C*CK P*SS P*RDEW

Hope he gets caught up in some naked photo scandal where it is revealed that his erect penis is as big as his little finger

Hope John Carver moves into  his shed

Hope he gets molested by whales at a sea world quiz event.

Hope he gets into a conversation with TCD.

Hope he gets violently poked in the eye

Jokes directed toward The King, which include his wife, are piss poor. Pardoo, courtesy of his nomadic testicles & dick, has put that woman through hell. No way should she be considered fair game in a thread dedicated to this fraud of a human being.

Hope he gets into a conversation with TCD.

Hope he gets given a Canadian Goose coat that ends up being a fake.

Hope he gets given a Canadian Goose coat that ends up being a fake.

Actually, Pardew is the kind that'll buy the fake ones for $30 and pass them off as real.

hope the fake is lined with asbestos

I hope he has the opportunity to have sex with Scarlett Johansson, only to not be able to get it up, and thrown out of the penthouse window.

Hope the daft cunt can't even roll a rollie properly.

I hope every time he looks in the mirror he sees Rocky Dennis

Hope he gets his eyes poked out with a passer-by's umbrella.

Hope he steps in what he thought to be a shallow puddle but actually turns out to be deeper than expected and gets the bottom quarter of his pants wet.

The cunt.

Hope he presses 'I've got my own bag' in Morrisons then gets caught in an endless loop of being told there's an unexpected item in the bagging area and then that an item has been removed.

Hope he's the next Jill Dando.

Hope he's the next Jill Dando.

She went on holiday though. That's too much happiness iyam.

Hope he gets rejected for the next series of Ninja Warrior UK.

I hope he gets a Dr Oertker pizza and then burns it.

I'm basically just wishing all the little shit things that happen to me upon him.

I hope Ben Arfa does this on his grave:

I hope he never wins a pub quiz. Ever.

Hope his internet provider is talktalk.