Andy Carroll (now playing for Amiens SC)

Big boot up field.  Ball bounces around the lump striker and is bundled unceremoniously past the lower league keeper.

Shut up man. Other clubs scouts might be reading this and get wind of next seasons tactics.

Big boot up field.  Ball bounces around the lump striker and is bundled unceremoniously past the lower league keeper.

 

Bruceball 

I haven't seen his goal btw

I haven't seen his goal btw

 

It was the post before yours tbf

I find ironic that in actual fact Carroll never let it bounce once in that goal

Was that Lascelles with the pass?

Was that Lascelles with the pass?

 

You mean the hoof? Yeah it was

I find ironic that in actual fact Carroll never let it bounce once in that goal

 

Chest, head, right, left volley - all the target man skills.

 

Good thing Lascelles put it on his chest though, and he didn't have to move a foot to either side. Our "impact sub" option

Was that Lascelles with the pass?

 

You mean the hoof? Yeah it was

 

He was under zero pressure so it was hardly a hoof.

Didn't realise you had to be under pressure to hoof it? Hoofing it is hoofing it, pressure or not.

He didn't kick it anywhere near hard enough to hoof it. And it was actually aimed at the target. Pass, not a hoof.

Is this what weve been reduced to under bruce?

 

Whether somethings a hoof or a pass?

 

Is this what weve been reduced to under bruce?

 

Whether somethings a hoof or a pass?

 

 

It was clearly a pass tbf. 

Didn't realise you had to be under pressure to hoof it? Hoofing it is hoofing it, pressure or not.

 

You hoof it when you can't pass, whether it is down to obvious pressure from the opposition, or pressure from the fact that you can't pass, it's still pressure. Lascelles was calm and collected and found his player.

 

There is plenty of actual shite to moan about without making shit up.

Didn't realise you had to be under pressure to hoof it? Hoofing it is hoofing it, pressure or not.

 

You hoof it when you can't pass, whether it is down to obvious pressure from the opposition, or pressure from the fact that you can't pass, it's still pressure. Lascelles was calm and collected and found his player.

 

There is plenty of actual shite to moan about without making shit up.

 

Let's not kid ourselves. If Schar or Lejeune played that ball we'd be fapping silly over it. He looked up, saw the big man, gave it a try. He knew what/who he was aiming for.

Hoofing isn’t just when you are under pressure. Hoofing is a PFM staple tactic of ‘hoof it up to the big lad’ when you don’t have any other tactics or subtlety.

 

 

If Schar or Lejeune played that ball we'd be fapping silly over it.

 

 

If Schar or Lejeune played that ball we'd be fapping silly over it.

 

 

 

I stand by it.

 

Don't even know why I care as I can't deny my petty grudge against Lascelles since he defended Ashley. Just seemed a strange thing to push as a hoof when we were loving the pinpoint long balls from other defenders the past couple of years. Only difference is Lascelles doesn't try them as often and when he does, normally fucks them up.

Reality : good ball in, fabulous control, juggle and finish.

 

Us : shit hoof forward by our pile of shit skipper, finished by a useless donkey getting lucky, lucky not to have his leg fly off in the process 

Christ, could this conversation be any more tedious?

 

 

Christ, could this conversation be any more tedious?

 

Yes.

Didn't realise you had to be under pressure to hoof it? Hoofing it is hoofing it, pressure or not.

 

You hoof it when you can't pass, whether it is down to obvious pressure from the opposition, or pressure from the fact that you can't pass, it's still pressure. Lascelles was calm and collected and found his player.

 

There is plenty of actual s**** to moan about without making s*** up.

 

Dummet constantly hoofs it aimlessly when not under pressure. Mike Williamson was the same. You don’t need to be under pressure to hoof it. I didn’t say Lascelles hoofed it, I just said you were wrong about having to be under pressure to just hoof it. Teams like stoke made quite a living out of the good old not under pressure hoof. Just because you can’t pass doesn’t mean you are under pressure.

Didn't realise you had to be under pressure to hoof it? Hoofing it is hoofing it, pressure or not.

 

You hoof it when you can't pass, whether it is down to obvious pressure from the opposition, or pressure from the fact that you can't pass, it's still pressure. Lascelles was calm and collected and found his player.

 

There is plenty of actual s**** to moan about without making s*** up.

 

Dummet constantly hoofs it aimlessly when not under pressure. Mike Williamson was the same. You don’t need to be under pressure to hoof it. I didn’t say Lascelles hoofed it, I just said you were wrong about having to be under pressure to just hoof it. Teams like stoke made quite a living out of the good old not under pressure hoof. Just because you can’t pass doesn’t mean you are under pressure.

 

Hey man, you're free to continue making your own tailor-made misery. I'll continue to get mine off the peg.

Didn't realise you had to be under pressure to hoof it? Hoofing it is hoofing it, pressure or not.

 

You hoof it when you can't pass, whether it is down to obvious pressure from the opposition, or pressure from the fact that you can't pass, it's still pressure. Lascelles was calm and collected and found his player.

 

There is plenty of actual s**** to moan about without making s*** up.

 

Dummet constantly hoofs it aimlessly when not under pressure. Mike Williamson was the same. You don’t need to be under pressure to hoof it. I didn’t say Lascelles hoofed it, I just said you were wrong about having to be under pressure to just hoof it. Teams like stoke made quite a living out of the good old not under pressure hoof. Just because you can’t pass doesn’t mean you are under pressure.

 

Hey man, you're free to continue making your own tailor-made misery. I'll continue to get mine off the peg.

 

Not really sure what any of that conversation had to do with misery. More to do with you being totally wrong about the values of the good old pressure free hoof.

2020 continues to reach new peaks.