Daft questions (football edition)

We had these red, titanium hard, plastic footballs for PE. Getting one of those spanked at your leg in the winter is one of the most painful memories I have.

The size-5 Mitres we used in PE were like cannonballs Seemed huge at the time and were rock hard.

The size-5 Mitres we used in PE were like cannonballs Seemed huge at the time and were rock hard.

We weren't allowed footballs at lunch time for some reason so had to use a tennis ball, pretty sure we were getting close to Brazilian level by the time we left school

we had to use a large marble a couple of times (a bolliker) and yes i tried a header from a throw in.

We actually had to use rolled up socks a lot, everyone handed one over to make a ball. I tell that to the youth of today, and they don't believe me.

Man, I can still remember the fury at the dinnerladies telling us all to go in. Fucking shut up man, we're just putting pressure on 'em. Alas, they never understood. Lunchtime matches were always best when they finished like 2-1, or something. Our group of lads actually had plenty of close games - they were quite high octane.

I find it interesting, the whole 'tier' of footballing ability. For example, of the 14/15 of us that played every lunchtime, I was probably the 2nd/3rd best or something, and I'm shit. I got a token invite to the actual school matches, just to fill up the numbers. The team captain of our school team was my best friend around the ages of 3-10 - we learnt how to kick a football together. He turned into a class player by age 13, no one could touch him. The lad never made it beyond York City Under-18s and occasionally warms the bench for Pickering Town.

Then, like, imagine how badly you'd get beaten by Kidderminster Reserves, or whatever. I would love to have a kickaround with Mike Williamson, James Perch, Danny Simpson and co, just to witness how badly beaten I would get by players I call 'shit' (context obviously goes out the window at times).

It just makes you wonder how the fuck the best players get so fucking good. Football is a unique sport; I reckon if I played snooker or golf every single day from the ages of 3 to 18 (like I did with footy, pretty much), I would be a great player. Football's just different though. I firmly believe that you must just be born with world class footballing ability; it's got to be some kind of gift.

(Deep.)

Man, I can still remember the fury at the dinnerladies telling us all to go in. f***ing shut up man, we're just putting pressure on 'em. Alas, they never understood. Lunchtime matches were always best when they finished like 2-1, or something. Our group of lads actually had plenty of close games - they were quite high octane.

 

I find it interesting, the whole 'tier' of footballing ability. For example, of the 14/15 of us that played every lunchtime, I was probably the 2nd/3rd best or something, and I'm s***. I got a token invite to the actual school matches, just to fill up the numbers. The team captain of our school team was my best friend around the ages of 3-10 - we learnt how to kick a football together. He turned into a class player by age 13, no one could touch him. The lad never made it beyond York City Under-18s and occasionally warms the bench for Pickering Town.

 

Then, like, imagine how badly you'd get beaten by Kidderminster Reserves, or whatever. I would love to have a kickaround with Mike Williamson, James Perch, Danny Simpson and co, just to witness how badly beaten I would get by players I call 's***' (context obviously goes out the window at times).

 

It just makes you wonder how the f*** the best players get so f***ing good. Football is a unique sport; I reckon if I played snooker or golf every single day from the ages of 3 to 18 (like I did with footy, pretty much), I would be a great player. Football's just different though. I firmly believe that you must just be born with world class footballing ability; it's got to be some kind of gift.

 

(Deep.)

Might want to have a check for a nearby gas leak.

Worst case scenario with no football was stone football. Used to make the most unpopular kid go in net! Evil. Its true though yorkie, I think its part genetic with regards to footballing ability as 90% of lads play football at every oppertunity for the first 16? Years of their life, and yet don't come close for professional status. 

I remember one time when I was really young at school we didn't have a ball so just made do with an imaginary football.

One of my mates at the time was a single child, spoilt, cry baby type. He ended up not getting his own way and took said imaginary football inside.

Ended our match that did. The bastard.

Always remember if you player singles in the north it was called just singles but in the south it was Wembley Singles lol

we got a bit better at football during primary school when because of the dinner nannies complaining at us booting a size 5 about the yard we had to play with a tennis ball instead. of course whatever skill we'd built up was lost over the summer holidays mind but for that few months we did well 

Always remember if you player singles in the north it was called just singles but in the south it was Wembley Singles lol

Honestly, sometimes I'd be happy to get put out playing that.  Used to be absolutely fucked by the time you got through a couple of rounds if there's loads of you.

Always remember if you player singles in the north it was called just singles but in the south it was Wembley Singles lol

 

Honestly, sometimes I'd be happy to get put out playing that.  Used to be absolutely fucked by the time you got through a couple of rounds if there's loads of you.

The key to this was either scoring early on every round or just wait till last few people and then turn it on.  I preferred doubles.

For a bit we played Football Italia, was also known as foul football. Horrible game. Luckily we were all small enough to not hurt anybody.

I was the one who tried to score early and failed and was one of the last 2 left

For a bit we played Football Italia, was also known as foul football. Horrible game. Luckily we were all small enough to not hurt anybody.

Foot Brawl

Used to love it.

I was the one who tried to score early and failed and was one of the last 2 left

 

Same.  I was useless at it.

Was f***ing devastating when your ball popped

even when it had been hanging on for ages, like when your caser had a tumor (the bladder sticking out where the stitching had came away)

we'd always called that sticking out bit 'the pleb' 

Do youths still play these games? As in, outside amongst all the health and safety risks and paedophiles?

I was the one who tried to score early and failed and was one of the last 2 left

 

 

Same.  I was useless at it.

Nah, you just had to have a bit of strategy. Identify the manics who'd go chasing to the end of the playground before anyone has taken a shot; wait for them to take the edge off then get a goal. Repeat until you were down to the last 3, then step it up (the other two would always assume you were going to sit back in the semi-final, no matter how many times you played the same strategy). Then you'd take your chances in the final and hope the other lad was knackered.

Dodgy keepers were usually the pet hate in 'Wembley' (nae singles).

Dodgy keepers were usually the pet hate in 'Wembley' (nae singles).

"you let that in man you could have had that!!"

Dodgy keepers were usually the pet hate in 'Wembley' (nae singles).

 

"you let that in man you could have had that!!"

 

The box rule was quite funny as well as any goal near it and everyone screaming for pelanties all around.

Do youths still play these games? As in, outside amongst all the health and safety risks and paedophiles?

Think it's DLC for Fifa 13

"Pens aal rund"

reminiscing here

remember we played a secondary school game away at Lord Lawson using what I'm fairly certain was a fucking netball, the cheap cunts!