Topic: Daft Confessions Thread

[wormy]

So, like, when you were a kid, and you'd wake up in the morning, and you're just expecting to get ready for school, no sexually deviant thoughts.. Your mum walks in to check on you, wearing a seductively small little dressing gown, peek of cleavage, and you're like 'BAM! Got's ta have 'dem titties!', just because you weren't expecting them..?

You're trying to put some s*** you suffer from on me, Rex.

When you don't see people you know for ages, you understand they'll age, but you figure that means taller. It never occurs to you that your adorable little cousin left the state and f***ed up and grew outstanding tits.

So you're like "I wonder how she's been?" and then everything goes slow motion, like a bomb went off because your brain is trying to make sense of what happened to her chest. You're trying to simultaneously not look at them, maintain poker face, react to unexpected tits, and surreptitiously enjoy the view while withstanding the guilt and shame of that enjoyment. It's a lot of strain on the system, and it's not impossible to understand that it would have a lingering effect.

Nice black accent, btw. Dick.

Mike, this whole argument works brilliantly.  Until you went home and had a massive w*** over it.

Venting prevents explosion, IP.

What the f*** is this supposed to even mean? 'Cause right now I don't want to believe it to be what I'm understanding it to mean.

So now, according to the f***ing thread, I'm the first man in the history of the motherfucking species to make bad decisions whilst under the direction of an erection.

Millions of god damn years, and I'm the face on that f***ing coin.

Not at all. But you're well ahead of those generations that it was considered acceptable to involve cousins, man. Well, so we thought.

[Ginola]

And it wasn't a massive w***. It was like a minimalist w***. I was clearing system cache.

No matter how you look at it, you had a w*** over your cousin and the occasional rogue penguin. That's not normal.

[Mike]

Are you essentially telling us if you didn't get the fwap out of your system over your cousin, you would've done a lot worse over/with/to her/her tits? (delete as applicable)

I absolutely would have grabbed them. There was no denying that. That was in the queue from like 3-10.

She lives out of state, ffs. I would have napalmed that bridge with the like you wouldn't believe.

So, with all the information out there. The fact that I made it through the evening, and then jerked off in the dark makes me kinda like a f***ing gentleman.

[Interpolic]

Are you essentially telling us if you didn't get the fwap out of your system over your cousin, you would've done a lot worse over/with/to her/her tits? (delete as applicable)

I absolutely would have grabbed them. There was no denying that. That was in the queue from like 3-10.

She lives out of state, ffs. I would have napalmed that bride with the like you wouldn't believe.

So, with all the information out there. The fact that I made it through the evening, and then jerked off in the dark makes me kinda like a f***ing gentleman.

  f***ing hell man.

[Mike]

Digging up motherfuckers!

[wormy]

Holy s***. I just can't comprehend what has just occured.

[Sifu]

Are you essentially telling us if you didn't get the fwap out of your system over your cousin, you would've done a lot worse over/with/to her/her tits? (delete as applicable)

I absolutely would have grabbed them. There was no denying that. That was in the queue from like 3-10.

She lives out of state, ffs. I would have napalmed that bride with the like you wouldn't believe.

So, with all the information out there. The fact that I made it through the evening, and then jerked off in the dark makes me kinda like a f***ing gentleman.

Wowsa.

[Neil]

f*** me, I'm gone here.

[Interpolic]

Holy s***. I just can't comprehend what has just occured.

I know.  The w*** was for the greater moral good!

[Mike]

I don't understand the problem here.

[Ginola]

Digging up motherfuckers!

Digging up by admitting you were having serious thoughts about molesting your cousin?

[Mike]

Holy s***. I just can't comprehend what has just occured.

I know.  The w*** was for the greater moral good!

I can't see anything other than "Mike did well there." in this.

[wormy]

Just.. Just...

Yeah, it's okay to w*** over your younger cousin's tits if your dad agrees and it prevents you from hanging onto them like human f***ing tassels.

[Sifu]

Holy s***. I just can't comprehend what has just occured.

I know.  The w*** was for the greater moral good!

I can't see anything other than "Mike did well there." in this.

Hmmm, ermm, well.............

[Hanskissedhispantz]

"In my defence your honor, I hadn't had a w*** in over a week"

You should be giving Titus Bramble legal advice, Mike.

[Mike]

Digging up motherfuckers!

Digging up by admitting you were having serious thoughts about molesting your cousin?

Digging up because I had the strength of will to suppress those thoughts and expunge them later that evening in the quiet darkness. That's f***ing character, dude.

[Interpolic]

Holy s***. I just can't comprehend what has just occured.

I know.  The w*** was for the greater moral good!

I can't see anything other than "Mike did well there." in this.

[Si]

Digging up motherfuckers!

[Mike]

Just.. Just...

Yeah, it's okay to w*** over your younger cousin's tits if your dad agrees and it prevents you from hanging onto them like human f***ing tassels.

See, it wasn't her tits. Again, ffs. It was the concept of tits. Hers occasionally featured, but if the session had credits, her name would have been on screen after the editors and gaffers.

Maybe a "Special Thanks to..."

She was never the star.

[Ginola]

Digging up motherfuckers!

Digging up by admitting you were having serious thoughts about molesting your cousin?

Digging up because I had the strength of will to suppress those thoughts and expunge them later that evening in the quiet darkness. That's f***ing character, dude.

Sure, you're a God amongst men, bro.

[Mike]

Digging up motherfuckers!

Digging up by admitting you were having serious thoughts about molesting your cousin?

Digging up because I had the strength of will to suppress those thoughts and expunge them later that evening in the quiet darkness. That's f***ing character, dude.

Sure, you're a God amongst men, bro.

This seems facetious.

[wormy]

Just.. Just...

Yeah, it's okay to w*** over your younger cousin's tits if your dad agrees and it prevents you from hanging onto them like human f***ing tassels.

See, it wasn't her tits. Again, ffs. It was the concept of tits. Hers occasionally featured, but if the session had credits, her name would have been on screen after the editors and gaffers.

Maybe a "Special Thanks to..."

She was never the star.

So, it's okay if they're just supporting cast. FFS. I love you, Mike.

[Cajun]

Btw, when I said this should be renamed 'Dark confessions' I wasn't being racist.

[thomas]

Btw, when I said this should be renamed 'Dark confessions' I wasn't being racist.

I saw that joke but as the only forums white guy to have seen black people irl I felt it was too far.

[Mike]

Not even supporting cast, man. Like extras. Delivery truck driving off frame. Blink and you miss it. Hitchcock getting on the bus.