Theres a guy who is a total alcoholic. Coming home off his face again, his safe says that if he comes home drunk once more she will leave him as it's getting ridiculous.
The following day that same man is drinking in the pub with his friends, steamed as usual. It gets so bad he vomits all over himself. Suddenly he remembers the previous night's threat.
's***' he slurs to his mates. 'if my wife catches me drunk again she's gonna leave....'
'don't worry, I've got a plan', one his mates pipes up. 'on your way home, take out twenty quid from the cash machine, and tell her someone was sick on you, but gave you the money for the dry cleaning.
He thinks it's a winner. When he arrives home, his wife asks him, aghast, 'how have you got vomit all over yourself? Drinking again? One day after I said I'd leave?!'
'darling, calm down!' he implores. 'I was on the bus, sober as a nun, when some drunk bloke got on and threw up all over me. But look - he gave me twenty quid for the dry cleaning.'
She replies 'oh, fair enough. Out of interest, why are there 2 twenty pound notes in your pocket?'
'oh, that. The other's from the guy whoi shat in my pants.'
