words really. Context of how you're using these words shouldn't really bare any impact either.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:07:00 pm
Ignorance of the meaning still doesn't make it acceptable. Gone are the days when an old dear can go into the seamstress shop and ask for a roll of nigger brown cotton thread.

An old woman my mum knows did the a few years ago because she didn't realise it was offensive. There's no doubt that she wasn't being racist, but she still used a derogatory term. The context isn't really relevant - chinky has been used as a derogatory term in the past and should be treated the same as any other racial slur.


There is no double meaning for the word "Nigger"

What, because Wikipedia says so? End of the day chink/chinky has been used as a derogatory term to describe Asian people. This bled down to use of the word to describe the Chinese families that ran takeaways and it has stuck. You may not be meaning the word in any other context, but it still has its roots.

Chinky as a word doesn't have a double meaning.


Im not even talking about the word chink or chinky man.  Im talking about the usage of the word "chinckies" in an innocent form to describe food from a chinese takeaway.

When I have I said the word chinky is acceptable, when?

I'm not calling you racist and I didn't once say in my posts that YOU said that the words were acceptable. Have a read back.

If you agree that chink or chinky are racial slurs then I don't understand why you can't see how saying 'I'm just going to get some food from the chinkies down the road' is the same the old woman asking for some nigger brown cotton in my earlier post. Both situations had the terms used through ignorance and not a full awareness of the impact of the true meanings.. but aren't really the things that should be said because of what these words represent.

I used both words as a kid, learnt what they meant and then never used them again. I don't think that there should be any middle ground or grey areas with these words really. Context of how you're using these words shouldn't really bare any impact either.



:thup: No one's disputing your point that people have said the word with completely innocent intentions, Gimp. The majority in here just seem to be saying that once discovering the connotations you can see why you would be expected to stop using said words. :dontknow:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:19:27 pm
Meh, I used to use chinkies all the time when I was a bairn, would never say it now purely because there's no real need but it doesn't bother me if someone does unless they're genuinely being racist, which I just find embarrassing more than anything.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:25:52 pm
Meh, I used to use chinkies all the time when I was a bairn, would never say it now purely because there's no real need but it doesn't bother me if someone does unless they're genuinely being racist, which I just find embarrassing more than anything.


How do you mean there's no real need? You never get a Chinese? Or you actually realise it is offensive?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Jill on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:25:53 pm
Even aside from the racist connotations I've always hated 'chinkies' as a word. Sounds f***ing stupid, just say Chinese.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:27:12 pm
Never used the word chinkies, it's so obviously derogatory and it's not even easier to say than 'chinese'.

Ne neither. I always instinctively thought it was wrong, not sure why. Just seems dismissive and disrespectful to not even bother to use the correct word for an entire nation of people.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Elric on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:27:29 pm
Embarrassing as f*** to hear a grown man/woman refer to it as "chinkies", tbh.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:27:40 pm
Also the fact that most people on this forum believe the word "sp*****" is acceptable but "chinkies" isn't is a bit hypocritical like :lol:

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:31:21 pm
Meh, I used to use chinkies all the time when I was a bairn, would never say it now purely because there's no real need but it doesn't bother me if someone does unless they're genuinely being racist, which I just find embarrassing more than anything.


How do you mean there's no real need? You never get a Chinese? Or you actually realise it is offensive?
I don't really know the full back story of why it's offensive and why other derogitary terms are accepted but I realise that that's just the way it is, and so I will just follow suit. Also I can use the word "Chinese" just as easily.

I don't find the word too bothersome though as it was pretty common when I was a bairn, I can see why people are still in the habit of using it.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:34:42 pm
Meh, I used to use chinkies all the time when I was a bairn, would never say it now purely because there's no real need but it doesn't bother me if someone does unless they're genuinely being racist, which I just find embarrassing more than anything.


How do you mean there's no real need? You never get a Chinese? Or you actually realise it is offensive?

I don't really know the full back story of why it's offensive and why other derogitary terms are accepted but I realise that that's just the way it is, and so I will just follow suit. Also I can use the word "Chinese" just as easily.

I don't find the word too bothersome though as it was pretty common when I was a bairn, I can see why people are still in the habit of using it.

Pretty scary attitude that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:37:46 pm
Meh, I used to use chinkies all the time when I was a bairn, would never say it now purely because there's no real need but it doesn't bother me if someone does unless they're genuinely being racist, which I just find embarrassing more than anything.


How do you mean there's no real need? You never get a Chinese? Or you actually realise it is offensive?

I don't really know the full back story of why it's offensive and why other derogitary terms are accepted but I realise that that's just the way it is, and so I will just follow suit. Also I can use the word "Chinese" just as easily.

