I'm actually dreading it all. Felt ashamed of myself for not going today, but this is a guy that abused my mother, as well as older brother and sisters. I just felt like it would have been immoral and now find myself in the position of feeling guilty, either way. Because of this guilt, I have this horrible feeling of "what if he was my dad and I've just let him pass on with no sense of duty to him?"
Nearly broke down greeting earlier. Which is in stark contrast to last Sunday when the police showed up and I found it hilarious and cool.
He used to, frequently by the way, lock them out the house. Smashed my brother's bike to pieces when he brought it home and trailed mud everywhere. Gubbed my mum a few times. Best (worst?) I heard was, gluing the locks when he left to do some work overseas. They came home from work/school, knowing he was gone, have a sense of relief for a bit, some respite, only to spend several nights at friends and neighbours houses whilst the police kicked the doors in and then they had to get them fixed. They couldn't even stay together, they were dotted around all over the place, one sister at one friend's house, another elsewhere. Must've been f***ing humiliating. She moved to Canada during this period, f***ing c*** tracked her down and just made himself at home, she couldn't get rid of him. Wasn't until she met my apparent father, who she met through a women's refuge. He had a few people threaten him and tell him to leave her alone. Very Glasgow. He did leave, but then wouldn't get divorced for years. I feel like I have to say some of this cause I don't want to be seen as some heartless c*** that just doesn't bother with his (fake?) father's death.
In saying that, I had a right go at my mum earlier for putting his name on my birth certificate. I've never cared, but this s*** has brought a lot of stuff up that I thought was buried for good.
Anyway. I'll certainly be asking for your help when it comes, Newsted.