Gottlob

Referees in this sport are beneath contempt.

His name has a bit of the 'rural juror' about it.

If Jaouen were an old school goalkeeper in the mould of Kahn, Schumacher and Lehmann then he'd find a way to make sure that Pope wouldn't survive the first training session. And really it's that type of ruthless aggression we need from a goalkeeper in order to make the best out of Howe's preferred system. Ideally you'd probably sign a more experienced first-choice goalkeeper then find a cheap backup from Czechia or Slovakia. But I like the fact that we've identified someone early and appear to be making it happen.

Well I feel more Nigerian than I do pigeon.

Do we think it's in any way appropriate to post make-believe updates on this transfer in Nigerian pidgin?

Last season Isak started six of our last seven matches and scored three goals. We were pushing for the Champions League and made it by the skin of our teeth. We clearly expected to sell him in the summer. He wanted a move, we couldn't afford to give him a new contract and all the evidence suggests that we needed the money: we were just about to sell the stadium and adjacent land to ourselves in a one-time workaround as we faced record losses and the prospect of falling foul of PSR. We made a hash of the process of selling him and securing a replacement. This season Gordon doesn't play in any of our last six games and we have a poor end to a poor season. But the club seems to have tacitly conceded defeat and when Gordon gets his big move he is hailed for acting appropriately. That doesn't jibe with me but while I've never been fond of Gordon he seems nice enough away from the pitch and I think there's a good chance he succeeds at Barcelona. He has shown that when focused and committed he can press from the front, stretch the opposition and get on the end of chances in the penalty area. That should prove complementary at Barcelona, who are hardly lacking for dribblers or flair players, while in the tougher games he offers an outlet on the counter. His attributes made him the ideal winger for Howe and his 4-3-3. We are worse off without him but his early sale at least suggests some lesson learned and that we might be proactive in the market this summer. We might only need one new winger especially if we commit to a changed setup.

Roefs is the kind of player who can lift a team onto his shoulders, right up to where the air is fresh and sweet.

I think everything is too black and white when it comes to transfers. Thiaw had a good season and has some outstanding attributes but I don't think you could call him an unmitigated success at the moment, while Ramsey showed enough to suggest he can be a good squad player and I think even Elanga could come good though provisionally you're probably looking for him to start using his pace in a more limited role. Who knows what the situation will look like a few years down the line. What you can say is that the transfers we made last summer did not set us up for a good season. And you can argue that has actually been a constant for us since the first summer of Saudi ownership where we signed Isak, Botman and Pope. The next crop of Tonali, Barnes, Livramento and Hall for various reasons made a slender contribution to the 2023-24 season. Then the following summer we signed few players of note. Last summer three senior footballing figures - Eddie Howe our highly experienced and hands-on manager, Andy Howe who has been working with him for the last fifteen years and was so highly thought of that he was promoted to oversee all incomings, and Steve Nickson our head or recruitment for almost a decade - led the process as we spent £250 million on players who largely appear to have been near the top of our list of targets. Having missed out on several strikers we then took a gamble on Woltemade, whose signing was still seen as something of a coup. Those transfers by and large did not work out over the course of the season. We signed the wrong players or for one reason or another couldn't get enough out of them on the pitch. Some will remain works in progress but to have a successful season next time around it feels like we are going to need a few signings who are ready to hit the ground running. At the very least a new goalkeeper and something to radically improve the quality of our attack.

By the same criteria, what were our good performances this year in the Champions League? Evidently none of the victories, which all came against meaningless opposition, nor the draw against Leverkusen who are one place above Freiburg in the Bundesliga. I guess the 1-1 draw in a virtually meaningless tie against PSG? Or are we still waiting for our commemorative shirts and DVDs for being totally annihilated by Barcelona but almost matching them for the first three-quarters?

I'd be surprised to be honest if Woltemade is happy to switch to that role behind the striker on more of a fixed basis and also somewhat surprised if Howe is willing to commit to a move away from the 4-3-3. I do think that the 4-2-3-1 makes better use of the squad we have at the moment. It offers a solution to the some of the longstanding issues with our midfield - the lack of guile and ball retention in the final third, especially in central positions, plus the gaps we have been leaving in front of the defence - and would seem to benefit several players including Ramsey, Tonali and Woltemade himself. You'd be hard-pressed looking at the 4-3-3 to find any real points of connection between the players and with Gordon's expected departure we don't really have anyone who can stretch teams from out wide or lead a press from the front. If we were to switch to the 4-2-3-1 and Woltemade stays then I think Ramsey and Miley are adequate backups for that position. You could sell Gordon, hopefully Wissa and even Willock and Murphy and look to replace them with one quality wide player and a solid option up front. Then you'd potentially have something like: --------------------------Signing/Osula-------------------------- Barnes/Ramsey---Woltemade/(Ramsey)/(Miley)---Signing/Elanga -------Tonali/Joelinton/(Ramsey)----Bruno/Miley/(Ramsey)------- with a decent amount of flexibility, Woltemade to play up top if necessary and Barnes and Elanga probably able to swap sides.

I like him. He's fast and physical, two-footed and willing to try things on the ball plus to me he looks like a promising finisher. He has shown a degree of finesse with both feet and I thought his two goals on Sunday were excellent finishes. Striking without hesitation while keeping the ball low and on target is most of the battle won. I think given the makeup of our squad the clearest course would be to stick with a 4-2-3-1 and then you'd hope to sell Wissa and sign someone to compete with Osula. That obviously depends on Howe and on Woltemade's preferences and perhaps the financial side leaves us stuck with Wissa. You wouldn't want to go into next season with the same three or two of the three as our only options up top but you also don't want to crowd the picture.

So we can't meaningfully alter the footprint of the East Stand but we can make it pitch black for everyone who lives in Leazes Terrace?

For things to change someone's going to have to do the noble thing and start beating the tar out of some of these officials.

He won't be getting away with it!

If James Maddison waltzed onto the pitch, with that hair, with my side in the relegation zone, after a twelve-month absence, there'd be hell on.