I don't find the word too bothersome though as it was pretty common when I was a bairn, I can see why people are still in the habit of using it.

Pretty scary attitude that.
:lol:

Right then, explain to me why Chinkies is a taboo yet sp***** isn't?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 12:39:09 pm
And it's not an "attitude" ffs, it's an admittance that I don't fully understand why some words are considered offensive whilst others aren't.

EDIT: Fair enough it probably is an attitude, but so f***, I don't really care :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 02:15:48 pm
And it's not an "attitude" ffs, it's an admittance that I don't fully understand why some words are considered offensive whilst others aren't.

EDIT: Fair enough it probably is an attitude, but so f***, I don't really care :lol:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Ian W on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 02:32:00 pm
:lol:

Sorry, I actually know what you mean, I just think it's a bit scary that you feel OK about going along with something just because you hear other people doing it.

FWIW I thought sp***** was wrong as well, I stopped saying it when I was about 11.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tomato Deuce on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 02:43:18 pm
sp*****'s a new one for me. We just always used 'retard' growing up (and never to actual retards, just when your mate was being, well, a retard.)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr Colossus on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 02:45:10 pm
sp*****'s a new one for me. We just always used 'retard' growing up (and never to actual retards, just when your mate was being, well, a retard.)

"That guy, is a re-tard."  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 02:45:37 pm
sp*****'s a new one for me. We just always used 'retard' growing up (and never to actual retards, just when your mate was being, well, a retard.)

The term sp***** has grown into the same thing, for when one of your mates is being a total dick or some person is being a massive dick.

The meaning of sp***** has changed, tho i can understand if its taken as offence.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 03:00:50 pm
why are people called spanners and tools but not hammers or screwdrivers?

If you can have a spade why not a fork?

granted thers hoes and rakes like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Belfast Mags on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 03:04:08 pm
sp*****'s a new one for me. We just always used 'retard' growing up (and never to actual retards, just when your mate was being, well, a retard.)

Calling someone retarded is massively un-PC but I must confess, it's one of my favourite put downs  :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tomato Deuce on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 03:16:29 pm
sp*****'s a new one for me. We just always used 'retard' growing up (and never to actual retards, just when your mate was being, well, a retard.)

Calling someone retarded is massively un-PC but I must confess, it's one of my favourite put downs  :undecided:

I have to admit, my go-to growing up was f*ggot. Just fits so well to describe the douchiest of dickheads. Never meant it as or would've used it as a slur towards gays.

I don't dare use it anymore. Quite a few of my mates are gay, hurts 'em when they hear it. Right up there with the n-word tbh.

But come on, this is hilarious:

Go Back to the 90s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvjrIUSKeIA#ws)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:00:29 pm
I only learnt the word chinky was racist when it was discussed on this forum, used to use it all the time before  :blush:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:07:26 pm
I only learnt the word chinky was racist when it was discussed on this forum, used to use it all the time before  :blush:
is it ? guess i'll have to stop using it. don't think i've ever heard it used derogatorily (?) like 'paki'.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:08:28 pm
My lass asked me if this was a real photo when she saw it posted on my Facebook the other day:

(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/c34.0.403.403/p403x403/486563_10151970331180063_1703471357_n.jpg)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:09:15 pm
 :lol:

i hope you said yes
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:12:38 pm
:lol: I showed her the fat lass running away meme and she turned it around on me and implied very heavily that I was a f***ing dweeb.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:15:07 pm
:lol: I showed her the fat lass running away meme and she turned it around on me and implied very heavily that I was a f***ing dweeb.


Its all backfiring on me now, Ive took the p*ss so much, and told her so many stupid made up things, that If I want to discuss something serious now I have to show some written evidence that its a real subject. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:16:46 pm
:lol: :lol: Brilliant.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: palnese on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:21:19 pm
My dad's mate at school was half Malaysian and everyone including the teachers used to call him 'China' :lol:

Mid 70's this though.

Got a mate called Danny Chinese. He's from Vietnam.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Sifu on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:30:44 pm
Just caught up with the last couple of pages, f***ing hate the word "chinky".

I know it's more used nowadays as a "short" way of saying Chinese Takeaway (this is something I just can't accept btw). However, I've heard it used in a derogatory way to describe me and my family when we had the takeaway (charva scum writing "f*** off you Chink b******s" on the front door back in the mid-90s); my brother even got bullied at school for having the "chinky disease" so you can understand my reasons for hating the word. Seriously whenever I hear it, I die a little inside.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:33:49 pm
Just caught up with the last couple of pages, f***ing hate the word "chinky".

