Author Topic: The Jokes Thread! (Don't Look if Easily Offended)  (Read 338889 times)

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Haz

  • formerly known as Haswell
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #50 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 12:42:00 AM »
Heard about the Thalidomide porn Star?

He had an arm like a baby's cock.



Sorry.

This might have been on here already.
Drinking alcohol never solves anything. But neither does drinking milk.

It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
- William Ernest Henley

Ashley17

  • Duff11
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #51 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 01:59:41 AM »
I crashed into the back of someone's car when driving today. A dwarf got out looking angry and said "I'm not happy"

So I said, "well who the f*** are you then?"

Threelegs

  • Absolute Legend! (Grade A Cuntstable)
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #52 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 12:03:14 PM »
I found this one tickled my fancy.

It was very amusing. Anyway.........



What is the worst thing about gang rape?






Going last.
And as is always the case, the best remedy to getting over a girl is getting inside another.

Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #53 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 01:53:24 PM »
I crashed into the back of someone's car when driving today. A dwarf got out looking angry and said "I'm not happy"

So I said, "well who the f*** are you then?"

:lol:

indi

  • Administrator
  • Death to David Pleat.
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #54 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 06:33:29 PM »
I crashed into the back of someone's car when driving today. A dwarf got out looking angry and said "I'm not happy"

So I said, "well who the f*** are you then?"

:lol:

Yeah, me too. :lol:

Dave

  • Administrator
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #55 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 06:34:31 PM »
I'd love to attempt that. Can't see the chance being very high though. bluelaugh.gif

Jimburst

  • Yeah Buddy!
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #56 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 06:39:43 PM »
I'd love to attempt that. Can't see the chance being very high though. bluelaugh.gif

Being last at gang rape? =/
A splatterhouse turd done in the manky toilets of a discotheque, brought on my the consumption of cowies or toot.

GeordieMessiah

  • Forum Colossus
  • Who's REALLY pulling the strings?
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #57 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 06:42:41 PM »
What do you do with an Islamic dog?

Musl'im...  :boomboom:
"Football violence will continue as long as they're shitting in our shoes and we're pissing in their Bovril" - Billy Connolly

Dave

  • Administrator
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #58 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 06:42:52 PM »
I'd love to attempt that. Can't see the chance being very high though. bluelaugh.gif

Being last at gang rape? =/

Straight in there.

Jimburst

  • Yeah Buddy!
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #59 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 06:52:19 PM »
I'd love to attempt that. Can't see the chance being very high though. bluelaugh.gif

Being last at gang rape? =/

Straight in there.

:lol: dave's a fast worker ;)
A splatterhouse turd done in the manky toilets of a discotheque, brought on my the consumption of cowies or toot.

Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #60 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 09:04:42 PM »
anybody like Chuck Norris jokes? theres some stupid but funny ones out there!

indi

  • Administrator
  • Death to David Pleat.
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #61 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 09:07:35 PM »
anybody like Chuck Norris jokes? theres some stupid but funny ones out there!

Really?

I've never heard a Chuck joke.

Mr. Snrub

  • Messi
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #62 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 09:10:10 PM »
Those Chuck Norris things are as old as the hills, but some of them are hilarious.  Personal favourites are;

"Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs."

"Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is."

"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."

Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #63 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 09:17:57 PM »
most of them are stupid but make u laugh anyway:

There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard, only another fist!
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits!
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #64 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 09:54:12 PM »
God wanted to create the world in 10 days,
Chuck Norris gave him 7...

What happens if Chuck Norris gets hit by an unstoppable force?
It stops...

There is no theory of evolution.
Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has two speeds.
Walk, and Kill.

Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #65 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 10:13:07 PM »
What's black and doesn't work?

Bernard Manning's Kidney!
“What is a club in any case? Not the buildings or the directors or the people who are paid to represent it. It’s not the television contracts, get-out clauses, marketing departments or executive boxes. It’s the noise, the passion, the feeling of belonging, the pride in your city. It’s a small boy clambering up stadium steps for the very first time, gripping his father’s hand, gawping at that hallowed stretch of turf beneath him and, without being able to do a thing about it, falling in love.” - Sir Bobby Robson

S.S.R.

  • Photoshop King
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #66 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 10:29:40 PM »
Important information has come to light in the search for Madeline:

Spades are now half price at B&Q.

Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #67 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 10:36:51 PM »
is it child molestation week or something?

I f***ing hope so otherwise I will just feel guilty!

Newcastle Fan

  • NUFC forever
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #68 on: Wednesday 20 June 2007, 10:41:48 PM »
those Chuck Norris jokes are f***ing brilliant like :lol:

Threelegs

  • Absolute Legend! (Grade A Cuntstable)
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #69 on: Thursday 21 June 2007, 05:56:09 AM »
Two starving bums
These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.

He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!!!"
And as is always the case, the best remedy to getting over a girl is getting inside another.

Threelegs

  • Absolute Legend! (Grade A Cuntstable)
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #70 on: Thursday 21 June 2007, 09:12:05 AM »
Why dont Asians like going Skiiing?


Because they have heard that everybody likes to hit the slopes!!!
And as is always the case, the best remedy to getting over a girl is getting inside another.

Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #71 on: Thursday 21 June 2007, 09:56:35 AM »
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Chuck Norris is why Wally is hiding!
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

.... I'll stop now!

Mr. Snrub

  • Messi
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #72 on: Thursday 21 June 2007, 10:04:42 AM »
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

lol'd at that one.

Newcastle Fan

  • NUFC forever
Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #73 on: Thursday 21 June 2007, 10:44:07 AM »
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter
.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

God wanted to create the world in 10 days,
Chuck Norris gave him 7...

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves

. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of
surprise

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma


Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.


Re: The Bad Taste Jokes Thread! Do not look if easily offended...
« Reply #74 on: Thursday 21 June 2007, 11:03:35 AM »
Im thinkin NewcastleFan just went on the same site as me.....