I know it's more used nowadays as a "short" way of saying Chinese Takeaway (this is something I just can't accept btw). However, I've heard it used in a derogatory way to describe me and my family when we had the takeaway (charva scum writing "f*** off you Chink b******s" on the front door back in the mid-90s); my brother even got bullied at school for having the "chinky disease" so you can understand my reasons for hating the word. Seriously whenever I hear it, I die a little inside.


f***'s sake, terrible that like.

Some kids at school used to say "chinkies" and "pakis" but my mam always told us it was a horrible thing to say, so that was that.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TRC on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:39:57 pm
I really want a some chicken chow mein now.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Sifu on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:41:38 pm
The term is used a lot less these days which I am thankful for. Think I was spared the worst of the term really, my parents bore the brunt of it all those years ago.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:46:48 pm
:( as mentioned in this thread I think the vast majority just don't realise it's offensive.

I just knew the word in relation to Chinese food and never once stopped to think of it's real meaning, probably the definition of ignorance but to me it was like saying going for a McD's or going to a Weathers etc..  :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:55:01 pm
Nee one says wethers like. Not unless they're massive puffs.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Interpolic on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 09:56:30 pm
People say Spoons though.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 10:02:07 pm
Nee one says wethers like. Not unless they're massive puffs.

You've answered your own statement there.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Wednesday 8 August 2012, 10:24:45 pm
:( as mentioned in this thread I think the vast majority just don't realise it's offensive.

I just knew the word in relation to Chinese food and never once stopped to think of it's real meaning, probably the definition of ignorance but to me it was like saying going for a McD's or going to a Weathers etc..  :undecided:

What i was trying to say but came over very badly  :undecided:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: mrmojorisin75 on Thursday 9 August 2012, 03:34:42 pm
I only learnt the word chinky was racist when it was discussed on this forum, used to use it all the time before  :blush:

i'm married to a korean bird and our daughter is (presumably, ahem) half korean yet my folks will still think literally nothing of using the word chinkies when i'm around, or her for that matter

think they still say packies too for the local shop :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: n4e on Thursday 9 August 2012, 04:06:39 pm
Chinky is alright, as it's a race of people and it's a food.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: WarrenBartonCentrePartin on Thursday 9 August 2012, 04:22:55 pm
I've never said "chinkies" and I've never said "paki shop".  Was always told both were derogatory.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: gbandit on Thursday 9 August 2012, 04:34:50 pm
I've never said "chinkies" and I've never said "paki shop".  Was always told both were derogatory.
Always hated both words, just from how I was brought up. Also hated 'sp*****'. Not sure why, just found it really uncomfortable when people used it. More often that not, scum used these words which entrenched further how much I disliked them
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 9 August 2012, 04:35:40 pm
my sons chinese friend called in today. my son had been banned from seeing him for a couple of weeks as they had been accused of bullying a boy (d)  .

so i tell chinese boy (m), if that boy d turns up my son (j) is not to play with him.

m says, I dont like him anymore, he called me a chinky.

so I say, Is that offensive like?

j- course it is dad , its racist.

m- yeah its offensive.



Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: SEMTEX on Thursday 9 August 2012, 04:36:43 pm
That's that settled then.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: wormy on Thursday 9 August 2012, 04:36:52 pm
Don't use any form of chink or paki. Strangely though, I end up using sp***** too much, and I always disappoint myself with the use. My mum's made it stringently clear in the past her dislike for forms of spack or spazz and the like due to her disability, and she was called that and worse as a child. Seems to be a part of my vocabulary from somewhere and I'm a terrible one for being stuck in old habits.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Thursday 9 August 2012, 04:41:59 pm
That's that settled then.

it is for me, hadnt used it for years anyway, looks like my kids have learned well.

tbh, I have tried to make sure they dont grow up using the language that was commonplace during my childhood.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: TheGuv on Thursday 9 August 2012, 05:19:48 pm
Words change.

The word gay is one for example. It means 'good as you' i think?

Loads of words people say without it meaning to be derogatory IMO. Like sp*****, Gay Lord (That always makes me laugh though. You're the Lord of the Gays ffs :lol:)

I do agree though that they shouldn't be used. I never say Chinky or Paki though, it just feels wrong. How it feels worse than the others mentioned? I don't know :dontknow:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Dr Colossus on Thursday 9 August 2012, 05:23:54 pm
So, whose lass said that word then?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Thursday 9 August 2012, 05:38:54 pm
So, whose lass said that word then?

No ones, some lad posted that their mother said it and i tried to get it across (very badly i admit) that some folk use it in a none slur way to describe chinese takeaway.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Super Duper Branko Strupar on Thursday 9 August 2012, 05:51:55 pm
Words change.

The word gay is one for example. It means 'good as you' i think?

Loads of words people say without it meaning to be derogatory IMO. Like sp*****, Gay Lord (That always makes me laugh though. You're the Lord of the Gays ffs :lol:)

I do agree though that they shouldn't be used. I never say Chinky or Paki though, it just feels wrong. How it feels worse than the others mentioned? I don't know :dontknow:

Gay hasn't changed, that' just the excuse people use. Gay means Gay. Happy or Homosexual.

The two aforementioned words describing the Chinese and Pakistanis are racist because they were created by racists. They're not the accepted collective terms and I'm guessing the Chinese and Pakistanis don't use them. No, they were created by whites to be derogatory towards someone of a certain race, to lump them all in together. They are not the same as calling someone a Brit, for example.

The vast majority of people will not hold the sentiment that these words were created with when they say them, but as Sifu says, back in the day that word had a meaning. That meaning hasn't disappeared and the best way to rid the world of them isn't to change it's meaning by using it innocently,. it's by just using a different word that means nothing but what you're trying to say. Eg. "Mmm, I would like some Cantonese food" No need to say anything else.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Thursday 9 August 2012, 05:54:52 pm
Gay and Retard are used so much in the media today it's just ridiculous tbh :lol:

I don't think there's a single film made nowadays where someone isn't insulted as being either gay or retarded
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Hanshithispantz on Thursday 9 August 2012, 06:05:57 pm
Words change.

The word gay is one for example. It means 'good as you' i think?

Loads of words people say without it meaning to be derogatory IMO. Like sp*****, Gay Lord (That always makes me laugh though. You're the Lord of the Gays ffs :lol:)

I do agree though that they shouldn't be used. I never say Chinky or Paki though, it just feels wrong. How it feels worse than the others mentioned? I don't know :dontknow:
The two aforementioned words describing the Chinese and Pakistanis are racist because they were created by racists. They're not the accepted collective terms and I'm guessing the Chinese and Pakistanis don't use them. No, they were created by whites to be derogatory towards someone of a certain race, to lump them all in together. They are not the same as calling someone a Brit, for example.
Calling a German a Nazi for example is the same if not worse though, but that is pretty much accepted as just a joke. We all just toe the line at the end of the day and whether or not a word has negative or racist connotations behind it we'll use them if they're widely viewed as being 'acceptable.' Paki & Chinky are quite clearly not, I would expect a clip if for some reason I said it when out.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Keefaz on Friday 10 August 2012, 12:14:59 am
There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Friday 10 August 2012, 12:19:18 am
There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

Feeling down? :(
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Friday 10 August 2012, 11:44:24 pm
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Saturday 11 August 2012, 12:28:46 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:

Jock is considered offensive?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Belfast Mags on Saturday 11 August 2012, 12:30:42 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:
You Jock  :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 11 August 2012, 12:34:34 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:
You Jock  :lol:

You daft Paddy. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Belfast Mags on Saturday 11 August 2012, 12:37:31 am
The Internet is fun :D
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 11 August 2012, 12:48:19 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:

Jock is considered offensive?

Yeah. It's really not fair dinkum, Bruce.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Saturday 11 August 2012, 02:23:47 am
I'm half Scots, can I be not offended by "Jock"? Don't know the rules here. Don't get offended by Sassenach when I go up there either, just tell them to f*** off and they seem OK ??? Definitely need some guidance as to how offended I need to feel and when, otherwise I'd just end up going about my daily life being happy and getting along fine with everyone, and obviously that wouldn't do.

Then of course my entire bloodline is Irish, so (deleted on legal advice).

No offence meant like.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: madras on Saturday 11 August 2012, 02:28:03 am
if your entire bloodline is irish how are you half scots ?
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cfcmagpies on Saturday 11 August 2012, 02:29:37 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:

Jock is considered offensive?

Yeah. It's really not fair dinkum, Bruce.

Strewth.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Saturday 11 August 2012, 02:45:47 am
if your entire bloodline is irish how are you half scots ?

Irish ancestors migrated to Scotland and England, giving Scots dad and English mam, QED. Irish grandparents, I'm all over the place, including Madras confusingly. Blame the Raj for that. :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: newsted on Saturday 11 August 2012, 02:53:13 am
Think I'll start a "Too Many Things I've Said In The Wee Small Hours" thread ffs. :(
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Northerngimp on Saturday 11 August 2012, 11:16:59 am
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:

Doesn't the term "jock" come from Jacobite, from the Jacobite rebellion etc.  or is that a modern misconception.



Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Tomato Deuce on Saturday 11 August 2012, 03:59:35 pm
I'm half Scots, can I be not offended by "Jock"? Don't know the rules here. Don't get offended by Sassenach when I go up there either, just tell them to f*** off and they seem OK ??? Definitely need some guidance as to how offended I need to feel and when, otherwise I'd just end up going about my daily life being happy and getting along fine with everyone, and obviously that wouldn't do.

Then of course my entire bloodline is Irish, so (deleted on legal advice).

No offence meant like.

Woah, 'jock' means something else entirely over here :lol:
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Sho'Time on Saturday 11 August 2012, 04:03:26 pm
"Marge, there are two types of college students - jocks and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give all nerds a hard time."

NERRRRRDDDDDD (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRsPheErBj8#)
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: GeordieMessiah on Saturday 11 August 2012, 04:30:02 pm
So really its not a stupid thing to say, its generally recognised as slang for Chinese takeaway and not meant as a racial slur.


Rather than justify yourself with quotes from a wiki, is it that hard just to say "a Chinese"? It's obviously offensive, indirectly or not.

Aye, Chink is offensive but the hypocrits on here don't mind doling out the term "Jock" instead of saying "Scottish" or "Scot". :undecided:

There's a lass at work whose surname is Downs. "Downs?", I laughed and then got punched by another girl whose brother has Downs.

You cock. :lol:

Doesn't the term "jock" come from Jacobite, from the Jacobite rebellion etc.  or is that a modern misconception.





Depends how you say it and the way in which you use the word, I suppose: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8094716.stm (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/8094716.stm)

Quote
Is it a slur to call someone a Jock?

Can calling someone a Jock be considered a serious slur? Scotland thrives on stereotypes and sometimes makes very good use of them, but is it time to drop the J-word?

The question of how much offence to take to the word is a difficult one.

Jock is widely used as a nickname for John, and represents an everyman - literally a John or Jane Doe, a John Q Citizen, a Scot, plain and simple, as well as a Scottish squaddie.

Clearly it doesn't rank alongside a whole range of more serious racial slurs, but as with all language it can also carry real venom depending on how it's used.
   
A British Airlines pilot has taken the airline to a tribunal, saying he was victimised and called a "Jock". BA has said any reports of racist behaviour are taken extremely seriously and investigated as a matter of priority.

Nigel Buckland, a Welsh comedian who lives in Glasgow, believes concerns over the word Jock reflect regionalism, rather than racism.

He said: "That goes on everywhere, I don't think Jock, or Taff or Brummie or Scouser are pejorative terms, it's like when you call people 'guys' - it's a collective term and it just breaks things down.

"Although you will find people that will use those terms to score points, sometimes by mentioning where you're from.

"Gay culture reclaimed queer as a word and that was a good thing to take the word back from being kind of a hatespeak."

The origins of Jock go back hundreds of years, with some of the first recorded references coming in the 18th and 19th Centuries.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as slang for a Scottish or northern English sailor or soldier, as well as for any Scotsman.

The OED also notes its first appearance as a "jeering appellation" for a north-country seaman, but it was the 20th Century and World War I which cemented it into the British psyche, along with Tommy and Taff.

The army connections are strong and indeed the Black Watch are proud to call themselves The Jocks.

Andrew Pierce, the assistant editor of the Daily Telegraph, said: "Jock is just a term of affection in the same way Paddy is a term of affection for the Irish.
   
"I think if people are so worried now it shows that this onward, relentless march of the politically correct brigade has gone too far.

"People have been making jokes about the Jocks for as long as I've been on this planet and I thought the Scots were made of tougher stuff than that."

There is something of the humorous and friendly about Jock and indeed in the early 1900s Harry Lauder had a music hall smash with his slightly saucy Stop Your Tickling Jock.

Scots also like to think that we are all "Jock Tamson's bairns", implying that we're all "God's children", although the identity of the original Jock Tamson is up for debate.

Private Eye's Broonites strip has 'Pa' Gordon Broon squirming over headlines in the Jockshire Post, so the stereotype of the Jocks - and indeed the Scots - persist.

The use of Jock can easily be affectionate and, when it comes down to it, the ability to laugh at yourself is healthy - but in the hands of others banter can easily turn nasty.

Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: cp40 on Saturday 11 August 2012, 04:32:04 pm
most jocks will be too p*ssed to care what people are calling them.
Title: Re: The Stupid things your Lass has said thread.
Post by: Cajun on Saturday 11 August 2012, 08:03:26 pm
'Ha ha ha look at Michael Jordan!'


That'll be Michael Johnson love :lol: